My Friend Leonard (28 page)

 

A
llison, Kevin and I are walking the dogs up the hill toward my house. It's early Saturday morning, the sky is clear, the sun is shining. Allison has Bella I have Cassius Kevin is telling us about his job, he works for a former television star who now spends most of his life in the gym on the phone in front of the mirror. As we walk we hear a car coming up the hill behind us, we can hear it moving fast, we step toward the curb keep walking.

A small blue convertible roars past us, slams on its brakes about fifty feet in front of us. We walk toward it we see a man a light-skinned black man sitting behind the wheel he's staring at us. We keep walking when we're about ten feet away the man pulls thirty feet in front of us, stops, keeps staring. When we get closer he does it again. Closer he does it again. Allison and Kevin are confused wonder why this is happening my instincts tell me that something unpleasant is about to happen. I pass Cassius' leash to Kevin walk toward the car the man is staring at me I speak.

Is there a problem?

The man pulls the brake on his car, opens the door, steps out. He's taller than me bigger than me he looks pissed. Allison and Kevin stop a few feet behind me. The man speaks.

Yeah, there's a problem.

What?

That your dog?

He motions toward Cassius.

Yeah.

Your dog bit my dog. Hurt 'im real bad.

What kind of dog do you have?

Got a little beagle named Elron.

I nod.

Yeah, my dog bit your dog after your dog bit him.

That's not what happened.

Yeah, it is.

No, it's not.

I was standing there. Your dog came running up, started snarling and barking, bit my dog, then came after him again, and my dog bit him back.

I got two hundred and fifty dollars in vet bills. What are you gonna do about it?

Show me the bills and we can try to work something out.

What's that mean?

It means I'll give you my address and phone number, and you can show me the bills and we'll work something out.

The man stares at me, I stare back. I'm not scared of him, but have no interest in fighting him, or making anything out of this situation. We're neighbors. His dog, a twenty pound beagle, bit my dog, a ninety-five pound pitbull. My dog bit his dog back, and I don't doubt he hurt him, and the right thing to do is try to settle this amicably. The man turns around, opens his car door. He sits in the driver's seat, takes a pen and a pad of paper out of a backpack sitting on the passenger's seat, hands them to me. I write down my name, address, phone number, hand the pad back to him. He stares at me, speaks.

I'm glad you did that.

No problem.

He puts the pad and pen back into the backpack, takes out a pistol, looks up at me.

I said I'm glad you did that because I didn't want to go shooting anybody and I didn't want to go killing anybody.

What?

He shuts the door of his car.

You heard me.

I'm shocked. The gun is sitting on the seat, the man is staring at me, I speak.

Just show me the bill and we'll work something out.

He stares at me for another moment, starts the car, quickly pulls away. I turn around, look at Allison and Kevin. Allison is pale, looks terrified.

Kevin is staring up the street.

You okay?

Kevin shakes his head, speaks.

What was that?

The guy is obviously not right.

That's putting it mildly.

I look at Allison.

You okay?

She shakes her head, I step forward, take her hand it's shaking.

He was going to shoot us.

He wasn't going to shoot us.

I want to call the police.

We don't need to call the police.

I want to go home and call the police.

We'll go home. We're not calling the police.

We start walking up the hill. I know where the man lives I've seen his car in the driveway. We're going to have to walk past his house to get to my house, I'm hoping the car isn't there. It isn't we get to my house Allison has become increasingly more upset almost frantic. She speaks.

Call the police.

The police aren't going to do anything, Allison.

He threatened to kill us.

And if they go see him he'll deny it and nothing will happen.

Please, just call them.

It's a waste of time.

Kevin speaks.

I think you should call them.

I'll make a call, but it's not going to be to the police.

Allison speaks.

Who are you going to call?

Leonard.

What's he going to do?

I don't know. We'll see.

I pick up the phone, dial, wait, Leonard answers the phone.

Hello?

Leonard.

My son. Happy day to you.

Not really.

What's wrong?

Some motherfucker just threatened to shoot me, and maybe Allison, and maybe my friend Kevin.

What?

I tell Leonard what happened. Tell him about the car, the man, the gun, the threat. When I finish telling him, he laughs.

This is not funny, Leonard.

It's sort of funny.

Motherfucker had a gun. It wasn't funny.

Motherfucker might have had a gun, but he's nothing to worry about.

He's not a tough guy.

He looked tough enough to me.

He might have looked tough, but he's no tough guy.

What's the difference?

A tough guy would have shot you, he wouldn't have threatened to shoot you. And he also violated one of the primary rules of a tough guy.

What's that?

Never show your gun, just empty it.

That's very comforting to know, Leonard.

It should be. The guy's probably not dangerous, just a bully.

How do you suggest I deal with him?

Your instincts were right. Pay the bill, settle the situation amicably, make it go away.

And what if that doesn't work?

Leonard laughs.

If there are any problems, call me.

Thank you, Leonard.

Tell Allison not worry.

I will.

I hang up the phone, turn to Allison and Kevin. Allison speaks.

What'd he say?

He told me to tell you not to worry.

What's he going to do?

Nothing.

What are you going to do?

When the guy brings me the bill, I'll work something out with him.

You should just pay it.

I probably will.

He scares me, James. I still think we should call the police.

Leonard is better than the police.

You promise?

We're going to be fine. I promise.

 

I
don't hear from the man. No bill, no phone call, nothing. I stop by his house a couple of times when I see the car in the driveway. I knock on the door no one answers.

Leonard cancels three lunches in a row, switches our weekly lunch to every other week, starts arriving without Snapper.

Danny and I raise enough money to shoot our movie. We hire a crew, a cast, start pre-production, start shooting. Neither of us has any idea what we're doing, and because we don't have much money in Hollywood terms, almost no one on our crew has any idea what they're doing. Allison hates her job wants to quit. I tell her she should quit, tell her she should take her time figure something else out, tell her she doesn't need to worry about money she can have mine. She says she doesn't want or need me to support her that she's fine on her own that she can pay her own bills. I tell her she can have whatever I have, take whatever she needs from me, that I don't care about money as much as her happiness, that I don't see it as support I see it as giving someone I love a chance to make a change in their life. She's stubborn won't take anything from me she wants to do it on her own.

We keep shooting the movie the days are twenty hours long nothing goes right we fall behind schedule go over budget. Allison gets mad because we never see each other and when we do see each other I'm too tired to talk eat go out I'm too tired to do anything but sleep.

I see footage from the film realize that the film isn't very good realize that I'm no film director think that if I work harder I can somehow save my sinking ship I work harder harder harder every minute of every day is
consumed with somehow saving what I've tried to create what Danny and I have spent other people's money to realize.

I spend less and less time with Allison she gets more and more angry.

I don't see Leonard at all.

Work harder and harder.

Sleep less and less.

We finish shooting the movie thank fucking god it's over.

 

A
llison's parents come to Los Angeles they want to see where she's living how she's doing. We pick them up at the airport show them Allison's apartment take them out for a fancy dinner. Next day we go to the beach show them Beverly Hills have them to my house I cook a chicken for them it's not very good. They're nice, polite people they play with Cassius and Bella, both of whom got baths prior to the parents' arrival, they pretend the food I make is edible.

Next day we drive to Newport Beach, an affluent community in Orange County. Close friends of Allison's parents live on an Island near there, we spend the day with them. We walk through the little town on the Island, sit on the sand, swim in the ocean, go for a boat ride. I do not take off my shirt in their presence, do not want them to see my tattoos. I do not swear try not to smoke.

Evening arrives we can either go back to Los Angeles or stay for dinner. Allison's parents want to stay we decide to go to a restaurant in Laguna, which is where Leonard lives. I want to call him, see him, I ask Allison, she doesn't think it would be appropriate, her parents want to spend time with her and me and their friends.

We drive south drive into Laguna we drive past the bluff where I can see Leonard's house we drive past a billboard for the Pageant of the Masters it's a photo of a living Seurat I laugh at the idea of Leonard and Snapper sitting in the crowd oohing and aahing. We drive past a restaurant I've heard them mention I can imagine them sitting on the front deck. I scan the sidewalks hoping to see them, the sidewalks are crowded no luck for me.

We pull up to the restaurant, valet my truck, wait for Allison's parents and their friends. They arrive, we walk into the restaurant. It has a tropical theme, looks like what I imagine a restaurant in Thailand would look like,
wicker chairs with dark comfortable cushions, overhead fans, palm trees and large exotic flowers, candles everywhere. We're led to a table in a corner it's a large table with room for a couple more chairs. Almost immediately after we sit, I hear Leonard. I don't see him I hear him.

MY SON, MY SON.

I look around, don't see him.

I'M OVER HERE, GODDAMNIT. I'M OVER HERE, MY SON.

I laugh, continue to look around.

HERE HERE HERE HERE HERE.

I look toward the voice, see Leonard and Snapper walking toward our table. They're both wearing Hawaiian shirts, khaki shorts, docksiders. Snapper has a pair of black socks with his docksiders. They're both smiling, Leonard is waving.

My son, what are you doing here?

I stand up. Allison is smiling, shaking her head she's not angry just surprised, her parents and their friends look confused. I speak.

What's up, Leonard?

What's up? What's up?
What's up is you're right in front of me, in my town. What a surprise.

I laugh, give him a hug, give Snapper a hug. Leonard looks at Allison, bows.

Beautiful lady, it's always a pleasure to see you.

Allison laughs.

You too, Leonard.

Leonard looks at Allison's parents and their friends, speaks.

And who do we have here?

Allison introduces everyone, Leonard bows to the women, shakes hands with the men, Snapper smiles and says hello. Leonard looks to the men, speaks.

Do you mind if we sit with you for a few moments?

Allison's dad says sure, Leonard motions to a busboy, shouts.

Garçon. Two more chairs. Immediately.

The busboy pulls over two chairs, Leonard and Snapper sit down. Allison's parents seem confused her mother looks at Leonard, speaks.

Your name is Leonard?

Yes, it is.

She looks at Snapper.

And your name is Snapper?

Yes, Ma'am.

What kind of name is that?

It's a nickname, Ma'am.

How did you get it?

I like to fish. I am an expert snapper fisherman. Thus the name.

She nods, and looks at Leonard.

And how do you know James?

We met several years ago. We were both on vacation at a luxury resort. We had lunch together one day, and we've been great friends ever since.

I try not to laugh, I look at Allison, she seems to be both amused and horrified. Her parents keep talking with Leonard we sit and listen to them.

Her mother asks.

Why do you call James your son?

If I had a son I would like him to be like James. Because I don't have a son, I have made James a son of sorts, and I like to call him my son.

Why don't you have children?

I've never been married, and didn't want to have a child out of wedlock.

Why didn't you get married?

I would have liked to, and I would have liked to have children, it just didn't work out for me, and I'm probably not suited for marriage.

Thankfully I met James and have experienced a form of fatherhood that has made me very happy.

Allison's father asks.

What do you do, Leonard?

I am a semi-retired business executive.

What type of business?

I'm the West Coast Director for a large Italian finance firm.

What type of finance?

We have interests in entertainment, telecommunications, we work with some unions, do some short-term, high-interest loans.

He looks at Snapper.

What do you do, Snapper?

I was a security guard, I became a collections officer, now I'm an executive assistant.

What do you assist with?

Whatever's necessary.

Her mother asks.

Do you see James often?

All the time, as much as possible.

Do you know his parents?

Wonderful people. Absolutely the best. I tried to get his father to work with me but he wouldn't do it. They're a class act, you'll love them.

Her father asks.

Are you able to discuss any of the deals you've done?

I could, of course, but our firm's policy is to be as discreet as possible. We do not like attention.

Allison's parents' friends seem confused and fascinated. Leonard tries to change the direction of the conversation, starts commenting on the women's hair, clothing, jewelry, starts flooding them with compliments.

He asks the friends if they've been to the restaurant before they say no, he smiles and says it's great you're going to love it. After a few minutes he looks at Snapper, nods, they both stand up. Leonard looks at me, speaks.

A wonderful surprise, my son.

I smile.

Yeah it was.

Lunch this week?

Yeah.

He turns to Allison.

You break my heart every time I see you.

She smiles.

Good to see you too, Leonard.

He turns to Allison's parents.

You are to be commended for having such a beautiful, intelligent, well-mannered daughter.

They both smile. Allison's mom speaks.

Thank you.

I hope to see you again, perhaps at a wedding.

They both laugh. Allison speaks.

Easy now, Leonard.

He laughs, steps back.

I hope you have a wonderful dinner.

Snapper speaks.

Nice to meet all of you.

They turn and walk away. I watch them walk away everyone at our table turns and watches them walk away, and when they're gone from view, Allison's mom laughs and says I'm not sure how to top that, and we all laugh with her.

We start looking at the menus. Before a waiter arrives, the manager comes to our table with a bottle of wine. He speaks.

Your meal, with accompanying bottles of wine, has already been ordered for you.

He opens the bottle, pours some in a glass for Allison's dad, who sniffs it, tastes it, nods, says very good. The manager fills everyone's glass but mine. When he's done he looks at me, speaks.

A cola will be here for you in a moment.

I laugh, say thank you. The friend of Allison's parents picks up the bottle of wine, looks at it, says wow, this is nice. As he hands the bottle to Allison's father, food starts arriving. There are plates of skewers beef chicken and shrimp, oysters with spicy salsa, seaweed salad, spinach salad with yellowtail, seviche. We share everything pass the plates amongst each other. As soon as we finish more food arrives bigger portions on bigger plates shrimp tempura, lobster tempura, black cod with miso sauce, whole fried snapper which makes me laugh, salmon teriyaki, beef tenderloin with pepper sauce. Whenever a bottle of wine is empty another appears immediately, whenever my glass of cola is empty, I get a refill. A waiter stands next to our table to take care of whatever we want, whatever we need. Allison's parents and their friends are overwhelmed by all the food the wine the service. I've told Allison about meals like this with Leonard it's her first experience she thinks it's wonderful. When the entrees are gone and cleared we get dessert, chocolate cake, mango banana ginger and coconut ice cream, rice pudding and fresh fruit and strong coffee and subtle tea. After dessert Allison's father asks for a bill. The waiter leaves to get the manager. The manager comes to our table, speaks.

How was your meal?

Around the table he hears great, wonderful, amazing. He speaks again.

Is there anything else I can get for you?

Allison's father speaks.

The bill please.

That has been taken care of, sir.

I would like to take care of it, please.

I'm sorry, sir, but that's not possible.

I look at the manager, speak.

Thank you.

Certainly. Please let me know if you'd like anything else before you leave. The manager leaves, we stand up and leave. We say goodbye to the friends they get in their car and drive away, we get in my truck and drive away. Allison and her mother sit in the backseats, her father sits in the passenger seat. About halfway to Los Angeles, Allison and her mother are both asleep. Her father looks at me, speaks.

James.

Yeah.

I need to speak to you about something.

Okay.

And I need you to be honest with me.

Of course.

Your friend Leonard.

Yeah.

You didn't meet him at a luxury resort, did you?

No.

Did you meet him in jail or rehab?

I met him in rehab.

Why was he there?

Cocaine.

Does he still use it?

No, he's clean. Same as me.

And does West Coast Director of a large Italian finance firm mean what I think it means?

Probably.

Is that a good thing or a bad thing?

It is what it is.

And his executive assistant?

A wonderful man but also probably what you think he is.

The name Snapper doesn't have anything to do with fish, does it?

No, not a fishing reference.

Is my daughter in any danger?

Absolutely not.

Are you sure of that?

If anything, your daughter lives under a veil of protection. Leonard loves her, and would never allow anything to happen to her.

Are you involved in what he does?

No.

Does he really know your parents?

Yeah, they love him.

Allison's father looks out the window. It's dark, the highway is empty. He takes a deep breath, speaks.

It's a strange world we live in.

Yeah, it is.

He stares out the window. I drive. He turns back to me.

Will you please thank your friend Leonard for dinner, and tell him and his friend Snapper that we enjoyed meeting them.

I smile.

Yeah, I will.