Nameless (46 page)

‘He could be right.’

‘He could be. But I’ll never know, because I’ve lost him, and there’s nothing I can do about that.’ Ruby gulped and blinked back sudden tears. ‘But Daisy and her children, there’s still a chance we could be close. They’re
my blood.
And I have to let them know that.’

Michael eyed her steadily.

‘What?’ she asked. She had thought he’d kick up over this, had even braced herself for it.

But all he said was: ‘Keep Rob close.’

Ruby was very still, staring at him. A shiver of fear crawled up her spine.

‘Cornelius has kept this quiet for years,’ said Michael. ‘He wants to go on keeping it quiet. This could hit the fan, big style. Smear his reputation – he
loves
his reputation – and he’s got contacts that wouldn’t think twice about ensuring your silence. So be careful.’

116

‘Well, this is unexpected,’ said Daisy, coming into the restaurant and finding Ruby at the far table, the best in the room – Michael Ward’s.

Ruby was sitting there alone. Rob was over at the bar. She stood up when she saw Daisy, and the two women exchanged brief hugs and kisses before sitting down.

‘What can I get you, Miss Darke?’ asked the waiter, coming straight over.

‘Some wine? White?’ Ruby looked at Daisy.

‘I can’t drink yet. Breastfeeding. Just some water, please.’

The waiter departed. Ruby felt her guts churn with inner turmoil. Finally, she was going to
do
this. She’d lost her courage so many times, but now she
had
to do it. She’d dressed carefully for this meeting, in a soft blue dress and matching accessories. She looked outwardly serene, but she had been sick twice overnight, and now her head was pounding with stress – but she was going to do this.

‘I haven’t seen you in a while,’ said Ruby. ‘I’m glad you came. I thought we ought to catch up.’

‘It’s been two years,’ said Daisy a bit frostily. She remembered inviting Ruby to her New Year’s Eve party at the gatehouse – and Ruby had declined, pleading business pressures. Kit too. It should have been a happy occasion. Instead, it had been awful, a cataclysmic turning point in her life. ‘I was surprised to get your call.’ She stared at Ruby and then she smiled, thawing a little. ‘But it was a nice surprise.’

‘How are the children?’ asked Ruby.

‘Fabulous. A nightmare. I’m run ragged, but they’re adorable. Thank God I’ve got a nanny now to help out. Jody’s terrific.’

The installation of Jody as nanny to the twins had been a major triumph for Daisy. Simon hated the idea, it went against all his working-class beliefs, but for once she had stood her ground and refused to be overcome by him. There had been real distressing knock-down, drag-out fights over the issue, but finally Simon had conceded. So Jody was a permanent fixture, and Daisy felt a little less frazzled all the time.

Ruby thought that Daisy
did
look tired. And when she relaxed and her face fell into repose, there was a vertical frown-line between her brows and deep furrows beside her mouth that hadn’t been there before.

‘Twins,’ said Ruby, and then the sommelier brought the wine. A waiter arrived with a basket of freshly baked bread. He took their order – pasta for Ruby, salad for Daisy. Then they both departed. ‘That must be wonderful.’

‘Double the trouble, double the work,’ said Daisy, but she smiled as she said it. ‘You know, I can’t believe how much my life has changed, Ruby. I really can’t.’

‘Your husband must be pleased.’

‘Simon? Oh, he’s delighted.’

‘Twins run in families, usually.’

‘That’s what Simon said. But there are no twins in my family, or his.’

Ruby caught her breath. Now was the moment when she should speak. But she couldn’t. She just couldn’t push the words out of her mouth. Once they were out . . . oh my God, then Daisy would hate her, and her father would find out, and she had been warned . . .

The waiter arrived with their food, and the moment was gone.

‘This looks great,’ said Daisy, falling upon the food like a starving woman. ‘I’m still eating like a horse, so I figure that, if I just eat salad, I can have big meals and still lose some of this baby weight.’

‘You look absolutely fine,’ said Ruby.

Daisy pulled a face. ‘Simon doesn’t like me porking up.’

‘Better than fine. You look beautiful.’

‘Well,
he
doesn’t think so.’

Then he’s a fool
, thought Ruby. She looked across at Daisy, her beloved daughter, and thought,
No, it’s no good, I can’t do this. I don’t want her to hate me, I couldn’t bear it . . .

‘I suppose business is booming, as usual?’ asked Daisy with a smile. ‘You’re such a powerhouse, Ruby. I really admire that.’

‘Business is OK.’ Nowadays, the business pretty much ran itself. She was just the figurehead really – little Ruby Darke, that quiet girl who had been frightened of her own shadow, who had sacrificed so much – a life, a husband, a family – and buried herself in work instead.

She knew that people perceived her as fortunate beyond words. That she had everything, with her luxury lifestyle, her business plaudits, her palatial home.

But inside, she still felt like that scared little girl. And she knew all too well what she had lost. She could
see
it, right in front of her. She had lost her daughter. She had lost – for ever – her son. Other people had their families around them, were cocooned in a soft comforting blanket of familial love; she was not. Apart from Michael, who was busy today, doing deals as usual, and Joe and Betsy and their children – whom she rarely saw – she was utterly alone in the world.

She sweated all though their meal, trying – and failing – to get the words out.

Just say it
, she thought, time and again.

She couldn’t.

Finally, after coffee, Daisy looked at her watch and sighed.

‘This has been so lovely, Ruby. But I have to get back, the boys . . .’

She was going to lose the chance to do it.

She
had
to do it.

‘
Daisy
,’ she blurted out as Daisy was getting to her feet, groping around for her bag.

Something in Ruby’s tone arrested Daisy’s movement. She stopped, and sank back down into her chair, her eyes on Ruby’s face. ‘What is it?’ Daisy gave a brief, nervous laugh. ‘What’s up, Ruby? You look like you’re about to tell me the roof’s fallen in.’

‘It’s . . .’ Ruby swallowed. Her throat was parched. She reached for water, took a hasty swig.

‘Well, go on. It’s . . . what? Ruby, you’re making me feel worried now.’

I have to say it.

‘Daisy.’ Ruby’s hands were gripped tight together on the tablecloth. ‘The twin thing.’

‘Yes? What about it?’ She stared at Ruby’s fear-filled face and her smile fell away. ‘Ruby, what on earth’s wrong?You’re frightening me.’

Ruby gulped. ‘Oh, Daisy, please don’t hate me . . .’ she gasped.

‘What? Why would I hate you? You’re my friend.’

Ruby closed her eyes, shook her head and said: ‘I had twins once. Long ago.’

Daisy’s mouth dropped open. She was silent for a long moment, then she said: ‘But . . . I didn’t think you’d ever been married.’

‘I wasn’t. I had illegitimate twins. During the war.’

Daisy was staring at Ruby’s face. ‘My . . . God. And what happened?’

This was the hardest part of all. Ruby took another gulp of water.

‘My daughter was taken away by her father. Raised by him and his wife. She couldn’t have children.’

‘And the other one . . . ?’

‘My son.’ Ruby choked on the words. Daisy reached out and put a warm hand over hers. ‘He was taken away from me too. By my brother.’

‘Good God.’ Daisy’s face was pale with horror.

‘He wound up at a children’s home, but it burned down and he died there.’

‘Oh, Ruby, I’m so sorry.’ Daisy’s eyes filled with tears. ‘How awful.’

‘So . . .’ Ruby said, blinking and swallowing. Daisy squeezed her hand encouragingly. This was
so hard
, ‘. . . so I’ve lost him completely, I can never get him back. But my daughter . . . she’s alive, and I realize that you’re only given so many chances in this world, and so I have to
take
this chance.’

‘You’re going to get in touch with her then? Tell her all this?’ asked Daisy, holding tight to Ruby’s trembling hand.

Ruby was breathing hard. She felt like she’d run a mile. Her whole body was shaking now, and she felt sick again.

‘Daisy,’ she said unsteadily, ‘I
am
telling her all this. Right now.’

117

‘What?’ Daisy was staring at Ruby. Her fingers, which had been stroking Ruby’s hand on the table, suddenly froze.

‘Daisy . . . it’s true. I’m telling her now. I had twins. You had twins. They run in families. They run in
our
family. Daisy . . . darling Daisy. You’re my daughter.’

Daisy could only stare. What the hell was Ruby
talking
about?

‘Is this . . .’ Daisy was shaking her head, her mouth twisting up in a grim semblance of a smile . . . ‘What is this, some sort of sick joke?’

Ruby bit her lip. ‘No. It’s not a joke. It’s the truth.’

Daisy looked down at her hand. Quickly, she withdrew it.

‘
Wait
a minute,’ she said, clutching at her head now, her eyes fixed on Ruby as if she’d suddenly gone crazy. ‘Now wait,’ she almost shouted. ‘This is crap, right?’

‘No. This is the truth.’

‘It can’t be the truth. God’s sake,
look
at you. Look at
me
.’

‘Is everything all right here, ladies?’ asked the waiter, coming over, alerted by raised voices and the curious glances of other diners.

‘Everything’s fine,’ said Ruby firmly.

He went away again, but he didn’t look convinced.

‘Look, Daisy . . .’ started Ruby, leaning closer, lowering her voice.

‘No! No,
you
look.’ Daisy didn’t bother lowering hers. ‘This isn’t possible. Ma never liked you and now I can see why, it’s because you’re a
liar
!’

‘Daisy!’

‘No, come on. You can’t be serious. You’re dark-skinned, you’re what my sainted mother would call “a bit of a mixture”.’

‘Or “having a touch of the tar brush”?’ offered Ruby. She could see that nothing she said was going to lessen Daisy’s fury. Better to let her get it all out, what the hell. ‘Daisy, listen to me. My white mother had an affair with a black jazz player, and she had me. So yes, I’m “a bit of a mixture”. And I . . . I’m sorry, Daisy, but I had an affair with your father.’

‘My God,’ wailed Daisy.

‘At first I didn’t know he was married,’ said Ruby quickly, afraid Daisy might just bolt and not hear this. ‘He didn’t tell me. Then, when I became pregnant – God, Daisy, you have no idea what it was like for me. People didn’t have illegitimate children then. It just
wasn’t done
.’

Daisy was shaking her head steadily, like a metronome. ‘This is all lies. Why are you doing this?’

‘Why
would
I do it, Daisy?’ asked Ruby intently. ‘Why would I hurt you? I have no reason to. I’ve bottled this up for so long, but now I
have
to tell you the truth, and I just have to hope that, sooner or later, you’ll accept it. You’re my daughter. I’m your mother. Your true mother, your birth mother. Not Vanessa.’

Now Ruby was reaching for her bag, groping inside. She pulled out a polythene bag containing a brown-coloured card oblong. With shaking fingers she pulled the thing out and handed it to Daisy.

‘
Look
, Daisy,’ she said urgently. ‘Look at the photo. That’s your grandmother – my mother. See how much she looks like you?’

Daisy gulped and opened the folder. Inside was a picture of
her.
Only it wasn’t. It was old. Sepia-tinted. It wasn’t her at all, but somehow Ruby had mocked this thing up. Got a picture of her and made it look like something taken during the war.

Daisy threw the folder onto the table and surged to her feet.

‘This is mad,’ she said loudly. ‘You’re
crazy.
I’m not listening to this any more.’

‘Daisy . . .’ Ruby stood up too, hating the pain and confusion on Daisy’s face, hating the fact that she had caused it.

‘No, don’t say another word,’ Daisy said, and spun on her heel and almost ran from the restaurant.

118

He was waiting for her out on the House of Commons terrace, as arranged. Daisy hurried over to where he sat, watching tourists crowding avidly onto the riverboat down on the riverside for a trip along the Thames. There was an open bottle of chilled Chablis, one of mineral water and two glasses in front of him.

‘Daisy!’ Cornelius stood up, hugged her.

Daisy stiffened, didn’t hug her father back. He felt her pull away, and stepped back a little, looking down at her curiously. ‘What is it, darling?You sounded odd on the phone. Has something upset you? Is it Simon? Are the babies ill?’

Daisy shook her head and sat down. All she had told her father on the phone was that she had to see him, and he’d invited her here, for drinks. She’d phoned home, too, alerting the nanny to the fact that she expected to be late back.

‘No, everyone’s fine.’ She sat down and looked across the table at him. He poured the water out for her and she took a hasty gulp. Shivered slightly. There was a cool breeze coming off the river, and the drink was cold too. She felt chilled, right through.

She couldn’t stop staring at him. Her father. He was still a big, imposing man, suntanned and with that striking thick thatch of silver hair and those wide, seemingly guileless blue eyes. If what Ruby had said was true – which of course it wasn’t – then he’d seduced Ruby, lied to her, deceived Vanessa. Daisy had always felt that deep down her father was an upright man, a man of principle. But . . . was he?

‘So what’s the matter?’

Daisy just sat there, wondering where the hell to start.