Mountain Lion (11 page)

V
alerie had been given
a bedroom at the top right corner of the second floor. Luckily, when she’d been storming out of the office, Ruby, Shane’s wife, had been making her way up the stairs for something and was happy to show Valerie to a room.

She didn’t want to stay here, but if she had to, she wouldn’t mind getting to know these girls. Ruby had looked concerned for her, happy to stay and talk if she wanted, but Valerie wanted to be alone.

It had been humiliating, having to show the stranger the pictures of her. But she couldn’t stand him accusing Wyatt. Why couldn’t Wyatt understand as much as he wanted to protect her, she wanted to protect him too?

But he’d made it clear it didn’t matter. She’d never be equal to him. She was just a puny human after all. Not big enough to matter. So she’d have to stand at the sidelines and accept any of his calls, because he was the big, bad shifter.

Well, she was tired of shifters thinking they were better, that they could control her life. She’d said good-bye to that when she’d packed up and ran away with a black-and-blue face.

Not that Wyatt would ever abuse her that way, but it really had hurt when he’d said she was only human.

Deep down, she wasn’t that sure.

But he was. And she’d never be good enough. Still, he was the one who’d wanted more from her. He was the one who seemed disappointed she didn’t want commitment.

Did she want commitment? After seeing the women downstairs with their men, something stirred inside her. She wanted that. Wanted that with someone like Wyatt. And that was a bad thing because she never could be that way. She wasn’t made for that. She’d have had a happy ending by now if she was.

It was too confusing.

And now Wyatt wanted her to just stay out of his way while he dealt with things like a man. Well, she’d be damned if she’d listen.

As she paced, she heard a knock on the door and knew it was him.

Might as well get this over with.
“Come in,” she said tersely.

When he opened the door, she caught her breath at his beauty. So tall, so male, with those refined, masculine features. Those sleepy gold eyes. Those cheekbones that could cut glass. Those wicked lips.

She shook her head and turned away, walking to the closed window. “What do you want?”

He took a step into the room and shut the door behind him. “This the best place for you, Val,” he said.

“Because I’m a silly human?” she snapped, glaring at him over her shoulder before turning away again.

He came up behind her, trying to put his arms around her, but she pushed away, hissing angrily.

“Don’t do that,” she said, shoving hard until they were several feet apart. “Not after what you just said down there.”

“I never said you were a silly human,” he said, folding his arms and having the nerve to look every bit as angry as she was. Although, he was more intimidating, with that huge height and the breadth of his shoulders. His golden eyes were glowing like metal in the depth of a forge.

“You said I was human, and that’s why I don’t get to come,” she said, glaring.

“You don’t get to come because you don’t have shifter strength or shifter healing,” he said. “Not because you aren’t an asset or because I think less of you because you’re human.”

She frowned. “Sure. But you don’t trust me. I could stay out of trouble. I’m not an idiot or a child. Yet you get to make decisions for me.”

“It was Jace’s idea,” Wyatt said. “I just agreed. We can’t fight if we’re worried about you.”

“Have you thought about how I feel?” she asked, stomping a foot. “I dealt with them for years. Years,” she said, blinking back unexpected tears. “They’re monsters. There are only two of you…”

Wyatt cocked his head, confusion lighting his eyes as he took a step forward. “Val, are you…
worried
for me?”

She looked away, frowning. “No.”

“You are,” he said, a slight teasing tone in his voice as he took another step, backing her toward the wall.

“Am not,” she said. “I don’t care what happens to you. I was just hoping for sex before you went and got yourself killed.”

He laughed. “I’m not going to get myself killed, and I’m not sure I could ever have sex without mate claiming you.”

“Why would you want to do that?” she asked as her back hit the wall. “I’m just a silly human after all.”

“Because I love you,” he said quietly, reaching out to run a hand through her hair. “I’ve realized it more every day.”

“I don’t understand,” she said, blinking up at him. It was so unexpected. He was a good friend. Yes, he seemed to be getting a little bit serious lately, but he couldn’t
love
her. It hadn’t been long enough. It…

“You love me too, right?” he asked, leaning in, heating her with his presence, making her neck tingle, wanting his mouth. “That’s why you’re worried about me, why you want to make love to me.” He leaned in so his lips whispered against her ear. “Why don’t you just mate me, Valerie?”

She blinked as emotions ran through her, flashes of her feelings toward Wyatt. Unwelcome vulnerability. The idea that she could get hurt if she felt that way.

No, they were just friends and he was just hot. That was all. She pushed him away.

“Wyatt, I told you I didn’t want that.”

He looked hurt as he stepped back. And cold. He looked down at her silently, then exhaled. “I know.”

She suddenly felt bad that she couldn’t give him more, that she couldn’t meet him halfway. There was so much friendship between them—and so much heat. But not love, not yet, right? It couldn’t be. She wished she could be what he wanted, that she was ready, but she wasn’t.

And no amount of sex or danger could make it that way.

She wasn’t that kind of woman. She’d locked up her heart from the first time the man she’d thought she could love hit her. Decided love was a stupid concept anyway.

And despite the fact that Wyatt had done everything for her and would never hurt her, she couldn’t seem to open herself back up.

“So maybe it’s good you’re leaving me here,” she said, folding her arms and closing herself off even tighter for protection. Against what, she didn’t know. She just knew Wyatt could hurt her, and she couldn’t stand it.

For some reason, any hurt from him would be ten times worse than anything Lyle could dish out.

“So it’s like that,” Wyatt said. His eyes were shuttered and there was a hard coldness from him that she’d never thought she’d feel.

He whirled on his heel and walked for her door. “Well, I guess that makes it all easier, doesn’t it?”

As she saw him turning to leave, her heart twinged and she took a step forward, but he put out a big hand to stop her.

“No,” he said. “You can’t have everything. I would have given you everything, and you’re still welcome back on my ranch if you want, after this all clears up. If you miss the horses and you want to work with Wayne.” He met her eyes. “I don’t regret anything that happened between us. From the beginning, I just wanted to do everything I could for you.”

“I know, and I’m so grateful… I—”

He put up a hand. “I’m such a fool, you know that? You told me you didn’t want any more, yet when we touched, the way you came to me out of nowhere, a stupid part of me was thinking it was fate.” He shook his head. “I guess there won’t be any trouble with you coming back to the ranch, because when this is over, I’ll go out east and pick a mate and get hitched so there isn’t any awkwardness between us.” He laughed bitterly. “So you don’t have to deal with a boss that’s in love with you.”

“Wyatt, I don’t understand. I thought we both—”

“I know,” he said. “I’m an idiot.” He looked at her with sad eyes. “I should have known that the moment I touched you. That was it for me. I think I did know, from the moment I saw you in that beat-up duster. I think I knew somehow, down the road, you would completely mess up my life.”

“Then why did you let me in?” she said. “Why did you give me so much? Why were you my friend.”

He shrugged ruefully. “Because that’s who I am. And it was the right thing to do.” He sighed. “And because I couldn’t fucking help it.”

She let out a long breath, and he shrugged.

“It shouldn’t take too long for him to come after us. I’ll have Jace keep you updated,” he said flatly.

“Oh, come on, Wyatt. You can call—”

He put up a hand again. “Naw, wouldn’t want to cause awkwardness,” he said coldly. “Not when you’ve made it clear what you want. Or don’t want.”

“Wyatt, I never meant to—”

“I know,” he said. “I’m well aware this is all my fault. That I let my cat get carried away and I didn’t listen to my good sense. So I don’t blame you, Val.” He gave her a baleful look. “I really don’t. I wish you only the best. And, like I said, once this is cleared up, you’re welcome back at the ranch whenever you want.”

Then he opened the door, walked out, and closed it behind him.

After a second, she ran after him. “Wait, Wyatt!” she called, and he stopped in the middle of the staircase, looking unbelievably handsome as he looked up at her.

She didn’t want him to leave. It felt like someone was taking off one of her arms or half her body. But she didn’t know what to say. As much as she wanted to keep exploring things with him, as much as she would miss his friendship, it wasn’t fair as long as he was in love with her and she didn’t feel the same for him.

She loved him, just not in the way he wanted.

“Be careful,” she said, dropping her hand.

He shook his head and walked down the stairs, raising his hand in a wave as he strode out the front door, grabbing his hat on the way.

She waited until he shut the door and then stood on the steps for a long moment, thinking about how much different she wished things could be.

But she knew the saying. If wishes were horses, beggars would ride.

She wasn’t the kind of normal woman Wyatt deserved. She was just a human who’d needed his help. One day he’d wake up and see he’d dodged a bullet anyway, and things could go back to normal.

Yet somehow she had a feeling that after what she’d had with Wyatt, normal would never been good enough.

V
alerie was still moping
in her room when Ruby came by to knock on the door the next evening.

“You okay in there?” Ruby called. “We’re here if you need us.”

“I’m fine,” Valerie said. “Don’t worry about it.” The last thing she wanted to do was stress out Shane’s pregnant wife with her own self-inflicted drama.

She’d never meant to hurt anyone. She’d just wanted to find a job somewhere safe. Then a friend. Then all the things she’d missed in life. And Wyatt had been happy to oblige.

Looking back, she could see all the times he’d tried to set boundaries but been too tenderhearted to say no.

She’d taken advantage of him without meaning to, and no matter how much she thought about it, she couldn’t seem to fix it. She wished they could just go back to a morning before, hot steam in the shower, total togetherness. Fun rides in the evenings. Riding in the snow with him would have been amazing.

The door opened and Ruby peeked her blond head around the corner. “You okay?”

Valerie wiped her eyes. “Yes.”

“You don’t look okay,” Ruby said. “I know you’ve been having your meals up here, and I wanted to respect your space, but I also didn’t want you to feel alone.”

“I deserve to be alone,” Valerie said. “For how I treated Wyatt.”

Ruby laughed. “Wyatt can take care of himself. What’d you do?”

“I hurt him,” Val said. “I pushed him too hard and I broke him.”

Ruby folded her arms over her pregnant stomach as she settled on the bed next to Val. “I highly doubt it. That’s a strong man over there. Grew up practically alone, as I understand it. Had a bad dad.”

Valerie had heard only bits and pieces of Wyatt’s past. He didn’t like to talk about it. He liked to focus on her instead. Now it made sense.

“He said he loves me,” Valerie said. “I just don’t see how that’s possible. And I don’t love him back.” She looked over at Ruby. “You haven’t heard anything on what’s going on over there, have you?”

“Just that they already put the call into the rich guy, letting him think you’re over there.”

“Do you think they’ll be okay?” Val asked.

“I think so,” Ruby said, cornflower-blue eyes serious and wise. She put an arm around Val’s shoulder and Val let it stay there. Touch was comforting, and she’d gone so long in her life without any at all, besides cruelty.

“There are only two of them,” Val said, feeling nerves run through her again at the thought of anything happening to Wyatt because of her. Which was laughable because of how she’d hurt him already.

“I think they’ll be okay,” Ruby said. “Shane said those tigers work directly with dragons and have access to all sorts of shifter stuff no one else does. They’re used to dealing with dangerous men in big numbers. So trust them. That’s all we can do.”

“I want to help him,” she said, feeling tense again. It felt like a part of her was ripping whenever she thought about the men who’d hurt her coming within a hundred feet of Wyatt. He was too precious for that.

“Is that really what you’re worried about?” Ruby asked, giving her a knowing glance. “It seems like this is about more than that.”

“I know,” Val said. “It’s complicated. Wyatt has been my friend ever since I came to him. Well, first he rejected me because he thought I could be hired here, but he followed me to make sure I was okay and talked me into coming back to his ranch when I had nowhere to go.”

Ruby sighed. “That boy has a big heart.”

“I know,” Val said.

“But that doesn’t entitle him to push you for something you aren’t ready for. And if he’s the man I know, he wouldn’t want you to do anything you weren’t ready for either.”

“That doesn’t mean he isn’t angry.”

Ruby nodded. “Well, shifter men are a little different than others.”

“I know,” Val hissed. “Evil, hard, mean—”

“Whoa,” Ruby said. “You know, there are bastard humans as well. Doesn’t stop lots of human women from getting married. You met some bad men.” Ruby frowned. “Well, that’s putting it far too lightly. You were at the mercy of some terrible shifters. But not all shifters are like that. Some can be wonderful and kind and—”

“Possessive,” Valerie said, cutting her off.

“Yes,” Ruby said. “But you find you don’t mind that when you’re equally as possessive of them.” She gave Valerie a curious glance that was a little too long for her comfort. “So you’re fine with Wyatt finding a different mate?”

“Hell no,” Val said without even thinking. Then she bit her lip, realizing how that sounded. “But I’d let him do what was good for him. I only want him for sex.”

Ruby laughed hard at that, falling back on the bed and holding her stomach. “Oh my goodness, that’s hilarious. You using him for sex.”

Valerie raised an eyebrow. “I don’t see why that’s weird. I want him.”

Ruby pushed herself to a sitting position, still gasping from laughter. “Girl, you need to think about this. Have you ever wanted sex like this from anyone else?”

“No,” she said. “What does that have to do with anything? He’s hotter than other men.”

“Did you think that when you met him?” Ruby asked.

“No, I thought he was hot, though. But I had no trouble walking away. I was just disappointed about not getting the job. And a little humiliated.” She gave Ruby a little grin. “Did you know I was dressed like a guy when I went to see him?” she asked. “For self-protection?”

“No,” Ruby said with a giggle. “I wish I could have seen Wyatt’s face. He’s so into clothes.”

“He wasn’t that bad,” Valerie said, prickling up as she defended him. “He took me in. He was my friend. He treated me like I was some kind of worthy, beautiful woman, when really I was just a bum from the mountain.”

“You aren’t a bum from the mountain,” Ruby said. “You’re a strong, beautiful woman who got a well-deserved second chance. I did too. I came out here answering a dating ad written by the wrong man, and after a lot of trouble, I ended up with Shane.”

“Yeah, but you’re beautiful and nice.”

“You’re beautiful too,” Ruby said, turning Valerie toward the mirror in front of the bed. “You know, is this really about you not loving Wyatt or you just not being able to believe he loves you?”

Valerie went quiet, folding her arms in her lap. “I… I don’t know. It hasn’t been long. And I know full well people can say they love you and then… not.”

“Your dad?” Ruby asked.

“And Lyle. You know, in the beginning, when I thought we were courting, that I had a choice in the whole thing. But when I wasn’t ready, when him being nice didn’t work, I saw how that changed. Rapidly.”

“And Wyatt?” Ruby asked. “What did he do when you told him no?”

Valerie sat up a little straighter, brightening as she thought of it. “He walked away. He was hurt, but… he just left.”

“Right,” Ruby said. “There’s the difference. That’s love. Love wants what you want more than what he wants.”

“Oh,” Valerie said. “Does that mean I don’t love him, then? Because I put myself first.”

“Damn straight you should,” Ruby said. “Wyatt would want you to. He’ll deal. What you need to decide is whether you can live without him.”

“I want to be his friend,” Valerie said.

Ruby snorted. “You want to have sex with him.”

“Yeah,” Valerie said. “We’ve been over this. He’s hot.”

“Well, I’m not convinced,” Ruby said. “Think about another woman having sex with him. Think about something happening to him. Think about him being hurt.”

Valerie let out a small shriek and stood, pacing to the window to stand there gasping. “It’s all I’ve been thinking about. Don’t you get it? I want him so badly, but it’s like he’s there, standing behind a window. One I can’t break.”

Ruby stood slowly, putting her hands together in front of her. Valerie met her eyes in the reflection of the window. “If you love him, it won’t be easy,” she said. “It will probably break things inside you that you set up to prevent ever being hurt again.”

Valerie turned around to face her in surprise.

“My ex cheated on me. Nothing like you experienced, but still hurtful.”

“Yeah,” Valerie said. “I’m sorry.”

Ruby waved a hand. “I’m fine now. But loving someone is always a risk. And I don’t think this wall between you and Wyatt is something you can take gentle steps toward. I think if you want to breach it, if you think it’s worth it, then you have to run straight at it, knowing it’s going to hurt.”

Deep inside, Valerie knew she was right. “I know. But I still need time.”

Ruby nodded and headed for the door. “Then take what you need. But just don’t let fear hold you back from something amazing. Sometimes the thing on the other side of pain is better than we can even imagine. Maybe that’s what scares us.”

Valerie blinked. “Why would we be scared of something good?”

“Because we think we don’t deserve it,” Ruby said. “And that someone will figure that out and take it away. And that would be worse than never having it.”

Valerie’s jaw dropped. Everything Ruby said resonated in a painful way. But Ruby just walked forward, gave Valerie a hug, and pulled back.

“Remember, Shane and I are just down the hall. Come get me anytime if you need me.”

The McAllisters and their mates were all staying in the main building while waiting for the situation to die down. Not that they expected trouble, but so they could be together just in case.

“Shane is lucky to have you,” Valerie said.

“Wyatt would be lucky to have you,” Ruby said. “So maybe you should trust him if he says you’re what he wants.”

“I know,” Valerie said. “I’ll think about it.”

“Okay, good night,” Ruby said, leaving the room.

Valerie sat on the bed, alone with her thoughts.

Maybe Ruby was right. Maybe there was this vision of perfection in her head. Of a life with Wyatt. Babies with Wyatt. Sharing the ranch with Wyatt. Rides with Wyatt.

Maybe that was why she spent time with him, went on rides with him, wanted to get physical with him.

Maybe she’d just been hoping if she kept taking accidental steps with him, pretending she didn’t know where it led, she could just break through that glass and be with him before she knew what had happened.

She wouldn’t have to think of things like love, and she’d just be where she wanted to be.

And then Wyatt’s words had changed everything. The glass had been suddenly visible, and she hadn’t wanted to go through it.

But she saw him clearly in her mind. So handsome. So kind. Her only hope of happiness.

It was time to shatter some boundaries. Time to get hurt on her own terms this time. He was worth it.

Now she just had to wait until this stupid thing with Lyle was over. But she didn’t know if she could wait that long.

She wanted to see her mate. She wanted to know he was safe. Wanted to tell him everything she’d figured out just now with Ruby. The need to be with him was like a physical ache.

She jumped when she heard a metallic
shink
sound and looked down at her hands.

Little claws glinted in the light, and she felt power welling inside her.

She looked in the mirror, feeling there was a switch inside her, and if only she flipped it, everything kept so far down would come pouring out. She felt strength filling her and walked toward the window, her mate’s face in her mind the only thought fueling her.

She needed to get to him. She didn’t want anyone to stop her.

She opened the window and looked outside. It was the second story, with a good drop down, but she leaned out anyway, walking onto the roof.

Night air hit her, nearly making her lose her nerve. But she felt her claws, felt the power inside her. She ran for the edge of the roof, with the image of a cat in her mind. It was inside her; she would force it to come out.

She would run through the barrier in her mind that kept her from Wyatt, from everything they could be. She leapt into the air and fell down in the dark night, knowing she was in trouble if she couldn’t change.

But she felt her entire body twist, and then she landed on the ground more softly than she could have expected.

She looked down to see her hands were paws, silky and pale in the moonlight.

Her animal was finally free from its bonds. And it was ready to find her mate.

She took off into the woods in the direction of his place. In her cat, she knew what her human had only been vaguely aware of. He was hers. Hers. Hers.

She’d already claimed him the other night. Now she would go be with him, face danger with him, protect him. Tell him she loved him, even if the human in her was too bruised and afraid to.

Deep inside, in the part of her that hadn’t been able to be broken, she was utterly in love with him. And he deserved to know.

She ran out into the night, not caring what happened as long as she got to be with her mate. After all, now that she wasn’t only human, he had no excuse to keep her away.