My Dead World (10 page)

There were several tarps in the well house that I used to cover supplies. Lev fetched one and using the other pair of gardening gloves, we placed Paul in the tarp and covered him. After, we moved him to the back of the house. All of that happened within the first fifteen minutes after his death.

Fortunately, the girls didn’t come out or see. At least I didn’t think so.

I was a mess. Not physically, but emotionally. I cleaned up in the well house, washed my face and tried to get it together. I still had to face the girls and tell them their father died.

How was I going to do that? What would I say?

I know I said very little to Lev. In case he worried that maybe I was mad, I did look at him empathically. He seemed to not want to talk much either.

We spent several minutes sharing that well water. It was cool and refreshing, then both of us, faces still damp, ends of our hair wet, stepped from that shed. When we did, I heard a car.

It had to be my father.

I was right.

Cade and my father pulled in just as Lev and I walked from around the building.

My father stepped out and looked at me with a half smile. “You guys bathing together now?”

No matter how old you are, no matter how strong, big and tough you think you can be, nothing makes you feel as vulnerable as seeing your father in a moment of need.

Immediately, I folded and raced to my dad.

“Hey, hey, Niles. What happened?”

“Everything all right?” Cade asked.

I cried for a second, stepped back and wiped my eyes. “It’s Paul.”

“Oh my God,” Cade exclaimed. “Did he turn?”

“He’s dead,” I said.

“What?” Cade asked shocked.

“What happened?” my father questioned.

How to explain. What to say. I thought for a moment. But one thing was for certain, I wanted my father to know if it wasn’t for Lev, I would be dead or dying.

“I was out starting the garden,” I said. “Daddy, if it wasn’t for Lev … I wouldn’t …” I had to stop. The words stuck in my throat.

“You wouldn’t what?” my father asked.

Lev answered. “Been able to carry him without the girls seeing.”

I looked at Lev.

He continued. “I came out to bother her. We know how I irk her and when I peeked in the window to check on Paul for her. He was dead. I could see he was dead.”

“Oh, Niles,” my father said compassionately. “I am so sorry. Where is he now?”

“He’s wrapped in a tarp behind the well house,” I answered.

My father looked at Lev. “How did you carry him out unseen?”

“We worked together,” Lev replied. “I lifted him through the window. The screen is ruined. I’m sorry.”

“No, no, it’s okay. Thank you, Lev, for helping her.”

Lev nodded. “I’m gonna start digging a grave, so I’ll be back.”

“That’s unnecessary,” my father said. “I can do it.”

“No, you need to tell the girls.”  Saying no more, Lev turned and walked away.

“He’s taking it pretty hard. He didn’t know Paul,” my father said, “At least not well.”

“It was an emotional moment, a death of someone you know from the virus.”

Cade scratched his head. “How did he die? I mean …. He just died? No one just dies from the virus. Not without turning. Unless the injury kills them.”

“It’s probably what it was,” I said. In reality I wanted to say that he did turn, he attacked me, but since Lev didn’t want that out, I respected that.

It was time, and I knew it, to face the girls. To tell them that their father had passed away. I dreaded that.

Katie’s nap was short lived and my fears that she was falling ill were tossed aside when I saw her kneeling on a kitchen chair giggling while helping Lisa and Addy.

They were all smiles until they saw the three of us walk in.

Katie was oblivious. “Hi, Mommy. We’re making applesauce.”

“What’s wrong?” Lisa asked.

I slid in a chair next to Addy. “You guys know, Daddy’s been sick, right? Real sick.”

Both girls nodded.

Lisa knew where it was going and with a gasp, she sat down.

“Daddy … fell asleep and didn’t wake up. The sickness was too much.”

Instantly, Addy burst into tears.

“I’m sorry sweetie, I am.”

“Is Daddy dead?” Katie asked.

“Shut up!” Addy screamed. “Just shut up. You’re stupid.” She jumped from the table and ran from the room.

I stood.

“I’ll go handle her,” my father said. “You’ve been dealing with enough.”

“I thought you were gardening?” Lisa said.

“I was,” I answered. “But with the window I was able to check on Paul.”

“Then we need to move him out. How are we gonna do that?” Lisa asked.

Cade replied. “It’s done. Apparently, Lev and Niles did that. Carried him out the window.”

Lisa turned her head and looked, as if she could see through the wall to the hallway. “I didn’t hear a thing. What are we going to do with that room?”

“I have to clean it, we can’t leave it like that. It’s an infection risk,” I said.

“After we bury him, I’ll get started on that,” Cade said.

“No.” I shook my head. “I will not have another person at risk. My husband, my responsibility.”

I meant what I said. It was my job to do. The only positive thing that came out of Paul’s death was the fact that after that room was cleaned and sanitized, our camp, our little cabin, would be infection free and all we had to do was stay alive and wait it out.

<><><><>

The whole thing was surreal. It was happening around me but it was as if I watched it and wasn’t a part of it. I was in such deep mourning that I hit a numb phase. Cade ended up going out and helping Lev with the grave. It was next to Julie’s.

They placed Paul’s wrapped body in the hole and then we all stood around, said a prayer, and after my father expressed a few thoughts, we finished burying him.

That was it.

Done.

By the time it was finished it was getting dark. Lev went back to finishing the fence. He said he needed to. I sort of understood that. Like my need to clean the room.  My father tried to convince me to wait until morning to clean the room. I wasn’t sure I wanted to do that. The sooner we cleared the infection, the better. But I would see how I felt.

Addy was young, but old enough to understand the loss. She withdrew and became silent, not saying much at all. She picked at her dinner, trying to be strong.

Katie remained her typical upbeat self. She wanted to play a game.  So my father and Cade obliged and pulled out Candy Land. Once that happened, Addy decided to join.

Lisa was the audience and cheering section. She did so with her pint of Jack.

My father had placed some beers in a bucket of well water to chill and he asked if I would get one for him and Cade.  Not all of us had our own sippy cup of hard liquor, so I went out to the back porch to grab them. When I did, I glanced at the graves, and to my surprise they had crosses as grave markers.

I returned with the beers, one for myself and passed out the other two to Cade and my father. “Did you see the crosses on the graves?”

“Yeah,” Cade answered. “That was really nice of Lev.”

“Lev? Lev made the crosses? That’s unlike him,” I said.

My father took a swig of his beer, fully focused on his Candy Land game. “When’s the last time you actually talked to Lev? I mean, really talk to him?”

“I … I don’t know.”

My father shrugged. “That’s what I thought.”

I wondered what he meant by that.

“You can thank him,” Cade said. “He’s out front.”

“Lev is still here?” I asked.

“He’s having a beer,” Cade said. “He just finished up.”

“Why didn’t we feed him?”

Lisa replied. “I did.”

Had I been that self consumed that I hadn’t noticed? No. I wasn’t. It was Lev. He wasn’t drawing attention to himself. With my beer, I walked outside pulling the door closed.

Lev sat on the step of the porch.

Hey.” I sat down next to him.

“Hey.”

“See you found the cold beer?”

“I did.”

“The crosses are really nice. You didn’t need to do that.”

He just shrugged.

“I can’t believe you’re still here,” I said. “You have to be tired.”

“I am. But it beats answering questions. My father will probably be sleeping. I’ll take a short nap, take watch, he’ll forget to ask about things when he sees me. It’s better that way. I’m leaving soon, in case you’re getting impatient.”

“I’m not.”

He took a breath through his nostrils, finished off his beer than rolled the bottle between his hands. “I’m sorry for all that happened today.”

“Yeah, me, too.”

“I better go. I’ll see you around.” He stood up.

“Lev.” I called him and waited for him to stop. “Thank you. I mean, I didn’t get a chance to say it. You didn’t seem like you wanted to hear it or talk …”

“I didn’t.”

“Well, I’m gonna say it now. Thank you for saving my life.”

“I killed your husband, Nila.”

Emotions crept up on me and I sniffed, trying to stop myself from choking up. “You saved my life. I am so grateful.”

Lev nodded and turned. “Nila, what happened to us?”

“I ... I really don’t know, it’s been so long.”

“When you have a clear mind, if …” he emotionally chuckled, “if that’s ever possible. I’d like to sit down and figure it out. With all that’s happening with this world, I just think now more than ever, I need to resolve things in my life.”

“I’d like that.”

“Good.” He turned again, paused and came back. “Almost forgot.” He set the down the beer bottle next to me. “Night.”

“Night, Lev.”

He got in his truck and I followed him to the gate, unlocking it for him then securing it after he had pulled through.

Lev spoke about resolving.

And after I finished my beer, there was something I had to resolve.

The sewing room.

<><><><>

Candy Land, game two was over and before they rolled on to the next round, Cade helped me get ready to enter the sewing room. He tried again to persuade me to let him help, but I refused. I told him maybe after I had done the initial clean up.

I was glad he was going to keep the girls occupied while I did the task.

We had buckets of water and two gallons of bleach. I grabbed the old mop and garbage bags.

If my mood was better, I probably would have laughed at my appearance. I wore my father’s fishing pants, tucked into my rubber boots. My mother’s old blue raincoat with the hood served as protection for my upper body. With the plastic goggles, facemask and three pairs of rubber gloves, one would think I was covered. Not so. Cade pulled the drawstring on the hood, and duct taped anywhere loose.

“Just go in. Bag the cushions,” Cade said. “Cover the couch with bags and use a bag with your gloves to pick up anything. Don’t worry about making it spotless, we can do that tomorrow.”

“Okay.” I said. “I have the lantern.”

“I wish you would wait,” Cade said.

“I’ll feel better once I do this.”

“Good luck,” Cade backed up. “Call out for me if you need anything.”

I wasn’t brave about entering that room. Every part of me shook. After placing bags on the floor outside the door, I lifted the lantern and turned the knob. The room was small and I knew it wouldn’t take much to light the room. I set the lantern on the sewing table by the door.

Immediately, I winced. The smell was overwhelming.

I went back into the hall, making three trips to retrieve the buckets, bleach, mop and bags. Once inside, I stood there trying to assess where to start.

It looked like a crime scene and the stench was horrific.

The blanket on the couch was stained with blood and urine. The room was disheveled with not only blood on the floor, but smears of defecation as well.

Looking around, I wanted to vomit. My insides tossed, folded and twisted. It took everything I had not to throw up. My glands salivated, my throat fought the gag reflex, and I felt and tasted stomach acid in my mouth. It was an instantaneous gut reaction not from smell, the blood, or even the shit, but from when I saw something far worse. On the floor, by the couch, near where the stained pillow had toppled to the floor was a tiny purple pony figurine.

Katie’s toy.

Moving in a maddened pace, I bolted from the room, stopped on the garbage bag and began to rip off my protective clothing.