My Star (8 page)

It’s safe for me to say that it’s the most spiritual kiss I’ve ever had. It’s like nothing else exists other than awareness and lips in this moment. It feels like pure presence, an absolute state of being one. Then it’s over, and the ETB looks at me one last time, then bends its head and closes its eyes like a monk deep in prayer.

Go. You have very little time.

I collect myself, and leave the cage. I wish the captain would let me go to the ship. The scanning lights in the little hallway between the inner and outer door of the cage seems to search me forever. Up and down, up and down. Finally, they turn off, and I exit the outer door.

“Did it speak to you?” Captain Alvah is next to me like lightening.

“It told me how to control the ship.”

“So you know how to get into the ship?” Captain Alvah sounds anticipating.

“Yes.” I try to hold back, be patient, and let him drag it out of me, so he feels comfortable knowing he’s getting information I’m reluctant to tell him, and doesn’t suspect foul play.

“Show me!”

I let him lead the way back to the ET ship with the translucent soft surface. He’s fast paced, but I still have to brace myself with patience not to run. I really want to help the ETB with the beautiful eyes in time before it dies. Finally, we’re there. I step over the fence, and go under the ship.

“Enter! I’ll follow you in.” The captain sounds eager.

I go underneath the soft bubble on the belly of the ship, and hold the palm of my hand on the tip of the bubble with my fingers spread out. I forget about my fear of Captain Alvah standing behind me, and focus. I think of all the things I’m grateful for, and let trust penetrate my soul, while I speak the word
Starlight
in my mind. Suddenly the surface of the bubble goes soft like jelly, and gives way for the gentle pressure of my hand. Then as fast as the blink of an eye, my entire body gets sucked in, and I pop up inside the ship. I wait for a moment, but Captain Alvah doesn’t follow me. Surely he couldn’t, even if he knew how – his mind isn’t pure enough. I’m a little frazzled over all this, but there’s no time to waste. I find the control room of the ship, and do as the ETB instructed me to. A transparent liquidly ball appears in the middle of the room. It’s about twice my size, and glitters like sunshine on a watery surface. I stand right in front of it, put my mouth on the surface, and spread my lips. I feel a similar feeling of pure presence, pure being, like when the ETB kissed me. Warm comfort spreads through my mouth and my body, and I see a ball of light exit my mouth, and center in the liquid ball. I stand back, mesmerized by the spectacle. The light ball is expanding and contracting like a beating heart—gradually growing bigger until it fills the entire liquid ball. Then, in a flash the whole thing implodes into a tiny, brightly shining ball, as small as the head of a pin, and disappears with a low plopping sound that reminds me of the sonic boom of an aircraft breaking the sound barrier. The system turns everything off again, and I’m wondering if this was it. Did I make it in time? Did I just launch the essence of the ETB into space for it to return to its own world before its physically tangible body dies?

I exit at the bottom of the ship the same way as I got in. As I pop out of the bubble of the ship, the captain is over me like a hawk.

“I can’t get in. Why did you go in without me? How do I get in?” His face is glowing red.

I quietly enjoy seeing the captain out of control for once.

“I’m happy to tell you everything I know, but I fear that the ETB is dying. Let me first go and check if it’s already dead.”

“No, you’re not going anywhere...” He tries to grab my arm, but I break free and make a run for it.

“I’m not letting you out of my sight.” He’s running right behind me, waddling away in his toxic protective suit. The suits clearly weren’t made for speed.

I can’t help but being a little amused by the situation.

I run back to the glass cage and kneel down in front of the ETB It’s sitting immobile in the exact same position as before, on its knees with its head bent down and eyes closed, like a monk deep in prayer. I can’t tell if it’s alive or already dead, so I touch it gently to find out.

Is it done?
The voice in my head is weak.

I believe it’s done. I’m not entirely sure. The light ball imploded to a small pinhead, and then it disappeared with little plop.

Then it’s done.

Okay…

I’m grateful to you. I will let my body go now.

You mean you’ll die? Now?

The ETB sighs, and the skin quickly looses all remaining color. Ever so slightly its body collapses deeper into the prayer position, and I know there’s now no life left in the body in front of me. I feel a lump in my throat, and tears well up in my eyes.

Loneliness and despair creep up on me.

NINE

lightball of life

I get on my feet, and shake it out of my head and my body. I can’t appear to be siding with the ETB in any way. I’ve got to play the game, and appear like I’m on ‘their’ side, the captain’s side, to stay alive. I can see him standing outside the glass cage along with two armed guards.

Looking at myself objectively, this is actually crazy – I just kissed an alien! Even an aging alien at that! WTF? …and judging from the size of the guns of the captain’s two goons, I might not live to tell the tale to anyone.

I take a deep breath, and exit the glass cage. The two guards handcuff me immediately.

“My patience with you is coming to an end. There’ll be no more delays in you reporting everything that just happened.” Captain Alvah is now in control again, calm and collected.

I tell him exactly how to enter the ET Vessel, and I tell him most of what the ETB told me about knowledge passed on to humans. I leave out the fact that I carried the essence of the ETB to its ship, and sent it off as light. The captain tries to enter the ship himself, but can’t. I think that his mind isn’t peaceful enough. He’s too much of a bully. It’s actually a clever way to prevent violent-minded creatures from taking over the ETV. and use it to create havoc rather than peace. I demonstrate in details what I do to enter the vessel, and even though the captain doesn’t succeed in entering, he seems satisfied.

“Who do you think is holding that valuable information back from benefiting all of humanity?” I realize that I’m pushing my luck, and try to haul it back in. “It’s a clever and very effective way to stay in power. Very smart indeed.” I put an approving smile on my face, bite my tongue, and wait for the captain’s response.

“It’s a lie. There is no valuable information being held back.”

“How long have they held the ETB and its ETV captive here?”

“That’s classified information.”

“Classified? So information is indeed being kept secret?” I can’t help myself.

“Well…” The captain coughs.

“An encounter with an Extra-Terrestrial Being is big news. Why hasn’t the public been informed about this? Why is it being kept secret?” I give up trying to control my aversion, and I am fast becoming much too cocky for my own good. “Now that I’ve met and communicated with an ETB, I’m just curious to get the whole picture.” I try to make my questions sound innocent, and I hold my breath for the captain’s response. I must control myself and play this the smart way.

“It’s classified information, that’s all I can say.”

“Yes, of course.” I try to let it go.

Why can’t I just bite my tongue? Here in space, I’m at Captain Alvah’s mercy, and surely powers above his rank too. I’ve got no authority of any kind that matters. It’s imperative that he begins to trust me, or at least doesn’t see me as a threat. Right now, I’m pushing my luck like hell by challenging him, and I must stop! ...or I’ll get deeper in trouble.

“Let’s get you out of here.” The captain sounds annoyed. “You’re not to speak of this to anyone back on the ship. This is strictly confidential. Do you understand that?”

“My lips will be hermetically sealed.” I sound cheerful.

Disappointing. It shows me that I take this far too lightly. At this rate, I’ll be the death of me. Why can’t I take this serious? Well I do take this serious. I take it serious that I’ve just met an alien and witnessed its death. I take it serious that alien encounters are being kept secret from the public. I take it serious that Captain Alvah seems to be part of a conspiracy. I’m absolutely fascinated and intrigued by what I’m learning about aliens. But perhaps I don’t take it serious, that this can all cost me my life. Don’t I feel that my life holds value?

The captain orders the two armed guards to take me back to the ship, and walks off in the opposite direction. He’s probably going to liaise with the commander of the space station about what to do with me. I consider if there’s anything I can do to escape the two guards. If I could, then what would I do? Hide on the space station? It’s unlikely that I’d manage to stay hidden for long. Try to steal a spaceship, and return to Earth on my own? I don’t even know how to start up the engine of the Apollo. Hijack the Apollo then? I’d not be able to control everyone. Too many are under the captain’s command unquestionably. Besides, I think I’m not enough of a fighter, and too much of a lover to force anyone to do anything they don’t want to. It would have to be a mutiny, a collaboration with the others behind me. And I’m not sure they would be.

Back at the Apollo the others are looking curiously at me. I guess it’s been noted that I didn’t return with the rest of them, and now they’re wondering what’s been going on. But I can’t tell them. I go straight to my cabin. I feel incapacitated. I feel castrated. I feel like I depend on the bad guys. That’s fucked!

“Where have you been? What happened?” Kurt whispers, as he quickly enters my cabin, and shuts the door quietly behind him.

He sees the expression on my face, and wraps his arms around me. He sits there in silence for a while, and just holds me. He’s the rock of calmness that I need right now. It takes me a little while to relax. Then he kisses me long and soft, and my body lets go of all tension. I surrender to the safety of his embrace.

I wish it wouldn’t end, but it does.

Kurt breaks it off. “Talk to me.”

I snap out of the dream. “I tell you it’s horrendous. It’s worse than we thought. They’re not only keeping the public suppressed and in the dark, they’re also treating peace-seeking ETB’s like prisoners of war.”

“How is it possible that a corporation can have this much power? Surely, the government must know what’s going on. Why don’t they stop this?” Kurt pauses.

“They might be partially in the dark too, not knowing the full extend of what’s going on. Or perhaps the government is in on it, and condones the secrecy to stay in power by preserving the inequality between humans.” My mind is buzzing with theories of conspiracy.

“And as long as we’re here doing our job under the captain’s tight rule, we’re effectively supporting it too.” Kurt gives a troubled sigh.

“What can we do? Mutiny?” I’m eager to hear Kurt’s opinion of my idea.

“As long as the captain is successful in controlling the crew with his ‘divide and conquer’ strategy, we’re never going to win enough of the crew over to our side to be able to take charge of the ship. Someone would report it to the captain before we’ve even lifted a finger. Besides, if we succeeded, then we’d probably be locked up the moment we return to Earth anyway. I think for now it’s safer that we stay put, and submit to the mercy of the captain.” Kurt pauses and looks straight at me. “I can’t stand the thought of something happening to you. Once we’re back on Earth, we can reconvene and do something about it. Get the message out by using the proper channels.” Kurt sounds clear and determined.

...You can’t stand the thought of something happening to me...?
Suddenly I’ve forgotten everything about danger, conspiracy, and the captain’s iron grip.

“That’s right, Millie.” Kurt looks at me tenderly.

“What does that mean?”

“I’ve come to l...” Kurt stops.

I hear it too. There’s someone outside the cabin door. Kurt gets up and flings the door open. I’m right behind him, and see the back of someone disappearing around a corner further down the hall. In an instant, Kurt’s down there too at full speed, turning the same corner. In less than a minute, he’s back.

“I got to the dining hall. It’s full. There was no way to figure out who it was.”

“Do you think they heard us talk?” I sincerely hope they didn’t.

“Possibly. Probably. We can only hope they didn’t hear what we were talking about. I’m going to go back there, and have a meal. I’ll see if anyone looks at me, or behaves strangely towards me. You should eat too.”

“Thanks, but I’m not hungry.” I’d go with him for the company, but since we can’t be seen fraternizing in public, there’d be no point. I’m not hungry, and my mind is in too much turmoil for me to be socializing with the rest of the crew.

I return to my cabin, and try to relax and turn off my brain. Kurt’s words echo in my mind... He cares for me... I wonder how much... So much that he loves me?

I imagine his firm embrace around me again, and his soft lips all over me... All over my body...

TEN

red

We’ve left the E-corp space station, and are heading deeper into space toward our final destination—a big light red planet popularly named The Virgin Planet. Now we’re so far away from our own galaxy that I can’t make out any familiar star constellations or planets with the naked eye. Everything around us is unknown. At least to me, the ‘noxpert’.

We’re not far from the big pink planet when we’re hit by a shower of meteors. The hull is bombarded with rocks. I’ve never been to war in my life, but that’s what the sound makes me think of—war.

Not surprisingly, the engines are knocked out. The impact on the mood of the crew is instant. Uncertainty and mild panic spreads like a disease, and breathing is troubled and uneasy. The questions hang suffocatingly in the air almost spelled out—what if we can’t start again?—are we going to die here?