My Dear Bessie (40 page)

The VD Film Show was a flop as far as I was concerned. Three films, two hours the lot.
Sex Hygiene, Pick Up
, and
DE733
, story of a submariner-chaser that didn't chase because its crew were in hospital or sick through VD contracted at the last port. The films were all American, and the tempo was very different from our own. They might have made an appeal to US troops, but not to ours, I think. There were plenty of close-ups of the male sex organ that might have caused some of the chaps to pause, but judging
by the remarks everyone makes as they come out, I would say it was nearly useless.

I love you.

Chris

21 January 1946

My Darling,

Today has been clear and crisp and sunny – but mail-less. Probably the weather over France has stopped the planes, I hope there'll be something tomorrow.

And now I have ‘a statement to make' which may surprise you and probably please you – I have sold my last cigarette, done my last deal, on the Black Market. The decision is quite likely an important one in my little life, but perhaps not so much against the pitiful background of the world today. A lot of little things have caused this reversal. Perhaps my first real thought was caused by your letter acknowledging the money from Bert, that ‘I do not like this for you.' Lately, I have seen a cartoon (I believe by George Whitelaw of
The Daily Herald
) showing Mars, God of War, looking down on a world with ‘Atom Bomb', ‘Java', ‘Persia', ‘Black Market' shown on it, and underneath there was a caption ‘Carry On, My Children'. Although I have previously said to myself ‘Cigarettes are luxuries. That's alright, it's the food that is criminal', I clearly see
now that the people who buy cigarettes are those who sell the food and other things, and the prices are related. I have said before ‘If I don't do it, my mates will.' That is certainly true, but it does not constitute a moral justification, only a plausible excuse.

In a way, I am proud of being ‘different' from other chaps. And when I ‘flog' things I simply descend to their level. Earlier, I have said ‘The money is very handy.' That is true, but no argument. If I disagree with Black Markets, or profits anywhere, I cannot morally justify fostering them here. I think I have made, in money and kind, about £65 by selling cigarettes, etc. In the next five months I could add another £60, easily. And it is the fantastic ease of putting down 50 cigarettes and picking up £1 5s. in exchange that has at last shaken me into correct appreciation. cannot undo the evil that I have done, but it is incumbent upon me now to stop doing it, so that I may hold on to my righteousness; so that you may continue to think I am a good man; so that Janet – C. may be proud of me and not be ashamed. Don't think that am going religious. I shall still do many things that are wrong, like putting ‘FIGS' on the outside of the parcel, finding things as soon as they are ‘lost', telling usual lies to get out of trouble.

Please tell me your troubles and let me know how things are.

I love you.

Chris

22 January 1946

My Darling,

Three smashing letters came tripping in today.

I was very glad to get the maps of the house and it certainly gave me a good feeling to get them. It looks smashing. I can't judge the size, but that
you
say ‘nice little' means a lot to me. On the exterior, I have always liked the ‘pointed' effect with bricks; I am not too keen (only a photo glance) at the wooden fence outside. I'd prefer bushes. We can discuss this
when
I have seen them. Also what do you think about ‘Woodbridge'? I don't like house names, and that one is singularly uninspiring. I am in favour of whipping it off. You'll probably agree, but may wish to wait until I get home to do the deed.

I like your garden ideas, and ‘scratching' is all you had better do, me gal. If it wants digging, try and get a man in. It will be grand eating our own lettuce. The apple trees we could discuss. They take a minimum of five years (I believe) to fruit, and something else may be better. I dunno.

Pinks, primroses, beiges; if you want them, I've no doubt you will get them. Anything in this line that appeals to you will have a strong appeal to me. I can understand your excitement. You transmit it to me very acutely and expressively, and you transform my future into magic joy and pleasure.

I can help you consider our electric fire needs. Perhaps a couple would do and we could change them around as we needed them. We could then get a couple of good ones instead of perhaps four not-so-goods.

I hope you can get on the 'phone, for a help to banish loneliness. It may be a job, and if it is you must see what a bit of neighbourly cooperation can do. I don't know that we could afford it permanently, but it is a great help when you need to talk to someone.

I love you.

Chris

26 January 1946

My Wonderful Expectant Mother,

Today came mail (18 and 19) and THE NEWS that – as you joyfully declare – you are PREGNANT, and everything all very official and Town-Hall-ified. What do I say, my Darling? (Of course, I had to tell my mail driver – who is in the same position.) What do I do? Do I congratulate, commiserate, or commemorate? Think it better just to say
I love you
, and that your husband is proud of you, not only for those characteristics which are grandly yours, but because you are a successful
woman
. What a wonderfully interesting time we are going to have in the future. Non-Stop Variety, indeed.

I am very glad the doctor didn't think you were small; and you must get the hymen attended to as soon as you can. I wonder if you could put in for the Purley hospital now, even though you are not actually in residence. I don't have to tell you to follow
the instructions on the bottles, and to be sure to get the extra milk, eggs, meat. (If it weren't for having the baby, it would be smashing, wouldn't it!) The sixty extra coupons seem a good many, but I suppose they will soon go. I hope you don't have trouble getting a cot. You seem to have been very lucky so far with baby wool (is it all white?), and the 18 ounces was certainly a grand capture.

The demob figures are OK, up to standard. I do hope I shall be with you when you'll need me most. But it is a hope, a chance, rather than a probability.

I love you.

Chris

27 January 1946

My Darling Bessie,

I have just returned from a walk this afternoon along the harbour and sea wall of Portici. Very nice and healthy. Plenty of activity amongst the fishing ships, taking on ice and boxes into which to put the ship's catch, when caught. I have a feeling I'd like to have a couple of days at sea with them, but I am afraid the Army wouldn't like it.

I agree with your remarks on Attlee. I like the idea of a middle class young man going down to the East End and feeling he should help the people there. I saw an interview Churchill
gave to an American reporter, in which he was asked to describe Attlee, and said he was ‘a sheep in sheep's clothing' which got loud laughter from the audience. He certainly seems an ‘ordinary guy' likely to endear himself to us ordinary guys. One can understand the Americans, however, feeling that he is a poor substitute for the glamorous Churchill, as we feel Truman is no successor to Roosevelt.

No, my darling, of course I am not fed up with your baby talk. Please carry on, thinking on paper, I am very anxious to know all you are doing and thinking. You never bore me, you always, ALWAYS, always delight me, my very own wonderful expectant one! I must see if I can get a book about bringing up a child, for although there are obviously good general reasons for thinking I shall do the job, with you, as well as anyone else, I am very keen that we shall do it a great deal better. Suppose it was TWINS! It might be better, I don't suppose it is anywhere near double your expense. Bear this in mind when you are knitting, oh fruitful one, you never know! What a pity that I cannot knit, I could do the pants and you the vests.

I love you.

Chris

2 February 1946

My Darling Wife,

I hope that by the time you get this, you will have been at 55
*
a few days and be fairly settled in, and very comfortable in your mind. I hope that, if you get the time, you will let me have a full account of the move, whether your Dad or Wilf came with you, whether you were allowed the privilege of a ride in the van, how that old well-packed wardrobe stood up to the journey, if anything was lost, and so on. It is not important but I'd like to feel the atmosphere. Then, later on, perhaps you'd send me a little description (and a plan!) of your bedroom at least (sorry my darling,
our
bedroom) and maybe the room where you'll knit and eat and write to your loving husband (that's me!). I'd like to be able to picture you in the right position.

Have we got French windows or the ordinary pattern, dear? And what about an Air Raid shelter? I have thought rather unhappily about the stairs. I don't suppose you will be able to get carpet, are you having to clatter up them on the bare boards whenever you need to go upstairs? Are you sleeping upstairs? I shall be interested (very, very interested) to hear all about your doings, and I hope you will be expansive about them.