Mr. Darcy and the Secret of Becoming a Gentleman (21 page)

She had to smile at this genial picture of him as a boy and his own amusement at the recollection. After staring at the letter for a few more moments, he added, “Unfortunately, I will not be able to attend as it will be at the same time as your sister's wedding. Maybe as a gesture, I should send them fishing rods and tackle to celebrate their marriage.”

She had to laugh at his suggestion. She was surprised that he would think of such an odd gift, but was intrigued at his willingness to be perceived in such a lively light. “Do you truly think the gesture would be received by both of them in the manner you intend? His bride might prefer something more useful or traditional.”

Thoughtfully, he replied, “Yes, you might be right. I am not acquainted with his bride, but if they are well matched in disposition, she should see the humor in it.” Seeing her skepticism, he added by way of clarification, “My housekeeper will, of course, send something from both Georgiana and myself. The Darcys have always sent a complete set of linens to each new bride on the estate. I would be sending the fishing equipment from myself, as a personal gift.” Seeing that she was now laughing openly at him, he put the invitation aside and said, “I see I am not to receive any support from you on this. Maybe I should consider the issue at a later date. Are these the remaining documents?”

Trying to suppress her laughter, she handed him the papers that concerned the operation of the estate and then familiarized him with the location and organization of the requests. As she gained control of her countenance, she asked, “Mr. Darcy, as I sorted through the documents, I was struck by the number and the variety of issues you are called upon to settle. May I inquire how you go about resolving all of this?”

“I simply try to be thorough and attentive.”

Genuinely interested, she asked, “But there must be more to it than that?”

Thoughtfully, he replied, “I suppose. I try to look at each request or issue dispassionately and render as quick and fair a decision as possible. I am mindful that many of the decisions a landowner is required to make have a great impact on the lives of the people who work the estate. But, while decisiveness is required, it sometimes comes at a cost. In the end I have to take responsibility for any mistakes, but I can take some consolation from the fact that I did my best and acted as promptly as possible.”

As she listened to him, she was struck by how different he was from her father, who seemed to try to avoid resolving disputes at all costs. It was his usual philosophy to ignore a problem in the hope that it would go away. He practiced this philosophy both at home and in the running of his estate, and in both cases, the results were seldom impressive. By comparison, Mr. Darcy's decisiveness, as he called it, was obviously the better approach. It also went a long way toward explaining that gentleman's periodic impulsiveness. Once he came to a decision, he apparently acted on it.

Suddenly embarrassed that he had said so much, he added, “Miss Bennet, you have surely let me talk on about matters of little interest to anyone else. I apologize for trying your patience.”

Smiling, she replied, “Not at all, I found the entire exercise most interesting. But, Mr. Darcy, surely you will not decide all of these matters in one sitting?”

“I will attempt to. Although there are some issues that, because of either their complexity or seriousness, I put aside for further consideration. I usually like to discuss those with Mr. Lynch or a friend before I make a final decision. That is what I was doing with this boundary dispute.”

“Will you discuss it then with Mr. Bingley?”

“Yes, unless… would you like to hear about it?”

“I am flattered, sir, but I am not sure what help I could be.”

Smiling at her intently, he said, “It simply requires a sense of fairness, and I believe you would be more than capable in that regard.” He then indicated that she should join him on his side of the desk in order to look over the maps.

He gave a brief description of the parties involved, and then indicated where the first boundary line was located. In order to see what he was describing, he beckoned her closer. She complied until she was standing beside him. As she leaned over the map to look for herself, she felt him by her side, his breath brushing her ear as he continued to explain the boundary dispute. His rich voice seemed to have a hypnotic effect on her as she struggled to listen. As he leaned ever closer to trace the line for her on the map, she felt her pulse quicken and hoped that it was not obvious to him. Equally caught up by her proximity to him, his narration temporarily faltered. As they both stood there looking down at his hand on the map and hers inches away, he swallowed hard and then unconsciously leaned even closer toward her. As if frozen, she watched as he moved his hand toward hers and then ever so slowly began tracing his finger along the line of her thumb and then her wrist. The sensation was small but exquisite. Her senses combined to overpower her. She closed her eyes and let herself lean completely into him. The contact made him dizzy with excitement, and he knew his breath was coming far too fast to mask his emotions. They remained there for a moment, until he craned his neck toward her ear and whispered, “Elizabeth,” as he gently let his lips touch her neck. The trance was broken by the sound of Mr. Bingley's voice in the hall. Darcy immediately stood up straight and stepped back. Elizabeth did the same and attempted to regain her composure.

Mr. Bingley stepped into the room with his sister following closely behind. He then said, “Yes, Caroline, you are correct; Mr. Darcy is in the library.” Jane followed them into the room, and Mr. Bingley added, “Miss Elizabeth, I hope Mr. Darcy was able to help you find that book.”

Eyeing Elizabeth with suspicion, Caroline snapped, “Miss Eliza, I thought you were with your sister and my brother. If you needed attention, I would have been more than willing to help.”

Before she could respond, Mr. Bingley added, “She was with us for a walk outside. I just sent her into the library to look for something to read.”

Placated by the thought that Elizabeth's contact with Mr. Darcy had been brief, Caroline went to his side and asked, “Sir, I hope you have been keeping your strength up while working so diligently? I know I promised that you would be uninterrupted, but I was unaware that Miss Eliza was roaming the halls. Hopefully, the interruption was brief, and you have been able to attend to your work.”

Finding his voice, Darcy replied, “Yes, Miss Bingley. As a matter of fact, I have had a most productive afternoon.”

An awkward silence ensued until Jane ventured forth. “Lizzy, I am afraid we should be going. Mama will be expecting us.”

“Yes, Jane. I think we must.”

After they had escorted the women to their carriage, Mr. Bingley and Darcy stood alone in the library. After a prolonged silence, Mr. Bingley said, “Darcy, I did not know it was your intention to work in here today. If I had known, I would have let you know that we were entertaining company.”

“I apologize for not telling you directly. I did not want to disturb you since you were clearly busy with your solicitor.”

“I quite understand. It is of no real consequence. I just thought that you might have wanted to know that Jane and her sister were here. I only learned of it myself through Mr. Gaines. He is a most trusted butler.”

Wondering what he was getting at, Darcy simply replied, “Oh really?”

“Oh, yes. After this winter, I no longer leave such matters to my sister. Mr. Gaines is under strict instructions to notify me whenever Miss Bennet visits. He is the epitome of discretion. It might be wise for you to leave a similar instruction.” Smiling at Darcy in his typical good-natured manner, he then added, “And, Darcy, whenever you wish to remain undisturbed from my sister, either because your work demands it or because you are helping Miss Elizabeth select a book, you might also want to ask him to help you with that.”

Embarrassed by the implication, but unwilling to concede the point, Darcy replied, “Thank you, Charles, but I hardly think such precautions are necessary.”

With a light laugh, he replied, “Darcy, I would not be so sure. You know, Jane and I will not always be available to stand guard for you in the manner we did today.”

Between Courses

As the day wore on, Darcy continued to attend to his correspondence in the library, taking his dinner on a tray. The daunting volume of his workload was tempered by his pleasant memories of Elizabeth's presence there that afternoon. He could close his eyes and imagine her working silently across from him, teasing him, and listening with interest as they discussed the business of his estate. But more than that, he could recall the wonderful sensation of her standing next to him by his desk. If he closed his eyes, he could recall the scent of her hair and the silkiness of her skin as he traced his finger on her wrist. He could relive the exhilaration he felt as she leaned against him and as he kissed her neck. While these pleasant memories left him breathless, the seeds of doubt and reproach inevitably intruded.

He wondered if his momentary lack of control had destroyed the hard-earned equanimity he had obtained with her. Her reaction to the liberties that he had taken with her was difficult to gauge. He thought she had felt the attraction between them and had been as overwhelmed as he had been in the excitement of the moment. But it all happened so quickly, he could not be sure whether she felt as he did or if she had been on the verge of upbraiding him for his presumptuousness. In hindsight, he wished that he had chosen a more opportune moment or had been better able to temper his reaction to her closeness, but he knew that if the opportunity arose again, he would behave in exactly the same manner. And that knowledge led him to a decision. Through his recklessness, he had declared himself, and regardless of whether he would wish to go back in time to do so in a more appropriate manner, the deed was done. Having clearly shown her, through his actions, what he desired, he now needed to make his intentions explicit. He knew he risked rejection, but he had come too far to turn back. While he had enjoyed the interlude of their friendship, it eventually had to lead to more or end of its own accord. He would never be happy simply as her valued acquaintance, and if she could never be more than that, he needed to know it. He could not live a fantasy forever.

But the thought of seeking her out on the subject brought him equal parts hope and dread. He had long ago perfected his fantasy of her accepting his renewed offer. But when he tried to imagine how they would remain on pleasant terms if he placed her in the situation of having to reject him again, he could not envision it. They would obviously have to remain civil for the sake of Miss Bennet and Mr. Bingley's match, but he knew she would never trust his friendship again. He would be risking so much, but deep within himself, he knew he had no other option. His unspoken, unwavering desire for her permeated his entire being, and the risk of obtaining that goal was worth everything else. He knew it was selfish, but he could not resist his nature. He had been patient for far longer than he thought possible.

He placated himself with the thought that propriety required that he declare himself to make amends for the liberties he had taken, but he knew that they were far beyond such concerns, and that the rules of social discourse held very little guidance for the terms of their tumultuous relationship. Ultimately, the deciding factor for him was that, on some level, he had felt that she had responded to his touch, and he could not let the opportunity pass to find out if it were true. Once his intent was decided, he then began to work out a plan to maximize his opportunities to see Elizabeth alone. With a decisive nod, he rose to seek out Bingley in his study.

“Am I disturbing you?”

With a welcoming grin, Bingley indicated he should sit. “Not at all; please join me.”

“Thank you, no. I would only take a minute of your time.” After an uncomfortable pause, he fixed his gaze on the window and said, “I need to… I intend to take an early morning ride tomorrow, but I also wanted to accompany you to Longbourn thereafter. I was wondering if you could wait for me, if I have not returned by the time you are ready to leave? I do not anticipate that I will be too late.”

“Darcy, normally that would be a simple request to fulfill, and I would welcome your company on any other occasion, but I was not planning to visit Longbourn until tomorrow evening. I believe that the ladies of the house have an early morning dress-fitting in Meryton, and then Miss Bennet and her sisters will be shopping for wedding clothes.” Bingley then added with significance, “I think I specifically recall that Mrs. Bennet was insistent that all of Jane's sisters join her.”

Unsuccessfully trying to mask his disappointment, Darcy frowned and said, “Oh, I see.”

“I think they will be back by mid-afternoon, but I told Jane… Miss Bennet, that since we were dining there, I would wait to come with my sisters. Caroline made it quite clear that she did not want to arrive too early or unescorted. Given her tentative state, I did not want to incite her displeasure unnecessarily.”

Resuming his formal air, Darcy replied crisply, “Oh, thank you. Do not concern yourself. It is not important.”

With a generous smile, Bingley replied, “Darcy, I have a suspicion it is very important, but if you are reluctant to confide in me, I quite understand.”

Surprised by Bingley's direct approach, he was momentarily speechless as he tried to formulate a response. “Charles, it is not that I do not want to confide in you. At this point, there is simply nothing to say.”

“Are you sure? You seem even more pensive than normal, which is quite an accomplishment.”

Darcy had to smile at his friend's words. “No, I just… I want to… speak to Miss Elizabeth, but it can wait until dinner.”

“I notice that the two of you have become friends. Jane and I are so glad that you have been able to put the past behind you. Darcy, I do not mean to pry, but is there anything you would like to talk about?”

Touched by his friend's concern, Darcy gave Bingley a genuine smile. “Thank you, Charles, but no, I am fine.”

“Are you certain?”

“I have some things I need to tell her, but until I speak with her, nothing has really changed.”

Nodding his understanding, Charles replied, “If there is anything I can do, or if you would like to discuss this further, you know I am at your service?”

“Thank you, Charles, I do. But I think I will just return to my work.”

“Certainly, but if you do not get the opportunity you seek tomorrow night, then maybe you can accompany me the following morning for a call to Longbourn.”

“Thank you; I may take you up on that offer.”

Darcy returned to the library filled with restless unresolve. While he would go to Oakham Mount in the morning just in case she came there, he thought it highly improbable given the timing of her dress appointment. He had planned to go to Longbourn with Charles, in case he had been unsuccessful earlier in the day, but he now knew that was unworkable. He could wait until he saw her at dinner, but the chance of speaking to her alone, in the manner he wished, seemed unlikely. He could go to Oakham Mount before sunset, but it might make him late for dinner. More importantly, the timing of dinner meant that Elizabeth would be late for it as well if she attempted to walk such a distance, and since her mother would never allow it, the chances of her going were very slim. He could ride to Oakham Mount early and simply wait there until he needed to leave for dinner. He did not mind wasting his time in such a fashion, but he wanted a plan of action that might actually ensure their meeting. If only he had asked exactly what time in the afternoon she would be likely to walk out, he could catch her outside Longbourn and then they could take a shorter walk.

As he stared blankly at the walls of the library, a plan struck him. He spent the rest of the evening leisurely perusing the stacks and then went to bed filled with nervous anticipation.

Darcy and Elizabeth were the first to rise in their respective households. As Darcy prepared to ride out, Elizabeth continued to dress. She wondered if Darcy's comments about his ride the previous morning were designed to let her know that he had expected to see her at Oakham Mount. She would like nothing better than to walk there now, to see for herself, but she knew it would make her sisters late for their appointment, and her mother would never forgive her. Unwilling to bend totally to her mother's demands, she decided to take a short walk, just in case Mr. Darcy happened to have wandered in her direction. It was an unlikely plan, but it was better than nothing. As she left her room, however, she heard her mother call.

“Lizzy, is that you? Wake your sisters. We need to get started.”

Her mother was never an early riser, but the excitement in her voice betrayed her purpose. It was not often that she had free rein to shop without providing justification. Even her father's usual disdain for his wife's spending habits had to give way to the clear need they all had to purchase new things for Jane's wedding. Apparently, her mother intended to extend the day for as long as possible, and the excitement of getting started held more allure than sleep. Elizabeth went to her mother's door and said, “Mama, I will wake the others, but I am already fully dressed. I shall take a light breakfast and stroll in the garden while the rest of you finish preparing.”

“Lizzy, you will do no such thing. You will wander off and make us all late. Do not test my nerves. I have so much to think about as it is. I cannot be worrying about you in addition. I need to think carefully about which fabrics we need to buy. I have settled on a color for you and Kitty, but I am not sure what I should get for Lydia. I think peach for Jane. It will highlight her beautiful complexion.”

Trying to get away before he mother became engrossed, Elizabeth quietly said, “I am sure you will pick out something lovely. I will just get some breakfast.”

Frantic, her mother squealed, “There is barely time for breakfast. I want to leave early enough so that the new dresses can be finished this afternoon. I want us to wear them tonight. We cannot be seen in the same gowns over and over again. Mr. Bingley's sisters will surely have something new on. Once the final fittings are complete, we can shop for fabric for the wedding.” Holding a wet cloth from her basin to her head, she continued in a rushed manner. “But we need all of the details of dinner finished before we leave so we can shop uninterrupted. Since you are already dressed, you will have to finish the preparations for me. Here is the menu. I want you to go over it with Cook. There are notes on it. Be very specific with her. You need to oversee everything with her, or she will do it all wrong. Before you do that, tell Hill to come up and help me. I need her immediately. I will instruct Hill on the service that I want laid out, but I do not have time to see to every detail.”

Elizabeth gave a resigned nod and saw to her tasks. After she finished with Cook, she entered the dining room. She had to laugh secretly to herself. While she was disappointed that her mother had foiled her plans for a walk, she could not fault her for wanting their dresses finished today. She would not mind having a new dress ready for dinner tonight. While she did not think that Caroline Bingley's gowns were very attractive, by comparison, she did feel slightly embarrassed to see Mr. Darcy again while wearing a gown he had surely seen many times in Kent and several times in Hertfordshire as well. She was not usually so vain, but she felt an irrational desire to look better than Miss Bingley. Was this jealousy? No, whatever the state of Mr. Darcy's regard for her, she knew he did not hold Miss Bingley in any special esteem. Elizabeth realized that it was simpler than that. She wanted to look her best for Mr. Darcy. She wanted him to admire her and hopefully look at her in the same manner that she had caught him doing in an unguarded moment in the library. The revelation made her blush. She was acting like a schoolgirl. After unsuccessfully attempting to regain some composure, she laughed at herself for trying. There was no denying it. She was thoroughly attracted to him and wanted nothing more than to spend some uninterrupted time with him. She hoped dinner would provide the opportunity.

The morning in Meryton passed much as she had expected. Her mother's constant flittering about was difficult to bear, but her new dress did look good. Jane had even encouraged her to buy contrasting hair ribbons that matched the emerald and ivory of her gown. Unfortunately, her mother's insistence that they look at every fabric in town before ordering even one new dress caused them to return home later than Elizabeth would have liked. Nevertheless, there were still more than two hours before dinner and she intended to attempt a walk in the direction of Oakham Mount.

Toward that end, she began a conversation with her mother, hoping that she could produce the desired result through flattery, by seeking her advice. She first mentioned how much she liked her new gown, knowing that it was a subject her mother never tired of. After some time she asked, “Mama, do you think the dark emerald makes me look a bit too pale? I am worried that my complexion looks slightly sallow. Perhaps if I walked out, my cheeks might appear rosier. What do you think is best?”

“Yes, Lizzy, now that I look at you, you are pale. That might do the trick. But also remember to pinch your cheeks whenever you can.”

As the carriage returned home, Elizabeth was surprised to see a gentleman's horse tied out. Her hopes that it might be Mr. Darcy were dashed as she approached the front door, and observed the mount more closely. As they entered the house, Hill announced that Mr. John Lucas was awaiting them in the front room.

After the formalities of their greeting were accomplished, their guest spoke first. “Mrs. Bennet, I hope I have not come at a bad time. I have recently been thinking that I have not visited you and your lovely daughters as often as I should. I want to remedy my oversight, but if this is an inopportune time, let me extend my apologies.”

“Oh, not at all,” beamed Mrs. Bennet. “'Tis very gracious of you. Please stay for tea.”

“Thank you; that would be lovely.”