My Hope Next Door (19 page)

His stomach clenched.
My Firecracker
. It wasn’t just the words, but the ownership. The satisfaction with which Cooper delivered them. Like a right hook before a knockout. Cooper wanted to destroy all that Katie had become. And judging by the way she sat there, his plan had worked.

Asher crouched in front of her. “Listen to me. You’re not the same. One moment doesn’t define you.”

Her cold stare didn’t warm; it simply redirected from the ground to him. “You’re right. But a lifetime does.” She stood, brushed invisible dirt off her pants. He followed her upright, attempted to take her hand. She pulled away but offered a smile that bruised him with its pain. “I’m gonna have to take a rain check on our date.”

Her words were simple, but her eyes said a thousand more things.
I told you so. This won’t work. I’m not good enough.

They were all lies and yet he had no way to counteract them. He watched her disappear, torn about whether or not to push. He’d just finally managed a grip, yet she was already slipping away.

CHAPTER 33

K
atie was packed in an hour but waited four more before tugging her duffel down the stairs and out to her car. She kept her head down and her eyes focused on lifting the bag into her empty trunk, willing her stiff fingers to shut it.

She’d failed. Again. The ring was still missing. Her parents were still barely above drowning. The feeling shouldn’t have been so debilitating. She was used to failing. Used to running when things got out of control. At least this time she’d left a note.

The engine started without the squeal thanks to Asher. She’d been home only a few months, yet it felt like a different life. But that’s what it was, really. An illusion. A dream. A wish. The past can stay buried for only so long before it comes up and chases a person like the walking dead.

There was only one place left to go before she hopped on I-95, back the same direction she had come from. She’d been avoiding the land since she came home, but even though her chest felt barren and empty, she couldn’t leave without offering a final good-bye.

Fairfield was desolate when she drove through at midnight. The sign for Joe’s was the only one lit on Main Street, and even that would shut off soon. Katie didn’t scan the lot for the blue truck. She already knew it’d be there. He’d won. He’d proven her a fraud.

She turned south into her old neighborhood, The Point. She’d lived next door to Laila and Chad until she was seven, but even after the move, she’d spent hours there. The trees were taller, the street worn with a few extra potholes. But other than that, it hadn’t changed, not a bit.

She parked against the cul-de-sac’s curb, down by the storm drain, and slid through the PVC fencing the city had put up to keep kids out of the greenbelt. A worn path through the line of trees said the attempt didn’t work any better with this generation than it had with hers. Acorns crunched beneath her feet as she counted off the towering oaks, shining her phone’s flashlight a few feet in front of her. When she was younger, she could find the tree house in her sleep, but years had changed the topography of the underbrush and nothing looked the same.

After circling back twice, Katie spotted the boards still nailed to the wide trunk. Two had been replaced, their bare, unfinished surface reminding her of the new steps Asher had built. Pain ricocheted against her heart. She embraced it. It was her own fault for creating false hope. The pain would remind her not to do it again.

Wedging her fingers into the edges of the boards, Katie put a foot on the lowest slat and pulled her body up. One by one, she climbed them, fearing only a little that the makeshift ladder was designed to hold a small child and not an adult. When the familiar platform appeared, Katie sucked in a breath and pushed down with her palms while pulling her legs onto the small strip of wood.

The tree house entry was as tight as she remembered, and it scraped and cut her side as she shimmied into the space only large enough to fit four grown adults. She knew because all four of them had come six years ago to carve Cooper’s name into the wood. To make him part of their family.

Katie lit up her phone again, moved it in a full circle until she could find the corner that started it all. Walking on her knees, she crept toward the carving.
Chad. Laila. Katie.
A heart encircled them. The names were so worn, it was hard to make out the letters. Tucked next to hers was a smaller, newer one.
Coop.

“I knew you’d come here.”

Katie didn’t bother turning around to face her former best friend. “I guess some things never change.”

“And some things change too much.”

The wood squeaked and cracked as Laila finished sliding through the small square.

“I saw you drive by Joe’s.” She came over to rest next to Katie, by the carving.

“I bet Cooper’s celebrating big tonight.”

“Cooper’s hurt. And he’s too proud to say it. He’s only loved two people in his life. You and Chad. In one night, he lost both of you.”

Katie moved away and sat with her legs crossed, her back against the far end of the tree house, as far from Laila as she could get. “I don’t know what you want me to say.”

“How ’bout you tell me what happened that night.”

“I thought Cooper already did.”

“He told me his version. I want yours.”

Sweat broke out on Katie’s forehead, and she wished she’d just driven to the highway like she’d planned. “Why? It won’t change anything.”

Laila tucked her knees to her chin. “I know that. But I have a right to hear what happened from my best friend, even if it’s four years too late.”

Katie slammed the back of her head against the wall. She didn’t want to do this. She didn’t want to relive that night. “Slim didn’t want to make the sale. He knew the ring wasn’t mine, even though I pretended it was. But after a while, he conceded on one condition. That I try out the stuff from his new supplier.” She remembered her desperation. Remembered how little she cared that she was selling off someone else’s possession.

“Of course I agreed, because I wanted the high too bad to turn it down. Cooper and I drove out to that dance club at the beach, and then we both did a line in the car. I kept the vial with me for when we wanted another hit. It was nothing out of the norm. We’d done it a million times before.”

Laila played with the end of her braid. “I hated when y’all would go there. It always meant you were using.” She didn’t understand. Never could. It’d been Katie and Chad who had the cravings. Even Cooper kept his use recreational. Laila had only tried it once because they’d pressured her to, and then never again. She was their conscience. Their guardian in so many ways.

“Whatever Slim had given us, it was different. Stronger, I guess, or laced with something else. Because the second hit was titanic. It felt like my skin was crawling, like I couldn’t move fast enough or dance hard enough. Cooper got real paranoid and jealous. He forced us to leave. Drove, even, which was just stupid. The whole way home was a nightmare. I needed to move and go and he kept demanding that I settle down, saying that we were going to get caught and something about cars following us.”

Katie’s stomach rolled. “We made it home, but things went toxic as soon as we did.” She couldn’t verbalize it. The screams. The accusations. The way they mutilated each other with their words. The way his fist raised and then slammed into the wall behind her. “I wanted to leave, but Cooper was too messed up. He thought I was going to the police, or that I was trying to kill myself. I don’t know. He kept saying crazy stuff. So he locked me in our bedroom. I banged and threw things at the door. I ripped down the curtains, tore apart the bed. And finally, I crawled out the window. An extra set of keys were on his dresser, so he didn’t realize I was gone until it was too late.”

Laila turned away. She knew what was coming next.

“I went there to see you.” Katie needed Laila to know that she hadn’t meant to mess with Chad’s head. “You always knew how to calm me down.”

“I was working,” she whispered. “Chad had to study, so he stayed home.”

The sting returned to Katie’s throat. The ache that meant tears were coming. She wouldn’t cry. It would influence Laila. It always had, and Katie had used those tears to her advantage too many times. She swallowed and the sting slowly eased.

“As soon as I saw you weren’t there, I tried to leave again. Chad took my keys. He tried to get me to calm down. Even threatened to take me to the ER if I didn’t stop spazzing out. Whatever he did, it worked. But the fall was as bad as the high. I started sobbing. My life was a mess. I was a mess. I had no future. No hope. Cooper and I were done. It was horrible. He said you were coming home soon and he didn’t want you to have to deal with me. He said you were already overtired and stressed out. He said it was time we both grew up and stopped relying on you for so much.”

A tear slipped down Laila’s cheek. “Those were my words. We fought before I left for Joe’s. I’d found an empty bottle of vodka in his closet. He’d been hiding it from me again.” She straightened. Wiped her face. “Tell me what happened next.”

“Laila, I didn’t know he was struggling.” The plea was weak.

“You gave an addict cocaine. What did you expect to happen?”

“I didn’t just give it to him. Although I’m sure that’s what Cooper thinks. I was planning to get rid of it.”

“So why didn’t you?”

Because Katie was weak and high and far too strung out to make rational decisions. “Chad asked me if I still had any left. I told him I did, but that it was bad and I was throwing it out when I got home. He said he would do it for me. He said I wasn’t strong enough.” Katie’s eyes brimmed with moisture, only this time she had no ability to stop the tears. “Laila, I’m so sorry. When I left your house, he seemed so in control.”

“How would you know that? You didn’t even stick around to make sure he was okay.” Laila’s hitched, broken voice was more than a slap. It was a knife through the gut. A twisting, sharp ache of the reality that Katie was responsible for Chad’s overdose.

Silence filled the tree house. There was no need for more words. Laila knew what happened next. She’d seen it with her own two eyes when she came home to find Chad unconscious on the bed.

“I called you from the hospital, like, fifteen times.”

“I know.” The call had woken Katie up. She was parked in front of Ms. Blanchard’s house, although she had no memory of how she’d gotten there.

“That’s why you didn’t come.”

“I couldn’t face you.” Her voice sounded as if someone else were operating it. Someone toneless and half dead.

Laila’s gentle features morphed into disgust. “You know, for all your bluster and tough-girl act, you’re nothing but a coward.” She pointed out the small circle window. “I bet tomorrow night’s tips that your car is packed up and the minute I leave, you’ll be gone all over again.”

Katie didn’t deny it. “It’s better this way.”

Laila slammed her hand on the floor. “It’s not better this way. It’s easier for you. That’s it.”

The words struck Katie like a towel snap—hard enough to sting, but with the promise of deeper pain to follow. “I can’t turn back time. I can’t change what happened. What else can I do?”

“I’m not your fixer anymore. Figure it out.” Laila stood, remaining hunched over so she wouldn’t hit her head, and walked to the exit. She lowered to the floor, slid her feet out, and turned on her belly to leave. But something stopped her. “You know, all I’ve heard about since you’ve been in town is how different you are. Your hair. The people you hang with. The fact you’ve been in church on Sundays. But here’s the thing. You can’t just say you’ve changed. You actually have to do it. And hiding in your parents’ house, running away, well, that’s got old Katie written all over it. If you want me to believe some holy power has turned your life around? Well then, Katie, show me the difference.”

CHAPTER 34

H
eadlights flashed onto Asher’s street, and his pulse jumped. It felt like an eternity, not two hours, since he’d noticed her car was gone. He’d grabbed his keys to go after her but with a sharp pain realized he had no idea where to even start searching. He knew nothing about her old life, what friends she had, her old hangouts. He’d been blissfully ignorant of the gigantic storm brewing until it smacked into him with no warning.

So despite his galloping heart and desperate need to do something, he waited. At first in his house. Then on his porch. Thirty minutes ago he’d moved to her new steps, as if getting closer would somehow make time move faster or take away the voice in his head that said she was never coming back—and the even louder voice that said he should have never let her walk away in the first place.

A crunch of gravel, and then the blinding light turned off. Asher stood and was at her car door the minute she shut it.

Her pale eyes were Katie’s eyes, her face was Katie’s face, but she wasn’t the same girl who’d sat, lethargic, only hours before. He didn’t wait for permission this time. He wove their fingers together, pulled her close, and kissed her closed eyelids. “For a moment I thought you weren’t coming back.”

She sank into him. “For a moment, I wasn’t.”

She wore an old sweatshirt and loose-fitting jeans that had to be sweltering in the humidity. Even with the sun down, the air was thick with heat.

Traveling clothes.

He held her tighter, realizing just how close he’d come to another heartbreak.

“I need to tell you what I did. Why I left four years ago.”

“All that can wait.” He inhaled the scent of her, kissed a line down the side of her temple. He was entranced, his hands moving to her face, cupping her neck, pulling her in. His mouth seized hers, but not like before. Before he’d been in control.

This wasn’t control. This was fear and need and recklessness. Everything she’d told him she didn’t want anymore. But it was there, in both of them. There was no pretending the past didn’t exist. It did. It’d shaped them. Brought them together. He never would have appreciated the rawness of Katie if he hadn’t experienced Jillian’s composed beauty.

She broke away, laid her forehead on his chest. “It will change things for you. I know you say it won’t, but you don’t know how dark the secrets are.”

When she lifted her head, the tears made her eyes shine. Her lips were red, her skin flushed at her cheeks. “And it’s okay if it does. The girl you fell for goes to church, and sorts through her parents’ junk. She eats weird concoctions at the drive-in and makes fun of cheesy movies. I really love that person too, but it’s not all I am. I wish it were.”

She was so wrong, he didn’t know where to begin. “The girl I fell for once spent four days in detention for pouring a line of fake blood from the girls’ bathroom to the counselor’s office. She bolted from church the first day she ever stepped inside. Her eyes light up like a furnace when she gets angry, and even if she doesn’t say a word, you feel stripped down and beaten by just a stare.” He brushed a piece of hair from her face. “The girl I fell for is strong. She’s dynamic. And through her transformation, I’ve seen God more clearly than I have in years. It isn’t just who you’ve become that appeals to me. It’s the journey you took to get here.”

Katie didn’t say anything. She simply took his hand and pulled him to her front door. He hadn’t meant to pour his heart out, but she needed to know he wasn’t leaving. He was trustworthy and faithful, two qualities he doubted she’d seen much of in her life.

They continued in silence as she unlocked the door, shut it behind them, and flipped on the light. He’d been inside once, but it was only deep enough to pick up the ugly couch in the dining room.

“Just so you know, it’s typically polite to respond after a guy lays out his soul.”

She passed him in the hallway. “I’m not typical or polite. That’s what I’ve been trying to tell you.”

“Katie.”

“Stop. I’m not going to let you say things like that without knowing the truth. You make it too easy for me to want to forget what I did and pretend those choices didn’t affect anyone.”

He followed her to her living room, where she plopped on the couch and hugged a pillow to her chest. “I’m selfish. And I’m a thief. I almost killed one of my best friends, and I might as well have, since his life has been a spiraled mess ever since.”

Asher took a seat next to her, settled against the cushioned armrest, and listened. He knew whatever she said didn’t change anything for him, but maybe telling him would change something for her. “Okay. I’m listening.”

She took a deep breath. “I met Cooper a year before I started working for Ms. Blanchard. We both fell fast and hard, despite the fact that we were like dynamite and lighter fluid. When the job opened for a caretaker for Ms. Blanchard, he encouraged me to take the position. Said it was the perfect setup. She had no family. And if I could just get her to love me, then we’d be set. I figured, why not? She didn’t need the money after she died anyway, and I enjoyed her company. The problem was, Cooper’s plan worked too well. She did love me. She did trust me. And I betrayed her.”

Asher awoke to light streaming through the windows. His back ached, and his head was wedged between the armrest and the edge of the couch. Sweat clung to his neck and forehead. Katie was cuddled up against his chest, her body a furnace in this heat-box of a house. He shifted, trying to work out a cramp in his leg, which had fallen off the couch cushion at some point during the night.

They’d talked for hours. Well, she’d talked. She told him more than he ever wanted to know. Enough to make any man want to stand up and walk right out the door. But his father’s warning kept playing in his head.
You represent Christ to her, and the last thing she needs is for you to walk away when things get hard.

Katie’s eyes fluttered open. She paused, then bolted upright, her hair flat on one side, a line from his shirt etched in her cheek. “We fell asleep,” she said, slightly disoriented. “Sheesh, it’s, like, a hundred degrees in here.” She pushed off the pillows and stood on shaky legs.

He stretched out his sore muscles and noticed his shirt was drenched where she’d been sleeping. “Is it always this hot?”

“Not since Cooper added Freon, but that was weeks ago, and the condenser has a leak.”

His heart thrashed as he stood, trying to rein in the anger that name provoked. He’d thought he’d understood hate, but his feelings for Bob and Jillian paled in comparison to what he felt for that con artist.

“I’ll take a look at it,” he said through clenched teeth. “I don’t want that guy anywhere near you.”

She snorted. “Well, good luck with that. I’ve wanted him to disappear since I drove into town. Cooper doesn’t take orders well.”

“I think you should turn him in.”

“For what? I stole the ring.”

“He manipulated you.”

“Yeah, he did. But it wasn’t like I resisted all that much.” She walked over to him, took both his hands in hers. “Go home. Shower. Heck, we both need one. We’ll talk later, once you’ve had time to process everything.”

Asher pulled her close, even though he figured he smelled like sweat and old laundry. “I want to go to the next pawnshop with you.”

“You don’t have—”

“Katie.” His tone was intentionally firm. “I’m not going anywhere. Get used to having me around.”

“Okay. We’ll go today. There’s three more options, but only one has a big jewelry selection. It’s ten minutes east of here, just outside of Burchwood.”

He kissed her forehead. “I’ll be back in an hour, then.”