My Heroes Have Always Been Hitmen (Humorous Romantic Shorts) (Greatest Hits Mysteries) (9 page)

I stared at her. Okay, fine. It wouldn
't be the first time plans in the middle of a hit had to change. There was no point insisting on doing it my way because it would stick in Wini's memory if I did.

"
That is fine, my friend," I soothed. "There is no need for you to get so upset!"

Wini smiled and stepped closer to Carter. A huge smile spread across her face.
"I do apologize, Abby! It's just that I'm so terribly excited!"

"
About what?" I asked casually, starting to work on a new plan for Carter's demise.

"
The reason I was so worried about a scandal wasn't for you," Wini said. "It was for us."

"
Us?" I asked. Maybe I could get him alone in the evening. The Buckinghams had several acres of woodlands on their property. The body wouldn't be discovered immediately. That was probably a better plan.

Winifred smiled and put her arm around her cousin.
"Yes, us. You see, Carter and I are engaged to be married! Isn't that simply divine?"

It took everything I had to force my lips into a sincere smile. My diaphragm pushed my voice up and out past my lips. My legs felt like they
'd grown roots and were holding me to the floor, and my stomach was spinning inside of me.

"
That is wonderful news!" I managed somehow.

Wini pulled me into a crushing embrace.
"Oh darling! I'm so glad!" She pulled back and searched my eyes. "I wanted you to be the first to know! Daddy insists on announcing it at noon. I didn't want you to hear that way!"

"
What an honor that you wanted to tell me first!" My throat burned as I spoke each word. "May I tell Auntie India your joyful news?" I wanted to get out of there. Leave that library and the house. I wanted to find my cousin and our driver and head back to the hotel.

Wini nodded before hugging me again.
"Of course you can, silly! Just make sure she doesn't breathe a word of it to anyone else before Daddy makes his announcement!"

I nodded and fled the house. My best friend was marrying my victim. I dodged other guests as I worked the perimeter of the barbe
que, searching for Auntie India. I finally found her, surrounded by other matrons who were laughing hysterically at something she'd just said.

"
Auntie! There you are!" I said breathlessly. It was dreadfully hot out, and racing about in a corset had not been a good idea. I turned to the women surrounding my cousin. "Will you excuse us, ladies? I really must ask my aunt a very important question!"

The other matrons nodded and then looked at each other warily. I knew that the minute we left them, I would suddenly become the subject of their gossip. And I didn
't care.

Once we were a safe distance away, Auntie pulled her arm out of mine and hissed,
"What's gotten into you?"

"
I met my vic," I said, taking a moment to compose myself.

"
So?" Auntie shrugged.

"
It's bad," I said. "Really bad. I'm not sure I can go through with this."

Auntie
's eyes grew wide. This was serious. A Bombay never backed down from an assignment. "What do you mean? Do you need my help?"

I swallowed.
"No, I mean neither of us can go through with it. Not today, at least."

"
Don't be silly, Abby," Auntie's falsetto changed back into Troy's baritone. "We're here. The vic is here. There are about one hundred other suspects to confuse things and several places to ditch the body." 

I realized what my cousin was saying. She thought I
'd lost my nerve.

"
It's not that. None of that," I said. "It's worse."

Auntie resumed her falsetto as a woman walked past us. We nodded at her and waited until she was out of earshot
. "Worse?" Troy's voice returned. "How could it be
worse
?"

"
Carter Livingstone Sperry is now Winifred Buckingham's fiancé. This isn't just a barbeque—it's an engagement party," I said quietly.

"
Oh," Troy whispered. "That
is
worse."

I nodded as my cousin whisked me away to a quiet, shady spot beneath a magnolia tree
—far from the other party-goers. After resuming Auntie's voice and persona, she waited for me to start breathing normally again before offering her help.

"
I could do it."

I looked at her.
"You could do what?"

"
I could kill him for you." Auntie whisked out her fan and began fanning herself madly as if she felt the vapors coming on.

I shook my head.
"Neither of us can do it. We can't kill Wini's fiancé." 

Auntie stared at me for a moment
and then looked around to see if there was anyone nearby who could hear. "Do you want to go home? I could make up some excuse? Maybe that you're
terribly
embarrassed because you wore a hat that is
too young
for you?"

"
We can't walk out. This is Wini's big day. Besides, I think we need to get to know Sperry a little better." I kicked at a tree root. "Oh dammit! Why didn't I read the file? Then maybe I could talk some sense into Wini—tell her what a bad man he is!"

Auntie
's jaw dropped open in the most unladylike way. "You didn't read the
file
? How could you
not read
the file?"

I started to feel a little defensive.
"I never read the file. Who has time to waste on doing that?"

"
You should always read the file, darling. That's why they give it to you." Auntie's voice was incredulous. She acted as if I'd just told her I didn't put on that seventh petticoat layer or had poisoned kittens.

I threw up my hands.
"They're always bad. Always. I trust the Council on that. Why should I question it?"

Auntie shook her head.
"It's not that. You should
always
be aware of your target. You need to know their background, interests, and motivations. It helps when things go
wrong
. Seriously! Didn't your mother train you right?"

"
I know that!" And I did, too. I just…well I…it's just that…Dammit! I knew what I was doing!

"
Sweet pea," Auntie said soothingly. "You'll have to do this the old fashioned way. You have no time to run home and read the file. You're going to have to get to know Mr. Sperry. Here. At the barbeque."

My mouth opened
and then closed. Get to know my vic? Was she crazy? I didn't get to know my vic! It was far better just to swoop in, kill them, and then be done with the deed. Get to know him?

Auntie nodded as if she could read my thoughts. Damn.

"There you are!" Wini's voice carried across the well-manicured lawn. "Abby! I've been looking all over for you!" Attached to Wini's arm was the man in question. Carter Livingstone Sperry.

"
Miss Aberdeen," he removed his hat and bowed. "And who is this charming creature with you? Your sister?"

Auntie smacked him on the arm with her fan.
"Oh you
are
a charmer, aren't you?" She turned to Winifred. "My dear, please introduce me to this simply
dashing
young man!"

Winifred made the introductions
, and I watched as Sperry bowed over Auntie's hand. Auntie made a complete fool out of herself fawning all over him.

"
What is the matter with you?" Wini whispered in my ear. "You just ran off! And on my special day!"

Auntie turned and glared at me
, and somehow I found my voice.

"
I am so sorry, Wini!" I gushed with as much sincerity as I could muster. "I wasn't feeling very well. It's my own fault—I really should've eaten before we left. I'm quite famished."

It was a silly excuse because I wasn
't at all hungry. But it was all I had, and I hoped it would get me away from Wini and Sperry for a few moments to think. I couldn't keep my thoughts straight.

I
'd never had a personal connection to an assignment before. Well, there was that one time when I'd had to kill Wini's governess. (She liked to murder the children in her care with poisoned oat cakes.) But that was a fluke. This was something different. I barely knew Sperry and would normally have no problem plunging my hat pin into his eye. But Wini was a different matter. She finally had her little fairytale engagement. And I was supposed to ruin it for her. Of course it would certainly ruin the party to have the guest of honor murdered.

"
Carter!" Wini cried out. "Please escort Abby to the buffet and make certain she eats! I simply have to run and find my parents to finish the arrangements for our announcement."

Wait…what?

"No," I started to protest. "I cannot take you away from your fiancé at your engagement party!" I looked at Auntie for help, but she gave none.

Instead, she took Sperry
's other arm. "We shall
all
go
together
!" With a triumphant look she usually reserved for our waist measuring competitions, Auntie pulled Sperry away toward the other side of the house.

I followed limply, wondering if I could get away with killing Auntie too.
It would have to be something gory so it would muss up her lovely face. She'd hate that.

"
Well aren't you
just
adorable!" Auntie exclaimed as she and Sperry walked around. Her falsetto was cracking. I toyed with pulling her wig off. Instead, I caught up.

"
I am looking forward to expanding my holdings," Sperry was saying once I slid my hand through his other arm. He nodded to me before continuing. "I'm planning on buying up land north of California. There's more mining to be done up there."             

Auntie responded with a ribald cackling that could be heard in three cou
nties. I looked for Colonel Potter. Maybe I could tell him she was considering accepting his proposal and preferred autumn weddings.

"
So you're the man who will take our
beloved
Winifred away from us?" Auntie said loudly so I'd hear. That got my attention. Of course Wini would leave Virginia when she married! Why hadn't I thought of that? That might just be enough for me to want to kill him.

"
How long have you and Winifred known each other?" I asked, I hoped, casually. It just occurred to me that they barely knew each other at all. That gave me a glimmer of hope. Wini would be sad, but she probably wasn't in love, and she did look rather fetching in black. She'd make an attractive widow. I'd need to wait until after they were married. And of course, her holdings would double in size. She'd be the catch of Richmond, maybe even the whole South! Why, I'd be helping her!

Sperry grinned at me, showing a row of neat, gleaming white teeth. I pictured a great white shark. This might be easier than I thought.

"Well we've known of each other's existence for years," he said slowly. "But I haven't seen her in a long time. We did begin a correspondence a few months ago. That would be how we got to know each other. She really will make a wonderful wife."

I tried not to shudder. The way Sperry said
wife
made me think of trophies. Wini deserved better than that. I needed to help her.

"
Have you selected the wedding date yet?" Auntie asked, whipping her fan open and coyly looking at Sperry over the top. She was every bit the coquette. I wanted to kick her but thought that might look a bit strange.

"
Why wait?" Sperry asked. "I go back to California in a few days." He looked around before smiling at us conspiratorially. "Can you ladies keep a secret?"

Auntie giggled and I simply nodded.

"We are planning to get married today! At this very party!" Sperry smiled, looking smug.

"
But…but you'll deny Wini her perfect wedding day!" I blurted out, not very ladylike either. This just wasn't done! Every southern belle longed for a huge wedding! How could he take that away from her?

Sperry patted my hand condescendingly.
"Yes, I know. You ladies like white lace and lots of attention. But I have a business to run. I need a wife, and we need to do this immediately. Wini understands, I assure you."

He used
my
pet name for Wini! The bastard! Who did he think he was? I was ready to kill him right now.

Auntie drew his attention away from my fuming.
"Of course you need to get started
right away
! No time like the present!"

Sperry laughed.
"You are so right, my dear. I need to get that little filly home so she can start her wifely duties!"