My Everything (8 page)
Authors: Heidi McLaughlin
“I’m so mad at you.”
“I know,” I reply, swallowing the lump in my throat.
“Why did you leave me?”
As soon as he asks, his tears start flowing. I hate seeing him cry. I stand and pick him up and carry him over to the bleachers. He’s so much heavier than I remember, but I suppose you forget the mundane things you’ve done for so long when you suddenly stop doing them. I know he’s too big to be carried, but I’m doing it for me. I need him to know that I love him and that, regardless, he’ll always be my boy.
I sit us down on the cold metal wishing I had brought a blanket. I brought a football for us to throw around not sure what to expect. Noah isn’t an over emotional child, but I think under the circumstances I will let him cry as much as he wants.
I hold him in my lap, much like I did when he was little and would come in crying because he scraped his knees. I’d patch him up and talk about being tough and the next time he fell, he fought the tears. Of course, Josie wailed enough for the both of them every time he’d come in banged up. If she had her choice, he’d walk around in bubble wrap.
Noah pulls back and slides off my lap, sitting next to me. He folds his hands in his lap and looks at me, waiting for my answer.
“I’m so sorry, Noah, for leaving the way I did. The only excuse I can offer is that I was angry with your mom and thought it would be best if I just left. I didn’t think about how it would affect you.”
“Why, because of my dad?”
I shrug. “I thought that maybe you didn’t need me anymore.”
“But you’re my dad too and you just left. I came home and you were gone and not answering your phone.” His voice breaks, his lower lip starts to quiver.
I pull Noah into my arms and hold him tight. He wraps his arms around me as much as he can and sobs into my coat.
“How can I make it up to you?”
He pulls back and sniffs loudly, making me chuckle. He has little habits that Josie tries so hard to break and yet he still does them and it cracks me up.
“You want to make it up to me?”
I nod. “I do. I want to be a part of your life and your mom and dad said I can, but it’s really up to you.”
“I want you to coach my teams.” He blurts out.
I can’t help but smile. “Yeah, your dad said that. What’s wrong with your new coach?”
Noah shrugs. “He didn’t run the pass routes right and tried changing too much stuff and he let his son be quarterback and he can’t even though ten yards. The season was a mess and he says he’s coaching baseball and I can’t play for him anymore.” Noah throws his hands up in the air almost hitting me in the face. He’s clearly frustrated with how things went this fall.
“I’d love to coach you. I honestly thought your dad would do it.”
He climbs down from my lap and stands in front of me, dropping his backpack on the ground. “He wants to, but he gets busy. Maybe he can coach with you.”
“Yeah, he could. He’s pretty smart when it comes to quarterbacks.” As much as I want to cringe, I can’t. I won’t. I refuse to cause any turmoil in his life. If he wants me to coach with Liam, I will.
“Are you going to stay?”
“I am. I’m not going anywhere. I promise.”
Noah jumps into my arms. “I’m so glad that you came back.”
“Me too, buddy.” I play punch him in the stomach only for him to start shadow boxing with me. It looks like he’s been practicing his moves. Not that I’d ever encourage him to box, but would hope he’d use the punching bag as part of his workout when he gets to high school.
Noah stops and sits back down next to me. He rests his legs out in front of him, copying my position, even crossing his ankles. “So what did you in Africa?”
“I helped a lot of kids when they got sick. I even helped deliver a couple of babies. I got to play football with some of the kids, but their football is our soccer. They can’t afford to have helmets and pads to protect them.”
“That’s cool. I didn’t do much while you were gone. I got to go on tour with my dad and we moved into his house.” Noah shrugs and looks up at me.
“You can talk about your dad and living in his house. I’m okay with it.”
His smile tells me that he needed this affirmation from me. “I have a new friend, his name is Quinn, but he doesn’t play football or anything. His dad is Harrison and he’s in the band with my dad.”
“I can’t wait to meet Quinn.”
“You want to meet him?”
“Of course I do. I’d like things to be good between us. Just because your mom and I aren’t together anymore doesn’t mean our relationship has to change.”
“Yeah,” he says this so quietly I have to strain to hear him. He starts kicking the grass and looking across the field. I know something is going on in his little mind.
“What’s wrong?”
Noah shakes his head. “Nothing, I just… I don’t know what to call you because sometimes I used to call you dad, but I don’t want my dad to get mad.”
He shouldn’t have to think about things like this. It’s just a name, but I don’t know the answer. Maybe it’s something he should ask his dad and see how he feels about it.
“Have you asked your dad?”
“No. I didn’t think you were coming back and now here you are.”
“Fair enough, Noah. Why don’t you ask your dad and get his thoughts. I don’t care what you call me just as long as we get to hang out.”
Noah’s quiet for a few minutes as he stares off. I sit and watch him, hating the fact that I’ve missed a year. It’s hard to believe that so much of his life was consumed in mine and I just walked away from him. I should kick my own ass.
“Mom said you got married.”
I can’t help but smile. I can’t wait for him to meet Aubrey. “I did. Her name is Aubrey and she’s very excited to meet you.”
“Will I like her?”
“I hope so. When we picked out our new place, she mentioned you having a room there.”
Noah turns to face me. His smile is wide and bright. “I have my own room?”
“If you want to come stay the night or need to stay, you’re always welcome.”
“Will this be like Junior Appleton when he has to go to his dad’s house on the weekends?”
I shake my head. “No, we aren’t sharing custody of you. I just get the liberty of having you visit.”
“Cool. Thanks for wanting me,” he says as he pulls me into a hug. I’m too choked up to respond. “Do you want to throw the ball around?”
Thank God for short attention spans. “Yeah, I do.”
Noah and I head out to the field. He picks up the football and tosses it up in the air a few times. I stand about forty yards from him. This was the goal last year and if this new coach messed up his game, I’m going to have a lot of work ahead of me.
Noah steps into his three-step drop and fires. The ball falls short, going only twelve yards or so. I know he’s young, but for his age he has a rocket. Seeing his face fall when his throw doesn’t reach his target kills me.
I jog to the ball, pick it up and carry it over to him. His expression is pure defeat. I haven’t seen him this way since we lost our last game. I set my hand on his shoulder and hand him the ball. He takes it reluctantly.
“What kind of game did you guys play this year?”
Noah sighs. “Mostly just a passing a game and anytime we’d throw, he brought his son in.”
This is why not just anyone should coach. You have to know the talent that you have an exploit it. Noah could throw and now that he can’t, which means his arm is out of shape.
“Tell you what. We can throw in the park across from your mom’s shop after school as much as we can during the winter. We need to work on your arm and get it back in shape before baseball. You’ll be fine, bud.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yeah I am. I’m your coach, right?” I hold out my hand for a high-five.
Noah smiles and slaps my hand.
I head back out, but only about eight yards so we can play catch. We throw the ball back and forth until it’s too dark to see. We walk back to the bleachers so he can get his backpack and head home.
“Want to come meet Aubrey?”
“Sure. I have to call my mom and ask.”
“Yes, you do.”
I walk forward giving him a bit of privacy. He races to catch up with me, happy. “Mom said yes and said you have to feed me and help me with my homework.”
I laugh as I get into truck. I hope that everything can be this easy. I know I have no say in how things go, but I hope that this will be an ongoing thing. Noah climbs in and shuts his door, happy that our night isn’t over. He sings along to the radio and it’s like nothing has changed, like the last year hasn’t happened with the exception that he’s coming over to my place to meet my wife.
Aubrey opens the door before I have a chance to turn the handle. Her hair is pulled back and she’s wearing a Beaumont sweatshirt. When she sees Noah, her eyes light up. I kiss her cheek as we step into the loft. Noah looks around, setting his bag down in the chair.
“Noah, this is Aubrey. Aubrey, this is Noah.”
Noah smiles and extends his hand. “It’s very nice to meet you,” he says politely. “My dad… um I mean Nick ‘cause he’s my dad too, he smiles a lot when he talks about you.”
“He smiles a lot when he talks about you, too. I’m very happy to meet you and have heard so many great things.”
Noah smiles and lets his eyes wander.
“I’ll go start dinner.”
“Thanks, babe.” I watch her walk into the kitchen before giving Noah my full attention. “How about a tour and then we’ll start some homework?”
I show Noah around the loft and let him take in the room that Aubrey made up for him today. I’m not sure if Josie and Liam will let him stay over, but if they do, I want to be prepared. I’m going to take whatever they are willing to offer.
“Your wife is really pretty.”
“Yeah she is. She’s great. I think you’ll like her a lot. She’s very excited to watch you play baseball this spring.”
“That’d be cool.”
“Hey guys, dinner is on the table.” Aubrey stands in the doorway, looking at Noah with a grin.
Noah and I follow her and sit at the table. Small talk is made, mostly between Aubrey and Noah. I love sitting there and listening to them as they get to know each other. Every so often Noah brings up something about me and his mom, but Aubrey is a champ and acts like it’s no big deal. It shouldn’t be a big deal; she’s wearing my ring.
After dinner, Noah and I sit at the table and do homework. I don’t miss these days. The curriculum has changed so much from when I was his age; they make it impossible for parents to help.
“Can I ask you a question?”
“Of course you can.”
“Would you be mad if I changed my last name to Westbury?”
I wanted to adopt Noah more than anything. I wanted him to have my last name, but Josie was always hesitant. I knew she was always holding out hope that Liam would come back. I just didn’t want to believe it. Noah has every right to carry his dad’s last name whether I like it or not.
“I think your dad would like it if you did.”
“Would you be mad?”
I shake my head. “No, Noah, I wouldn’t be mad. Besides, I like the way Noah Westbury sounds. You should definitely change it.” I wink at him.
Noah gets up and gives me a hug. “I’m really glad you’re back. I missed you so much.”
“I missed you too, bud.”
I want to add that I’m never going away, but I think he knows that. From this day forward, I’m going to live my life with no regrets.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Heidi is the author of USA Today, Digital Book World, Amazon and Barnes & Noble Bestselling novel, Forever My Girl
Originally from the Pacific Northwest, she now lives in picturesque Vermont, with her husband and two daughters. Also renting space in their home is an over-hyper Beagle/Jack Russell and two Parakeets.
During the day Heidi is behind a desk talking about Land Use. At night, she's writing one of the many stories planned for release or sitting court-side during either daughter's basketball games.
OTHER NOVELS BY HEIDI MCLAUGHLIN
THE BEAUMONT SERIES
FOREVER MY GIRL
MY UNEXPECTED FOREVER – SUMMER, 2013
LOST IN YOU – MAY 1, 2013
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