My Big Fat Zombie Goldfish (5 page)

I ran into my room so Mark wouldn't see me. When I heard him turn on the tap on the bathroom sink, I jumped up and tiptoed back to the doorway of Mark's room.

I had to get Pradeep's attention to check he was OK, so I made our secret “I need to get your attention to check you're OK” call, which is a cross between a snake hiss and a dolphin click.

Pradeep sat up as soon as he heard. He shuffled forward from behind the desk. His arms were stuck behind his back. Then I saw his face. His mouth was completely taped up with Scotch tape from ear to ear in one direction and right down his nose to his chin in the other. Just his nostrils were tape free. He even had little crossways bits of tape going across his cheeks and jaws. That's gotta hurt. I guess maybe telling Mark about what's in a crocodile's stomach wasn't such a great idea after all.

I gave him the thumbs-up sign and held up the little bottle of green coloring for him to see.

I think Pradeep smiled a little then. But it was pretty hard to tell for sure, with all the tape. Then Pradeep shook his head really hard.

That's when I felt the
thwack
to the back of my head and I saw the carpet in Mark's room come up to meet my face.

 

 

While my face was kissing the carpet, Mark pulled my arms back behind me and tied them together. Everything seemed a bit hazy after that, but he must have dragged me over to where Pradeep was sitting and put us back to back. He had piled up some comics and stuff next to us and there was a shadow of something over our heads. The next thing I knew, he was tying us together with the belt from his white coat. A classic
EVIL SCIENTIST
move.

Something dripped onto my face. It smelled disgusting. “Pradeep, what is that?” I asked as I wiped my chin on my shoulder.

“Mmark's mmot mma mmishmmowl mmilled mmoo ma mmop mmith mma mmoxic mmunky mmater mmalanced mmover mmour mmeads,” Pradeep mumbled.

I looked up to see the goldfish bowl sitting on a wobbly tray balanced between two towers of comic books. Water was sloshing out of the bowl with every little move we made.

“Mark's got the fishbowl filled to the top with the toxic gunky water balanced over our heads?” I said, translating Pradeep's cupcake talk.

“How do you do that, moron?” Mark interrupted. “No, shut up. Don't tell me that. Tell me where the fish is!”

He leaned in so his face was right up against mine. I should have said something really cool like, “I guess they don't make
EVIL SCIENTIST
breath-freshener then?” But instead I just stared back at Mark, trying really hard to ignore the millipede feeling all over my body. Still, I didn't tell him where Frankie was.

“Fine.” Mark stood up. “Morons, prepare to be gunged.”

Then I heard a quiet voice say, “Swishy little fishy.”

Sami was standing at the door of Mark's room with Frankie in the bag in her arms. His eyes were bright green and his tail was thrashing wildly. He was staring right at Mark.

Sami was looking mega–goldfish starey.

“Little moron?” Mark said. “Hey, she's staring up my nose and at the wall. It's freaking me out. Make her stop.”

“It's the fish,” I said. “He's hypnotized her and he can do it to you.”

Pradeep mumbled, “Mma mmish mmas mmypmomized mmy mmister?”

“Yeah, sorry, I was going to tell you when—
thwack
. You know,” I said.

Mark bent over to look more closely at the fish in the bag. Frankie's eyes glowed and Mark was starting to look a bit goldfish starey himself, when he suddenly took a pair of protective science-experiment goggles out of his
EVIL SCIENTIST
coat pocket and put them on. I had no idea
EVIL SCIENTISTS
had so many accessories.

“Like that's gonna work on me,” he snorted. “Cool, the fish has come back with evil powers.”

“He's not evil!” I shouted.

“Mma mmomminmmation mmof mmoxic mmemicals mmand mma mmattery mmock mmust mmave mmiven mmim mmecial mmowers,” Pradeep said.

“I guess the combination of toxic chemicals and the battery shock must have given him special powers, Pradeep, yes,” I said.

“Can you stop doing that?!” Mark stomped his foot. “I already figured that out. I'm the
EVIL SCIENTIST
here, not your moron friend. Does he have a white coat? Nooooo. Is he even evil? Nooooo. So shut it!”

That was the most words Mark had ever said to me in his entire life.

Mark paced in front of us with his hands stuffed in the pockets of his coat for a minute. Then he stopped and looked at Frankie.

“OK, Fish, now you're
my
zombie goldfish. Just think of all the people we can hypnotize.”

Frankie thrashed his tail and suddenly Sami lunged at Mark. She dropped the bag and tried to attack him. (As much as a three-year-old dressed in a mermaid suit flailing around can be called an attack.) “Swishy little fishy!” she squealed.

Mark just picked Sami up and wedged her, bottom first, into his
Star Wars
waste-paper basket. Her mermaid tail flapped helplessly against Chewbacca's face as she struggled to get free. But instead of screaming the house down, she just stared the fishy stare. Wow, Sami was really zombied out.

“You need better minions, Fish,” Mark said as he picked up the bag from the floor. “Now, let's see if we can make the whole school into fish zombies.”

“You won't get away with it, Mark,” I said, pulling at the white belt tying Pradeep and me together. “You may be an
EVIL SCIENTIST
, but you're still only twelve. Mom will be home soon and she won't let you hypnotize the school, or toxic-gunge us, or take Frankie anywhere.”

Just at that moment Mark's phone rang. “Hi, Mom. No, Tom's fine. He's playing with his moron friend and his moron sister.” Mark stopped to listen.

“OK, his little friend and his little sister. No, you stay and have coffee with your friend.” Then he paused again. “Oh, sorry, no, Tom can't come to the phone right now—he and Pradeep are kinda tied up.”

Mark covered the phone with his hand. “Mwahahaha,” he laughed. Mark was getting way too comfortable with this new evil-laugh thing.

Then he spoke again. “I'm fine. I'm just finishing my science homework.”

 

 

He hung up the phone and went to put it in his pocket. As he did, Frankie twisted and shook free from Mark's grasp. The bag landed on the carpet and Frankie started to roll for the door. Yes! Frankie was escaping.

Mark walked over to Pradeep and me and tapped the goldfish bowl above our heads. “Fish!” he called. “Say good-bye to the morons.”

Frankie paused and looked back at us.

“Go, Frankie!” I shouted. “Get away now!”

I felt Pradeep's body go all tense as he prepared for the gunge to hit us, but the glow in Frankie's eyes faded as he looked at me.

I shook my head and mouthed the words, “Frankie, go!” But Frankie stopped thrashing in his bag and stayed still.

“Good choice, Fish.” Mark walked over and scooped up the bag. “Remember, if you won't help me, then it's flush time for you.”

“Noooo!” I shouted.

“Mmnooo!” Pradeep moaned.

“Fishy!” Sami squealed and held out her hands.

“Now, let's get ready to hypnotize Mom when she gets back,” Mark said as he strode out of the room clenching Frankie's bag tight in his fist.