My Map of You (21 page)

From her half-obscured position beneath the towel, Holly was able to watch in undisturbed detail as he efficiently checked the puppy's eyes, mouth and paws, before using a small stethoscope to listen to its heart. After a few minutes of prodding and peering – all of which prompted no complaints from the patient – Aidan found another small towel and lifted the puppy into his arms, slowly rubbing it dry while making soothing noises into its mismatching ears. Holly sat down on the arm of the sofa. For some reason her legs were refusing to stop shaking.

‘She'll be fine,' he said eventually. ‘Just a bit shaken up. She's far too young to have been separated from her mammy.'

‘She's a she?' Holly had found her voice at last.

‘Well, you know, I'm no expert …' Aidan smiled for the first time since he'd opened the door. ‘Oh no, I am. That's right, silly me.'

‘Sorry for bringing it – I mean her – here,' Holly stuttered. ‘I didn't know what else to do – I know you said they shouldn't be domesticated and all that, but I couldn't just leave her there.'

‘You did the right thing.' Aidan smiled again, and this time it reached his eyes.

There was a silence as they both stared across at each other. Holly tried not to think about how awful she must look – she was determined not to be the first to look away, as she always seemed to be. She didn't want Aidan to think she was weak, even though being around him made her feel exactly that. And wasn't it true, anyway? The first sign of trouble and she'd run here, to him. The thought made blood rush to her cheeks again, and she was glad when he lowered his eyes first to whisper more silly nonsense to the puppy.

‘This happens a lot,' he said, breaking the tense silence and motioning to the tiny dog with a nod of his head. ‘She was lucky you found her – I don't think she would have lasted more than a few days on her own.'

Holly nodded. ‘What will you do with her?' she asked.

Aidan gave her a rather grim smile. ‘Well, I'll ask around the island, of course, see if anyone's missing her. But it's likely she'll end up with me.'

‘Really?' Holly's voice came out a few octaves higher than she would have liked.

‘At least for a little while, until she's stronger.' Aidan had lifted the little mutt up now and Holly tried her best
not to melt into a puddle of warm goo as he kissed and nuzzled its face.

Phelan, sensing that his master's attention was firmly elsewhere, sauntered over to Holly and writhed himself happily against her bare legs, leaving a trail of drool as he went. He really was the most ridiculous dog, she thought fondly, stretching out a hand and stroking his shiny head.

‘He likes you,' remarked Aidan, pulling a face when Holly looked up. ‘Okay, so he likes most people, but he definitely has a thing for you.'

‘Well, I have a thing for him too.' The meaning lingering behind their words was not lost on either of them, and Holly very determinedly kept her eyes firmly on the dog.

Aidan took a deep breath. The puppy had now curled up in the warm space under his chin and closed her eyes. ‘What is your story, Holly?'

The abrupt change in subject shocked her.

‘What do you mean?'

‘I mean, who are you? What are you really doing here? What's your story?'

‘One question at a time!' She tried to laugh him away, but his gaze was unrelenting.

‘The thing is,' he went on, moving from behind the table and making his way over to where she was still sitting on the arm of the sofa, ‘Sandra told me she had a niece, but she couldn't tell me much about you. Then you show up, all stroppy and defensive – what?'

She was glaring at him.

‘Come on, you
are
both those things. In the beginning you were, anyway, but then I've seen your softer side too.
Like this here, tonight, bringing this little lost puppy to me. It's … Well, it's confusing, that's all.'

‘Maybe I'm just a confusing girl.' Holly's voice had become very small. She didn't like how much attention he'd been paying to the way she behaved, but then a little voice in her head was also whispering to her that she might just be a tiny bit thrilled about it at the same time.

‘You intrigue me,' Aidan told her. ‘It feels as if you're keeping part of yourself locked away out of sight. Like this business of you having a fella back home. Why didn't you mention him before?' He had sat down now at the opposite end of the sofa to her, and was still stroking the sleeping puppy with one thumb. Holly watched as he rotated it first one way, then the other. Not for the first time, she felt as if he was peeling back that protective shell she'd built around herself – and this time she was finding it harder to resist him. So what if he got a few fingers underneath? So what if he had a sense of the real her? She had been feeling more and more like the person she thought she'd always been ever since she arrived here. Zakynthos was drawing out something that she'd never been comfortable with before, and it was beginning to dawn on her that the something in question was herself.

‘The truth is,' she said finally, daring herself to look at him. ‘The truth is that I have no idea what I'm doing here, either. Until a few weeks ago, I didn't even know this place existed. I didn't know that Sandra existed. I thought that I was all that I had left.' She had to stop before her voice dissolved into a sob, and Aidan waited while she took a few deep breaths and stared hard at the opposite wall.

‘It's hard to explain,' she ploughed on. ‘But I feel as if there are answers in this place, on this island. Things that I need to know.'

Aidan shifted slightly at her words. ‘What sort of things?'

‘That's just it!' Holly threw her hands up in exasperation. ‘I don't know. I just have this feeling – a sense that something is waiting for me.' Now that she was saying all this out loud, Holly realised that it had been on her mind for days, creeping into her subconscious like one of the bougainvilleas that ran up the side of the house.

‘I'd like to help you find it, if you'll let me.'

Holly turned her gaze from the wall to find that Aidan had moved along the sofa. He was so close to her now that she could almost feel the hairs on his thigh brushing against her lower leg. Her still soaking wet top clung to her back, but she had stopped shivering. Outside, the rain continued to pelt against the ground – she could hear it in the trees and smell it in the air between them.

‘I've got a boyfriend.' She hadn't planned to say it, and it was in no way an answer to Aidan's question, but it felt important to bring Rupert into the room with them. The image of him was becoming increasingly faded the more time she spent with Aidan, and she hated herself for being so disloyal.

‘You said that already.' Very slowly, Aidan pulled a blanket down from the back of the sofa and wrapped it around the puppy, setting her aside on the cushion in a contented, sleepy ball. Holly only had to let herself slide down and she would be on his lap, in his arms.

‘He's a good person,' she added. It was barely a whisper.

‘I'm sure he is.'

They both jumped as another clap of thunder rang out, and Holly laughed gratefully, using the opportunity to stand up and reach for her bag on the floor.

‘I should go,' she looked at him. ‘I really do need to dry off.'

‘Holly, Holly, Holly.' He sat forward and rested his elbows on his knees. ‘Why do I feel like you're always trying to run away from me?'

She opened her mouth to reply, but there was nothing she could say. They both knew why she was going.

‘Are you scared what will happen if you stay?' His voice was soft, but the meaning was clear.

She nodded, unable to speak.

‘This boyfriend of yours,' said Aidan, standing up and taking a step towards her. ‘Does he make you do this?' As he said it, he brushed a casual finger down the side of her face, and Holly quivered with pleasure.

‘No.' It was a whisper.

She thought he was going to kiss her again, but instead he ran a hand into her wet hair, gathering it up and squeezing out the excess water. The droplets slid down her back and along his bare arm. Aidan stared at her exposed neck as if transfixed, his hand still clenched in her hair. Holly wanted desperately to touch him, but she was frozen. Her breath caught in her throat as he ran another finger behind her ear and down along her collarbone. This was the moment she must stop, pull away and tell him she wasn't interested – but she didn't.

She started to shake, not with cold but with the desire that was now flooding through her. There was a burning
feeling coming from below her belly button, and she felt her tongue come out and moisten her lips. Aidan saw it too, and finally, deliciously, dipped his face towards hers. There was a moment before their lips touched, when just for a second Holly pictured the two of them as a stranger would, locked on to one another. She wondered briefly if the sparks she could feel would be visible, like a match being struck in a darkened room. And then Aidan's lips were on hers, and she didn't think about anything but him.

Thursday, 24 December 1992

Darling sister,

As you can see from the front of this card, we're up in Edinburgh for Christmas and I can't even tell you how cold it is. Imagine a bath full of ice, on the top of Everest, with a chilly breeze. Holly loves it here because there is real snow and it never seems to snow in London. Do you remember the time it snowed on the island and we ran starkers down the beach to Porto Koukla? It was the year before we lost Mum and Dad, and I thought we would die laughing. I think about you all the time, S. Will you forgive me? It is Christmas, after all. At least write back to me and tell me that you're okay. Please. I hope you have something nice planned for Christmas. Mine is just to get as drunk as I possibly can. Ha ha ha!

Jenny Bear xxx

She
wasn't sure when it had stopped raining, but when Holly woke up the next morning there was a thin, bright trail of sunshine thrown across the tangled sheets.

Aidan's sheets.

Oh dear God, she was in Aidan's bed.

Mercifully, given the mild panic she was feeling and the way her hair appeared to have dried in the shape of a bashed-in beehive, Aidan himself was nowhere to be seen. Feeling like a total idiot, Holly bent her head to sniff his pillow and allowed herself a small smile. She lay there for a few seconds, straining to hear the waves hitting the shore and waiting for the guilt to crash over her. Oddly, though, she didn't feel very guilty at all. What had happened last night had felt inevitable, but more than that: it had felt right. She quelled a sudden ridiculous urge to get up and jump up and down on the bed – she wanted to throw open the windows and yell across the mountains, ‘I had sex with an amazing man last night!'

‘The heat must be sending me mad,' she said out loud, and then laughed at herself. It was clear that Aidan was not in the vicinity, so eventually she gave up waiting and, pulling on a discarded T-shirt that smelled deliciously of tall, dark, Irish vet, she headed downstairs.

There was a handwritten note propped up against the kettle. ‘Gone to get some stuff for the puppy. You're
beautiful.' The puppy! She had almost forgotten all about her, the little lucky charm she'd rescued from the roadside. Had fate reached out a mischievous hand and placed her there for Holly to find? At this moment in time, it felt like a genuine possibility. Would this ever have happened had it not been for the puppy? The idea alarmed her, but she swept it aside just as quickly as it had occurred to her. No, this would always have happened, one way or another. There was something about Aidan, an extra layer to him that she'd never come across in another human being before – and whatever it was, it had worked its way under her skin.

You trust him
, whispered the voice inside her head.
You've never trusted anyone before in your life, but you trust him.

With this realisation, Holly also became urgently aware that she wanted to tell Aidan everything: all about her mum, her past, the things she'd discovered since she'd arrived in Zakynthos – all of it. What had seemed so terrifying just a day ago now felt like the most natural thing in the world, and she was impatient to get started now. The minutes clicked by like hours, and just as she was contemplating climbing an actual wall in frustration, Holly heard the sound of the jeep engine and felt her heart start to rattle with excitement. Ignoring the urge to run down the path and leap into Aidan's arms like a wild monkey – she wasn't entirely insane – Holly busied herself making tea in the kitchen and only turned round when she could sense that he was a few feet behind her.

‘Morning,' he breathed, burying his head under her hair and kissing her behind the ear.

Holly squirmed and giggled as the teaspoon clattered against the mugs.

‘This T-shirt looks a lot better on you than it does on me,' he added, looking her up and down appreciatively, before hooking an investigatory finger under the hem. ‘No pants? Are you trying to kill me, woman?'

He moved to kiss her and Holly let herself melt against him for a second, pulling gently away as she felt a wet little nose against her foot. The puppy was looking up at them with wide brown eyes, her tiny stump of a tail wagging with delight.

‘She remembers you,' Aidan told her, scooping the puppy up and placing her in Holly's arms. ‘She's a smart little cookie, this one.'

Holly wondered how Rupert would react if she turned up one day with a puppy, then pushed the thought angrily from her head. Now was not the time to be thinking about Rupert. That was a mess to be sorted out another day.

As if sensing her sudden disquiet, Aidan stepped to one side and finished making the tea.

‘Are you busy today?' Holly asked. Her voice sounded horribly polite, and she pulled an apologetic face as he looked round at her. ‘I mean, do you … Are you?'

Aidan chucked the spoon into the sink and laughed, taking both her and the puppy in his arms again. ‘Yes, I'd love to spend the day with you, Miss Wright. What would you like to do? I hear the water park is fun …'

‘Water park?' Holly was aghast. ‘As if! I was actually thinking … Well, I had this one idea.' Putting the puppy gently down on the tiled floor, she retrieved her shorts from the floor near the sofa and yanked them on.

‘Do you think we can find the beach?' Holly asked him. ‘The secret beach from the map? It's the last place to visit.'

Aidan stared into her eyes. There were golden flecks in his, and his lashes were the colour of cinnamon. ‘We can certainly try.'

As she got dressed into clean clothes next door, Holly found herself absurdly missing him. It was ridiculous – she'd been away from him for all of ten minutes, but there was an ache of longing inside her. She could hear him outside through the open bedroom window, explaining to Phelan that he would have to stay at the house today to look after the little puppy.

‘Don't look at me like that, you daft mutt,' he was chiding. ‘This is important, okay?'

Could it really be true that she, Holly, was important to this man? As she looked at herself in the mirror, a brush half-dragged through her haystack-like hair, Holly couldn't help but smile – this was what it must feel like to jump out of a plane: terrifying, but exhilarating.

When she slithered across the front seat of the jeep a few minutes later, Aidan promptly put one of his big hands on her thigh and leaned over to give her a lingering kiss. It was bizarre how she'd gone from being so on edge around him to feeling as if they'd been together for years. Neither of them had mentioned the subject of her absent boyfriend since last night.

‘I can't believe there aren't even any puddles,' Holly said as they drove down the hill and turned left, away from the coast. It was true. Despite the torrential downpour of the previous evening, there didn't appear to be even a droplet of water remaining. The sun, which was already high above them, had sponged up every last raindrop. There was a flavour to the air, however, that hinted
at a difference. The plants seemed more fragrant than ever and the mugginess had been washed away, giving the landscape a renewed clarity. Holly felt as if her eyes were fully open for the first time that week, and wondered if it was just the effects of the storm, or something else.

‘Penny for them?' Aidan joked. He had balanced the hand-drawn map on the dashboard and was glancing at it as he drove, a frown creasing lines across his smooth forehead.

‘I was just thinking how beautiful this place is,' she replied, telling him a half-truth.

‘Gets under your skin, doesn't it?' He was watching the road, but increased the pressure on her thigh by a fraction.

‘It's going to be horrible going back to London,' she blurted, realising too late that this also meant being separated from him. They hadn't yet discussed what would happen next, and now she wished she could catch her words before they reached him, like butterflies with a net.

Aidan was silent for a few miles, apparently choosing to let the awkward moment pass. Holly sat squirming next to him, trying to quell the surge of panic that had risen up in her chest. What if she'd just scared him off? What if he thought she'd just been using him? But then, what the hell was she doing?

‘This beach is definitely near the north-west tip of the island,' Aidan said, looking once again at the scribbled map. ‘It would make sense – there are a lot of small coves in that area that I've never been to before. I think it will be in the same area as the Blue Caves.'

‘Great. Whatever you think.' She knew she was being
lacklustre, but Holly couldn't help but feel responsible for sticking a big London pin in their idyllic Greek bubble. Just when she was deliberating whether or not to leap out of the jeep and leg it, Aidan took one of her clasped hands in his and squeezed it tight.

‘Stop fretting, woman,' he told her gently. ‘Let's find this beach. We can talk about all the other crap later, okay?'

It took them another hour to reach Korithi, by which time they'd passed at least fifteen separate fields that definitely smelled of poo. Aidan chatted to her as he drove, pointing out houses up on the mountainsides and telling her all about the people who lived there. It turned out that since moving to the island, Aidan had become quite the expert on goats and chickens – the predominant animals on Zakynthos.

‘Why do you think my clothes are all full of bloody holes?' he laughed. ‘Goats will eat anything, the little buggers. Never turn your back on a goat, I can tell you that for free.'

‘Why are they so popular?' Holly asked. She was struggling to find anything very appealing about the grubby, toothy faces that kept peering at her from over low stone walls.

‘Well, they're used for milk and cheese,' Aidan shifted slightly. ‘And meat.'

‘They eat them?' Holly felt suddenly guilty that she ever thought of them as ugly.

‘Of course they do,' Aidan was amused now. ‘They're not pets, are they? Not like cats and dogs.'

‘It just seems such a shame,' she pouted. ‘They're all so sweet.'

‘Far better that they spend their days in the fields, roaming about freely with their goat mates,' Aidan argued. ‘In Britain, they'd probably spend their life in a grotty old barn – or worse.'

He was right, of course, and clearly quite passionate about it.

‘You're very sexy when you get angry,' she told him, immediately turning red.

Aidan didn't reply; he merely gave her a sly grin and carried on driving. Holly tried not to think about how much she wanted him to pull over and drag her into the nearest field. It would be totally worth losing her bikini bottoms to a hungry goat.

Aidan parked on the edge of a small square. The idea was that they'd explore on foot and try to find the rock that apparently looked like a dog's face. If the map was correct, then the path that led to the secret beach wasn't far from there.

Korithi was a beautiful place, and Holly paused for a few seconds to absorb the landscape as she clambered out of the jeep. The sky was so blue today that she could almost feel the weight of it. It was strange, there barely ever being a single cloud in the sky. Save for yesterday's freak storm, Holly had only seen a few since she arrived. It made the space around her feel larger, somehow, as if her eyes could search for ever and never find an end. London, by contrast, had already started to shrink in her mind. Silly, really, given that it was far larger than Zakynthos.

‘Are you ready?' Aidan had walked round from the
driver's side and was standing beside her. She couldn't see his eyes through his sunglasses, but he was smiling. It was such an easy smile, just a slight lift in each corner of his wide mouth. His top lip was thinner than his bottom, but his Cupid's bow was invitingly pronounced. It took every ounce of strength she had not to reach upwards and kiss him again. She had to stop letting herself be distracted – they had a mission to accomplish.

They strolled hand in hand through the small village area, past window boxes overflowing with a riot of colourful flowers and a small bakery emitting a delicious smell of warm dough and cheese. Aidan explained that the place was one of the best on the island for spanakopita, a Greek type of pasty stuffed with feta cheese and spinach. He laughed as Holly clutched her rumbling stomach and groaned with pleasure, eventually turning back to nip in and buy them some to feast on when they reached the beach.

They left the tarmac of the main road after 100 metres or so and Holly followed Aidan along a stony path towards the top of a cliff. She could see the top sails of a windmill above the trees, and as they rounded the corner she let out a little gasp of pleasure. The windmill was nestled close to the edge of the cliff, a small, wood-panelled taverna propped up at its base. It was no longer in working order, but it was the first time Holly had seen one this close up.

‘It's so cool,' she blurted, running her hand across the light grey stone.

‘Yeah, it's, like, so rad.' Aidan laughed at her furious expression, pulling her against him and kissing the top of her head.

‘Look.' They had moved around the windmill to the very
edge of the cliff, a decidedly rickety-looking fence the only thing separating them from a sheer drop into the sea below. ‘You can see all along the coastline from here,' Aidan pointed. ‘I thought we could see if there are any beaches.'

They both leaned over the fence as far as they dared, with Aidan's height giving him the advantage.

‘I think I can see something,' he said. ‘It might be nothing, but I say it's worth a look.'

‘Let's do it.' Holly was happy to let him lead the way – especially when he chose a rubble-strewn path right along the cliff edge. This time there was no fence, so Holly concentrated very hard on where she placed each foot.