My Holiday in North Korea (25 page)

Here’s what I do know:

1. I have great instincts, high emotional intelligence, and a tremendous amount of empathy.
   
2. I tend to get what’s going on, even when no one else around me does.
   
3. I have been all over the world—really traveled and explored it—and I’ve learned that the more you travel, the more patterns you recognize.
   
4. Nine nights and ten days in North Korea is a relatively long amount of time, and I was not free to just
   be
   on this trip. I was never alone. I was on a structured, hour-by-hour tour, up early every day and dragged around for twelve to fourteen hours, from site to site, activity to activity. And I was lectured at throughout. My only breaks were when occasionally I was able to dine alone and when I was in my room sleeping. There was no going with the flow. No stopping in cafes to soak it all in. No “I think I’ll skip that and sleep in” days. It’s a sprint, and a marathon. So all in, I believe I saw a lot.
   
5. I was with the same handlers the entire time. We never left each other’s sides. There were no shifts, no other tourists in our group to take the pressure off me or them. Just us. And people are people: after a while, you forget to keep your guard up all the time. Shit happens. They made mistakes. Said things they shouldn’t have said. Let me see things they probably shouldn’t have. Contradicted themselves. Let their emotions get the best of them. Were lazy. Were human. If you pay attention, you learn a lot.
   
6. I asked a ton of questions, and I was relentless about it. I am tenacious and determined when something makes no sense. Ask a question many different ways, over the course of several different days, and you can tease out information.
   
7. On the other hand, I often stopped talking altogether. Initially this was because I would be frustrated and worried that I’d push too far and say something that might cause trouble for me or for them. But it turned out that, as well prepared as my handlers were for questions, they were totally unprepared for silence. In the absence of asking questions, or me speaking, they simply over-talked.
   
8. We were not confined to Pyongyang, North Korea’s “gleaming” capital city, meant to showcase the country’s wealth, abundance, and progress. The government does its level best to control everything inside of Pyongyang (and even then it fails), but cross the city line, as I did several times, and it’s Third World 101. Small cities and towns and the rural areas between them are primitive and run-down at best. Not even the Wizard of Oz could hide that. And spend enough time inside Pyongyang, and you see that all is not so shiny and new. I didn’t have to look hard to find the city’s cracks. I just had to look.
   
9. I’ve been managing people my entire career. I know when people are lying to me.
   
10. Everybody lies.
    

Here one of the guinea-pigs cheered, and was immediately suppressed by the officers of the court.
—Lewis Carroll, Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland

THE “SHIT I THINK MIGHT BE REAL” LIST

In no particular order—except for the bride, who started it all:

1. The bride’s unmistakable stink eye at the wedding reception I crashed.
   
2. The wedding reception I crashed.
   
3. Driver and I giving each other shit at meals for smoking and being vegetarian. And me hurting his feelings.
   
4. The guard who was out of uniform, and asleep, when we arrived at the Paeksong Food Factory.
   
5. Of the two workers I saw at the Paeksong Food Factory, the one who gave me the stink eye.
   
6. The little boy who was brave enough to break rank from his friends, risking ridicule and social suicide to stand in the same subway car with me, but who then caved seconds later and fled the train.
   
7. The people on the subway who spontaneously laughed when an old woman and I both made a move at the same time and caused a millisecond of confusion. Normally, cause for DISCUSSIONS on the NoKo propaganda tour…not unmitigated joy.
   
8. When Fresh Handler shrieked and squealed at the football match, and I taught her to talk smack.
   
9. When Older Handler screamed “dammit” at the football match.
   
10. When Fresh Handler giggled as Local Handler tried to explain that the Earth rotates around the Sun.
    
11. My moment of utter clarity in the hot-not spa.
    
12. While we were driving inside the DMZ, the look of disbelief on Older Handler’s face when I asked if they would pull the car over to shoo a bug out of it.
    
13. The fact that I thought Non-General, our local guide at the DMZ, was cute, so I tried to fix Fresh Handler up with him because she’d told me her parents were pressuring her to get married. Older Handler intervened, letting us know that Non-General was (unfortunately, sadly) married, but not before Fresh Handler agreed he was cute.
    
14. Really, any expression on Older Handler’s face that was not a smile: e.g., when she showed flashes of annoyance, aggravation, or frustration. And Older Handler’s attitude on Day One when I didn’t want to try special North Korean orange ice-cream treat.
    
15. After telling Older Handler I felt like I was in prison at the Koryo Hotel because there was no place to sit outside, anytime we went anyplace with an acceptable spot for me to sit outside, she would point to it and snidely say, “You sit there since you feel like you are in prison.”
    
16. When we were picnicking at Dragon Mountain inside the Sariwon Folk Village, we encountered a huge group of young schoolchildren, too young to be Young Pioneers. They had seen me walk to the top of the hill and I guess begged their teachers to let them wait for me to come back down. Older Handler knew I loved photographing kids, and for once she seemed excited to let me know of this imminent score. When we got to the bottom of the hill, the kids went certifiably mental—they were so thrilled! Dozens and dozens and dozens of them surrounded and followed me, ceaselessly shouting, “Hell-oh! Good-bye!” over and over again as they waved. The children’s authentic joy was matched by Fresh Handler’s sheer surprise and delight. “I never see anything like that before,” she said, while Older Handler pretended she hadn’t noticed—her frozen countenance reflecting her abject lack of emotion.
    
17. Right after my child fans mobbed me, we walked to the bottom of Dragon Mountain, near the entrance of the Sariwon Folk Village. To the right of the entrance were nine or ten giant panels, all in a row, that told the “history” of North Korea (
    read
    : propaganda about the American Imperialists and our atrocities). It was the middle of the afternoon and about a thousand degrees outside. I was lethargic, and I had to pee. And I’d seen this dog-and-pony show a few times by now and could seriously not care less. So I said to Older Handler, in sort of a teasing (but serious) way, “I get it. I get it. American Imperialist atrocities this, thirteenth-century atrocities that. Can we please skip ahead? I’ve got to pee.” Before she could catch herself, Fresh Handler spontaneously giggled but shut right down when Older Handler gave her a major stink eye.
    
18. Fresh Handler and I got our periods the same day. We bonded over cramps. Now THAT shit was real.
    
19. The smile that broke across Non-General’s face as he watched his image come together from the blank piece of instant film.
    
20. When sweet Boyfriend General called me brave for visiting North Korea.
    

ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

I want to thank Older Handler, Fresh Handler, and Driver for an experience I will never forget—one that truly changed my life—and Simon Cockerell of Koryo Group for organizing my trip. Without these four people, I would have no story to share.

To Beth Price, my coach, teacher, editor, researcher, sounding board, problem solver, therapist, cheerleader, and friend for over twenty years, who was by my side from the moment I typed the first word on the page. Without her tireless support and input every single step of the way, this book would not have seen the light of day.

To Christine Moore and Linda Schmidt, my editors, whose invaluable expertise, spot on advice, thoughtfulness, and enthusiasm cannot be overstated. And to Laura Kopp, my proofreader, for finding mistakes I would have bet my house didn’t exist…proving unequivocally why you need a great proofreader.

To Erin Tyler, my book designer—inside and out—for transforming simple words on a page into such a beautiful (and real!) book. Unlike the Dear Great Leaders, her “on-the-spot guidance” really did make magic happen.

To James Altucher. Being interviewed by him on North Korea for his podcast became the impetus for this book, and professional contacts he so generously shared with me became part of the team who were central to the development of my book.

To my sister, Kristy Simmons, for her love and encouragement, keen insight, and great feedback. I love and adore her to pieces.

To Fabrizio LaRocca, my photo editor, website designer, and overall giver of awesome advice. His dedication, patience and care are rare in this day and age.

To Peter Clark for doing the impossible…knowing how to actually publish this book. Were it not for Peter, I would be selling this book from a lemonade stand, and I would have printed it at Kinkos (no offense to Kinkos).

To Rachel Blishe, Yujin Kim, and Jennifer Arnow for their incredible work on my personal website (
wendysimmons.com
), and to the talented team at Filtro for building an awesome website for this book (
MyHolidayIn
NorthKorea.com
) in no time at all (and with no power tools!).

To my mom and Michael for loving me unconditionally, and always letting me know it. It’s everything. I love you both very much.

And to all my friends who have encouraged my writing, and this book, and have always been there when I’ve needed them. I am incredibly lucky to be surrounded by so many kind and nurturing people.

All quotes are from The Project Gutenberg eBook editions of Lewis Carroll’s
Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland
and
Through the Looking-Glass.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Wendy Simmons won’t stop travelling until she visits every country in the world! Despite her hatred for packing, she’s managed to explore more than eighty-five so far—including territories and colonies—and chronicles her adventures on her blog,
wendysimmons.com
.

She is president of Vendeloo, a consultancy she founded in 2001, Chief Brand Officer of a NYC-based global eyewear brand, and an award-winning photographer. She’s also owned a bar in Manhattan, worked for a lobbying firm on Capitol Hill, and written a Japanese-language phrase book. Though her Japanese is now terrible, Wendy’s Pig Latin is flourishing. She graduated summa cum laude and Phi Beta Kappa from George Washington University.

Wendy practices Muay Thai daily and lives in Brooklyn in a converted 1800s schoolhouse.  

Full-size versions of all photographs featured in
My Holiday in North Korea: The Funniest/Worst Place on Earth
can be viewed at
MyHolidayInNorthKorea.com
. Additional photos from North Korea can be viewed on her blog.