My Russian Hero (2 page)

1. I was the victim of a stalker.

2. The attack was only the beginning.

3. My life was over (fun was a thing of the past).

4. Fear was my new friend.

5. I couldn’t trust anyone.

Fear dined on me like I was some kind of sick buffet special. Months went by, and my attacker continued his assault on me. There were phone calls, cards, flowers, packages left on my doorstep, emails, and I could still feel his disgusting eyes glaring at me everywhere I went.

One week after the first attack, I had begun to receive cards in the mail. Nice little greeting cards on the outside but, once flipped open, revealed darker, more disturbing messages. The first card arrived in a beautiful yellow envelope. I had smiled at the happy color and thought of daisies. The card was a different story. Inside was a message from him.

Caroline,

You escaped me once but you will NOT be so lucky the next time.

Your Admirer

I gasped for air, suddenly feeling like a huge weight was crushing my chest. “No! Not again!” I whimpered. A sudden chill washed over me, my grip on the card loosening, causing it to flutter to my feet. Tears streamed down my face. I knew then that he would never leave me alone. His words cut like a knife, my lungs so tight I could barely draw a single breath.

What had I done to attract him? Would he ever leave me alone? What did this bastard want from me? All of these questions ran through my mind as I punched three numbers on the keypad of my phone.

Within minutes, there was a knock at my door. With trembling hands, I reached for the doorknob, hesitating long enough to check the peephole on the door. Seeing the police officers, I released a ragged breath and unlatched the locks.

While sitting on my sofa, my knees drawn up to my chest, I watched the police officers meander through my apartment, touching this and that. I knew they were trying to help but each touch of my possessions felt like another violation. I couldn’t stand it. I just wanted my quiet life back.

Officer Blanton snapped on her gloves and looked at the envelope and card with worried eyes. The snap of the latex almost made me jump out of my skin. “Have you received anything before today?” she asked, studying his ‘gift.’

“No. Just this,” I said, trying to fight back tears. “I’m so scared.”

“Is there anyone you can stay with? Family? Friends?”

“Friends,” I said, dashing a hand across my face to wipe away some tears. “I’ll call them and pack a bag.”

Officer Blanton put the despicable greeting card and envelope in an evidence bag as I called my friend, Amy. She arrived before the police departed, and sat with me for a while. It was comforting having her with me. I felt normal, if only for a moment.

The next few weeks, he sent more packages, letters, and notes, with the occasional flower delivery; all with messages that rattled me. The phone calls in the middle of the night were worse. He enjoyed tormenting me. After every incident, I called the police, jumping through the necessary hoops in hopes of his capture. He wasn’t scared of the police, though. Of that, I was certain.

I feared this horrible creature that had attached himself to me. I had never been so frightened in my entire life. In a way, it even scarier than the actual attack because he had been real then, a physical force that could be felt, seen. Now, he seemed to be nothing more than a shadow, impossible to catch, impossible to predict.

I had overheard several officers talking about the escalation of the crimes against me, saying that men like him didn’t usually give up. I stiffened at the thought of what he might do next, nearing the point of agoraphobia, afraid to be out in public because he might find a way to whisk me off, never to be seen again. I knew he was out there, watching and waiting for another chance to get me.

I quit my job and stayed inside as much as I could, only venturing out for necessities. My friends were concerned, often trying to get me to come out with them to dinner and parties. But I couldn’t. I didn’t feel safe. Every man I saw could be
him
. It always caused me to panic.

The final attack was what pushed me over the edge. I went for pizza with my friends, only to return to my apartment and find the door ajar. Stepping away from the building, I ran to my car and locked myself in, my hands – my whole body – shaking as I dialed 911 and waited. Staring into the dark night, the voice of the dispatcher droning on in my ear, I wondered if he was still in my apartment. He probably wasn’t; not now, anyway. He was too careful, always eluding capture. But I was still too scared to go inside.

A tap sounded on my window, the sound making me jump away from the door. A uniformed officer stared at me through the glass separating us. He had a serious yet kind face, but no matter how much I wanted to open the door or roll down my window, I just couldn’t. It wasn’t safe. If he could get in my apartment then... then he could get me anywhere.

“Caroline?” the officer asked.

“Yes! I’m Caroline,” I said, loud enough to be heard through the glass. “Someone has been in my apartment. The door... it was open when I got home.”

The officer stepped a few feet away from my vehicle and spoke to someone on his walkie-talkie. Seconds later, he returned. “Stay here. Don’t get out of the car. Okay?”

I nodded my understanding and he strode away with a determination in his step. His large frame easing its way up the walkway to my apartment, gun drawn, appearing to be ready for whatever awaited him.

I sat there for a few minutes, just watching the officer, each movement so calculated. He looked back towards my car and then disappeared into my apartment, his gun raised. He wouldn’t need it. Enough time had passed that I knew my stalker was gone. He was too smart to get caught.

The officer returned, talking again into the walkie-talkie on his shoulder. I could only make out a few words from the one-sided conversation, but enough to know my admirer had amped up his game. The policeman had a serious look on his face, and that’s when I knew I had to disappear. I had to go where this twisted, obsessed man couldn’t find me.

The stalker had left me another gift. He set the table with candles and a beautifully wrapped package. Inside the package was dead cat. The note said that was what he would do to me for turning my back on him. A ripped-up dress coated in blood was left on my bed.

Several more police cars pulled in and I watched with curiosity and concern. Officer Dailey appeared in the chaos of cars and cops with a woman in a business suit. As they neared my car, I opened my car door to meet them.

Before I reached Officer Dailey, two uniformed officers approached her. They talked briefly, voices low so I couldn’t hear them. From the looks passing between everyone, I knew it was bad.

“Officer Dailey.” I exclaimed, worried over what they might have discussed but thankful that I knew someone there.

“Caroline,” she said, nodding towards the woman with her. “This is Margo Waters. She’s with the local Victims of Crime Program. I think she can help you find peace. This stalker is escalating and fast. We need to get you somewhere safe. Tonight he left clothes laid out on your bed, and the gift box with a dead kitten inside speaks volumes about what he wants to accomplish. He has big plans for you. Without knowing his identity, it is difficult to catch him… but there are other options for you.”

“I can’t live like this,” I said, my voice shaky, on edge. “I just want to get far away from here. Somewhere he can’t find me. I just want to leave this messed-up life behind.” I choked back a sob. “I just want to be someone else, someone this guy doesn’t know, someone he can’t find, someone he doesn’t even know exists.”

Margo smiled at me. “I think I can help you with that.”

“What” I had been rambling, barely aware of what I had been saying. Be someone else? It was just a fantasy. “What do you mean?”

“I mean you can have that fresh start, if you really want it.”

“I do,” I said, almost shouting. It seemed too good to be true. “I really do.”

Just like that, it was done, my old life left behind. Margo got me into the special victims of crime program, which was similar to the government’s witness relocation program. I was given a new identity and a new life. I welcomed the idea, the opportunity to begin my life again. It was hard to leave behind everything and everyone I knew, but it was a price I was willing to pay.

And that’s when the life of Caroline Douglas faded from existence. That’s how I got my new name and new life. My name is Danielle “Dani” McCade. I am strong. I am powerful. I am a survivor.

“I’m a survivor, at least that’s what everyone tells me.”

- Courtney Love

Chapter One

Four Years Later

The life Dani once knew had become a distant memory, hiding like a small child in a garden maze. It peeked around the blooming flowers and pristinely manicured greenery, winking at her, reminding her that who she is – or rather the life she now lived – could all fall apart in the blink of an eye. Thoughts like this sent chills down Dani’s spine, even on a warm spring day like today.

She’d spent the last four years settling into her new life. The first year was the most difficult by far. Everything that had happened, and all that Dani had been through as a result, created a whole new way of looking at the bigger picture that was her life. It was hard as hell to trust anyone, to allow another person to get close to her. The worst was having to share a dorm room with someone... even another girl.

What was so bad about having a roommate? Well, it’s simple; girls date boys in college, and Dani knew her roommate, Zoe, would have wanted them to attend all the college parties, to go on double dates, and have a thrilling college experience. Dani had wanted that too, but she had been forever changed in all the ways a girl could be changed.

Did Dani McCade date? Not really! Letting a man close to her had been difficult in the beginning. As much as she wanted to set herself free and let a man close in the way a woman needs was frightfully difficult. She just wasn’t ready for a long time...but now, after so much time, has passed, Dani yearned for the touch only a man could provide, that heat that spreads like a wild fire burning out of control as your body throbs, seeking release. She was so damn ready to cut loose and take her life back.

Zoe, along with the advice offered by Margo Waters, helped me to heal, to prepare myself, to let someone new come into my life. I was desperate for male companionship, you know. I needed someone to love me, warts and all, someone that could hear my story and not run for the hills in fear, a man that could be trusted.

Zoe taught Dani to trust her judgement, to see that not all men were bad. Zoe wasn’t aware that during the first year of their friendship that she was helping Dani, but she did and she still does. Dani loves her friend dearly for that. Dani’s main problem was that she was just so damn afraid that
he
would find her and catch her off guard as he had done before.

Dani McCade’s new life allowed her to redefine herself and find comfort by teaching herself to be aware of everything around her. She hadn’t done that before, and that was a major flaw on Dani’s part. What happened to her back then wasn’t her fault, but she should have been more aware. She was one of the lucky ones. It was chilling how many girls aren’t so lucky; many don’t survive a stalker like Dani’s. It was just a sad fact, and facts didn’t lie.

Margo Waters helped Dani to shed some of her fears and weakness and to be reborn as a warrior. Margo became her guardian angel and Dani could never thank her enough for everything she’d done for her over the years. The changes Dani made had given her the strength to live her life again, no matter who she was or where she was.

Margo said that Dani was a survivor, but Dani liked to think of herself as a warrior because she made a point to learn everything she could about kickboxing, Aikido, Jiu-Jitsu, and Krav Maga. If she ever found herself in a situation like that again, she would damn sure be ready to kick some major ass.

Screaming for help wasn’t a bad thing that night, but she could have done more, should have done more, but fear wrapped its tendrils around her, making her weak. Feeling that weak again just wasn’t an option for her anymore. Dani had vowed to protect herself in every way possible, and that was a promise she’d always keep.

The special victims of crime people had suggested that she get a firearm. Dani had hesitated in doing that at first. She knew that guns didn’t kill people without a little assistance, but she just hated the thought of having one. Her parents never allowed weapons in the home and she understood why. The danger they represented was instilled in her from a very young age. There were countless deaths on record, stories in newspapers sharing the sad news of lost children and odd events leading to a death that could have been prevented.

Now she felt differently about them. In this world, they were necessary to aid in one’s protection, to ensure that one was not taken advantage of. After learning to fight off attackers, she learned to properly use a gun. Purchasing one and not being able to use it safely just wasn’t going to happen. Her parents would’ve rolled over in their graves if they knew she owned one now. It stays in its box, locked away even now. But it made Dani feel safer just knowing it was there if she ever needed it.

“Life is either a daring adventure or nothing.

Security is mostly a superstition.

It does not exist in nature.”

- Helen Keller

Chapter Two

One Year Later - Present Day

“Dani. Are you packed and ready for our flight?” Zoe yelled from the next room. You could hear the excitement in every word she spoke. This spring break vacation was going to be the best one yet.