My Secret Rockstar Boyfriend (15 page)

I’m so happy that you liked the song. I was so nervous to send it to you! What are you doing to me?! Usually I’m pretty cool, you know . . . ?

It sounds so cringey, but I think you inspired me. There’s something about you that’s kinda like a lucky charm. I know I’m being silly but I don’t care.

Anyway, I think i’m doing the best work I have done in a long time.

Sorry I haven’t had the chance to chat so much the last couple days. Things have really taken off with this whole secret gig thing, and it’s all gone kinda crazy. Like I said, I
think it’s meeting you that’s put a rocket under my ass! It’s the first time in a long time that I’ve been inspired to work like this. So, good news (I hope you think so) .
. . My management agree, and I will be staying in the UK for a while so that I can (drum roll, please) play at Glastonbury. I guess you know about my history there (i.e. it’s where I once
lost my mind and my career!). So it feels like a pretty big deal to me.

I’d love it if you’d come with me. Maybe you’re going anyway? I know how popular it is over here. Have you been before?

I know you have your own life and you may have plans for that weekend, but please come with me? I really kind of need you there, if I’m honest. I’ll Instagram some falafel, buy you
cake, do whatever you want. I’m basically begging you: come to Glastonbury with me. Obviously my management will fix all the details and you’ll be on the guest list.

I just like you so much. Let me know.

J xxx

Now that our A levels have started up and stress levels are rising, the temporary love-in between Nishi and Seymour is officially over. In fact, Nishi seems like she’s
had quite enough of both of us. She’s so wound up, even by her own standards, that I’m starting to get a bit worried about her. Only thing is, I haven’t had the chance to see her
on my own to talk about it properly.

This is partially thanks to Seymour’s quest to be A Better Boyfriend, which is kind of making me want to crawl out of my own skin. The only good thing is that we are all so busy with A
levels, we haven’t seen much of each other.

Which is definitely a good thing, because I have more than enough to deal with at the moment. Thankfully this morning’s exam went really well, as have the others I’ve done so far. I
don’t mean to sound arrogant; it’s just that I can tell that all my revision has paid off. I haven’t had any unexpected questions, and although they’ve been hard, it feels
like stuff that I’m prepared for. I’m amazed at how relaxed I’ve been feeling. I guess I’ve earned it.

It’s no bad thing that Jackson’s touring schedule starting up has coincided with my exams. We’ve still been talking but I’ve found it quite easy to get my revision in and
concentrate on my work. It’s like our sort-of relationship has given me this new confidence that’s making life a bit better all round. I feel like I’m in a little bubble and,
cowardly though it may be, I’m doing my best not to let the rest of the world intrude on that too much.

I haven’t told Jackson yet that I can’t be at Glastonbury. Mostly because I’m hoping that something might happen to make it possible for me to go. I know it would be total
insanity, as I will have my last English exam still to come by the time Glastonbury starts. I know I shouldn’t go. But let’s just say I still haven’t completely ruled it out. I
can’t bear to shut the door all the way on that one, not yet. I’m hoping to keep my options open as long as possible. As if some miracle is going to fall out of the sky, like A levels
are cancelled forever or the college might be hit by a freak earthquake.

Today’s exam is over by lunchtime, so I head over to the college canteen and queue up for cheesy chips. When I head over to the usual table, Nishi and Seymour are already there. They
clearly have nothing to say to each other.

As I walk closer and pull up a chair, I can see that Seymour looks all awkward and fidgety – he can be very angular when he wants to be – and Nish looks plain old moody. Very moody.
It’s a look that I should be used to on her, but this one seems worse than any of the usual (political/moral/life in general) snits I have ever seen her in before.

I wait for them to ask me about how my exam went, but they both sit there in silence, so I am obviously expected to do the talking for all of us.

‘Hey, guys,’ I say with a false cheerfulness, feeling a bit like a children’s entertainer in front of a group of juvenile delinquents; I’ll be doing jazz hands in a
minute if I don’t watch it. ‘How are my two favourites?’

‘Um, I’m not sure . . .’ Seymour looks a bit scared.

‘Look,’ Nishi begins, ‘I have something to tell you and I don’t want to have to say it twice – so I wanted to wait for you to get here, Chew.’

The look on her face seems to confirm my worst suspicions. My guilty conscience is in full swing yet again as I wonder what bombshell she might be about to drop.

‘Nish, whatever it is, it’s—’ I start to say, and put my hand over hers on the table until she abruptly pulls it away and interrupts me.

‘Get off,’ she snaps, but I know her and her weird hang-ups so well I don’t hold it against her. ‘I don’t want to get all touchy-feely about this and I don’t
want any questions. Basically I don’t want to cry in public. Me and Anna have broken up.’

This must be really bad if Nishi is saying things like ‘me and Anna’ – usually she is very particular about grammar and makes sure she gets everything exactly right at all
times so that she can hold herself up as a paragon of punctuation. I can’t even think of anything to say in response to this news.

Unfortunately Seymour does not share my speechlessness.

‘Nishi,’ he says in a Special Serious Voice that makes me want to cringe, ‘Chew’s right: it’s OK to want to talk about things and we
are
here for you. This
must be really, really hard for you. I mean, I can only imagine, but . . .’

Why can’t Seymour just act like a normal crap boy and be awkward and silent, instead of dragging me into some pop psychology emotional soup? Then he looks at me like he’s expecting a
pat on the head and so I have to feel guilty and sorry for him as well as everything else.

‘Seymour, maybe you could –’ I say gently, and give him a look that I really hope gets the message across.

Instead, as he seems to be doing so often these days, he just talks over me.

‘. . . but it might make you feel better to tell us what happened.’

‘We broke up,’ Nishi intones stonily. ‘This has happened right in the middle of the most important exams of my life, so I just need to forget it before I mess those up as well.
What more do you need to know?’

I know Nishi well enough to know that this is her default defence mechanism. I’m not going to force her to bare her soul in the middle of the college canteen if she doesn’t want to.
Maybe that makes us both emotionally stunted wrecks and the worst best friends ever, but it’s worked for us since way before Seymour or Anna came on the scene.

‘Seymour,’ I say more stridently this time, ‘maybe you could leave us alone for a bit . . . ?’

He actually looks put out.

‘All right,’ he agrees begrudgingly.

Then he visibly has a bright idea that he thinks will save the day.

‘Nishi, you’ve got to come along with Chew to my gig on Saturday night. The two of you can come together and we can have a proper night out. It’ll cheer you up, I
promise.’

I know he means well, so I grin at him overenthusiastically to make up for Nishi’s glower. Needless to say, she does not look massively cheered up by the prospect of seeing Seymour singing
to help her out of her state of heartbreak. I even find myself doing a double thumbs-up at him. Just to get him to go away. Have I mentioned lately that I am the worst? Now I suppose that I
can’t break up with him until after this gig is over. He seems to be taking it more seriously than his exams anyway – it’s a very big deal for him and I don’t want to be
responsible for ruining it. Despite all else, I just want to make this as easy on everyone as possible – a task that is proving to be impossible despite my very best intentions. I wish I
wasn’t such a coward, always wanting everyone to be happy and think that I’m a nice person.

As soon as he clears off, I look at Nishi with a half-smile/half-grimace that is supposed to indicate that all’s right with the world and we are not going to get all soppy and girlie
– even over this.

‘You’re not going to keep on talking, are you?’ she says, forcing herself to laugh. ‘If you say another word, I might have to kill you.’

I shake my head and mime zipping my mouth shut. Then I have a better idea and reach into my bag; I fish out a half-eaten Kit Kat and shove it across the table towards her. She should know how
lucky she is – it’s rare that I ever have a half-eaten anything to hand; usually I inhale the lot in one go. This would never have happened with a Snickers or even a Yorkie. Kit Kats
are just so boring. Still, she must be depressed, or she just appreciates the gesture, because she takes it off me.

Then I deliberately look down to my cheesy chips, which have now solidified into one lumpen rubber mass, and concentrate on them intently as I eat them. I don’t look back up at Nishi at
all, much as I want to.

I don’t know how long we sit there for, but it’s way longer than it takes me to polish off my big bowl of chips, and then to eat a sachet of salt slowly by licking my finger and
dipping it back in there repeatedly. I keep doing it until my finger stings and I can’t feel my tongue.

When I finally break the spell and look back over at Nishi, she is sitting perfectly still and staring into the middle distance. Her face is totally expressionless.

‘Thanks, mate,’ she says to me, and manages half a smile as she gets up and leaves.

Even after she’s gone I feel glued to my seat, weighed down so that I can’t get up. The room is almost empty by now. I glance over at the clock, which confirms that I’m already
late for my afternoon revision workshop, which is obviously a really bad show, what with A levels being in full swing now. But I still can’t be bothered.

It’s not just Nishi and Anna, although that is obviously way more than enough. It’s loads of things. Some of which I can’t even put into words, or let myself think about
properly.

Your New Favourite Band

Yes, that’s right. You heard it here first.

Terminal Ghosts might be a bunch of eighteen-year-olds from a sixth-form college in a small town in the middle of nowhere, but they are greater than the sum of their
parts. Besides, haven’t some of the greatest bands of our time come from the dreary, rainy, uninspiring English suburbs? If you live somewhere where literally nothing ever happens and there
is little in the way of cool things to do (bowling, anyone? no?), then the kids have to get creative and make their own fun.

Terminal Ghosts, as you can probably tell from the name, are nothing if not creative. They might have some classic elements of the teenage band – they are arty
student types in skinny jeans and hipster glasses, who practise once a week in the bass player’s garage. But they are totally their own creation.

They play a mix of covers and originals, but the covers aren’t just the really obvious ones. No cheesy rock classics here. They offer their own takes on slightly
more obscure songs by their favourite bands – like the Smashing Pumpkins, Nine Inch Nails and Soundgarden.

They are led by their singer/guitarist, Seymour Brown, who is as talented as he is cute.
⁵
The rest of the band are
just as good at providing a solid wall of talent for him to bounce off. Catch them live if you can, or if not you can check out their website
here
. And don’t forget to thank me for
introducing you to them before they get too famous, so you can look like a cool early adopter in front of all your groovy friends!

Comments

Great post – have fun at the gig!

Carrie_Cougar

Hope you guys all have fun . . . miss you. x

anna_banana

Judging by what I can gather from other, possibly more normal, people, getting ready to go out with your friends is meant to be this really fun process that can take hours,
possibly the whole afternoon. Fortunately Nishi and I are not like most people. Making a hobby out of ‘getting ready’ is an idea that makes me want to cry for the future of mankind.
Maybe I’d feel differently if I was any good at doing hair or applying eyeliner straight. If I didn’t have such a short attention span, I’d probably be vastly more attractive.
Being truly pretty seems like a full-time job to me.

I’ve talked Nishi into coming with me to Seymour’s gig, and invited myself round to her house beforehand to make sure that she actually comes out. It would probably be more sensible
for both of us to stay in and revise, but I feel like we both need a break. OK, that’s code for: I can’t get out of going to Seymour’s gig tonight, so I really want some backup.
Nishi’s working so hard and stressing so much it’s starting to get counterproductive. Besides, tonight is really important to Seymour. It’s the least I can do.

I’m feeling a tiny bit sick about the blog post I put up before I left the house this evening. I did it in a fit of misguided conscience, but now I’m worried Jackson will see it and
comment. Or, worse, that his feelings will be hurt. I wanted to talk to him about it, but he can be really hard to get hold of sometimes – and then it was time for me to leave the house to go
out. Yet again, I’m not sure who I’m betraying the most – just that this situation is getting more and more murky.

Nishi and I are just killing time. We don’t have to leave for the gig, which is at a pub in town, for another hour, but we don’t have much in the way of getting ready to do. Nishi is
already in her signature shirt, skinny jeans and trainers, with her hair slicked back to show off the sides of her undercut and her multiple ear piercings, so she’s all set.