My Love Break (14 page)

“Have anything you need immediately delivered. I cannot take time out to take you shopping today, but my schedule should allow for a few hours the day after next.”

Standing there in my immense living room overlooking Central Park, Risa nodded but remained silent. She’d been that way ever since I dropped my logistical surprise on her. I couldn’t tell if she was upset or surprised.

I couldn’t read her and that was a first for me.

After I laid out her upcoming month this morning, Risa didn’t say a word of protest or joy. Instead, she dropped her gaze. I almost tipped her chin so I could take a good look into her eyes. Knowing Elaine was watching kept my hand still.

Now I wished I’d done it anyways.

Although Risa tried extremely hard to hide her emotions from me, she was innately expressive. She gave away so much of herself every day. If I could’ve looked into her eyes, then I’d know if my plans for her were a wanted surprise or a despised nightmare.

Instead, Risa had drifted out of the room.

I hadn’t seen her again until we left the clinic. Even then we were separated. Me in one car and she in another.

All I had was Gretchen’s company.

Things were awkward between us now that she had said too much and I responded too little. I closed her out by burying myself into work. She closed me out by looking out the window.

A part of me wondered if it would’ve been like this if I’d never been hurt. Did the bullet in my brain, and the resulting secrecy of how it got there, hasten the end of us? Or was it my inappropriate fascination with Risa?

I didn’t know but it didn’t change the end result. Now we were both stuck.

Once I explained what I could to Gretchen about the need for her to stay in New York, she hadn’t fought me as much as I expected considering it was clear to me she’d taken the night to second-guess her desire to stay with me.

“This is only temporary. I need to lean on you in order to keep appearances. If word got out that I was in the hospital, Bridgewater would be affected negatively.”

“Is everything okay on that end, Damian?”

“Fine.”

“And the people or person who did this to you?”

“It appears I was the unintended victim of a fringe lunatic cell. It’s being taken care of as we speak.”

“Good.”

I needed to steer her away from that kind of talk. “You’ll be staying in your own apartment, Gretchen. Naturally, my accounts are yours to use. Think of it as an all-expenses paid extended vacation.”

“I don’t want your money.”

“I know.”

“Damian, I’m sorry for pushing things between us yesterday. Our relationship has been over for a long time, hasn’t it?”

What to say but the truth when I had the rare freedom to exercise it?

“Yes. I’m sorry for the pain I have caused you. I did not enter into our relationship lightly. I respect you, Gretchen, and will always think fondly of you.”

She let out a little huff of hurt. “Always a gentleman until the end.” Gretchen folded her hands. It may have outwardly been a gesture of submission, but I knew it for what it was.

Strength from that acceptance.

“You can count on whatever you need from me to help, Damian. We were friends before we were ever lovers. I hope that can continue.”

“Always.”

I meant it. Gretchen was one of the few women in the world I respected. I’d once thought she might have been my wife. Now I could clearly see it would’ve caused her nothing but pain.

Gretchen arched on tiptoe and kissed me on the cheek. “Please understand I need some time to myself to process this change. Can you do that for me?”

“Of course.”

It may have been bittersweet to end our relationship right when we were going to perpetuate a lie, but I couldn’t deny the relief I felt in knowing it was over. As soon as I got this mess cleaned up Gretchen would be free to live her life as she pleased.

I also didn’t have to worry that she would read more into my precautions. Let her think I was willing to bend the SEC’s rules concerning the health and well-being of a publicly traded company’s CEO.  

Still the plane ride had been an exercise in discomfort. Gretchen kept her distance and I encouraged it. Leon barely exchanged a full sentence with me, but it was obvious to me he wasn’t pleased with his assignment. And Risa…

Risa remained seated in the back like an abandoned toy.

The little dark-haired beauty was the supreme cause of my discontent. I didn’t like it.

Still, I wanted her up front with me. I wanted to feel the warmth of her arm against mine. I’d even tolerate it if she chose to stay silent.

Tolerate it but not enjoy it.

This was a departure for me considering silence had always been my preferred state of being. I didn’t need to say much, nor did I need to hear the senseless cacophony of people expending their voices and breaths but not adding anything important. Besides, I was far more interested in the unspoken because I found it to be more honest.

However, I missed hearing Risa’s chatter. I missed hearing all the seemingly random thoughts she chose to share with me. I hadn’t heard them since I asked her the question that changed everything.

“
Who
are you?”

Risa’s voice had been near-silent ever since. The young woman who murmured, “Yes, Sir. No, Sir,” bore little resemblance to the chatterbox of before. That woman laughed, smiled, and fluttered about me, completely focused on spending all her time with me and taking care of me.

It was novel to be the focus of such unfettered joy. I was honest enough to admit she’d spoiled me terribly in that time before I ruined it all with a simple question.

This woman wasn’t like that at all. Although my memories of Risa were a false-start, I missed
that
Risa nonetheless.

But I couldn’t let her see it. I couldn’t let anyone see it.

I had to be Damian Black-Price, CEO and billionaire extraordinaire. Upstanding pillar of society, completely aboveboard, and nary a skeleton in the closet.

I had to be the man I was before. The lie to save my truth. A creature comprised of fractured pieces, always in limbo, and never allowed to fully be.

The illusion to be the man I presented to the world meant far more than the rarely-discovered truth of me. It had always been that way.

It wouldn’t change now.

Which meant I was not going to treat Risa any differently than the thousands of employees I was responsible for. I had to be aloof. Ruthless in my fascinating feelings for a woman I’d only known for a short period of time.

I knew I could and would do it publicly.

But here alone in my home, away from prying eyes, was the challenge.

“Are you hungry?”

She flinched before turning around to answer me. “No. Thank you for asking.”

This wouldn’t do.

“Risa, it was a long flight. You refused lunch. It’s been over twelve hours since you last ate, correct?”

The answer came out slowly, grudgingly even. “About that.”

I pointed to the couch without saying a word. I didn’t speak again until she sat down.

“The choice of what you eat is purely up to you, but make no mistake—you are going to eat.”

“You don’t have to worry about it, Mr. Black-Price. I’ll get something to eat after I’m settled in.”

“No. You will eat first, Risa. I can hardly in good conscience allow you to starve under my watch.”

“But—”

I held up my hand. “Do not argue with me, Risa. I’ve had a long day and I’m hardly in the mood to convince you of something we both know you need.”

Risa bit her lip, eyes gone liquid soft with yearning before she looked away. It hit me in the gut.

If only she belonged to me.

I could sit her on my lap and seduce her into submission. I’d then feed her morsels of food from my hand, treating her like a beloved pet, and calling her my little girl.

And she would be my little girl. I’d take such good care of her because it’s obvious she won’t do it for herself. She
needs
me to watch over her, to let her just be my sweet girl whose sole purpose is to please me by letting me take care of her.

Immediately, my dick got hard. Temptation to lean closer, to nuzzle her small jaw and brush a kiss against her neck before nipping the soft skin there, pounded seductively.

Clearly living with Risa was going to be a testament to my strength of will. We’d only been alone for a few minutes and already I wanted to make her mine. This was dangerous in a way I willfully blinded myself to.

Putting a finger to her pointed little chin, I guided her attention back to me. “What is it?”

She closed her eyes and answered in a watery voice, “I’m sorry. I think it’s been a long day. I don’t know what came over me.”

“Risa, that answer is unacceptable. Look at me.”

Obviously reluctant, she obeyed me. Risa couldn’t contain the sadness in her eyes. Something inside my heart tightened in response.

“What’s wrong?”

Mute, she continued to stare at me. The darkness of her gaze pulled me down like the still depths of a bottomless lake. They were dangerous yet almost impossible to resist. I knew then she was the keeper of terrible secrets.

Just like me.

Instead of pressing my advantage, I took pity. Risa could keep her secrets for now. In this way I would take care of her.

“Tell me what you want to eat.”

Risa opened her mouth, closed it, and then started again. “Fried chicken. KFC.”

My brow rose at her request. She could have anything the city had to offer and this was what she chose? Fried, greasy chicken? Why ever would she want that?

“All right. I’ll order it and have it delivered. Will mashed potatoes and gravy suffice?”

She gave me a tiny smile. I would make her give me another before the night was through.

“Yes, please.”

“So sweet.” The words left me before I could give them thought. Pleasure dusted her cheeks. Risa leaned in. My hand slipped behind her neck. “I’m going to work you hard, Risa, but I take care of what’s mine. Don’t let yourself get this hungry again, understand? I won’t like it.”

“Yes, Sir.”

I could let it go. I should.

“Tell me you understand.”

“I understand.”

It was like the first illicit hit. It hadn’t even worn off but I wanted more.

“Tell me what you will do in the future.”

“I will eat when I’m supposed to. I won’t let myself get this hungry again.”

“And why not?”

Risa’s soft voice poured over me, delighting the darker side of my desires. “Because you will become displeased with me.” She licked her lips again, blushing pink as if I’d already spanked her bottom silly. “And I want you to be pleased with me, Sir. I’ll do anything I can to make you proud of me and to never regret keeping me by your side.”

I closed my eyes. This time she sounded more like the Risa I first heard, long before I had the strength to break through the blackness of that cold, empty space where time lost meaning.

Honest. Sincere. Confident. Devoted.

It would be no little thing to lean down and kiss her. It would be so easy. Her full lips, slicked with rose lipstick, would part for me without hesitation. I could already imagine vividly the feel her fingers pulling me closer. I’d fist one hand in her thick hair and yank her head back just to feel her body melt against mine and show her who was in charge.

My heartbeat quickened. Lust clouded my reason.

I could break my rules. I could hide my relationship with Risa. No one would have to know. It would be our secret. I could create a sensual cocoon for us behind these walls. She’d never be in danger…

Mentally I recoiled.

I could be cruel as easily as I could be kind. More so.

Before I gave into my attraction for Risa, I just had to remember what happened to my mother. Grigor Konstantinov had made the fatal mistake of concealing his identity and pretending he was a simple,
safe
man in order to seduce the innocent American girl who trusted him. She’d suffered the ultimate betrayal.

Gunned down alone in a dirty alley and left like trash to bleed out.

In those final moments, did she even understand why she was going to die? Did she weep for losing the baby that was me? Did she feel like she failed in her role as a mother because she couldn’t protect her unborn son?

I’d asked myself the question a thousand times over.

I would not ask it about Risa.

All I needed to hold myself in check was the vow that I would not be like my father. No matter how much I respected and held him in esteem, my mother paid the price for his selfishness. I still continued to do so, exiled as I was and forced to deny my blood and heritage.

And yet…

Standing here with Risa, feeling the softness of her skin and reveling in just how
right
this felt…I didn’t want to let go.

I didn’t want to walk away and leave her here in unfamiliar territory. I wanted to take care of her. I wanted to pick her up and tuck her into bed. I wanted to brush back Risa’s hair and wait until she fell asleep. I wanted to wait by her side like she’d faithfully waited by mine for months.

In this I could be a little selfish.

“Are you ready for a nap?”

She smiled again, the shadows gone from her eyes. “Yes, please.”

I put my hand on her back. “I’ll show you to your room then. Later when I take you shopping, you’ll pick out linens and other pieces that suit you personally, understand?”

“As you wish, Sir.” Risa leaned into me ever-so-slightly. Once again it all felt so perfect and right to have her under my hand.

That was why tomorrow I’d put on the mask. Tomorrow I’d treat Risa like she meant nothing to me. Tomorrow I’d pretend Gretchen was the woman I held above all others. I would do this all the tomorrows here after until any possible threat was neutralized and destroyed.

But tonight I could let my truth breathe.