Mr. Darcy and the Secret of Becoming a Gentleman (31 page)

Offering his arm, Darcy said, “Elizabeth, I suppose we should go in.”

“Yes, I think that would be best.”

As they headed up the stairs, Elizabeth felt Darcy falter ever so slightly. With an impertinent tone she leaned toward him and asked, “Are you changing your mind, sir?”

“No, of course not, but I just realized that now we are so late and your mother has had ample opportunity to discuss our betrothal, everyone's eyes will be upon us as we enter. I have never felt very comfortable with such scrutiny.”

“Yes, I am afraid you are correct. But if Miss Bingley's reaction is any indication, I would rather have everyone know now at once.”

Laughing, he replied, “Yes, you are right and, ultimately, I will feel comfortable wherever I am, as long as you are by my side.”

Lessons Learnt

As Elizabeth entered the dining room, she was relieved to find that she was apparently the first to arrive for breakfast. The swirl of excitement over her engagement meant that she rarely had time for quiet reflection. The last few days had been crammed with social events, and while many things had happened, her mind always wandered back to the times when she was allowed a precious moment alone with Fitzwilliam. Her favorite reflection occurred among a crowd of people at church, but recalling the intimacy of the moment always brought a smile to her face. During the service, Darcy had offered her the use of his prayer book, holding it in front of her and leaning toward her so that he could read along. She had to admit that their close proximity made any concentration on what was being said almost impossible.

To steady herself and, in part, to distract herself, she held the other end of the book. All attention to the service was totally lost when he moved his index finger to graze hers under the cover of the book. She attempted to look straight ahead and remain composed, but soon found herself not up to the task. Seeing her reaction, he began to draw teasing circles on the back of her hand. Despite her resolve, she discreetly turned toward him, in the hope of imploring him to stop, but to her surprise, he returned her gaze with a look of such intense emotion that she was unable to look away. They seemed locked in the moment, the reality of the commitment they had made to each other, and the sweeping changes that it would bring, taking tangible form. The connection between them, so appropriate in this church, seemed a testament to the life they had agreed to form together.

Eventually, the spell was broken by the rustling of pages indicating that the service had moved on without them. Both participants seemed embarrassed by their lack of control and attempted to return to their places, but the solemnity of the moment had left its mark. By the end of the service, she was hard-pressed to remember anything of the minister's message.

After church, she accepted his extended arm as they stood to receive the good wishes of many of her neighbors. As the Lucases made their way toward them, she felt him stiffen. After Sir William noted Mr. Darcy's good luck at having won such a local jewel, John Lucas extended his hand. “Miss Elizabeth, Mr. Darcy, may I congratulate you both on your betrothal. I wish you every happiness.”

Darcy nodded crisply and formally shook his hand, adding a curt, “Thank you.”

Elizabeth curtseyed her acceptance, and warmly said, “Thank you, sir, we have received many good wishes today, but the sentiments of old friends are always the most treasured.”

Before more could be said, Mrs. Lucas excitedly exclaimed, “My, my, Elizabeth, I had no idea. I wish you both joy. It all seems so exciting, to have become engaged so suddenly. I believe no one in the neighborhood had any idea of it.”

John Lucas immediately looked to Darcy to see his reaction, but it was Elizabeth who answered first, stating that their courtship was not as sudden as it seemed. But, before she could elaborate further, Mr. Darcy replied in a definitive tone, “Thank you, madam, for your good wishes,” and then made their excuses.

Afterward, she asked him if his retreat was on account of Lady Lucas's statement or John Lucas's presence. He replied that it was a little of each. While she understood his feelings in both regards, she wondered if he wished the full story of their engagement to remain only between themselves. She thought it natural that he would feel that the details of his first proposal might reflect poorly on his character, but the full arc of their courtship actually demonstrated that he possessed a generous and forgiving heart. Given that she could not reflect on her own conduct at the beginning of their relationship without reproach, she understood that it was not too much for him to ask that their history remain private and resolved to do as much.

After church, the Netherfield party was invited to Longbourn, but to Elizabeth's relief, both of Mr. Bingley's sisters expressed their regrets. Once at Longbourn, the engaged couples met to discuss wedding dates. Jane thought the idea of a double ceremony lovely, and the plan was presented to Mrs. Bennet, who after much consternation eventually saw the wisdom of the idea. Despite Mrs. Bennet's constant interruptions seeking clarification of various wedding details, the couples were left to talk among themselves in a most agreeable manner until long after dinner. For Darcy, the evening would have been perfect had not Mr. Bennet's presence at their farewell again thwarted his attempt at a more personal adieu.

After having spent such a pleasant day with him after church on Sunday, Elizabeth was surprised to find a parcel from Fitzwilliam awaiting her at breakfast the following Monday morning. It contained a note from him indicating that he had to attend to some business until after lunch. He did not want her to be disappointed when Mr. Bingley called without him. Accompanying the note was a beautifully bound edition of
Hero and Leander
that he had inscribed, “To my dearest, loveliest Elizabeth, To have won your admiration seems an unobtainable feat. You have made me the happiest of men. Never doubt my devotion. Yours always, Fitzwilliam.” After reading the inscription, she flushed with excitement and longing. She was temporarily mortified when her mother eagerly grabbed the book and letter, assuming that a gift of greater value must have been included in the box. Luckily, she discarded both items without further perusal when she discovered that was all he had sent. Elizabeth smiled to herself, as both Lydia and Kitty expressed their dismay that anyone would send his fiancée a book, arguing that they would expect something much more romantic when they became engaged.

Her mother's disappointment over the meager value she placed on Elizabeth's first gift was assuaged the next morning when Mr. Darcy called on Mr. Bennet. He had asked Elizabeth to accompany him so he could acquaint them both with the details of his settlement, the terms of his new will, and his intentions regarding Elizabeth's household accounts and pin money. She sat in stunned silence as he explained, in a matter-of-fact manner, the large sums of money that would be at her disposal. When she complained stridently that it was all unnecessary, he earnestly replied, “Madam, I am fully aware of your desire to be included in the various decisions regarding our future life together, but as to this matter, I cannot respect your wishes. You are not familiar with my finances or how such dealings are determined. I assure you, I have given this matter a great deal of thought. My father and I even discussed many of these details before his death; it is how the mistress of Pemberley is to be treated. Consequently, regardless of your objections, I will not change this. I asked you to join me today while I discussed this with your father, because in your new position you will need to be aware of these details, but I am only seeking your father's approval, not yours.”

Mr. Bennet quickly acceded that it was more than he had imagined and thanked him for his generosity. Mr. Bennet watched in amusement for Lizzy's reaction, thinking it an interesting test of their suitability. As they both awaited her response, Mr. Darcy added, “Elizabeth, if you intend to marry me, this is one of the few things I expect you to accept silently. Do I ask too much?”

Mr. Bennet watched both of them closely as Lizzy curtly replied, “Sir, I will indeed relent, as long as you understand this may be the very last time I grant you such a courtesy.”

To Mr. Bennet's surprise, Mr. Darcy simply laughed at her impertinent reply and said, “Oh, yes, I am more than forewarned,” and then offered her his arm.

Elizabeth's reflections were interrupted by the sound of Mrs. Hill entering the breakfast room with a very large parcel. “Miss Elizabeth, Mr. Darcy's footman just brought this for you. There is a letter that goes with it.” As Elizabeth read the note, she could not help but smile. His sister and cousin were due to arrive later that afternoon, and she was expected for tea at Netherfield to receive them, but he was requesting that they see each other beforehand. She opened the box to find a very fine saddle and another note stating that the saddle came with a horse so they could begin a habit of riding out together. She did not know whether to smile at his thoughtfulness or find his domineering manner offensive.

At the appointed hour, Elizabeth had not yet decided whether she should don a riding outfit or explain to him that the gift was unnecessary and somewhat presumptuous, given that she had already indicated to him that she had no desire to ride more. Part of her worried that this was a harbinger of their life together. She did not want to start their marriage by setting a precedent that she would agree to act in a manner contrary to her desires simply because he wished it. On the other hand, his eagerness to share with her an activity that he enjoyed was endearing. As she heard his arrival in the hall, she decided to meet him halfway and go riding. The horse and saddle she would return. She felt uncomfortable that her actions might give him pain, but she thought the principle at stake too important to ignore.

After the formalities were dispensed with, they found themselves momentarily alone. “Elizabeth, I was happy to find that you were available to receive me this morning. I hope I have not interrupted your plans for the day.”

“No, your timing is quite convenient. I have no commitments beyond my visit to Netherfield, and once my mother learned of your intention to visit, she spared me the ordeal of another shopping trip to Meryton.”

Laughing at her description of an outing with her mother, he replied, “Well, then I am happy to have been of service.”

She was torn. He seemed in such high spirits that she hated to bring up her concerns about his gift, but saw no other option.

Before she could, Darcy said, “Elizabeth, may I tell you how very fetching you look in a riding outfit?”

Smiling archly, she replied, “Is it not rather early for such pretty words?”

Eyeing her intently, he asked, “Have I done something to displease you, Elizabeth? You seem unhappy to have my company this morning.”

Trying to act casually but failing in her attempt, she replied, “Not at all, sir. Your visits are always welcome.”

“Now I am sure you are displeased. You have not called me by my name, and while I do not know your every mood yet, I do have some experience with your displeasure. I once mistakenly took it for something else, and I will not make that mistake twice.” His words could not help but evoke a small smile from Elizabeth. “Well,” he added, “since you seemed to enjoy my company last night and I have not seen you since that time, I must deduce that either someone said something to you in the interim to give you pause or you do not like my gift. I am inclined to think it the latter.”

“If you think it likely, then you must have had some idea that I might not appreciate your gift. I might wonder why you would send something that you had reservations about.”

“Ah, so it is the gift.” He grinned. “May I be so bold to tell you why it is that I think you are upset?”

Surprised by his cavalier attitude to her obvious concern, she simply replied, “By all means.”

He proceeded to explain his answer in a calm and jovial manner that Elizabeth found particularly annoying. “I believe you have convinced yourself that you are displeased with me because I did not ask you if you wanted to take up riding for pleasure before I gave you a horse for that purpose. I think, though, if you reflect on this more deeply, you will find that your concern stems from something much simpler. You are afraid and using me as an excuse to avoid your fear.”

“Fitzwilliam! May I suggest you rethink your assumption? I cannot believe that you have truly considered what you are saying or, for that matter, the manner in which you are saying it.”

“But it is the only rational explanation for why a woman of your temperament would not want to ride.”

“Sir, I do not have the pleasure of understanding you.”

“Elizabeth, we have spoken many times about our mutual appreciation of the natural world, and your frequent walks attest to the fact that you are very comfortable outdoors. Riding is a natural complement to those interests. The ability to travel freely beyond your immediate surroundings is a pleasure I know you would appreciate. While walking does allow you to explore the various natural beauties of the countryside in more detail, there are places you cannot access on foot that you can with a horse. You cannot tell me that you have never explored a woods and been disappointed to come across a small stream that you wish to transverse but cannot on foot. Moreover, the freedom a horse affords a rider, to travel at both speeds and distances inaccessible to even the best walker, cannot compare. The only reason a woman of your interests and disposition would not ride out often is because she has not sufficiently mastered the art.”

“Fitzwilliam, I think you might be overlooking the fact that as a woman who, as you yourself say, values her independence, I might not appreciate being put in a position where I have no say over how and when I would engage in an activity that I have previously expressed a desire not to undertake.”

“But if I am correct, and you are simply afraid, then you will never find an opportune moment to try to overcome your fear. Besides, I am not putting you in a position where you have no say over what you will or will not do. The decision is still yours to make. I simply sent you a horse so you would not have an excuse not to try.”

She looked at him in exasperation. “Sir, I believe we are at an impasse.”

He smiled kindly in return and gently said, “We should not be! I will be satisfied to take a walk with you instead. Riding is something I greatly enjoy, and I will be honest with you that it is something I hope one day to share with you. If you do not choose to attempt that today, I will understand, but I want you to consider it in the future.”

“Fitzwilliam, I do not want to seem ungrateful, but you are trying to change me into something that I am not.”