Mourning Song (2 page)

Dani overheard Angela give details of some hunk she met on the beach, and someone else described the fun they’d had. Dani hoped they weren’t tiring Cassie.

Once the girls were gone, Dani went in. She found Cassie propped up in bed, crying. “What’s wrong?”

“My friends were telling me about the senior trip and how much fun they had.” Cassie shrugged miserably. Large, dark circles smudged the fragile skin beneath her brown eyes. Her once long chestnut-color hair had been shaved off for the biopsy. Cassie looked small and vulnerable, like a shorn, helpless lamb. On her bed was a bag from Disney World.

Dani sat on the edge of the bed. “Can I peek?” Cassie nodded, and Dani sorted through the items. There was a stuffed Mickey Mouse toy; a T-shirt that read, “My friends went to Florida, and all I got was this lousy shirt”; and a glass jar full of seawater, sand, and assorted shells. She didn’t know whether to be glad or angry for Cassie’s sake. On the one hand, the gifts only magnified her sister’s sadness over not going, but on the other, it was gratifying to know at least her friends had remembered her.

“There’s this, too,” Cassie said. “It’s a conch shell.” She lifted a large shell that was curled and
pointed on one end with a brilliant pink cast that shone with a pearl-like luster in the light.

Dani took it. “Hold it to your ear,” Cassie told her. “You can hear the sound of the sea.”

Dani did, and she heard something that sounded like hollow static. She grinned. “That’s neat.”

“I know.” Cassie covered her face with her hands. “I wanted to go so much.”

Dani wished she had some brilliant words of comfort for Cassie, but she didn’t. She put the shell down on the bed and gave her sister a hug.

Cassie reached for some tissues. “Where’s Mom?” she asked.

“She’ll be up soon. She had to take care of something.” Dani purposefully didn’t look her sister in the eye.

“Don’t let Mom know I was crying. It seems so dumb to be upset about the trip when I’m stuck in the hospital with all these tests. All my life I’ve dreamed about walking the beach and swimming in the waves. It seems like such a small thing to want to see the ocean. Why is this medical mess happening to me?”

“I wish you could’ve gone, too, Cassie. Maybe later this summer.” Dani could hardly keep her voice from breaking as she spoke. Cassie would probably be dead before summer was over.

Cassie blew her nose. “So, tell me.” She smiled.
obviously trying to change the subject, “What’s going on at school?”

“I have a research paper due soon. I don’t know what to write about,” Dani answered glumly. “At this rate, I’ll never pass tenth grade.”

“Why don’t you do your paper on brain tumors? I’ll help you. I’m becoming an expert.”

“I think that’s a bad joke. You shouldn’t talk like that,” Dani said.

“If I don’t joke, I’ll cry,” Cassie replied.

Dani felt like crying, too, but knew she had to keep up a cheerful front for Cassie’s sake and because she’d promised her mom.

“Are you cold?” Cassie asked. “You’re shivering.”

“I’m fine. Listen, do you want to watch TV?” Without waiting for an answer, Dani fumbled with the remote control device and flipped on the television braced high in the ceiling corner. A nature program was on, and Dani groaned inwardly. She tried to change the channel as the voice and scene talked about the sea.

“Wait,” Cassie said. “Don’t change the channel. Let’s watch. Perfect timing. We were just talking about the ocean.”

It was a documentary about loggerhead turtles. The host of the show was explaining how the turtles were threatened by extinction because their
beachfront nesting sites were being turned into high-rise buildings and condos.

“This is boring,” Dani protested, trying to take her sister’s attention off the subject.

“I want to watch,” Cassie said. Dani resigned herself to watching the program. She only half listened to the plight of the baby turtles as they hatched from buried nests and rushed toward the water and survival. The announcer explained that the turtles were naturally drawn by the light of the moon and stars, but now the glow of artificial lights was sending them instead onto parking lots and highways or into the reach of waiting predators.

“Poor turtles,” Cassie mumbled. “I feel sorry for them.”

“They’re only turtles,” Dani said, wishing Cassie would save her pity for herself.

“They’re victims,” Cassie insisted, and her gaze met Dani’s and held it.

Dani felt her chest tighten. Victims.
Like you
. The tumor is victimizing you—draining away your life while everyone stands by helplessly.

There was hope for those turtles. For Cassie, there was nothing to be done.

“W
HY HAVE YOU
been avoiding me all day, Dani?” Austin Cole asked.

Dani jumped. She thought she’d hidden herself from the prying eyes and questions of classmates in the school library. “I’ve got a paper to write,” she mumbled.

Austin placed his hands on each side of her open notebook. “I’ve been watching you. You’ve been staring into space ever since you got here.” Dani looked up at him.

“You have no right to spy on me,” she snapped. She didn’t even know why she was angry at Austin, but she didn’t want to apologize.

“Friends don’t shut friends out,” Austin said gently.

Austin piled up her books. “Come on. Let’s get out of here.”

“Hey, wait—give me my books. I don’t want to leave.”

Austin ignored her and started walking. Dani quickly followed him outside to the parking lot, where he opened the door of his car. He motioned for her to get in. Dani made a face.

“Don’t be stubborn,” Austin warned. “Just get in before I take off with your books.”

With a toss of her red hair, Dani climbed in. Austin settled in the driver’s seat, shoved the car into gear, and headed out away from school.

Dani and Austin had been friends almost since the first day they’d met. She wasn’t sure how Austin always seemed to pick up on her feelings, but he did.

In a high school where money, brains, and beauty counted most, Dani felt poor, dumb, and ugly. Her red hair, fair complexion, and green-brown eyes made her look the opposite of her sister, Cassie. Cassie never seemed to feel out of it, despite the family’s having to struggle to keep up.

Good grades didn’t come easily to Dani, even though she studied hard. Dani was athletic. She preferred sports to academics, and realized early on that her meager baby-sitting earnings didn’t go
far toward buying designer clothes worn by most of the girls at Westview. Dani didn’t find much to recommend about her high school experience.

Austin, who’d moved to Cincinnati the year before, had entered Westview High midterm. He’d gone to so many schools growing up, he had been placed with Dani’s class even though he was seventeen and technically a junior. Austin’s parents were missionaries who were now associated with the church Dani and her mother and sister regularly attended. Austin spoke several languages, wore his blond hair in a ponytail, had sky blue eyes, and was good-looking. Dani wasn’t interested in Austin as a boyfriend, really. But she liked having a friend who was a boy.

Austin glanced toward Dani. “Okay … so, I shouldn’t have kidnapped you. But, you avoided me all day, and I figured something’s wrong. What’s up?”

“Nothing’s wrong. I told you, I have a paper due.” She wasn’t ready to spill to anybody what was going on with Cassie. She couldn’t bear to actually say the words.

“How about playing racquetball with me? I’ll spot you two points.”

At the town house complex where Austin lived, there was a recreation area. He and Dani often played. His suggestion sounded good. She wanted to smash something. “You’re on, wise guy. And
forget the points. I can take you without the charily.”

“My rackets are in the trunk. After I stomp you, you can come over, and I’ll make you one of my famous OJ specials.”

When they arrived at the outdoor racquetball courts, the afternoon sun and concrete walls were making angular shadows across the courts. Dani swung the racket and bounced on the balls of her feet to warm up. She served, propelling the ball in a power shot.

“Okay, hot shot, no more Mr. Nice Guy,” Austin called. He followed up his taunt with a wicked shot that whizzed past her racket like a bullet. With determination, Dani buckled down to win the game.

They played for forty minutes. Dani was soaked with perspiration, and her hands felt numb from holding the racket. Her breath came hard, and her muscles ached, but she felt exhilarated and almost free of the terrible feeling that had been weighing her down emotionally for two days.

“I give up!” Austin finally yelled. “You’re killing me, girl.” He collapsed on the court, where he lay panting, spread-eagle.

Dani scooped up the ball and sat down on the hard concrete. Her legs felt rubbery, and her heart was pounding, but she gave him a satisfied smirk. “Wimp!” she gibed.

“I didn’t think I was taking on the bionic woman,” Austin gasped. He sat up and flashed her a sweaty grin. “So, do you feel better now?”

She stood up, not wanting to give him any satisfaction. “You promised me an OJ special. Pay up.”

“I never go back on a promise.” They went over to his family’s town house, and he unlocked the door and led her inside. “Mom and Dad must still be up at the church,” he said, stooping to scratch the head of the terrier that greeted them enthusiastically.

Dani followed Austin down the hall, dodging the frolicking dog. “I can’t stay long. Right after dinner, Mom and I are going over to visit Cassie.” The mention of her sister brought back the heaviness instantly. She’d been so focused on the game that for a little while, she’d forgotten.

In the kitchen, Austin started pulling out the blender and the ingredients for his concoction. Dani sat at the table and watched. The room felt overly warm. She stared up at an African mask that glared down ominously from the soffit. She looked around at the objects the Coles had obviously picked up on their travels all over the world.

Minutes later, the blender stopped whirling, and Austin served her a frothy mixture. She sipped it, still staring at the mask. Austin followed
her line of vision. “That mask was a gift from a tribal medicine man in Africa. It’s supposed to ward off evil spirits.”

“Maybe I should borrow it for my sister.”

“She’s got to be in better hands than that.”

“I don’t think so. I’ll bet that old witch doctor knows more than Cassie’s doctors right now.”

“You want to tell me about it?”

Haltingly, at first, she poured out her feelings of helplessness and frustration. She didn’t want to cry like a baby, not even in front of Austin, but the burden of knowing her sister was going to die felt too big to handle.

“I’m really sorry, Dani,” Austin said gently as he wiped her tears. “Is there anything I can do?”

She shook her head. “According to Dr. Phillips, there’s nothing anyone can do. He’s obviously doing all he can—it turns out he’s an old friend of my mother’s.”

“Your mother doesn’t think Cassie should know the truth?”

“Right, but I disagree with her. I think Cassie has a right to know.”

He leaned back in his chair, his blue eyes serious and thoughtful. “Maybe not. Sometimes a positive mental attitude is a big boost.”

“I would want to know. Wouldn’t you?”

He shrugged. “Sometimes hope is all a person has. Why take it away?”

“But won’t it hurt more if she does learn the truth? Won’t she feel that we betrayed her?”

“Is that what you’re afraid of? That she’ll hate you because you tried to protect her from the truth?”

She
was
afraid Cassie would hate her and Mom. She couldn’t bare living the rest of her life thinking Cassie had died hating her. “Yes.” Dani hung her head miserably and stared down at her empty hands. “I don’t want her to die. It’s not fair.”

“You can’t stop it from happening.”

His honest statement only made her angry and depressed. What kind of a universe was it if a wonderful girl had to die at seventeen? “So, what should I do while I wait for it to happen?”

“Let her know you love her, I guess. Be there for her if she needs anything. I’ll do anything I can to help you.”

“Will you? I feel as if I should do something more, but I don’t know what.”

“If you think of something, I’ll help you. I promise.”

She raised her glass and clinked it against his. “It’s a deal.”