Must Love Fangs (Midnight Liaisons) (4 page)

He stared at me, appalled. “Are you asking to see my fangs?”

“Maybe?”

“Am I asking to see your tail?”

Point taken. I gave him a tight smile and stuck my hand out. “Let’s start this over again. Hi, I’m Minnie, your date for tonight.”

He took my hand and clasped my fingers, the most limp handshake I’d ever received. Worse, his hands were clammy.

But I didn’t care if he was unattractive; after all, I didn’t want to sleep with him. I just wanted him to turn me.

He had a strangely appealing scent, I noticed. Pleasant and warm, like sunshine or fresh cookies. I liked that about him. Unfortunately it was the only thing I liked about him, given that he continued to stare at me.

“And your name is,” I prompted.

“Bert. It was on my profile,” he said peevishly.

“Hi, Bert,” I said between gritted teeth. “So nice to meet you.”

He eyed me up and down, then went back to drinking his water.

“So . . . ” I said and smiled again, though it felt tight. “How long have you been a vampire?”

“Long enough,” he said, looking at me with irritation. “Look, unless you want me to feed on you, I don’t know that this is going to work out.”

I sputtered. I just got here and he was dumping me? “Excuse me?”

“I’m sorry to say that you’re not my type, Minnie. You looked more attractive in your picture.”

I stared at him in surprise. This lump was dumping
me
? Really?

“So,” he said, swirling his straw in his glass and making the ice clink against the sides rapidly, “we can skip the small talk. If you’re looking for a one-night stand with a vampire, I’m your man. Right now I’m so thirsty, I’ll drink just about anything that walks through that door.” As if to prove his point, his fangs distended. I watched in horror as they pushed past his parted lips, then retracted again.

Oh,
ew
.

“But if you’re looking for something long term, I don’t think we’re compatible.”

“I just sat down,” I protested. “How do you know we’re not compatible?”

And why on earth was I arguing with this revolting creature about my attractiveness?

“I’m a visual connoisseur, Minnie,” he said in an utterly serious voice. “And you have a few things working against you. Those eyebrows. Those glasses. And I like women with more assets. You need a bit more donk in your badonkadonk.”

“You think I don’t have enough junk in my
trunk
?” I said loudly, causing the sushi chef to look over at us with a frown.

Bert shrugged. “A man can’t help what he likes. Some men like breasts, legs, or necks. I’m more of a bottom aficionado.”

More like a bottom
feeder
. Ugh. Maybe I wasn’t all that desperate after all.

I tried one last time. “Before I go, can I ask you how you feel about turning your partner?”

He snorted. “As if. I wouldn’t turn you if you paid me.”

“Well, I think I’m done here. Good-bye, Bert.”

• • •

I arrived at the agency a short time later, plunked one Red Bull down on Ryder’s desk, and stomped back to my desk.

“Date went well?” Ryder said in a faux cheerful voice.

“He told me I wasn’t his type,” I said between gritted teeth. “Too much glasses and eyebrows. Not enough badonkadonk.”

“
Reaaaallly
.” She popped open the Red Bull and added some to her newest mug of coffee. “You should note on his file that he’s an ass man.”

I snorted. “An ass man who’s an asshole.”

“Har har, very funny. So are you done with this now?” she asked hopefully.

“No,” I said firmly. “Just because the first one was a pig doesn’t mean they all are.”

“Marie, sweetie, if they could catch a woman on their own, they wouldn’t need the agency, would they? All you’re going to find are pigs.”

But I refused to give up. I pulled open the database and immediately began to search for the next victim.

I would find someone to turn me. I
would
.

A
ll the same, I plucked my eyebrows. Even I could take a hint.

When I came in the next evening, Sara gave me a wave from her desk, where she was perched on the massive thigh of her mate, Ramsey Bjorn, the biggest, scariest man I’d ever seen. It was odd to see them together, but she didn’t seem frightened of him in the slightest. The were-bear held a game controller in his massive hands, and as I walked past, Sara snatched it away. “Let me do it. You’re all thumbs.”

He growled.

She growled back, the rumble low in her throat.

I set my purse on my desk and sat down, avoiding them. Shifters were weird, and I supposed it was a good thing that they were off-limits. I wasn’t sure that I wanted to growl and snarl, and I had an aversion to fleas. Still, the way Ramsey watched her—hungry, possessive, adoring—made me feel a little wistful. Here I was stuck with Bert the vampire who thought I didn’t have enough donk in my badonk.

“Oh good, you’re here,” Ryder said cheerfully, approaching my desk and dumping a stack of folders on it. “Nice brows.”

“Shut up,” I said, mimicking her cheerful voice.

Sara glanced over at me. “I almost forgot to tell you—Bath has a new project she wants us to work on.”

I stifled a groan. When did Bath not have a project? I didn’t have time for this; I was busy trying to find myself a vampire. “Oh goody,” I said. “What kind of project?”

“You and I,” Ryder said, adding another stack of folders to my already towering stack, “are going to call everyone who hasn’t used the service in over a year, and ask them to come back because of the
great
dating selection we have now.”

I picked up a folder and glanced at it. Not a vampire. Not interested. “So we’re lying to them?”

Across the room, Ramsey snorted.

“Not really a lie,” Sara said, shutting down her computer and tossing the control into the inbox on her desk. “More like fudging the truth to drum up business.”

“I thought business was fine.”

“But why settle for this when we can have even
more
business? That’s Bath’s new motto.” Sara stood up and grabbed Ramsey’s big hand, dragging him to his feet. “We want to keep things bustling.”

I kind of liked it when things were quiet. “So we’re just supposed to magically find all these female shapeshifters that need a date and somehow
convince them that they need to use our service?”

“Something like that.”

The doorbell clanged and in sauntered my nemesis, Joshua Russell. I tossed the folder back down on the stack. “Problem solved,” I said dryly. “We’ll just have everyone date Josh.”

Ryder giggled.

Sexy, irritating Josh winked in my direction and I ignored it, because sometimes I hoped that if I wished hard enough, he’d fall off the planet and disappear. So far, no dice.

“I see my gorgeous Marie is thrilled to see me once again,” he said, going to the chair that Sara and Ramsey had just vacated. He flipped it around and straddled it, his grin making crinkles form around those gorgeous, long-lashed eyes. “Don’t take her hard words to heart. She has a secret spot in her heart for me. I don’t know if you guys noticed, but she always pays special attention when I show up.”

Sara giggled.

I hated that man. “
Ostie de tabarnak
. I wish you’d go away.”

“No, you don’t,” he said easily.

“Yes, I really do.”

“Quit speaking all that sexy French at me if you want me to leave.”

“I’m cussing at you,
tête de cochon
.”

“Oh, I know that one! I think she just called you a pig-head,” Ryder said with a cheeky grin. “She called me one the other day, too.”

He didn’t look discouraged in the slightest. “Dirty French words are Marie’s way of foreplay. That’s how I know she loves me.”

I wanted to bang my head on my keyboard in frustration. “Please. Please just go away.”

“Now, Marie,” he drawled. “If you wanted me to go away, why’d you doll up and look so damn beautiful?”

I flushed. Crap. He’d noticed my makeup for my next date? I had to be more subtle.

I avoided making eye contact with Sara. If she found out what I was doing, she’d tell Bathsheba. If Bathsheba found out I was using the service without permission during working hours, my ass would be out on the street. She might have been okay with it once upon a time, given that she’d used the service to meet Beau, but with the shifter issues going on,
human
was a dirty word right now. Combine that with the fact that I’d need to date during office hours? It was best that I just didn’t ask at all. I noticed Ryder looked suddenly busy, as well.

“Maybe Marie just wanted to look pretty today,” Sara said lightly. “I don’t think it has anything to do with you, Josh.”

“Don’t be so sure, Sara. It always has to do with me. All the girls want a piece of me,” he said with a grin, clearly joking. When Ramsey cast a black look in his direction, he amended it. “Almost all girls.”

Sara grinned and slipped a hand around Ramsey’s massive waist. She glanced back at me. “We’re off for the evening. Bath said to call her if
you had questions about the project, and leave her a report in the morning.”

“See you,” I said casually, picking up the first folder in the stack and pretending to be interested in it. I was more than ready for all of them to leave the office, so I could check whether a vampire had responded to Minnie’s profile. And I couldn’t do that if they were all sitting right there.

That was the bad thing about such a small, intimate business. My boss, Bathsheba Ward-Russell, was married to the head of the Paranormal Alliance, Beau Russell. The two businesses worked closely together and shared records. That meant that Beau was constantly dropping by the office, which was fine. He was handsome, polite, well spoken, and friendly. But it also meant his cadre of brothers and cousins was also stopping by at all hours.

And that drove me crazy. Most of the Russells were nice enough. Jeremiah was the tall, muscular one who showed up to work on the network from time to time. Ellis, Everett, and Austin worked for the security firm that Beau ran, and they popped by to flirt with Ryder, chat with Bath or Sara, and do background checks on clients. The three looked so much alike that I had a hard time telling them apart, save for the one who had a sleeve of tattoos up one arm. All of them were incredibly friendly and nice to everyone in the office.

Joshua was the thorn in my side. In personality, he was nothing like serious, polite, well-dressed Beau. Josh seemed to live in a plain black T-shirt,
ass-hugging jeans, and a baseball cap. It didn’t hurt that he was flat-out gorgeous to boot. Tall, muscular, and handsome, with an amazing grin and sinfully beautiful eyes that didn’t belong on a man.

He was also a flirt who didn’t seem to take no for an answer. You would think women would see right through his overbearing, overly flirty personality, but you would think wrong. They loved his flirting, and loved him, and he had the dating records to prove it.

Until he didn’t call them back, of course. And he never did.

And unfortunately for me, Josh generally worked the same hours that I did. As a vampire security specialist, he tended to be up all night. That meant he often stopped by the office on his way to work, and again on his way back from his shift.

Ryder didn’t mind. She said it livened up our long shift.

I minded. Which only encouraged him more.

Tonight was one of those nights that I’d been hoping he wouldn’t show up . . . so naturally he was here, and he was early.

I shot Ryder an uncomfortable look as Sara and Ramsey left for the evening and Josh stood, flipped his chair around, sat again, and put his feet up on Sara’s desk. His self-assured gaze rested on me, as if evaluating me. He always watched me as I worked, and I was pretty sure he did it to annoy me. No supernatural could be that interested in a human woman who told him to buzz off repeatedly.

He was just acting so focused and determined to bother me. Typical.

Ryder moved to the coffeepot, preparing the first of several she’d brew tonight.

“So what’s the plan, ladies?” Josh gave me a mildly curious look, raising an eyebrow in my direction.

“Gee,” I said, flipping open the folder. Female. Mink shifter. Not my target demographic. “I don’t know. I thought tonight I’d go out on a limb and do some work. You know, that crazy thing that people expect in exchange for a salary?” I glanced over at him, hoping he’d get the hint. “That thing
you’re
supposed to be doing right about now?”

“My client won’t be up for another hour or so,” he said casually. “I thought I’d hang out for a few in the meantime.”

I had my next vampire date in an hour and a half. That was cutting it close.

“New client?” Ryder asked him, picking up her headset and adjusting it over her blond pigtails.

“Yup. Another vampire being stalked by a fellow vampire. Surprise, surprise.” He sounded bored. “So the shifter muscle has to show up and throw our weight around to make sure his new friends get the hint.”

“I hope he’s paying you a lot,” Ryder said with a grin.

“Oh, he is,” Josh said. “Premium security for a premium price.”

I tuned out their conversation and pulled up the
record of my date on the computer, glancing back at the were-mink’s folder as cover. My date, a vampire named Lewis, hadn’t yet cancelled. Good. I’d tried setting up another date last night, but the guy had cancelled on me once I’d sent him a picture.

To ensure that my date would show up this time, I’d googled “sexy brunette in glasses,” picked a suitably suggestive photo, and sent that one. It had been a little white lie, but I didn’t care as long as he showed up.

There were thirty-two vampires in the Midnight Liaisons database. Nineteen of them were currently available for dating, and I was already down by two. I was starting to get anxious. I only needed one, but what I needed seemed to be a pretty big favor. I had to tread cautiously.

The cowbell hanging against the front door clanged, and I jerked in surprise.

“Little jumpy tonight, aren’t we?” Josh teased.