Murderous Muffins (5 page)

“I enjoyed you sharing your tale.” Xavier grinned at me. “However, I do have to head into work.”

“Why, of course.” I smoothed down my dress. “Thank you for being so prompt.”

Xavier tilted his head.

I pointed to the lease on the counter.

Xavier sauntered over to me and whispered in my ear, “And thank you for the extra treat.”

Goose bumps tingled on my arm. When he said treat, he did mean the muffin and not the accidental brush at my chest, didn’t he? I just couldn’t trust the male gender. Tonight I would sleep with my eyes open.

After dinner, we stood in the kitchen. Cat scooped ice cream on top of sliced peaches. “Did you already make the muffins?”

“Yes. I thought I’d get a head start on them.” I wasn’t sure if my oven would keep working, either. It seemed to have a mind of its own.

Cat pointed the scoop at the ceiling. “That’s a great idea. Unless Mr. Phong gets to them first.”

“Well, I’d just have to take a switch to him if he did.” I smiled.

“Yeah, right. You are so tough. Like dough.” Cat put a spoon in each bowl, then handed me one.

“Hey, I’m not that soft. I bet I could hurt someone if I had to.” I thought of Bradley as I took a seat at the table. “Only if I had to, of course. By nature I’m not a violent person.” I spooned cool, sweet vanilla ice cream into my mouth.

Cat sat next to me. “If it came to protecting my kids against some whack job, I bet I could do some serious damage to anyone trying to hurt them. I just hope that never happens.”

“I have no doubt that you are formidable.”

“You are, too.” Cat waved her spoon at me. “Remember all the things that José taught us in self-defense class?”

“Vaguely.”

“Like the arm hold. Or the hit-’em-in-the-groin move? Or the swift kick to the head or gut?” Cat ate a spoonful of her dessert.

I furrowed my brow. “I vaguely remember how to do the choke hold. But not much else.”

“Hmm. Maybe when Annie Mae gets back we can get José to give us all a refresher course. It’s been a couple of years, and I’m a little rusty, too,” Cat said.

What I needed was a getting-out-of-debt course. “Yes, that would be great.”

“Plus, no offense, with all these relatives here and you not knowing them very well, I’m just saying. You should be prepared just in case one of them is a not-so-great person.”

She did have a point. Of course she didn’t know that I had complete strangers renting rooms from me. Maybe I was putting myself in danger. Here I was so concerned about paying my bills to save the house, I didn’t even think of my safety. “All of my relatives are fine. They wouldn’t hurt me.”

Cat reached over and put a hand on my arm. “I’m just worried about you.”

“You don’t have to be,” I said.

“Too late. I’m the worrier, and you’re on my list of people to be concerned about.”

I giggled. “Seriously. You can take me off the list.”

The doorbell chimed.

“Would you please excuse me? I’ll be right back,” I said.

“But if you take too long, I can’t guarantee that your ice cream will still be here.” Cat winked.

***

Opening the door, I saw a thin man of average height with thick, graying black hair. He looked familiar. Had I seen him around town?

He stuck out a hand. “Good evening. I am Joseph Jayawickrama.” Joseph spoke with a slight Asian inflection.

How in the world did he pronounce that last name? I gave it a try. “Mr. Jawakrumama?”

He chortled. “You call me Joseph.” He spoke in broken English.

“I’m Bezu. I think we’ve met before.” I couldn’t remember where or when; then again, so many people were always coming and going from my house. “What can I do for you?”

“I am here to see my cousin.”

Since I had four people living with me, I wanted to make sure I knew whom he wanted to see: Frank, Lily, Mr. Phong, or Xavier. “Who?”

“Yes.” Joseph nodded. He pulled out a card and handed it to me.

It read Joseph Jayawickrama, supervisor, L. R. Souza, Inc. I asked, “Pardon me. Who is your cousin?”

“Yes. You are correct.” A smile lit up his face, showing a row of crooked bottom teeth.

“I am? But I don’t know who you want.”

He cocked his head and nodded. “Yes.”

“I’m sorry, but I’m still not sure who you are talking about?”

Joseph smiled. “Yes. Who.”

“Who?”

He nodded. “I need to see him.”

Feeling flustered, I rephrased the question. “Who do you want?”

“Yes.” Joseph’s eyes lit up. “Tell him I am here.”

Okay, he said him, so it was a male he wanted. I didn’t want to disclose my tenants’ names. I wanted him to give me the name. “So, his name is?”

“Who?”

“The person you came here to see.” I took a deep breath and inhaled a faint scent of eucalyptus. It must’ve been on Joseph.

“My cousin.” Joseph pulled out a tissue from his pant pocket and wiped his nose.

Maybe if I rephrased it. “And your cousin is….”

“Who.”

I looked around him, thinking that there very well may be a hidden camera. A group of runners went by, followed by a man on a bike. Then I thought that I should try a different approach. “Joseph, I’m sorry I don’t understand. Can you give me a full name? Right now I feel like we are replaying a routine by Abbot and Costello.”

“Who?” He shrugged his shoulders as though he was getting tired of repeating himself.

Rolling my eyes, I sighed. “Your cousin’s full name is?”

“Hu Phong.”

I laughed with relief. I’d never known Mr. Phong’s first name. On the lease he’d just scribbled his last name. Now that I think about it, he also said he worked as a janitor at a company on Bay Street. I wondered if he also worked at L. R. Souza, Inc. with his cousin. “Is he expecting you? I’d be glad to see if he’s in his room.”

“No. He is not expecting me. He’s been hiding from me.” Joseph waved his hand side to side. “If I told him I was coming, he would leave.”

“Oh?”

Joseph shook a fist in the air. “He owes me a lot of money, and the thief took something from me, too. I need to get what is due me.”

That sounded like an issue that I shouldn’t get involved with. “I’m sure that you two can work it out.” I didn’t want him staying in the house, just in case there would be trouble. “Would you like to wait here on the porch? There are some comfortable places to sit. I can get you a glass of sweet tea as well.” I walked onto the porch and offered him a chair.

“No. I do not need anything. Just my money and my belongings.” As he walked over to the large rocking chair, he reached into his pocket, and two pieces of paper fell to the floor. When he sat down, the chair swallowed his thin frame.

I picked up the papers. One was a receipt from a local bar, Sanders Tavern, and the other was for an oriental food market on Whitaker. “You dropped these.”

He nodded. “Thank you.”

“I’ll be right back.” I left him on the porch and went in the house, shutting the door behind me.

When I reached Mr. Phong’s room, I knocked on the door. “Mr. Phong. You have a guest here.”

Through the door I heard muffled singing.

Maybe he couldn’t hear me. He must have had his iPod on and headphones in. I knocked again, a little louder this time.

The door cracked open. Mr. Phong pulled an earbud out.

I pointed downstairs. The best I could do at sign language. “Someone is here to see you.”

Mr. Phong tilted his head.

“Joseph is here.” I motioned down the stairs again. “Waiting for you on the front porch.”

Mr. Phong shook his head as he raised an eyebrow.

I handed him Joseph’s business card.

When he looked down at the card, his eyes widened. Dropping it, he slammed the door. I heard the click of the lock as I bent down to pick up the card and put it in the pocket of my dress.

Who needed kids when I had tenants? I knocked again. Then I put my ear on the door. I heard Mr. Phong singing. Now what?

I heard footsteps. Soon Cat was by my side. “Who’s the guy rocking on the porch?”

Sighing, I said, “Mr. Phong’s cousin.”

“Your cousin, too, right?”

I paused. The layers of lies were so deep. “Why, yes. Even further removed, of course.”

Cat shrugged her shoulders. “So what’s going on?”

I straightened my posture and fiddled with my pearl necklace. “Apparently Mr. Phong owes Joseph money and stole something from him.”

Cat pointed down the stairs. “Joseph is the guy outside?”

“Yes.”

“This is starting to feel like home.” Cat smirked.

“How?”

“Just like my house is with all the chaos and people coming and going all the time.”

I grinned. “I planned it this way so that you didn’t get homesick.”

Cat held her palms up. “So what are you going to do?”

Tapping on the door, I said to Cat, “He won’t come out. I think he understood me when I told him that Joseph was downstairs to see him. Then he banged the door shut.”

Cat tried the handle to Mr. Phong’s room. “It’s locked. I say we smoke him out.”

I put my hand up. “Whoa.”

Cat shook her head. “Not with real smoke. We need to lure him out.”

“How?”

“What does he like?”

“Besides muffins?”

“Yeah.”

“Music.”

“But that’s a problem, because he always has those earphones in. So he can’t hear us.”

“He did hear me when I knocked really hard on his door.”

“Then let’s do that again.” Cat pounded on the door.

From the other side of the door, there was silence.

Downstairs, the front door creaked open. “Is that dirty rat here or not?” Joseph shouted up the stairs.

I whispered to Cat, “What do I do now?” Joseph did not seem like an agreeable person at all.

Cat murmured back, “I’ll handle this. It’s the least I can do for you letting me stay here.”

My chest tightened as I nodded. I hated when people were angry and wound up, like Joseph seemed to be.

Cat called down to Joseph, “He’s indisposed at the moment. Can you please come back later?”

Joseph called up, “You tell him I expect the money and my things. Or else.”

A moment later, the door thumped shut.

I peered down the stairs. “He’s gone.”

“That gave Mr. Phong a little more time. But you have to let him know that he has to deal with Joseph himself. It’s not your place to handle his problems.” Cat walked down the steps.

I followed. “How do you do it?”

“Do what?”

“Manage your clan? I’m sure your four children are no different than me having this house full of guests. I feel like I’m running around like a chicken being chased by a coyote. Trying to stay one step ahead of it all for fear of being eaten alive.”

“Maybe you need a break from it. Why don’t you tell all of your relatives that it is time to leave?”

There was no way I could do that. “Good idea.”

“But not that one. You keep him here.” Cat pointed to Xavier, who had just entered the house.

“Good evening, ladies,” Xavier greeted us before he climbed the steps.

“Look at yourself.” Cat tapped my arm.

“What?” I asked.

“You have this dreamy schoolgirl crush thing going on with your face.” Cat pointed at me.

I stuck out my tongue and crossed my eyes. “Like this?”

Cat grinned. “That was kind of scary.”

“What do you say, another margarita?”

“Sure,” Cat said.

“This time double the tequila. It has been quite a day.”

Cat laughed. “No kidding. Here I thought your life was calm, being single and having no kids. But you put my everyday household pandemonium to shame.”

“See? There are a lot of things you don’t know about me, even after all these years.” And that was the honest-to-goodness truth.

We entered the kitchen. I pulled out the blender.

“Where did you put your tequila?”

I gestured. “Under the sink.”

Cat stooped over and opened the cupboard door. “Whoa. Who or what are you trying to kill?”

I plugged in the blender. “Huh?”

Cat pointed to the inside of the open door. “All this poison. Boxes. Bottles. Sprays.”

“Oh, that? It’s for ants, mostly. Plus some palmetto bugs and anything else crawling in the house that shouldn’t be.”

“Jeez, you have enough to kill a whole city of them.”

After dumping the margarita packet in the blender, I went to the freezer to get ice. The sweet smell of the lime mix filled the air. I plopped the ice bag on the counter. “Let’s just say that I err on the safe side.”

“I would say so.” Cat chuckled as she handed me the bottle of tequila. “So, how much do you think Mr. Phong owes Joseph, and what things does he have of his?”

I chucked the ice cubes in the blender and added a quarter of the liquor, then returned the ice bag to the freezer. “I have no idea. But it must be enough for Joseph to chase him down trying to get them back.”

“I just hope that it’s not going to cause you any trouble.”