My Time in the Affair (15 page)

In Rome, she'd always been busy. With work during the day, then all her evenings with Tal. So her days and her nights had been filled. In Positano, the free time was killing her. She'd lain awake for hours the night before, her mind and heart racing. Going over and over what she would say to Mike. Going over and over what she wished she'd said to Tal.

Her next night was shaping up to be the same. There was some sort of festival going on in the town, but she wasn't about to take part. She planned on ordering up some room service and trying to find something, anything, to distract herself. Maybe pull her fingernails off with a pair of tweezers.
Anything
. The idea of talking to Mike made her want to throw up, but the idea of never seeing Tal again … it was actually worse. It made her want to explode.

When she'd been making her rounds with the phone, she had tried calling another friend, and the girl hadn't answered, so when her cell rang, Misch assumed it was her. She was laying face down on her bed, trying to suffocate herself with the pillows, so she didn't even look at it, just groped around for her phone and brought it to her ear.

“What time is it there? It's almost midnight here,” she grumbled.

“
Weird, it's the exact same time where I am.
”

Misch sat up so fast, her hand slipped on a pillow, throwing off her balance. She squeaked and tumbled to the floor, landing in a heap with the blankets. Her phone was buried under the comforter and she almost had a panic attack scrambling for it.

“Is this real?” she gasped when she finally had it again.

“Very real,” Tal's voice was deep. It had only been about four days since she'd talked to him, but it felt like a lot longer. In her mind, it was
so much
longer.

“I'm sorry we didn't get to say goodbye. I'm sorry I missed your call. I'm sorry I didn't call you back. I'm sorry -,” she began rambling.

“Misch, stop. It's okay. We're talking now,” he said. She nodded.

“I miss you,” she whispered.

“Good. Is he there?”

“No, not yet.”

“
Good.
”

“How are you? How was work?” she asked, twisting her fingers in the blanket.

“Work was work. How are you?”

“Okay.”

“Really?”

“... no, not really. But I'll be okay,” she was honest.

“I won't.”

“What?” she was caught off guard.

“I won't be okay until I see you again. I shouldn't have left like that, I had to come back,” he explained. She closed her eyes. It felt so good to hear him say it, but it didn't make things easier.

“Tal, I wish we could, but I can't come back to Rome. I leave for Istanbul in four days,” she told him.

“I'm not in Rome.”

She stopped breathing.

“Where are you?”

“I'm in your lobby.”

She leapt up from the floor and began pacing, another nervous habit. He was in her lobby!? What!? How!? He was supposed to be in another country! How did he even know which hotel she was at!?

“Don't do this. Don't do this to me,” she moaned.

“I'm sorry, I couldn't help myself.”

“I know it's hard, but you can't be here! Mike will be here in two days. I can't be with you and then be with him, see you and then see him,” she babbled.

“You better not '
be with
' him,” Tal growled.

“God, of course not! You think I could do that!? But I can't be sneaking off to see you during the days, and then coming home to him for the nights. I already hate myself enough as it is,” she tried to explain.

“Stop it, you don't hate yourself. And I'm not asking you to do all that, just be with me tonight,” he suggested. Her free hand went into her hair.

“You're making this so much harder, Tal. Why? Will it be easier to say goodbye tomorrow morning than it was Rome?” she demanded.

“No. It'll be hell. But I already went through it once; at least this time, I'll get to see your face when I say goodbye.”

She closed her eyes.

“I can't see you,” she whispered. “I can't see you, then go see him. I just can't. It wouldn't be right. I've already done so much wrong, Tal. I can't, I can't, I can't.”

She'd thought about it a lot. Not being with Tal was horrible, but being with him and being with Mike was worse. Too many emotions, too many words. She was worried if she saw Tal, if she talked to him in person, it would be over. She would be hopelessly addicted, and she would follow him off the edge of the map, and there would be no going back. And she couldn't do that – she was still tethered to another person.

“
Come find me,
” he whispered back to her.

“I can't.”

“You can.”

“I won't.”

“You will.”

“Please stop,” she begged.

“I can't stop.

“I'm hanging up,” she threatened.

“Good. After you do that, come find me.”

She hung up.

She paced clear out to the balcony. Then clear back to the front door. Back and forth, chomping on her bottom lip the whole time. He'd told her to be strong – this was the time to prove it. She'd told herself she wouldn't see him again. She would damn well stick to that promise. She owed it to him, even if he didn't realize it was better that way. She owed it to Mike, even if he didn't know it was going on. She owed it to herself, because …

Aw, fuck.

Mischa was in the hallway before she knew what she was doing. She halfway expected him to be out there, but the floor was empty. She would go down to the lobby, see him before he saw her, then she would sneak back up. That was it. She just wanted to see him one last time, burn his image into her brain. That was it, that was all.

Yeah, right.

As she walked to the elevators, she could feel her heart rate increasing. Feel her blood pressure rise. It was like a change in the ionosphere, a drop in the barometric pressure. She felt static electricity coursing through her body, to the ends of her hair. The closer she got, the more electric she felt, and when she hit the down button, there was a static spark big enough to create a tiny bolt of lightning.

This is bad. So bad. So wrong. So bad.

The elevator door immediately slid open, like it had been sitting on her floor. But it wasn't empty.

“
I knew you'd find me.
”

Tal was leaning against the side of the door, smiling down at her.

“I just … wanted to see you,” she said in a small voice.

“You see me, Misch.”

He yanked her into the elevator, then hit the floor for the lobby. She stared at him in awe, like they were meeting again after a long time apart. He didn't say anything, didn't even touch her, until the doors opened back up. Then he grabbed her hand and pulled her out of the elevator. Out of the hotel. Down the street.

She wasn't sure what was going on, but she went with it. He was walking so quickly, she almost had to run to keep up. They zipped down side streets, hurried down stairs, raced across squares. The farther they got, the more she started hearing things. Music and people, voices and laughing. When the smell of food hit her, she realized he was taking her to the festival. A second later, they came out of an alley and were right in the thick of everything.

“What are we doing?” Mischa laughed, ducking as a man carrying a huge bunch of balloons pushed past her.

“Having fun,” Tal said back, leading her down the street at a more sedate pace.

She knew what he was really doing – it was a distraction. An interference, so they wouldn't have to acknowledge what was really going on. They didn't talk about their situation, about why they couldn't stay away from each other, or why they also couldn't be together, because those words that could break them were still floating in the air. So she followed where he led, traveled in his wake, basked in his presence.

They played games and ordered food, acted like teenagers. He won her a large stuffed tiger, which she turned around and gave to a little girl who had been crying. He got an ice cream cone for her, then held it for her while she licked at it as they walked. They told jokes and laughed and talked. And talked and talked and talked. They didn't touch each other, and they didn't ask any questions. But they talked.

“What a good time!” Misch called out, skipping ahead of him onto a beach. There were a couple groups of people hanging out, a couple fire pits roaring. Tal headed in the opposite direction of them, towards a rocky, craggy end of the beach.

“Yeah, I thought you'd like it,” he chuckled, shoving his hands deep into his pockets.

“The hotel told me there would be booths and parades and stuff, but I was just gonna hang out in my room,” Misch told him, walking in his shadow.

“How lame. I bet you're glad I showed up,” he teased.

It was too close to truth speaking.

They gingerly climbed their way over rocks and discovered a small patch of sand between outcroppings of stone. A mini-beach, as it were. Misch hopped down and ran right into the water. Stood ankle deep and wiggled her feet into the sand.

“Heaven,” she whispered, clasping her hands together on top of her head.

“You're welcome!”

She smirked over her shoulder at Tal before going back to the ocean. It was a clear night and the moon was strong, giving them a lot of light. And on top of that, light was filtering in from the town, so it wasn't completely dark. But the water was inky black as it lapped at her feet. As she stared into it, her thoughts sank down into the depths. It had been a fun night, but what about tomorrow?

Detox is a bitch …

“Tal,” she said his name. Wanted to say it all the time.

“Hmmm?”

“Come stand with me.”

“No thank you.”

“Excuse me!?” Mischa was shocked and turned to look at him. He was standing far enough back that the water wasn't touching him.

“I don't want to get wet,” he explained. She was surprised.

“Seriously? Tal, do you not know how to swim?” she laughed at him. He scowled.

“Of course I can fucking swim. Like a fish. But I don't feel like swimming right now,” he told her.

“Why?”

“I'm wearing clothes, for one.”

“Little miss priss afraid to get her clothing wet?” Misch teased him. He rolled his eyes.

“I've had enough of your sass, lady,” he warned her, but his voice was teasing as well.

“Oooohhh, what're you gonna do about it? Nothing, not while I'm out here and you're over there!” she taunted.

“Don't push me.”

“I can't believe you're actually afraid to get messy!” she laughed at him.

“Shut up.”

“Scaredy cat. Miss priss,” she continued teasing him.

“Someone wants a spanking,” he threatened.

“Oh, please.”

“I'm not kidding.”

“Well, then I better make it worth it,” she said, bending over and reaching her hands into the water, into the sand at her feet.

“Whatever you're thinking, don't,” Tal's voice was actually serious.

“Don't what, Mr. Canaan?” she asked in an innocent voice as she held up huge handfuls of wet sand.

“Don't do it.”

“Oh, I think I have to do it.”

“Don't.”

“Can't stop now.”

“Seriously, Mischa.”

“Oh, I'm deadly serious.”

“If you throw that, I'll -,”

Tal didn't finish, as a double fistful of sand hit him smack in the chest. Misch shrieked, laughing as he looked down at himself. When he looked back up, he was glaring. She kept snorting and laughing and waded backwards, farther into the ocean.

“I couldn't help myself!” she called out to him.

“You're going to regret that,” he sighed as he reached down and pulled off his shoes.

“Probably, but it was
so
worth it,” she assured him.

“We'll see if you still feel that way in a couple minutes.”

When he began striding into the water, she realized he was serious. She shrieked again and waded deeper, reaching down to grab more ammo. Before she could turn to throw it at him, she got a handful of sand chucked at her ass.

Oh, it's on.

They flung sand and water back and forth, laughing and shouting as they circled each other. Tal kept warning her to stop, and she kept throwing more gunk at him. But when she finally chucked a huge pile of sand directly in his face, she pushed him too far.

“Okay, play time is over,” he said in a steely voice as he wiped sand out of his eyes.

Misch turned and ran. Well, ran as well as she could in hip deep water. He was deeper than her, and she figured that would slow him down. But she was wrong. She hadn't made it very far when he tackled her. Full on tackled her. Arms around her waist, throwing all of his weight on top of her. She screamed as they went down and he pulled her under the water.