My Foot Is Too Big for the Glass Slipper: A Guide to the Less Than Perfect Life (8 page)

I’ve been holding my classes now for several years, and every last one of my workout buddies has gotten stronger and gained stamina. But our bodies are smart. They adapt. Once the work starts to feel easy, you’re not going to get the same results. Only minutes into the circuit I can tell when my women are complacent.

My solution: step it up. Rather than doing each move for twenty seconds, I increase it to a minute. I up their weights. I add another round to the circuit; instead of doing two sets, we do three. This way, we also get psychologically stronger. At the end of one minute of push-ups you think, halfway done! I’m only going to see those fuckers one more time. But to know they’re coming around twice more, and each time you’ll be a little more fatigued, that’s tough.

But my gang knows enough not to complain. They know my philosophy by now, that it’s good to feel a bit uncomfortable. As the saying goes, life is lived just outside our comfort zone. In my own training, I like having to come face-to-face with my own character. When I play volleyball, even though it’s just on the weekends with a bunch of the local boys, I enjoy the pressure. These are the moments when we get acquainted with ourselves.

One Wednesday, at the end of the group workout, one of my women approached me with a bag full of avocados. If you haven’t had Hawaiian avocados, you’re missing out. They’re big and buttery and can be chopped up and tossed into salads and smoothies. I’d run into her once at the market and we’d chatted briefly about how the Reece-Hamiltons love their avocados, and clearly she’d remembered. I was touched.

And I realized then that my circuit group was about more than just working out, that it was also about providing an environment where women were able to connect, that our commitment to come and sweat in unison was a kind of relationship, even though none of us were friends (either in the real world or the Facebook sense). But we’re all working together, we’re working hard, and we’re helping each other. What could be better?

When I meet women who don’t like other women, I can
sense it right away. The stereotype of mean girls is rooted in a sad reality, and women need to be conscientious about supporting one another. But part of supportiveness is being straight. Say I have a friend who’s having trouble with her partner. It might seem like the friend thing to do is to jump with her on the he’s-such-an-asshole bandwagon, to agree in all ways that he Done Her Wrong, but really, my job, as her friend, would be to help her see what’s going on with him. Real women will love you enough to tell you straight.

We’re more likely to develop that side of our personalities if we do something constructive together. Sure, hitting a shoe sale can be fun, but taking a walk is better. It’s good to have a collective goal, which is why sports for girls is so crucial. Men gather around a task, women just gather.

Then, after we become mothers, the first thing to fall by the wayside, besides caring whether we have spit-up stains on the shoulders of our T-shirts, is our friendships. If we do have time to hang out with other women, they are usually moms who have kids the same age as our own. And what do we do with these new friends? Bitch and moan, usually. Trade war stories about ear infections, sleepless nights, our husbands. The same old, same old, and nothing that’s very uplifting.

But start training with a group of women, and suddenly you find yourself with a dozen or more new pals. Maybe you’re not “friends,” strictly speaking, but most likely you don’t have time to devote to real friendships anyway. And better yet, the contact you have with your training posse is all positive, all the time.

The community on the north shore is small, and I’m always running into my ladies at the market or the beach, and we have nothing but fond feelings for one another. We have a quick chat, promise we’ll see each other at the next session, and the good feeling of having interacted with another chick in a positive way lasts the rest of the day. We don’t have to spend hours small-talking or gossiping. It’s completely sufficient for me to ask, “How’s it going?” I’ve genuinely contributed to her health and well-being, and she’s inspired me by her willingness and energy. I don’t have to strive to find a different way to connect, nor do I have to fake a connection that isn’t there.

It sounds corny, but playing volleyball all those years really did teach me a few nonsport-related life lessons. Among them: a female is actually capable of having another female’s back, even during times of strife. I had conflicts with my teammates all the time, but during a match we were still able to put our differences away and support one another. Women don’t have a reputation for being able to do this. It’s all personal, all the time with us. Our emotions run the show and dictate how we act with one another. But once you play on a team for any length of time you learn to put aside the disagreements when it matters, and one girl’s success becomes another’s.

Likewise, I learned early on never to measure myself against another teammate. There were always going to be girls who were bigger, stronger, and faster than I was, and girls whom I was bigger, stronger, and faster than. I realized I had to just do my thing, and work hard at what I knew I was good
at. When I saw a chick that was a badass, my goal was to acknowledge it without being threatened by her talent or her power.

One year I played on Team Nike with Natalie Williams, an NCAA player of the year who went to UCLA and lettered in both volleyball
and
basketball, and went on to play in the WNBA. She was six one, one ninety, and biomechanically perfect. We would close the block and she’d bump me with her massive shoulders and
boom
, I’d be on the ground. Once, I played volleyball with a girl from the Virgin Islands who had a thirty-two-inch vertical leap. It goes on and on.

I think it’s important for women to get that attitude going, where we can celebrate one another for what we excel in, without comparing or competing. It’s ugly when we pull one another down, and it does nothing to improve the quality of our lives. And in the same way it’s self-sabotage to envy people; you should strive not to feel smug when you’re obviously better than the person next to you—that’s poisonous in its own way.

I always remember the old saying, “comparison is the death of happiness.”

Over time, my circuit-training group has learned to root one another on. On any given day we all know the ladies who are enjoying a good patch. Their training is going well, they’re full of energy, they’re smiling, and they look great. Their success is contagious and for those of us who are dragging our sorry asses around and trying not to clock watch (just because I write the circuit doesn’t mean I’m immune to sucking at it
from time to time), they are a joy. This kind of interaction is part of my personal code. I always want the group to be about the greater good.

•  •  •

I train women from seventeen to seventy. I give them all the same circuit, with a few suggestions on how they can modify. I want the seventeen-year-olds to grab a bigger weight, and the seventy-year-olds to be mindful of their backs. I want one of the fifty-eight-year-olds, who is more ripped than I am, to keep pushing, and keep enjoying herself, for years to come.

It’s important for me to train people of all different ages. I’m not suggesting that an exercise group can take the place of your family, but it’s rare to see three generations under the same roof these days, and as a result we have a low tolerance for anyone who’s not exactly our age, who doesn’t have a child the exact same age (preferably in the same grade), and who doesn’t like the same clothes, food, bands, and home décor.

Training together gives younger chicks the chance to work alongside older women who are serious about their fitness and see that life (and lifting) doesn’t end at age thirty-five. The rest of us thrive in the presence of the young ones, especially when they’re confident and working hard. It’s a reciprocal relationship that creates respect.

Of course, you shouldn’t exercise at the expense of spending time with loved ones; however, if you’re taking care of your physical needs, the quality of that time will improve. And in the end, isn’t it about the quality of our relationships and
experiences, and not making sure all our emails are answered and the laundry is perfectly folded?

My friend Katie Hester, a onetime federal judge with a southern drawl, is always full of wise, down-home advice, and she says, “Don’t invest in ‘things,’ but rather in relationships and experiences.”

My experience has always been that if you invest in your own physical health, your relationships and experiences become even more healthy, happy, and sweet.

My standing weight is between 170 and 172. In college I weighed between 140 and 150. When I competed professionally I weighed 163. When I was pregnant with my daughters, I weighed, yes, 200.

My point? Like every other person living in the first world, I’m aware of my weight. I also love food.

I have asked my friends who have become vegans, “Don’t you miss meat?” They say, “Nope, tofu is so much better.” I have asked my friends who have sworn off sugar, “Don’t you miss chocolate?” “Nope,” they say. “Never even think about it, and I feel so much better!”

That’s not me. Even though I live in Malibu, I’m not one
of those people for whom kale chips are a genuine substitute for barbecue potato chips. I love red meat and chocolate bars and ice cream and French fries. I love the Sweet Factory. All those bins of sour green apple belts and gummy worms that give you contact diabetes just being in the store? I love all that shit.

Still, I like feeling better in my body more. We all have self-sabotaging mechanisms, but my desire to survive and excel is greater than my desire to shoot myself in the foot.

This has lead me to employ (most of the time) a set of attitudes that allow me to eat well without feeling like I’m depriving myself, while still maintaining a healthy weight. And, by the way, it’s not all blueberries and smoothies around the Reece-Hamilton house. Not five minutes ago I came home from working out and ate a handful of chocolate almonds.

Still, I feel I have the true key to eating well.

I’m going to tell you now, in case the mere mention of food and nutrition is so stressful it sends you mad-dashing to the nearest Dairy Queen and you think it would be better for all concerned if you just skipped ahead to the next chapter.

Not that I would blame you. Alcoholics can give up whiskey and tweakers can swear off meth, but we’ve all got to eat. Food—especially bad food—is a drug like no other: it’s cheap, legal, and everywhere.

So we’re up against a lot. Added to which, women, especially wives and mothers, have been trained to put everything and everyone else first. Which means we’re at risk for eating whatever’s handy (hello, Pringles!).

Anyway, the key is this:

When you put something in your mouth, always know why you’re doing it.

Are you genuinely hungry? Do you just need to feel something crunchy and salty in your mouth? Have you found yourself at the best Italian fine-dining restaurant in New York craving the risotto? Is it one day before your period and you cannot possibly shove enough snack-sized Snickers into your mouth? Are you eating that maple bar because your children are driving you bat-shit crazy and you need to pacify yourself, right this very minute?

Eating this way prevents mindless food shoveling, which accounts for the accumulation of thousands of calories you don’t even taste. It also allows for the possibility that you might find the food rich enough or filling enough, or even disgusting enough that you’re good after a few bites.

So, if you’re going to eat that triple fudge salty caramel brownie, really eat it. Stop texting, give it your full attention, lick your fingers, sigh, and moan. Enjoy the hell out of it.

Don’t do it.

I don’t care if you’re eighty-seven pounds overweight.

The problem with other people’s diets (South Beach Diet, Atkins Diet, Zone Diet) is that it’s another person’s diet. Sure, these diet plans work for some people, there are a lot of people
in this world. But these diets don’t and won’t work for everyone, and in any case, not for long. All the science points to the fact that more than eighty percent of people who lose weight regain it—and yet, we keep thinking that the answer to our nutrition issues are out there, instead of inside our own bodies.

There are a few basics of good nutrition. The best diet is rich in fruits, vegetables, whole grains, healthy fats, and lean protein. But the exact combination of foods that help your brain and body thrive will be unique to you. What makes some people feel energized makes others feel lethargic. What hits the spot for some people is a huge miss for others.

No one knows your body better than you. Not your doctor, not your mother, and not the author of whatever diet book is currently atop the bestseller list. You’re the commander in chief of your body. How do you feel after you eat a plate of spaghetti? Does the phrase “food baby” come to mind, or do you feel pleasantly nourished?

Experiment with your diet. What protein, carbohydrates, and clean fats taste good and make you feel good? Are you sleepy after a meal or do you feel energetic? Does a bowl of oatmeal for breakfast keep you feeling full until midmorning, or are you hungry again in an hour? Is a container of Greek yogurt a nice snack or does just the mention of the word
“yogurt” make you want to hurl? Notice the quality of your sleep, notice how easy it is to fall asleep at night, and how easily you wake up in the morning. (Surely I’m not the only person on earth who’s experienced the Ben & Jerry’s Chubby Hubby hangover.)

Right eating is based on what tastes good, what satisfies, but also is influenced by genetic makeup, your height, weight, health, activity level, and age. You should experiment with your protein, carbohydrate, and fat intake.

Yes, fat. We need fat in our diets, and we need it every day.