Music of the Soul (20 page)

Jules? That’s kind of a sassy little nickname. And if she’s anything like your mom or me, she’ll be

sassy.”

Jake grinned. “I agree. And I love that. Jules Slater sounds like a future rock goddess, too.”

“It does.”

“And for our son?”

“He needs his father’s name in there somewhere.”

Jake wrinkled his nose. “He’s getting my last name. What about something of yours?”

I shrugged. “We could give him my dad’s name as a middle name.”

“Andrew’s a good, strong name.” He winked. “And biblical.”

“So is Jacob,” I countered.

Jake laughed. “Fine. We’ll think about using my name as a middle name too.”

“I like using family names and giving our babies history.”

“So do I, but at the same time, I don’t think you want to use my Papa’s name.”

I wrinkled my nose. “I love him, but I don’t want to name our son Herbert.”

“Neither do I.”

Jake’s phone dinged in his pocket, and he pulled it out. He read the text and grimaced. “What’s

wrong?” I asked.

“That was Loren. He’s been researching the auditorium in Boise, and he thinks we’re going to

need to scrap doing Jackson or add in another song with it because the way the stage is built.”

I gasped. “That’s it.”

Jake’s brows furrowed. “What’s it?”

“Jackson.”

“You want to name our son after the duet we’re doing?”

“Not entirely. My mom’s maiden name is Jackson.”

Jake appeared to be thinking about the name. “Jackson Slater…Jax Slater.” He grinned. “I like

that a lot.”

“Jacob Jackson Slater,” I said, with a smile.

He rolled his eyes. “Andrew Jackson Slater,” he countered.

“Then it sounds like we named him after the president.”

Jake laughed. “I guess you’re right.” He rubbed my belly. “So, Jax and Jules it is.”

“I love it.”

“And I love you.”

After going through all I did to conceive, I never thought I would ever hate being pregnant. And then I

crossed the eighth month mark, and true loathing of swollen feet, heartburn, sleepless nights, and

waddling around began to grate on my nerves.

It probably didn’t help that I’d been on bed rest for a month. The moment I stepped off the tour

bus, my OB had banished me to the four walls of the master bedroom at home. Sure, I was tired and

worn out from performing, but at the same time, it was hard laying around all the time when you were

used to being on the go. Jake was good to spend time amusing me. We watched movies and ate our

meals together. He also made sure I had female company by having my mom, Allison, and Lily come

for visits.

Mia was good to come up for the day with Bella and baby Gaby. While I snuggled with the girls

and watched movies, Mia worked hard knitting hats and booties for the twins. She and Lily also

organized my baby shower, which turned into an epic event that included Jake, the guys from

Runaway Train, the roadies and their wives.

Even though I hated being bedridden, I would have taken anything for it instead of having

contractions six and a half weeks before my due date. Jake immediately called my doctor, and then

we made the fifteen minute drive to the hospital. After doing an ultrasound, as well as an exam, my

OB, Dr. Ghandi, had me being prepped for an emergency C-Section. The twins were in distress as my

blood pressure had started rising. When the phrase ‘preempting any future preeclampsia’ floated

around, I went into panic mode, but Dr. Ghandi assured me that by getting the twins out, we weren’t

going to face that.

In a blur, I was wheeled from an examining room into the OR. Jake momentarily left my side to

get outfitted in his scrubs, hat, and mask. When he returned, they’d already given me an epidural,

along with some other drugs, and erected a sheet, so I couldn’t see what was about to happen below

my waist.

It felt like I was floating outside of my body. Tugging pressure came from below the sheet. I

fought as hard as I could to say awake, but I felt myself drifting away into unconsciousness. “There he

is!” Dr. Ghandi exclaimed. My droopy eyelids snapped open. Craning my neck, I gazed to where she

held a wailing Jackson.

“God, he’s so beautiful,” I murmured, the oxygen tube moving tighter against my nose.

Dr. Ghandi passed Jackson to a nurse and then went back to work. My eyes cut across to where

the nurses worked to clean Jax up. He appeared strong and healthy, and I wanted nothing more than to

hold him in my arms and ease his crying. As if he could sense my thoughts, he turned his face toward

me in the bassinet. “Hi sweetheart. Mommy’s here,” I called hoarsely.

“And here’s number two!” My eyes cut from Jax over to Jules. I knew immediately something

was wrong. While Jax had cried heartily, Jules was silent, her lips blue. A flurry of activity began

happening below my waist.

“What’s wrong? Why isn’t she crying?” I demanded.

Once she was cut from me, Jules was handed over to the charge nurse. She began suctioning

Jules’s mouth while another nurse rubbed her tiny arms and legs. Tears blurred my eyes. “Jake!” I

cried desperately. My arms were tied down so I couldn’t touch him.

His tender lips came to kiss my cheek. “Shh, it’s going to be okay, Abby. They’re working with

her. I know she’s going to be just fine.” But the fear burning in his eyes was palpable. The small

amount of skin showing outside his mask was pale.

I closed my eyes. “Please Susan,” I murmured.

“What sweetheart?” Jake asked.

I didn’t reply. Instead, I just kept praying to Susan to intercede on Jules’s behalf. I was still

drifting between consciousness when Susan’s face appeared before me, and she smiled. My eyelids

snapped open at as the sweetest sounding cry in the whole wide world echoed through the room.

“See, she’s fine!” Jake exclaimed.

I barely got to see Jules’s wailing form before she was ushered out of the delivery room.

“Where are they taking her?” I asked.

“To the NICU. They can better regulate her oxygen levels there,” a nurse replied.

I hated I couldn’t have just a moment with her to see her up close, maybe kiss her cheek or

hands. But I was also so thankful she was all right, and they were working to make her healthy.

As Dr. Ghandi worked below my waist stitching me up, a nurse appeared at my side with

Jackson in her arms. “Would you like to meet your son?”

“Oh, yes. Please.”

She laid Jackson gently on my chest where we were face to face. Jax strained to look at me. “Hi

sweet boy,” I murmured. His image before me became wavy as my emotions overcame me, and I

began to cry. I wanted more than anything to be able to hold him—to unwrap his blanket and count his

tiny toes and fingers.

Jake’s thumb rubbed across Jackson’s cheek. “He’s pretty amazing, huh?”

“Yes, he is. I can’t believe we made him.”

With a grin, Jake said, “Once upon a time, he was just a part of some baby batter in a cup.”

I laughed. “You’re terrible.”

“But you love me anyway, right?”

“Oh yes. I think I love you more today than I ever had.”

Jake’s warm lips met mine. “I love you so much, Angel.” He bestowed kisses on both of Jax’s

tiny cheeks. “And I love you, sweet, little man.”

“Why don’t you go out and tell everyone the good news?”

“I’d rather stay here with you two.”

“I’ll be fine. They’ll be taking him away to move me to recovery, where I’ll probably snooze

until the drugs wear off.”

“Are you sure you don’t want me to stay?” Jake asked.

I shook my head. “I know my parents are scared to death worrying about me and the twins. Go

put them out of their misery.”

“Okay.” Jake bent over to kiss me once again. “You are the most amazing woman I know in the

whole wide world.”

I couldn’t help laughing at his statement. “I’m not the first woman to give birth, Jake,” I

countered.

He shook his head. “You’re the only woman I love who has.”

“You say the sweetest things,” I murmured.

“Only for you.” He kissed me again and then started for the door.

I had only a few more moments of bonding with Jax before they took him away. As they wheeled

me into recovery, my eyelids began to flutter, and it wasn’t long before I fell into a contented sleep.

It was the big day—the day that the twins came home from the hospital. I wish I could say I was

thrilled beyond belief, but at the very crux of my being, I was fucking terrified. In the hospital, we had

a team of nurses and doctors at our disposal in case anything went wrong. At home, we were all on

our own to somehow raise these two little lives. Of course, Abby was completely fearless when it

came to the twins. She mastered breastfeeding the two of them at the same time, did great changing

their diapers and giving them baths.

But me?

I was afraid that when I picked them up, I’d forget to support their head, causing them serious

trauma. Or when I had to dress them or change their diaper, I feared pulling too hard on their arms or

legs and having them fall off.

Oh yeah, I was a fucking basket case.

After what seemed like a small eternity, I got both Jax and Jules’s car seats strapped in our new

family-friendly SUV. Thankfully, they snoozed the entire time I cussed and worked up a sweat at

getting them in right. They’d conked out shortly after Abby filled them up at feeding time just before

we came downstairs.

After they were born, both of them faced a gamut of issues that prevented us from going home

immediately. First, Jax turned jaundice. Then Jules had sucking reflex issues, so she started losing

weight. This took a while to resolve. I had to give major props to Abby. She handled it all like a

trooper as she tried getting Jules back on the breastfeeding train. Me, I would have just said screw it

and given Jules a bottle. But Abby was determined to have the same bonding experience with Jules as

she did with Jax. Like always, my Angel was amazing. Finally, Jules had hit the regulation five

pounds to go home last night. We hadn’t wanted to leave with Jax and not Jules.

I eyed the sleeping little angels, as Abby would call them, warily before I shut the door. I hoped

they would continue sleeping this peacefully on the ride home. I didn’t even want to begin to imagine

what driving down the interstate with one screaming baby, least of all two, would be like. A thousand

horrifying scenarios ran through my mind of me losing my shit in the car with the noise.

While there were all these maternal instincts that had kicked in for Abby the moment the twins

were born, I hadn’t experienced any paternal ones. Sure, I worried about them constantly when they

were in the NICU, and all I wanted was them to be healthy and happy. But I still had yet to experience

some overwhelming protective vibe, and that concerned me. Basically, I was totally fucking clueless

when it came to the two little lives I’d helped create.

“Ready?” Abby asked, when I slid into the driver seat.

My hand hovered over the ignition before I glanced over at her. “Um, I don’t think I’ll ever be

ready to take those two home with us.”

She grinned. “It’s going to be fine, Jake. We’re going to be fine, and the twins are going to be

fine.”