Music Notes (Heartbeat #3) (16 page)

Here we go again, I feel like I’ve been here before. When we were on our honeymoon and everything was perfect, then I got the call that I was going on tour. This time we had a few months under our belt, and were settling into our routine of parenthood and feedings and learning to sleep in only three hour intervals. We were still able to find moments to cuddle and kiss and make each other feel just as important as our two new little ones. There in the first few weeks after the babies, we had a constant flow of people and food made for us daily. It was wonderful one evening when Raeford and Jillian stopped over, and they appeared to be really happy for us even though they lost a baby this past year. Jillian presented us with a tiny package from the jeweler in New Hope that we bought our cuff bracelets from. When we opened the box we were amazed. Jillian and Raeford had gotten us matching mini engraved cuff bracelets for the twins. How cool was that? But today Madison just answered the phone after she fed the babies, and was standing in the kitchen. Suddenly, she had a shocked look on her face. I tried to read what she wasn’t saying, but it looked bad. No I guess not bad like death, but nervous maybe. When she hung up the phone, she came to me and said, “Rand, I won’t go. I don’t have to, I’d rather stay here.”

“Love, what are you talking about? Go where?” she wasn’t making sense, although in her mind it was probably being relayed to me perfectly clear.

“New York. The editor wants me and Cecile up there pronto with the publisher next week for the release of
Mask of Rade
. I knew she was working on this novel, and they had a deal but I was so selfish with all my music and traveling that it never occurred to me to ask her for updates.

“Well, why can’t you go?” I asked her and wanted her to feel that she should be able to pursue her dreams as well as I had.

“But how can I leave you and our children?” she questioned.

“They say it’s for a whole week. That is so long,” she continued.

“Love we’ll do this. Your mom and Maxwell will help me out so I don’t mess this up. I can promise you that I won’t leave them in shitty diapers.” I said that knowing it would make her laugh.

“I mean I really want to go, but the timing is all wrong,” she stated.

“Madison my going away for all those weeks across the country to do my tour—that was bad timing and much longer. This is only one week. I don’t want you to go as I will miss you, we will miss you, but I want you to go and do this for yourself.”

I guess I was finally learning, and I said something right because she wrapped her arms around me and she touched her lips to mine.

As a writer, my wife puts her words to paper so incredibly, but as a wife leaving me notes on how to do things, I think she just went overboard. The list was probably longer than her novel. Madison even left me notes on how to fold the babies’ clothing after they are washed, although I hoped that wasn’t going to be a task for me. Grace would step in and volunteer for that—I hoped. As I walked Madison out the front door to the cab where Cecile was waiting, we had already been outside four times, only to return to the house for her to remind me of just one more thing. Placing her into the seat of the car and shutting the door was a task, but she was finally leaving. I put my hand to the glass, and just as the cab pulled away she mouthed that she loved me I heard the lovely music of the children crying in the house. I was so glad they timed it for now, or Madison would have been back inside once again.

The cries were silencing as I reached their bedrooms. Grace was in the rocker with Maxine lying on her chest lightly blowing on her face to calm and cool her tears. That was a trick I remember my mother talking about as well. She said that it worked wonders on me and Ashley when we were babies. Maxine was drifting off. Her room was all pink and hearts, and there were books everywhere. Madison was already encouraging her to join in her love of books. Cherished words of Believe, Love, and Dream were hand applied to the walls with pink hearts surrounding each one.

I walked in the hall and down to Mick’s room where I overheard Maxwell laughing and murmuring baby talk while bouncing Mick on his leg. His room was definitely a boy’s room. I had my input with this one. I put a request in for a musical theme. The colors were black, red and white. Not your normal baby boy’s room, but completely our style. There were music notes decorating the walls. In every corner, there was a different stuffed instrument for him to play with when he got older. I bet when I was little, Maxwell played with me like this. With the children in completely safe hands, I went to grab some coffee and a quick nap as I would need all of the rest I could sneak in this week.

*     *     *

As much as I hated to leave Rand and our children, he was right. I needed to keep pursuing my dreams as well. I could balance being a wonderful wife, a devoted mother, and a writer all at once. I am sure there would be demands from all three at some point, but for now one week didn’t seem too bad once Cecile and I were heading to New York. Funny, the last trip I took here with her was amazing, and I found my wedding dress. I wonder what I will find up here this time?

Cecile was busy texting. “Is that business you’re working on?” I questioned. I wanted her to be able to relax a bit too. Lately, she looked a little stressed.

“No it’s my business with Connor…” she nonchalantly said.

“Connor?” I had to question. I knew she was with Kent now and seemed like they were doing well; and feelings for Connor had died down. I thought she had her mind made up. I hadn’t seen Connor in the picture for a long time. He did reach out now and again to say hello. He also sent me a lovely arrangement of flowers to the hospital when I delivered the twins. We had an odd conversation when I came home that he said Rand was frantic the night I was delivering the babies. Connor told me Rand thought I left him. I wondered how or why Rand would ever think that, but I never remembered to ask Rand about it with so much going on after bringing the babies home.

“Well, he has been asking me if I miss him,” Cecile continued typing and didn’t look up.

“And your response would be?”

“Well yes, I really do. Things with Kent are great but now I am starting to wonder if I should have given Connor this one last try. I don’t want to go through my life always wondering if he and I could have really made it together,” Cecile looked at me and I saw it in her eyes—that look of uncertainty. “Oh, and lately I have been thinking of nothing but what it would be like to sleep with him, I never got to do that either.” She giggled nervously. She kept up her texting, so I decided to rest my eyes as I hadn’t gotten much sleep lately. The car ride was smooth, and soon I drifted into a deep sleep.

*     *     *

With Madison gone and my nap successfully refreshing my exhausted body earlier, I was feeling good and getting so many ideas for new lyrics. Grace and Maxwell were chatting in the kitchen over lunch, which Grace had prepared for him. Jake was coming over later to join Grace and take her to dinner, so I knew they would be here for several more hours. I looked in on my napping twins, and I gave each one a kiss on their delicate, soft forehead. I was in awe of their perfect little bodies. I then went to the barn to write in the loft for a little while. Inside the barn was so still and quiet. For many years this place was jumping with the noise of the band rehearsing. Today in this peaceful atmosphere, I begin to compose one of the best songs I think I have ever written. My fingers can’t keep up with my thoughts…I look at
The Wall
and already it is adorned with the babies’ photographs, even the ultrasound pictures. Madison definitely keeps this up to date. I had snuck a very pregnant photo of her on one corner of
The Wall
, but somehow she keeps covering over it. I loved her pregnant, and I hoped one day she will want to do this all over again. I know I also enjoyed her pregnancy because she seemed to not get enough of me sexually, and her tits were huge. I didn’t like seeing her sick in the beginning, and I didn’t like that her not feeling well kept us apart. I’m missing her terribly at this moment, but I know if I spend the next few days putting some music to these words I am creating, I will make her cry with joy. This is the final product of what I wrote today and the inspiration, well it’s definitely Madison, Maxine and Mick…

Three Loves I’ve Found

I hold the one and take on another.

My eyes take on a glaze.

They are me, I can see,

They stare with uncertainty.

I have Love

So all around

She has turned my heart upside down.

I have hope

With no bounds

My life has gone from Lost to Found.

Blessings flow from my soul

I am cherished as they look to me

I’m a father, a believer, a maker of sound

I play to them

I sing to them

I tune to them

I am blessed by them.

I have Love

So many tears

She has turned my heart upside down

I have hope

With no fears

My life has gone from Lost to Found

Blessings flow from my soul

I am cherished as she looks to me

I’m a lover, a husband, her man

I play to her,

I sing to her,

I tune in to her,

I am blessed by her.

I had sad silence

But then came great sound

I have traveled from Lost to Found

I am blessed

I Love all Three

They have come to be part of me.

My life has gone from Lost to Found

My life has gone from Lost to Found

They have all three turned me around

My life has gone from Lost to Found.

They have my heart beating upside down.

I lost track of time, but I had my phone and I hadn’t gotten a call to come back up to the house from Maxwell or Grace. When I finally headed back, I found that Grace had already prepared me a meal knowing I would be hungry. I went up and fed the babies one at a time. Mick threw up on me, and I was dumb enough not to listen to Madison’s notes to wear a towel on my shoulder. I wasn’t going to tell her though. After they were fed and rocked I put them down for the night. I checked them both, and before I got to the steps to head downstairs, I backtracked and rechecked in on them. When I finally settled myself in the living room, I reached over, lowered the volume on the television and turned the monitors up to the highest volume. I got myself comfortable on the sofa and reached out to send Madison a message on my new phone. This one I was going to keep intact for a long time.

Love, you know I miss you and need not write that because I am sure that your being apart from me now doing your work is exactly the feeling you felt when I left to pursue my music. Our children are fine. I was able to take a nap today and I had a flood of inspiration earlier so I created a totally new piece. With that said, I will give you a solo performance of it one evening when we are all alone so I have your full attention. I may not ever take this song to the studio as I want it to remain private for just our family to appreciate. Knock those suits dead up there in New York with your talents. And just in case you may forget, my arms cannot wait to hold you.

Madison is always so responsive, her words danced across my screen seconds later.

Cecile and I are doing great. So much work goes into a book getting published and out to the public. It is an amazing process. Last time with Rock Notes I was more fixated on you than my work so I missed all of this. Now I have the opportunity to see everything going on behind the scenes. Cecile is having some guy issues with the whole Kent and Connor relationship. I am trying to hear her out but she is really confused. Anyway I love you so much and I am not going to worry about you and our children, you are an amazing man and you will be able to do this without me there for a few days. We are heading out now to dinner. We heard of this great place called, Wicked Bites
and it’s only
open on the weekend. We heard they were reviewed as having great tapas and live music. They say there is a line there hours before they open. Somehow Cecile called and told them I was this fancy well known author and they are letting us in. She also name dropped that I was Madison Rand, so I think your name is what really opened the door to us. The restaurant said they have their best table waiting for us. I miss you too. Kiss my babies and when I get back I will have a kiss for you.

I did what any guy would do in this situation, knowing where she was heading this evening. I looked up the number and called and asked for the manager. I wanted them to set her table with a dozen of the fullest, deepest red roses they could find. I also wanted them to make certain I got the bill for the evening and never let a check be presented to their table. I hung up with the manager’s reassurance that everything would be taken care of.

*     *     *

This new restaurant/club was amazing. What great luck for Cecile to have read about it and be able to make us a reservation. Outside, the line had formed and when we arrived, Cecile walked up and whispered to the doorman. We were motioned to come right on through. I guess this is how Rand feels at all his concerts. There are people in place to just whisk you to the venue. Inside was eclectic and very modern. I was glad that I squeezed my body into a black dress tonight because everyone was in the same color. Since giving birth to the twins, getting dressed to go anywhere was difficult. Even though I lost the baby weight, my breasts never returned to normal. They are still so big it looks like I had a breast enhancement. Rand loves it, and I’m not complaining. I’m still not used to it yet though. Tonight I had to keep tucking my breasts into my dress. They seem to have a mind of their own, and would creep out more than I wanted to display. Cecile told me to stop pushing the “girls” into place—to leave them alone. She told me I looked fanfuckintastic for just having twins. I felt like I looked like Meila. Thank God I met and married Rand before he met her or he surely would have looked her way. One thing though, every moment he traveled and was apart from me, I never doubted him or our love.