My Guardian Knight (13 page)

By the time Amanda forced her eyes open the next morning, the sun was high in the sky.  Feeling much calmer after her long sleep and relieved that Sebastian was home, she hurriedly dressed and pulled her hair into a bun.  When she stepped out of the bedroom, Sebastian grinned at her from his place at the cookstove, where he was attempting to make lunch.  She smiled at him and sat down at the table, noticing what a lovely day it was.  The sun was shining brightly on fields that had turned golden and trees filled with the colors of fall.  She could see the children playing beneath one of the young saplings near the window.

"I told them not to go far," Sebastian said quietly when he saw her watching them.

Amanda brought tormented brown eyes up to meet his bright blue ones, and it took only two long strides for him to cross the room to meet her.  He knelt down before her until their eyes met.  "Everything will be okay, Amanda.  You have my solemn promise."

"Oh, Sebastian," she murmured, "I'm so glad you've come home.  I had
the feeling
while you were gone, and then I couldn't find the children, and I'm afraid I panicked until I scared the daylights out of all three of us.  He knows where I am, and he'll be on his way to find me, if he isn't already."  She took a shuddering breath.  "I just wish it would all go away."  He rubbed her cold hands.  "We have to wait him out this time, Amanda.  You have to let him find you so I can deal with him and get him out of your life once and for all.  I know how hard it must be to sit idly by and do nothing, but I'm here to protect you, and I always will be.  I'll not let anything happen to you and the children."

              She touched his cheek tenderly.  "What did I ever do without you?" she asked softly, wondering when she had fallen so deeply in love with him.  

Sebastian stood abruptly, turning his back on her without a word to pull the warmed stew from the stove.  She watched him silently, wondering what he was thinking.  Did he see the emotion in her eyes?  Did he pity her, knowing how difficult it would be for her to walk out of his life feeling the way she did?  Or was he simply as uncertain about his feelings as she was about her own?  

Setting aside her confusing thoughts, she turned to the open window and called the children in for lunch.  A cool breeze blew in, moving softly across her cheeks and through her hair.  Amanda closed her eyes, relishing the fresh scent.  

Matthew and Marissa scrambled through the door, waited impatiently while Amanda washed their hands, and hopped up onto their chairs.  "Matthew said tomorrow we can go to church and have supper at Sharon's house.  Can we, Mama?  Oh, can we?"  Amanda nodded with a smile.  "Ooooh, I can't wait to play with Butterscotch!  He's the cutest little puppy I ever saw!  He likes to lick my fingers," she giggled.  "That's because Sharon gives you rock candy and he licks the sugar from your fingers," her brother told her in a no nonsense tone.

              "Is not!  Butterscotch licks me because he wants to

give me a kiss.  Isn't that right, Papa?"

Sebastian tried to hide his smile, but his blue eyes twinkled merrily.  "I suspect you are both right, to an extent."  The children eyed each other triumphantly over their steaming plates of stew, each convinced they had won the argument.

The remainder of the day passed quietly.  Feeling caged and restless, Amanda took the kids for a walk through the fields and down to the creek, where they hopped and skipped along the banks trying to catch little frogs.  She sat down, drew her legs up, and watched them absentmindedly.  She couldn't seem to keep her mind off Avery these days.  Every noise she heard, every shadow that happened to fall across her path, had her jumping in fear.  

Amanda had every confidence that Sebastian could-and would--protect them.  But she knew he couldn't be glued to her side every moment of every day, and she refused to live her life attached to him or locked inside the house.  

She admitted to herself that if the children were threatened she would not hesitate to take whatever actions necessary to assure their safety.  But if she were the only one in danger, she wasn't sure that she could harm another person.  And that was a question that preyed on her mind constantly.

Rising reluctantly, she brushed away her disturbing thoughts and gathered the children for the walk home.  It was getting late and she wanted to have supper on the table when Sebastian came in from working with the horses.  Amanda hoped her presence here made his life easier, and wished a little more fervently than she would admit that he would come to need her and allow her to stay if--and when--the trouble with Avery was over.

      Laughing, she told herself brusquely that no matter what happened, when her promise and Sebastian's had been fulfilled she would leave this lovely land.  She had tentative thoughts of traveling to Boston, but thought that she might instead like to live where it was warm most of the time and where Matthew could play outside and have a happy childhood.  

Amanda was brought from her thoughts by Marissa's pitiful wail.  "Matthew Knight," she called, "you let go of your

sister's pigtails right this instant!"

He obeyed his mother and instead began chasing Marissa toward the house, but Amanda paused, her step slowing.  She couldn't believe what she'd just said.  It was all too real, this pretend family they had.  If she stayed here much longer she would begin to believe that Sebastian and Marissa actually belonged to her.  She must remind herself that they did not.  This was the one and only place where she had ever felt at home, but that didn't mean she could claim it.  Squatter's rights may be allowed upon land, but not on a person's heart.  All through dinner she was very quiet, murmuring absently when Sebastian tried to talk to her, smiling distantly at the children when they demanded her attention.  She went through the motions of cleaning and putting Matthew and Marissa to bed, all the while feeling very displaced.  

She sat down before the fire as she did every night, but her sewing lay forgotten in her lap.  She started when Sebastian walked through the door.  He took off his coat, wet from the storm that had sprung up unexpectedly, and said in an offhand manner, "I checked everything outside.  There's no sign of trespassing."

"That's good," she answered, unwilling to talk about Avery.  Indeed, wishing she would never have to
think
of him again.

              He sat beside her, caressing her cold hands.  "You've

been very quiet tonight."

              She shrugged.  "I haven't had much to say."

              "Have I done something to make you angry?"

Her brown eyes met his in surprise.  "No, of course not."  She smiled involuntarily.  "Why, did you do something that I should be mad about?"

His finger lightly traced her jaw.  "That's better," his deep voice caressed her as much as his touch.  "You should smile more often.  Your pretty eyes light up and your perfect pink lips tease me beyond temptation."  He took a small taste of those same lips, the tip of his tongue tracing the curving softness.  "Sometimes when I'm working and I see you outside I can barely control myself from sweeping you off your feet and carrying you into the sweet hay for an afternoon of delightful lovemaking.  Every time I look at you, Amanda-
every time
--I want you even more than the moment before.  You are constantly on my mind, and I rush home every evening so I can spend a little time with you when
I
am the center of your attention."  His finger snaked down her arm, drawing delicious shivers from her.  He felt as if a pool of molten lava had suffused his body, consuming him until there was nothing left but this need, this want.  "Can I be the center of your attention tonight, my lovely Amanda?"

She smiled impishly, laying a hand on his solid chest.  "I'm not sure.  You never answered my question."

Chuckling, he swept her up into his arms and kissed her senseless as he moved toward the bedroom.  Amanda clung to him, wanting nothing more than for Sebastian to continue with the fiery kisses that set her blood to boiling and chased every thought from her mind except those of his wondrous passion.

He deposited her gently on the bed, pausing only long enough to remove his gun belt.  He lowered himself onto the bed beside her, his strong fingers tangling in her hair and drawing her lips toward his own.  Their gazes met, locked, each reading a love in the other's eyes that they were afraid to believe.  Sebastian murmured in her ear as he nibbled her neck and divested her of all her clothing.  She slowly unbuttoned his shirt, letting the tips of her fingernails trail lightly down his muscular chest, bringing a low moan from her mate.  She smiled seductively as she pulled the shirt from the waistband of his pants and ever so slowly unbuckled and slid the belt from the loops.  When Sebastian moved to caress her silky skin, she gently set his hands to his sides, intent on being the aggressor this time.

              Sebastian lay still, allowing her to rid him of his clothing.  He was completely bewildered--not unpleasantly so-that she wouldn't allow him to touch her.  Every time her skin came in contact with his he was filled with a heat so intense he had to gasp for breath. He considered himself a man well experienced in the ways of lovemaking, but never before had his senses been simultaneously tormented and soothed as they were now by her lightly stroking fingers.  His hands itched to touch her, his lips burned to feel her skin beneath them, but with an iron willpower he held himself in check, waiting for a sign that Amanda was ready for his interaction.

It came but moments later, when she had traced every part of his body and her lips finally met his.  The thunder and lightning outside were nothing compared to the tremendous explosion that rocked his body with that one small touch.  His arms came around her, bringing that wonderful feeling of warmth and security, and they held each other so close they seemed to meld into one being.  It was as if they had been apart forever and just now found one another again.  

The room spun, the earth shook, and fireworks exploded before their eyes as they came together.  And for once, to an embittered war veteran and a lonely orphan, the world looked like a beautiful place.

Amanda, wearing her prettiest dress, a mint green with a tiny white floral print, stepped off the wagon, Sebastian's hand steadying her.  She smiled at him, a bright, happy smile that made his electric blue eyes turn dark with remembrance of the night before.  He winked at her before reaching for the children and guiding them toward the church.  At the doors they joined Justin and Sharon and sat down in their usual pew.  The day was sunny and warm, not an uncommon occurrence for autumn, but one never knew what the temperature would be like from day to day come September.  The sermon that day dealt with being forgiving of others.

              Amanda squirmed a bit, knowing that she and

Sebastian awaited a man that she may very well never be able to forgive.  There was still so much that Avery could do to harm them.  She prayed that God would understand her reasons for being so unforgiving in this instance, and also asked Him to help her deal with Avery in the best way possible so that he couldn't hurt anyone again.

When the sermon was over, they gathered outside the church, and Amanda noticed that the Mississippi River actually looked pretty when it reflected the deep blue sky.  She and Sharon decided to take a walk through town before lunch, and Justin and Sebastian went in search of Mr. Amos to discuss an order they had made.

The women, with Matthew and Marissa in tow, glided along, their good shoes clicking against the brick of the street.  The children skipped ahead, laughing gleefully and picking up leaves from the ground to form a multicolored bouquet for their mother.  She smiled fondly at them, touched at the sentiment, and listened with half an ear to Sharon's gossip. 

She started at the call she received from down the street.

"Yoohoo, Mrs. Knight," called Natalie Amos.  "I'm so glad I caught up with you both.  How do you do, Mrs.

Mahoney?"

"Fine, thank you.  And yourself?"

"Oh, I was under the weather last week, but not a bit the worse for wear.  It's wonderful to be outside on such a glorious day."

"It certainly is," Amanda said, wondering what had put Mrs. Amos in such a good mood.

"I've just had the most marvelous time talking to an old acquaintance of mine.  Don't you just love to run into people you haven't seen in a while?  Makes the whole world seem like a nicer place, and that's the truth.  How are you

ladies faring way out there in the country?"

Amanda smiled, deciding against reminding the older woman that they lived a mere five miles from town.  "We've been fine, thank you," she replied.  "In fact, I've been using Sebastian's grandmother's canning recipes, and I'm afraid I've made way too much."  She gave Mrs. Amos the basket she'd been carrying on her arm.  "Sebastian told me how much you liked her peach preserves, and I've brought some for you.  Now, I'm sure mine aren't as good as Grandma Knight's must

have been, but maybe they'll do in a pinch."

Mrs. Amos's eyes welled with tears as she took the offering.  "How kind you are, Mrs. Knight, how very kind.  It is nice to be reminded of an old friend like this, and I shall treasure these preserves just as I did dear Nettie's.  I don't know how to thank you."

Amanda covered the woman's hand with her own.  "It's just peach preserves, Mrs. Amos.  I wanted to return the kindness you've given to us.  Oh, Sharon made her special

honey wheat bread for you, too."

Mrs. Amos shook her head, patting the ladies' cheeks

as if they were children.  "Such wonderful friends I have.  Oh, what a glorious day!  Thank you so much, girls, I believe I'll head home right now and make this special treat for Mr. Amos and myself."

Sharon and Amanda watched her with amusement as she ambled down the street.  "I never guessed such a small gift would make her take on so," Sharon said.

"She and Sebastian's grandmother must have been closer than we thought."

Amanda called to the children and they headed back to the church in search of their men.  "Justin and I thought we might have lunch in town today, if you don't mind.  His brother hurt himself while chopping firewood yesterday and he's been in a terrible mood.  If you ask me, it was nothing but a little bruise, but he carries on as if he chopped his leg off!  Anyway, I thought we should steer clear of him for a while.

"Amanda?"  Sharon noticed her friend had stopped dead in her tracks, staring at something off in the distance.  When Sharon's gaze followed, she found Justin and Sebastian talking to a small woman she had never seen before. 

"Amanda, are you quite all right?"

Amanda didn't hear her.  She felt as if her heart had dropped to her feet.  She forced breaths, trying to still the trembling that started in her fingers and spread like wildfire through her body.  It was uncanny, that everything that could possibly go wrong in her life did.  Maybe she wouldn't have the rest of the year with Sebastian and Marissa, after all.  Maybe she would have only a few more short days with them before she would have to leave.  

Forcing deep, slow breaths, she managed to convince herself to calm down and think rationally.  This could mean nothing, after all, nothing at all.  It could be only a chance meeting, a coincidence.  She determinedly schooled her features into a pleasant smile and smoothed the skirt of her dress, happy now that she had worn her favorite one.

"Amanda?" Sharon shook her arm gently.  "What's the matter with you?  Why do you look as if you've seen a ghost?"

Amanda reassured her friend with a smile.  "I'm fine, really.  Come along, children, let's go fetch your father for lunch."  She started off quickly, knowing if she didn't move now she never would, and missed the puzzled look her friend bestowed on her.

Matthew and Marissa ran ahead, throwing themselves into Sebastian's arms as if they had not seen him in a week.  He laughed and hugged them tightly, introducing them to the beautiful woman he was conversing with.  Amanda's gait was much slower, her stomach knotted tightly into balls of nerves, but she glued that pleasant smile on her face and forced one foot in front of the other until she stood by Sebastian's side.

She was relieved when he put his arm about her waist, lending her a small bit of the peace she usually felt from his touch.  "I'd like you to meet my wife, Amanda.  Sweetheart, this is Misty."

Amanda felt her head reel, even though she had been expecting this introduction.  She held her hand out to the woman whose lovely heart-shaped face and dark curling hair were so like Marissa's.  "I'm pleased to meet you, Misty."

Misty brought her gaze up from where it had settled upon her daughter.  Amanda noted with surprise that her light green eyes held no contempt, no censure, but instead a friendly openness.  Misty held her hand for a moment, and Amanda felt that her watery smile was genuine.  "I'm glad to meet you, Amanda.  I'm so happy that--well--" She looked around at all the people still milling about the church.  "I heard about Mrs. Knight's passing and wanted to give Sebastian my condolences.  I wanted to see for myself that--what I mean to say is--"

"I understand," Amanda interrupted.  "We were just about to have lunch.  Would you like to join us?" 
Now what made you say that,
she berated herself.

"Oh no, I'm just passing through.  I'm waiting for the stage, you see, I'm due back in New York very soon."

"The stage doesn't run on Sunday.  Please, you must have lunch and stay with us until the stage comes tomorrow."

Sebastian raised an eyebrow in surprise. 
Amanda,
she told herself,
I'm beginning to think your troubles are a product of your own stupidity.

"I wouldn't want to cause you any trouble."

"It's no trouble."  Amanda linked her arm through the other woman's and led her down the street, her friends following in confusion.  She suddenly felt as if she needed to know this woman, Marissa's mother.  A large part of Sebastian's life had been spent with her, and Amanda wanted to glean every tidbit of knowledge about Sebastian so that in the future, when she had to leave him, she would have more to remember than just a few glorious nights in his arms.

At the restaurant, the children insisted on being seated by Amanda and, just by coincidence, Misty and Sebastian ended up beside each other.  Amanda swallowed hard, trying not to wonder about what they were thinking.  She concentrated on the children, who were calling her.

"Mama," Marissa repeated insistently, "I think I want to have chicken soup.  But, I don't know.  Do you think they make it like you do, Mama, so thick and yummy?"

"I'm sure the soup is very tasty, Marissa.  If it's not I promise I'll make you a whole pot tomorrow."  

She kept her head down, answering Marissa's questions quietly, afraid to notice what Misty's reaction might be.  She helped the children order and, she was sure, ordered something herself.  She sipped tea and listened to the conversation around her, nodded slightly at Sharon's concerned looks, and acted as if everything were right with her world.

Matthew's continual babbling helped to break the ice, and when Amanda finally gained enough courage to meet Misty's eyes, all she saw in them was heartfelt gratitude.  With a deep breath, she released all the tension she had been holding and found to her surprise that she was actually beginning to enjoy herself.  Misty told them stories about New York, where she sang in various operas, and Amanda began to warm up to the good-natured, amiable woman.          

That night, after the children were tucked into bed and Sebastian was doing the evening chores, the two women sat down together, feeling a bit uncomfortable in the silence that ensued.  Neither one knew what to say, or where to begin.  Amanda busied herself with warming water, but that didn't take long and soon they were sipping hot tea and eyeing one another across the table.

"Amanda, I'm so sorry if I've disturbed you by coming here.  I didn't know Sebastian had gotten married, and when I heard about what happened to Mrs. Knight, well, I had to make sure Marissa was faring well.  I'd heard she was in the orphanage and, although I wasn't prepared to actually take her into my own custody, I knew that I had to find a good home for her.  I do love her, you understand.  I only want what's best for her.  I was so young when she was born, and even now I don't feel mature enough to take on the responsibility of another person, even if she is my daughter.  

"But I do want her to be happy, and I was willing to take whatever measures necessary to make sure that she was.  I can't begin to describe how grateful I am to you for what you've done for Marissa.  She clearly loves you, and I'm so relieved that she finally has a mother to care for her."  She shook her head.  "You must think I'm a terrible person." Amanda shook her head.  "I think you are extremely courageous for doing what you want with your life.  From what Sebastian has told me, you've not had it very easy.  How can anyone fault you for putting the care of your daughter into the hands of someone as loving as Mrs. Knight must have been?  Marissa was very happy with her, you know.  And I'd

like to think she's happy here with me."

"Well, that much is plain to see.  It's important to me that you and Sebastian know I would not have let her remain in that orphanage.  I honestly did come here to see to her well being." 

"That, too, is plain to see.  I'm really glad that you've come, Misty, so I could get to know you.  Please feel free to come here whenever you feel the need to see her.  Our doors will always be open." 
And when I'm gone, maybe you can help Sebastian care for Marissa, and fill the void in her life that I'll be leaving.  

Misty sighed suddenly.  "You know, I'm really surprised that Sebastian moved back here.  After the war he was like a caged animal and couldn't get out of town fast enough.  He tried to stay, but there were too many bad memories tormenting him at that time.  When he told me he was leaving I was relieved because my promise to him was the only thing keeping me here.  I was never very happy in such a small town.  He seems to have gotten over the pain that kept him away."

Amanda nodded.  "I think he is coming to terms with it, but he still has nightmares.  I suppose all those years as a traveling lawman made him wish for home.  Marissa was the deciding factor, though.  Ever since he found out about her, his every action has been in her best interest."  Amanda's eyes lit up and she leaned across the table.  "Can you tell me

something, Misty?  What was he like as a boy?"

              When Sebastian came in some time later he found them sitting on the floor before the fireplace giggling like schoolgirls.  He grinned at the unexpected friendship that had sprung up between them.  Narrowing his eyes suspiciously, he asked, "What do you have in those teacups, Amanda?"      

This set them off again, and he shook his head in bewilderment.  "I don't know about you two, but I'm turning in for the night."

              Amanda stood up to join him.  "Whenever you're

ready, Misty, you can sleep in the children's room."

She followed her husband into the bedroom and leaned against the closed door.  Smiling impishly, she said, "I found out some things about you tonight that simply shock me,

Sebastian Knight."

He turned in the midst of unbuttoning his pants.  "What are you talking about?"