Murder in Gatlinburg (3 page)

Depending on traffic, we
should arrive in Sevierville, Tennessee around 9:30, where we will stop at the
well-known Applewood Farmhouse, part of the Apple Barn Complex, for breakfast.
The restaurant is well known for its apple fritters with apple butter, as well
as many choices for your meal. This meal is included in the cost of your tour.
Feel free to order any entrée of your choice. We will spend approximately an
hour to an hour and fifteen minutes at this stop. Those who finish early and
want to shop may do so. Not only will the Applewood Farmhouse be our first stop
on your trip, but it will be your last stop before returning home the following
Friday. Because most people prefer to shop at the end of their vacation rather
than at the beginning, we will allow you more time on the return trip, in case
you want to tour the cider mill, winery, or candy shop to pick up a few
delicacies to bring home.

Upon returning to the
bus on the first Friday, you will find that your ride will be mere minutes,
because the first attraction you will visit is a partial replica of the
Titanic, located on the Sevierville side of Pigeon Forge. Upon arriving, at the
 Titanic attraction, you will be given a card identifying you as one of the
real ship’s passengers. At the end of your tour, which is self-guided and
should take an hour and a half to two hours, you will learn the fate of that
passenger. Be sure and look for references about that passenger along the tour
route. Yes, everyone knows the Titanic sank, but there were many survivors from
that voyage, just not enough. Incidentally, included in your visit there are
headphones that will describe each part of the ship as you come to it.
Normally, the headphones are an additional fee, but we include those in the
cost of your trip.

Because you will be
having a late breakfast, there will also be a stop for a late lunch, for those
who are interested. We will be stopping at Mel’s Diner, a diner with a 1950s
look, where you can listen to the music played on the jukebox, and eat a burger
or some other type of sandwich. And, if you wish, you can top it off with a banana
split piled high with ice cream, syrup, and whipped cream.

After leaving the diner,
we will head to Westgate resort, located just off the beaten path on the Pigeon
Forge side of Gatlinburg, on the edge of the mountains. Upon arriving, you will
check in, and each of you will be shown to your rooms by your own concierge.
Each person’s accommodations should be similar, as all of you are staying in
what Westgate calls a one-bedroom deluxe. None of you will be sharing rooms
with anyone, unless you requested it ahead of time. Your accommodations include
a bedroom with a king-size bed and a ceiling fan and lots of places to store
your belongings. It also has a living room with a leather couch and chair, a
TV, a fireplace, and a vaulted ceiling. A balcony all your own can be accessed
by either a door in the living room or one in the bedroom. You will also have a
kitchen with appliances, and a dining room. You will have access to a washer
and dryer that you will share with only one other guest. You can reach these
appliances without going outside. Our people have stayed at Westgate before and
have always enjoyed the experience. In case you wish to return to Westgate each
subsequent year on your own, you can take a tour of the grounds , and see a
presentation of what buying a time-share at Westgate entails. There will be no
pressure to purchase.

After you arrive on
Friday, you will be given some time to enjoy your accommodations before
reboarding the bus at 6:30 to travel three or so miles to Pigeon Forge, to the Dixie Stampede. You will find Dolly Parton’s name on many places in Pigeon Forge, and the Dixie Stampede is one of them. Once there, you can shop in the gift shop as you wait to
enter the theater where you will enjoy the pre-show. There you can order
refreshments. Your package includes one non-alcoholic drink, served in a boot.
Popcorn, nachos, etc, are extra. This show lasts approximately thirty minutes
and features bluegrass musicians. Everything at Dixie Stampede happens on a
schedule, and your show will be the second of two shows that evening. Your time
at the main event in an oval-shaped arena will include dinner and a show where
men and women perform on horseback while you eat. What the show does not include
is utensils with which to eat. You will be served everything from soup to
chicken to dessert, and if anyone cannot determine how to eat soup and dessert
without using utensils, you are allowed to see how others do it. At the end of
the show, we will allow you a few minutes in the gift shop before boarding the
bus and taking you back to Westgate. When you arrive at Westgate, a shuttle
will take each of you to within a short walking distance of your
accommodations. The resort has plenty of security. Everyone should be safe
there.

Whew! Finally I had
finished reading about day one of our upcoming trip. It sounded like it might
be fun, but it took almost as long to read about it as it would be to live it.
I flipped through the rest of the sheets and picked out the highlights of what
we would be doing. From what I could ascertain from my limited knowledge of the
area and merely scanning the rest of our itinerary, it sounded like our
vacation would include a variety of attractions. At least I assume that
Dollywood in no way resembles the Greater Smoky Mountains National Park, both
places we were to visit.

I contemplated whether to
read more. Would it be better to learn about  everything ahead of time, or wait
until the trip and be surprised? I wasn’t sure. I could see advantages to both
approaches.

While I thought about
it, I put down the itinerary, walked over to the phone, and dialed.

“Hey, Lou! Have you read
our itinerary?”

“Just the part that
said, ‘Call me Ishmael.’”

“So you thought it was a
little long, too?”

“Well, I thought the
part about how to find the bathroom wasn’t needed.”

“So, do you plan to read
it all ahead of time, or just experience it?”

“Maybe somewhere in
between. I might check with people I know who have been to Gatlinburg and ask
them what we might need to know before we go.”

“That won’t work.”

“Why not?”

“Because everyone you
know is a cop. We can’t trust any of those guys.”

Lou laughed.

“Not even Heather?”

“Heather I would trust,
but has she been to Gatlinburg?”

“I doubt it.”

“Well, I can ask people
at church.”

“That won’t work,
either.”

“Why not? You don’t
trust them, either.”

“I can see it now. Hi,
I’m Lou Murdock. I’ve been sitting in the pew behind you for the last ten
years, so I feel like I know you, even though I don’t know your name. Besides,
I think we might have smiled at each other once. Have you ever been to
Gatlinburg?”

“You know we know some
people there. Maybe we haven’t socialized with any of them, but now that we’re
retiring maybe we can start doing that.”

“It’s funny you
mentioned that. I’ve been thinking about trying some new things.”

“Yeah, you already
mentioned zip lining.”

“But did I mention that
you would be the one trying it first?”

"How about curds
and whey?"

"That didn't work
out for Miss Muffet. Besides, it's not part of my undiet."

+++

After Lou and I finished
our folderol I yawned and went to bed. It had been a long but fun night. I
think I went to sleep just after my head hit the pillow.

I woke up the next
morning one day closer to retirement, and one day closer to my first vacation
in more years than I could count. I lay there in my bed, getting used to
retirement. The sun was shining, which wasn't always a given in May. Sometimes
the April showers were a little late. I turned over and smiled at the clock
with the alarm I seldom set.

Lou and I had planned to
eat breakfast together, something we did more times than not. After Lou and I
finished breakfast and we both returned home, I planned to call Mark, my yard
boy and computer expert, to see when he could come over and teach me how to use
a cell phone. I contemplated having Lou over at the same time, so that the two
of us could learn together. But then the bad side of me thought of learning how
to use my new phone, and then the next time Lou and I were together I would
call him on his cell phone, and watch him fumble it as he tried to figure out how
to answer it.

I needed to change my
attitude, so I picked up my Bible and began to read. Thirty minutes later,
after running around in my shower without falling and using soap and shampoo to
mask any body odors, I called Lou to see if he was ready to head to breakfast
and to discuss the changes that would soon invade our new world. A few minutes
later I pulled up in front of Lou's apartment building and he bounded out. He
had his cell phone up to his ear, as if he had already learned how to use it. I
laughed at his gesture and he did, too. He got in, sat down, and buckled his
seatbelt, then turned to me, since I was on to his charade.

"Too bad the
touring company didn't give us our cell phones."

I gave him a puzzled
look.

"I mean if they
did, I could have read the one hundred pages on how to use my new phone, and I
could have called Thelma Lou and whispered some sweet nothings."

"You mean you never
learned how to do that with your old phone?"

"Yeah, I did and I
do, but there's something about a boy and his new toy."

In a weak moment I shared
with him my plans to get Mark to teach us how to use our new phones and to find
out from him if our laptops worked the same way as our desktops.

+++

"So, what do you
think, Lou?"

"I agree with Columbus. I think the world is round."

"Yeah, it's your
head that's flat. So, what do you think?"

"Think about
what?"

"The trip, of
course."

"It doesn't look
too bad, considering someone else planned all this and paid for it, and we have
to go along with the crowd. And part of the time we get to do whatever we good
and well please."

"I'm not sure about
traveling on a bus with a bunch of old women."

"It might not be
too bad, as long as your next-door neighbor isn't one of those women."

I looked at him and
smiled.

"You mean she's
going?"

"If she does, I
won't be. They'll have me up for murdering George, because she isn't going to
find out from me that we're going somewhere."

"Compared to some
trips, this one might be pretty good. Last night one of the guys told me that
some of them wanted to send us on a trip where we would be off to a new place
every morning, long before daylight."

"Well, if they had
done that, they would have had to carry me out of the motel each morning."

"Maybe they would
have let you sleep on the bus each night."

"Speaking of trips,
I've just thought of a way to get even with George. Mark, my yard boy and
computer expert, knows enough about technology that he make people look like
they are in a place when they're not really there."

"You thinking of
getting him to create a picture of George in the arms of your next-door
neighbor and send it to George's wife?"

"I wouldn't want
the woman to keel over after she opens the envelope and sees the world's
ugliest woman. Instead I was thinking of creating a portfolio of pictures, with
"Your South Seas Island Adventure" on the cover. When he opens it, he
will see the word Itinerary on an otherwise blank page. When he turns to the
next page, one of the photos will be of George in a large pot with a lot of
cannibals dancing around. But enough about George. What do you think?"

"I always wanted to
see George potted."

"I mean about the
trip."

"I think it might
be fun. And I think we need to make up our minds to enjoy it, even when we go
to that amusement park. Maybe we should ride a rollercoaster for the first time.
You know we never did that as boys. Maybe now is our time to be boys. The only
thing we ever did that most boys did growing up was spend time in our tree
house, and we didn't even build it."

"Good thing, too. I
wouldn't want to be off the ground in anything you or I built."

After Lou and I enjoyed
breakfast and stopped by his place, I went in and called Mark, hoping I might
be able to catch him at home. It was still before noon. He was probably one of the few teenagers who was already up. I told him what I wanted and he was excited
to teach us how to function in the modern era. He said he would be at my place
in a few minutes, so Lou and I headed out to beat him there. Just as our
stomach began to growl to let us know that it was time to eat again, Mark had
us up to speed about how to use our cell phones. He took another fifteen
minutes and walked us through our new laptops. Then he told us he would teach
us how to Skype later, and both of us had enough sense to keep our mouths shut
as to what Skype was. I think I had heard someone mention the word before, so I
didn't think Mark was pulling our leg and making up something. Besides, I was
retired. I had time to learn how to Skype, even if I turned out to be a slow
learner.