Naked Edge (37 page)

She stood, began kneading the dough, clearly still upset. "Does this mean we'll be going back tomorrow?"

He might have pushed her to tell him what she was feeling if his own emotions hadn't already been in chaos. "No. First we need to know for sure that Daniels really is our man and that we've got him and anyone who worked with him in custody."

"That makes sense. Are you hungry?"

"I am now." He dropped the subject, followed his nose to a bubbling pot of chili con carne, then looked in the bowl. "Biscuits?"

She scooped out the dough, plopped it onto a floured cutting board, and began to pummel the hell out it, hiding her feelings behind a smile. "Frybread."

He crossed his arms over his chest. "I didn't realize you knew how to cook on a woodburning stove. I guess you've done this before."

She looked at him as if he'd lost his mind. "I grew up in a hogaan with no electricity or running water, remember? How do you think we cooked?"

He'd known she'd grown up on the reservation, but he'd thought she was exaggerating when she'd mentioned the hogaan without electricity. "Tell me about it."

KAT PUT THE last bite of her frybread on the Spirit Plate. She'd spent most of the meal answering Gabe's questions about her life on the reservation--herding sheep, driving a big pickup to fetch water from the nearest pump, gathering wood and chunks of coal for cooking and heating. He seemed interested in a way most people weren't, listening to every word, asking more questions.

It touched Kat more than she could say.

"There were pictographs carved on the rocks not far from our homesite--creatures with square heads, strange bodies, and zigzag necks. Sometimes my grandmother would take me there and tell me stories about the time before we came to this world, when those creatures were alive."

"It sounds like you and your grandmother are very close."

Kat nodded, unable to keep from smiling at the memory of her grandmother teaching her how to plant corn. "Every spring she catches and kills a crow. Then she stretches its wings out and ties it to the fence she puts around her cornfield as a warning to all the other crows not to eat her corn."

Gabe chuckled, watching her from across the table, his gaze soft, the smile on his face making her pulse trip. "Does it work?"

"No." Kat laughed with him. Oh, how she loved to see him smile! "But when I was little, I thought crows flew away from us because they were afraid they'd be next."

His smile grew. "What else did she teach you?"

"She taught me everything--how to grow food, how to use corn pollen, how to be a good Dine girl, how to ..."

Surprised to find a lump in her throat, Kat swallowed, her words lapsing into silence. She felt Gabe's big hand close over hers.

"You miss her."

Kat nodded, blinking back tears, the news about Daniels having already left her at an emotional edge. Had he been following them in hopes of getting another chance to shoot her? "My grandmother doesn't know ... She doesn't know about any of this. It would terrify her. The bone ... She'd think I've ... been witched."

Gabe's thumb stroked the back of her hand, the touch comforting. "Denver is a long way from the reservation. Why did you leave?"

Kat hadn't planned on talking about this, didn't want to talk about this, but given how hard she'd pushed him to tell her about Jill, it was only fair that she answer his question. "I'm the youngest of eleven children--my mother's youngest child. I have seven half brothers and three half sisters. My mother was married to a much older man. They grew apart, and my mother met a
Bilagaanaa
man."

That was it in a nutshell, and Kat hoped Gabe would understand without her needing to say more. But he didn't.

"So your mother's husband ... wasn't your father?"

"No, he wasn't." Kat looked away, unable to meet his gaze.

"Your father was a white man."

She nodded. "I ... I never met him. I don't even know his name. My mother never told me. Sometimes I doubt she knows. He stayed on the reservation only long enough to find out my mother was pregnant. Her husband divorced her after I was born. She blamed me, so my grandmother raised me."

Gabe took in what Kat had told him, trying to piece it together. So her mother had fucked some white guy, had gotten pregnant by him, and then had blamed Kat. Well, it certainly explained the color of Kat's eyes--not to mention her mistrust of men. And then he remembered what she'd told him in the restaurant.

I decided a long time ago that I would never be any man's conquest, so I don't date. I've never been with a man, and I won't be until I find the one who wants to be a part of my life and isn't just looking for a one-night stand.

Clearly, she didn't want to make the same mistake her mother had made and saw every man as just another guy looking for a quick lay, no strings attached.

You've certainly gone out of your way to prove her wrong about that, haven't you, dumbshit? No wonder she sized you up so quickly. You're a lot like her father.

As true as that might be, there was one major difference--Gabe would never have left a woman he'd gotten pregnant to face that situation alone. And he would never have abandoned his own child. Whoever Kat's father was, the man was garbage.

He squeezed her hand. "I'm sorry. It couldn't have been easy growing up without a father or to have your mother leave you like that."

"She didn't leave me, at least not the way you think." Kat drew her hand away, stood, and carried their plates to the sink, clearly upset to be talking about this. "She still lives in my grandmother's hogaan. She and my brothers and sisters have never wanted me there. Only my grandmother ..."

Kat's voice trailed off, but Gabe understood.

Only her grandmother had loved her and wanted her around.

He could see how that might make a person want to leave home. "So you packed your things and moved to Denver."

Kat shook her head, her back to him as she filled the sink with water. "Not right away. I went to college and studied journalism, wanting to help my people, hoping to make a difference. I got a job in Window Rock and worked at the paper there for a while, sharing the money I earned with my family. But it didn't matter. Nothing I did changed anything. My mother says I remind her of my father. My brothers and sisters call me Half-ajo and tease me about my eyes."

Gabe heard her voice quaver and knew she was close to tears. He stood, walked over to her, and turned her to face him. "You have beautiful eyes."

She gave a shy smile, then looked up at him, her smile fading. "I'm not my mother, Gabe. And I'm not Jill. I would never promise to love a man forever and then betray him with someone else."

It was only then that it hit him.

Both of them had suffered because of another person's infidelity. She'd been blamed for the accident of her own birth, while he'd lost everything that had ever mattered to him except for his life.

And now. He hadn't lost now.

"Sweet Kat." He slid his hands into her hair, ducked down, and brushed her lips with his. "Did your grandmother tell you to avoid
Bilagaanaa
men?"

"No." Kat met his gaze straight on, a kind of boldness in her eyes he'd never seen before. "But she did teach me never to look a man in the eyes because when a Dine girl looks a man in the eyes, it means ... It means she wants to have sex with him."

CHAPTER 25

KAT WILLED HERSELF not to break eye contact with Gabe, her heart pounding. He stared down at her, his pupils dilated, the astonishment on his face turning to something darker, his brows bent in a frown.

He ran the pad of his thumb over her lower lip. "Are you sure?"

She couldn't say when she'd reached this decision. Maybe it had been this morning when she'd prayed for him, looking for some way to help him regain the part of himself Jill had stolen. Maybe it had been that terrible afternoon when he'd saved her from being shot, proving his courage. Or perhaps it had been the moment she'd realized that the wind knew him, that he belonged to this land as much as she did. Regardless, her heart had decided.

She had finally found a man who was worth it, a man she loved so much that going on without him felt unthinkable.

"Yes, I'm sure." She caught his hand where it cupped her chin and kissed his palm. "I love y--"

"Shhh!" He pressed his fingers to her lips. "Don't say it. 'Yes' is enough."

He ducked down as if to kiss her, then abruptly stopped, glancing around them. "No. Not like this."

"Gabe?"

He stepped back. "Why don't you go soak in a hot bath and pamper yourself a bit? The sun only set about an hour ago, so the water ought to still be fairly warm. There's a camping lantern on the counter."

Take a bath? Did she smell bad?

Something of her feelings must have shown on her face, because he leaned down to rest his forehead against hers. "Hey, trust me, okay? If I can't be man enough to keep my hands off you like I should, then at least let me be man enough to do this right. I'll tell you when you can come out."

Confused, Kat walked into the bathroom, turned on the camping lantern, and shut the door behind her. She found herself staring at her own bemused reflection in the lantern's half-light. This certainly wasn't the response she'd expected from him.

If I can't be man enough to keep my hands off you like I should, then at least let me be man enough to do this right.

What did he mean by that?

And then her pulse began to race again as she realized what was about to happen.

Gabe was going to make love to her. Tonight.

Suddenly, she was grateful for the extra time. What she'd said a few moments ago had been entirely spontaneous. She hadn't stopped to think that it had been a couple of days since she'd shaved her legs or that she needed to brush her teeth or that she might want to take a bath first.

Quickly, she set her razor and a washcloth near the tub, then turned on the water, relieved to feel it was still quite warm. While the tub filled, she flossed and brushed her teeth and tied her hair up in a knot. Then she undressed and stepped into the soothing heat, noises coming from the other side of the door--the clanging of dishes, the opening and closing of cupboard doors, the creaking of floorboards, the front door opening and closing again and again.

She might have tried to figure out what he was doing if she weren't so nervous. Instead, it was all she could do to focus on shaving her legs, questions chasing one after another through her mind. How much would it hurt? Would she be able to have an orgasm with him inside her? Would he compare her to Jill and be disappointed? Would he push her away afterward as he had so many women?

Stop doubting, girl. Trust yourself. Trust Gabe. Trust that you've come to this place and time for a reason.

Her belly full of butterflies, she reached for her soap, inhaled its sweet honey scent and remembered how much he seemed to like it. Then she lathered her skin, trying not to worry about things she couldn't control. She'd just pulled the plug from the bathtub drain and begun to dry herself when he knocked on the door.

"Kat? Whenever you're ready ...

Her heart gave a hard knock. Was she ready? After all these years was she ready for what was about to happen? She wrapped herself in a soft towel and drew a deep, calming breath. Then, without glancing at the mirror, she opened the bathroom door--and stared in amazement. "Oh, Gabe!"

The cabin had been transformed. The dirty dishes had been cleared from the table, and the kerosene lamps had all been stored away. Dozens of small emergency candles sat here and there on saucers and in bowls, the room warm with their radiance. Pine boughs had been wrapped around the bed's four posters and its headboard, their scent fresh and enticing. The air was warm, a strong fire burning in the woodstove.

His gaze fixed on her, Gabe stood in the middle of the room, wearing only his jeans, the candlelight giving his skin a tawny glow, seeming to accentuate the ridges and valleys of his muscles. And Kat felt that familiar flutter in her belly.

Oh, yes, she was ready--for him.

He crossed the space between them in two lazy strides, slid his fingers into her hair, and undid the knot, spilling it down her back and around her shoulders. Then he brushed his knuckles over her cheek. "I can't make any promises about tomorrow, Kat, but for tonight at least, I'll do my damned best to be worth it."

Then he reached down, tugged off her towel, and let it fall to the floor.

Kat willed herself to stand strong while his gaze traveled over her body, desire naked on his face, the breath leaving his lungs in a gust.

"God, honey, you're beautiful."

But he was the beautiful one.

Hasteen nizhoni.
Her beautiful man.

Barely able to breathe, she laid her hand over one of his pecs, the hard slab of muscle more than filling her palm, his nipple flat and dark. She flicked it with her thumb, watched it tighten. And then she couldn't stop herself, her hands finding their way over his chest with its mat of dark curls, over his abdomen with its ridges of hard muscle, her heart beating faster when her touch made his belly jerk. She took hold of the button that fastened his jeans, but her hands were so unsteady that it wasn't until he reached down to help her that she was able to undo it.