mystic caravan mystery 02 - freaky lies (4 page)

“Well, I have faith in you,” Kade said, lifting our joined hands and pressing a quick kiss to my knuckles. “How about we finish our perimeter sweep and get some dinner? Then I shall wow you with a movie of your choice and a walk around the grounds before bed.”

“That sounds great,” I said, rolling to the balls of my feet so I could press a quick kiss to his cheek. “I was thinking we could watch
It
. I know how you love clowns.”

“You’re not so cute anymore,” Kade warned, his attention drifting to the cornfield on the south side of the circus grounds. “Ugh. I hate corn as much as I do clowns.”

“Why?”

“Haven’t you seen
Children of the Corn
?”

“Something tells me your mother let you watch too many Stephen King movies as a kid,” I said, laughing at the horrified expression on Kade’s face as he scanned the acres of tall stalks encompassing the expanse of land that buffeted our makeshift home. “It’s just corn. There aren’t any demented kids living between the rows and plotting our deaths.”

“What if they’re demon kids?”

“Then the dreamcatcher will lure them in and we’ll take care of them,” I replied. “Don’t worry about it. I won’t let any demon children get you while you’re sleeping.”

“You’d better protect me from the clowns, too,” Kade said, narrowing his eyes. “What is that?”

I followed his outstretched hand with my eyes and focused on the lone item standing above the shuddering stalks in the field. “It’s a scarecrow.”

“Seriously?” Kade didn’t look thrilled at the prospect. “Have you ever seen
Jeepers Creepers
? You think it’s a scarecrow in that movie, too, and it turns out to be a demonic killer.”

“You definitely watch too many movies,” I said, giggling at his serious expression. “This is farm country. You’re going to have to get used to scarecrows. While we’re at it, this is the circus, so you’re also going to have to get used to clowns.”

“No, I don’t,” Kade argued. “The clown is dead.”

“Yes, but we still have other clowns,” I pointed out. “We’re also interviewing some guy this week to take on the open clown position, so odds are we’ll be adding to the clown cadre relatively soon.”

“Why?” Kade sounded like a whiny child. “Clowns are creepy.”

“Like scarecrows?”

“Make fun of me all you want,” Kade said. “I still maintain that clowns and scarecrows are inherently evil. They should both be outlawed.”

“I’m so glad you’re our head of security,” I teased. “Not only are you handsome and strong, you’re also on top of things when it comes to protecting us from imaginary evil. I don’t know what we did before we had you.”

“Apparently you went to sleep alone every night,” Kade challenged.

“Point taken,” I conceded. “I much prefer the new order of things.”

Kade’s expression softened. “Me too.” He leaned over and gave me a sweet kiss before playfully swatting my rear. “Let’s finish our perimeter sweep and get some dinner. Then I’m going to make you watch
Jeepers Creepers
so you can understand why scarecrows are just as bad as clowns.”

“Okay,” I said. “After that I’m going to make you watch
Beaches
to realize there are scarier things than clowns … like chick flicks.”

“Oh, the horror!”

Kade’s mocking tone caused me to wrinkle my nose. “I’ll let the scarecrow eat you if you’re not careful.”

“As long as it’s not dressed as a clown I’ll take my chances.”

3

Three

^“
S
o what’s on the agenda today?”

Kade sat at the picnic table the next morning, relaxed and smiling as he sipped his coffee and flashed me flirty looks whenever he thought no one was looking. He appeared well rested and eager to begin a new week at the circus. I couldn’t help but grin. He was still in the heady honeymoon phase of enjoying everything because it was new and exciting. He hadn’t gotten to the part of the job where it felt like work yet.

“We have set-up work to do,” I replied, wrapping my fingers around my coffee mug. “We have interviews, too.”

“Interviews for what?”

“My new man,” Luke replied, sitting across from us and grabbing my coffee to drink while I shot him a dirty look. “Poet promised to help find me a distraction this week. I know you’re used to getting all of her time these days, Security Studmuffin, but she’s mine today.”

Kade narrowed his eyes, his good mood practically evaporating in an instant. I thought he was going to argue with Luke’s assertion that the amount of time we spent together was excessive. I was wrong. “Don’t call me Security Studmuffin,” he snapped. “I don’t like it.”

“Do you prefer Safety Sexpot?” Luke challenged, not missing a beat.

“I prefer Mr. Denton, where you’re concerned.”

I patted Kade’s knee under the table and fought the urge to laugh. I didn’t think he’d appreciate it, although Luke would be a big fan of the response. “Actually my work for today can coincide with Luke’s plan of action,” I offered. “We have to interview new clowns.”

Kade made a comical face that made him even more adorable – if that was even possible. I was expecting that. Luke’s expression of disgust caught me off guard, though.

“I am not dating a clown,” Luke said, immediately shaking his head. The morning sun glinted off his ashen highlights, momentarily distracting me. “I cannot date a guy who wears a red nose to bed.”

“That’s what you’re upset about?” Kade asked, wrinkling his nose. “I would be more worried about the white makeup and razor-sharp teeth. He’d probably try to rip your throat out while you were sleeping.”

The fact that Kade approached Luke’s dating life like anyone else’s made me happy. I knew he wasn’t judgmental, don’t get me wrong, but he seemed to go out of his way to encourage Luke’s romantic efforts. Of course, to be fair, if Luke were otherwise engaged, that would mean more time for Kade and me. That was a different argument for another time, though.

“Clowns aren’t always in makeup and costumes,” I reminded Luke. “You’re not always in your master of ceremonies outfit, are you?”

“No,” Luke sniffed. “I would be if people didn’t find it weird, though. I look good in that outfit.”

Luke thought he looked good in every outfit. “Well, if you don’t like any of the clowns we have lined up for interviews we can drive around Lincoln when we go into town for supplies later tonight,” I offered. “I’m sure they have a basketball court or something. That way you’ll be able to see everyone without shirts and make sure we don’t make another hairy chest error like that time in Minnesota.”

Luke shuddered. “Ah, yes, the Great Yeti Incident of 2014. No one wants a reoccurrence of that. Ugh.”

“I’m almost afraid to ask, but … what is a hairy chest error?” Kade asked, moving his hand to the back of my neck so he could lightly rub it.

“Luke doesn’t like hairy chests,” I replied.

“I figured that out myself,” Kade said dryly. “For some reason this story is memorable, though. Why?”

“Um … .” How much did he really want to know? “Well, you see … .”

Luke cut me off. “Let me tell it,” he insisted. “You always tell it wrong.”

“There’s no way to tell that story wrong,” I argued.

“There is when you make me look like a goofball,” Luke shot back. “It’s really not a very interesting story. I was feeling low one day … .”

“He just found out that Calvin Klein was discontinuing his favorite fragrance,” I supplied.

“No one asked for comments from the peanut gallery,” Luke said, shaking his head. “Anyway, I was feeling low and Poet decided to brighten my day with a trip to a nearby lake. It was hot, and we expected to find a lot of bulging muscles and droopy swim trunks. It’s easier making a decision after seeing what someone looks like wet.”

“Thanks for the tip,” Kade said, rolling his eyes until they landed on me. “I’m going to hate this story, aren’t I?”

I honestly had no idea. “I guess we’ll have to wait to find out.”

“The lake was full of people, as we expected, but mostly teenagers,” Luke continued. “I’m gifted when it comes to dating, but even I can’t make a teenager interesting.”

“He just doesn’t want anyone looking at him and saying he’s the ‘seasoned’ half of the couple,” I said.

“Shut up, Poet,” Luke chided, making a face. “No one could ever call me seasoned. You take that back. I am the maestro of moisturizing.”

“I’m sorry,” I said, feigning contrition. “You’re young and handsome.”

“Thank you … and I know.”

“I’m going to be old and seasoned if you don’t finish this story,” Kade warned. “I’m already losing interest in it.”

“It’s not a big story,” Luke said. “There was a hot dog stand, and I met a guy there – I love a good hot dog stand – and he was in shorts and a T-shirt, and he looked perfectly normal.”

“I’m going to let the ‘hot dog stand’ comment go,” Kade said. “If you don’t finish this story in the next sixty seconds, though, I’m leaving you to fight off Poet’s clown posse on your own.”

Luke scowled. He was a masterful storyteller under normal circumstances but I was beginning to think this story was a dud. I remembered it being funnier.

“We went out to dinner and had a lovely time,” Luke said. “We did the same the next night and … well … one thing led to another and we decided to go back to his place. That’s where I got the shock of my life.”

“He was hairy?” Kade didn’t look impressed with Luke’s tale. “Yup. I’m officially sorry I asked.”

“It gets funnier,” I said. “Luke was mortified when he saw the amount of hair on this guy’s back … what was his name again, by the way?”

“Randy,” Luke said, causing Kade and me to snicker in unison.

“That’s right,” I said, grinning. “We made a lot of randy yeti jokes for days after the event.”

“What event?” Kade asked. “The dude was hairy and Luke kicked him to the curb.”

“Actually, the dude was hairy and Luke was so horrified he snuck out of Randy’s house when he was in the bathroom and didn’t even say goodbye,” I clarified.

“That’s horrible,” Kade said. “You couldn’t even tell him why you were running?”

“You don’t understand,” Luke argued. “There was enough hair on his back to braid … and not a French braid either. We’re talking an actual ponytail braid.”

“I don’t know what to say to that,” Kade said. “Mostly because I had no idea there were different types of braids.”

Luke ignored the dig. “I tried to put the matter behind me and move on but … alas … it was not in the cards.”

Kade shifted his confused eyes to me. “What am I missing?”

“Randy didn’t take Luke’s jilting well,” I explained. “He showed up at the circus – we still had two nights in town – and asked what the problem was. It seems he had some … um … codependency issues.

“Luke tried to be nice and lied,” I continued. “He said he thought he would get too attached to Randy and because we were scheduled to leave town he didn’t want to take things to the next level and then be upset when he was forced to leave Randy.”

“Okay.” Kade rubbed his chin. “What happened then?”

“Randy refused to go away,” Luke answered. “He showed up during my weekend show and yelled out when I was on the trapeze. He caused me to miss my grab … which never happens … and I fell in front of a packed crowd.”

“Almost never,” I clarified. “It happened that night.”

“I will cut your hair in your sleep if you’re not careful,” Luke threatened. “Anyway, he caused me to miss my grab and I kind of lost it and … well … I told him the truth.”

I snorted. “He told him that Bigfoot would demand a wax before touching him with the Abominable Snowman’s ten-foot pole.”

Kade finally cracked a smile. “I see. How did Randy take that?”

“He started crying and fled,” I replied. “That made Luke feel bad … for exactly one hour.”

“What happened then?” Kade asked, curious despite himself. “Did Randy do something horrible?”

“He did,” Luke confirmed, bobbing his head. “He did the worst thing imaginable.”

“Did he kill himself?” Kade asked, worried.

I shook my head. “It wouldn’t be a funny story if something like that happened.”

“Okay, I’m losing my patience,” Kade said. “What did Randy do?”

I bit the inside of my cheek to keep from laughing, ultimately failing as a snicker bubbled up. “He … .”

“Oh, let me,” Luke said. “He showed up outside of my trailer and dumped a bag of … something … on the front walk. He started screaming about doing it for me and loving me more than anything. He said we belonged together and he would do anything to make sure we were happy. He made such a scene that security had to drag him off. It was only after that we realized what was in the bag.”

“What was in the bag?” Kade asked, leaning forward. “Did he kill an animal and leave it for you?”

“Kind of,” I said, smiling at the memory. “He shaved his entire body and put the hair in a bag for Luke as a gift. He thought he could join the circus and come with us.”

Kade ran his tongue over his teeth, tilting his head to the side as he considered the tale. “That was the worst story I’ve ever heard. It wasn’t even remotely interesting. I want the past five minutes of my life back.”

“I’ll try better next time,” I said, rolling my eyes. “You asked.”

“All you had to say was that Luke dated a hairy guy and doesn’t like them,” Kade said. “I just … what a stupid story.”

I patted his shoulder as I pushed myself to a standing position. “I got you to forget that we’re expecting twenty clowns on the premises for auditions, though, didn’t I?”

Kade’s normally tan face drained of color. “Twenty?”

“Yeah, now the story isn’t sounding so bad, is it?”

“Twenty?” Kade was beside himself. “I can’t deal with twenty clowns.”

“Oh, don’t worry,” I said, smirking. “I’ll protect you if things get out of hand. Stick close to me. I won’t let any of the clowns hurt you.”

“You might think that’s funny, but that’s exactly what I’m going to do,” Kade said. “If one of them so much as honks a horn in my direction … .”

“Oh, there are so many dirty thoughts going through my head, I don’t know which joke to lead with,” Luke muttered.