Nameless Series Boxed Set (64 page)

Erin realized
she must look desperate and frenzied, as she jiggled and panted in the open
air, trying to work herself into release.

“Erin,” Seth
muttered, his eyes almost agonized as he held onto his control. “Beautiful.
Beautiful. Missed you so much.”

She released a
few loud sobs—the flooding of her heart mingling with the intense physical
sensations—then she cried out a frantic, “Seth! Seth!” She felt the pleasure
finally erupt inside her, sending out waves and spasms of overwhelming
sensation.

She sobbed with
her release, convulsing wildly and trying to grab onto the blanket beneath her.
Her inner muscles were clenching ruthlessly around him cock, threatening to
push him out altogether.

He kept pushing
back against the contractions, letting out a long, guttural groan of effort and
frustration.

When Erin
finally started to come down, Seth relaxed his grip on her hips, changed his
angle suddenly, and thrust into her more fully.

She cried out
at the shift and managed to keep her eyes open, wanting to see him as he came.

His features
contorted almost unrecognizably as he gave a few hard, jerky pushes into her
tightened channel. “Fuck,” he gasped, twitching his head and freezing
momentarily. “Oh, fuck.”

Then he came.
And it was hard and intense and Erin watched as it transformed his face. His
whole body pulsed, until she could feel him releasing himself in several short
spurts inside her.

“Oh, fuck,”
Seth said again, his voice so hoarse it sounded like it hurt. Inhaling
desperately, he fell forward, catching himself with his arms before his weight
landed on her. Then he lowered himself onto her more gently, his hot, heavy
body resting on hers.

Erin gasped and
clung to him. Felt like she might cry.

After a minute,
his weight and the sticky results of their coupling began to be less appealing
and more uncomfortable. Shifting beneath him, Erin said gently, “Seth.”

With a groan,
he pulled his head out of the space between her head and shoulder. “Am I
getting heavy?”

“A little,” she
admitted. “Sorry.”

“Don’t be.”
With effort pulling his damp, softening cock out and then rolling off her.

Erin fumbled
around until she’d found a couple of tissues she’d brought with her outside—in
case she’d felt the need for a good cry—and handed one of them to Seth. As he
wiped off his cock and pulled up and fastened his pants, she did her best to
clean up between her legs with the other tissue.

It wasn’t
entirely successful, but it would do for now.

When they’d
both straightened their clothing, Seth relaxed back on the blanket and pulled
Erin over to nestle against him. Pressing a soft kiss into her hair, he asked,
“So, do you think you might be ready to come home?”

Erin sucked in
a sharp breath, realizing that the warm simplicity of their interlude was over.
That—even after making love—she was going to have to hurt him again. “I…” she
began brokenly. “I don’t know.”

His only
reaction was to tense up briefly, but she knew that her answer had wounded and
disappointed him.

Stroking his
chest with her hand, she twisted so she could peer up at him. “I’m sorry, Seth.
This was so good. And I’m really glad we could do it. But you know it can’t
really fix things.”

“I know.” His
face was quiet and watchful again. “But I thought it might be a start.”

“It is,” she
agreed hurriedly, pulling up so she could look down at him. “It is. And I’m
going to come home really soon. But I want to make good decisions. So I just
need to think about it reasonably, and not let your studliness turn me into a
big heap of silly mush.”

Seth gave her a
half-smile. “All right,” he murmured, stroking her hair back from her damp
face. “I understand. I don’t want you to get caught up in feeling and act too
quickly either. Take your time.”

She’d known
that had been hard for him to say. She knew he wanted nothing more than to
snatch her up and carry her home with him. So she leaned down and pressed a
soft kiss on the corner of his mouth. “Thank you.”

They shared a
deep, warm look that Erin was briefly afraid she might drown in.

To pull herself
out of it—being serious about wanting to make good decisions and not let
herself be pulled back into a thoughtless acceptance of their old
situation—Erin curled up her lips. “Besides, the girls have been promised a
picnic at the lake tomorrow, and they’d never forgive me if I took them home
before that occurred.”

Seth smiled
back at her. “As it happens, I’ve been invited to that picnic as well.”

Feeling a
rising sense of warm anticipation, one that was strangely new, despite the
years they’d spent together, Erin asked, “And were you planning to attend the
illustrious picnic?”

His thumb
tracing along the swollen line of her bottom lip, Seth replied, “I was. In
fact, I thought I might stay in town tonight instead of driving all the way
back to Atlanta.” He met her eye with an uncharacteristic hesitance. “I could
stay at Mac’s old place if you rather I not stay at the house.”

Erin swallowed
hard. Felt a rush of nervousness rise in her throat as she tried to figure out
how to respond.

Things had felt
so natural and simple just a few minutes ago—when they’d been in each other’s
arms. But now all of the complexities of their relationship and history kept
forcing their way back into the situation.

It would be
nice, if their whole lives could be as simple as their loving each other. It
would be nice—like a dream or a story.

But no one’s
life was ever that simple.

“Um,” she
mumbled, feeling anxious and almost guilty about having to hurt him again. “Um,
you can stay here—I’m sure the girls would love it—but maybe you could sleep in
the den.”

Seth didn’t
reply. Just gazed up at her silently.

“I’m so sorry,
Seth,” Erin told him, her voice cracking and her face twisting in regret. “I
know it’s not what you want. And I’m sure it sounds like a silly gesture after
what we just did. But…but as I said before, our problems aren’t just because of
you. They’re also because of me, because of what I let myself accept and
become. And…and I need to know that I’m capable of making wise, mature
decisions, and not just dissolving into Jell-O because of some particularly
good lovin’.”

She’d been
hoping her choice of words would cut the sting of her decision, would cause him
to relax into amusement. So she was pleased when his mouth softened.

“All right,” he
said at last. “I think I understand. I know we have a lot to work on, so
there’s no sense in rushing and potentially making things more complicated
later.” He cupped her warm cheek and concluded, “I’ll be happy to sleep in the
den.”

Erin couldn’t
help it. She melted into a warm, full smile. “Thank you, Seth. The girls are
going to be so excited.” Glancing back toward the direction of the house, she
added, “And you can help us make pizza tonight.”

***

The next morning, Erin was
awakened from the first good sleep she’d had in weeks by the sound of
whispering at her door.

“Mommy’s still
sleeping.” That was Anna’s whisper—a kind of lisped stage whisper that was as
loud as her regular speaking voice. Erin would know it anywhere.

Mackenzie
replied, her voice actually closer to a real whisper. “Why won’t she ever wake
up?”

They must be
peeking at their mother through the door. Erin felt a warm swell of affection
for her sweet little girls, despite their being awake at what felt like an
ungodly hour on a Sunday morning.

“She sleeps
forever,” Anna complained, her childish voice a little louder this time.

“Not forever.”
Another murmured voice, this one lower and more mature. Seth. “You’ve only been
up for an hour yourself.”

“We’ve been up
forever,” Mackenzie insisted. “Why doesn’t Mommy wake up?”

Erin couldn’t
help it. She raised her eyelids just enough for her to peer through her lashes
and was rewarded by the sight of all three of them huddled in her partially
opened doorway, staring at her as they not-so-discreetly discussed her sleeping
habits.

The sight of
her family made her so happy she could barely keep from giggling, but she
wanted to see what would happen next, so she continued her pretense of sleep.

“Well,” Seth
suggested, a familiar amusement in his voice. “Maybe you should wake her up the
way you woke me up this morning.”

“Jump on her?”
Anna asked excitedly.

Erin almost
choked at the image of their girls ecstatically jumping on Seth as he slept in
the den, waking him up first thing in the morning.

Seth must know
by now she was already awake, or he likely wouldn’t have suggested such a
sudden, violent end to her slumbers. “Yes,” he agreed. “On the count of three,
we should all jump on Mommy.”

The girls
laughed elatedly, and they all started to count to three in shaky unison.

Erin prepared
herself for what was about to happen.

On three, the
girls let out loud squeals and charged the bed, leaping on it—and on Erin—as
enthusiastically as they could.

Erin played
along. Sat up abruptly in bed with a loud cry of surprise, her dramatic
response making her daughters scream in delight.

Seth had come
over too and was now sitting on the edge of the bed, smiling in a way that made
Erin’s heart melt. He wore dark trousers and a white T-shirt, but he must not
have showered and dressed yet because his feet were bare, making him look
unusually casual and domestic.

“We waked Mommy
up! We waked Mommy up!” Anna chanted, bouncing on the bed in pure joy.

Pulling her
younger daughter into a quick hug, Erin murmured, “You certainly did. You might
have given me a heart attack.”

Mackenzie’s
long red hair was loose and was falling in thick waves down her back. She was
giggling just as much as Anna was, and now she snuggled up against Erin. “We’ve
been up for ages, but Daddy wouldn’t let us wake you up until now.”

Putting her arm
around Mackenzie, Erin slanted a knowing look over at Seth’s face. “Your daddy
is a very wise man.”

“Daddy said
he’d make us pancakes!” Anna declared, standing on the bed and wrapping her
arms around Seth’s neck from behind.

“Really?” Erin
gasped. “Pancakes? That’s excellent news. I’m hungry.”

“We’re
starving,” Anna pronounced, in a resolute tone, as she kept squeezing Seth in a
fond backward hug. “Time for pancakes!”

Erin started to
get out of bed and happened to notice Seth watching her. She suddenly felt
self-conscious, for some reason, and wished she was wearing something more
attractive than her old cotton pajama pants and faded tank top. She also wished
she hadn’t eaten so much chocolate over the last month and that she’d tried to
work out more.

“Maybe I should
get dressed first,” she murmured, glancing down at herself and making a face.

This statement
was greeted by such adamant objection from her daughters that Erin dropped the
subject immediately.

They all went
into the kitchen in their pajamas, and Seth started to search for the necessary
pancake-making ingredients.

Chuckling over
how the girls were bombarding their daddy with questions—about everything from
why he wasn’t wearing the purple pajamas they’d gotten him last Christmas to
why Grandpa’s kitchen had a ceiling fan and theirs didn’t—Erin forgot all about
her appearance and started to enjoy herself.

Later that
afternoon, she resolved, she would have a talk with Seth. Start to really hash
things out and deal with some of their problems, without letting sex, mushy
feelings, or the complicated, exhausting nature of the situation distract her
from what she knew they needed to address.

But first she
was going to listen to her daughters giggle ecstatically at their father’s
bland comments and smug expressions.

And she was going
to eat some of his pancakes.

Erin was just on the verge of
dozing off, lying in the shade and listening to Anna and Mackenzie transform
leaves, sticks, acorns, rocks, and a stump into an elaborate dining room, when
Seth got up and walked over to her.

Standing over
her reclined form, he stretched out a hand. “Walk with me?”

Erin blinked,
realizing that he was ready to have their serious discussion. After just a
moment of reluctance, she decided she was ready too. The girls were happily
occupied for the time being, and Gabe and Stella were in lawn chairs just a few
feet away.

The picnic had
been a success, and they’d already been at the lake for almost three hours.

Now was as good
a time as any for Erin and Seth to talk.

She took his
hand and let him help her up to her feet. Then she kept her hand in his as she
turned back to look at the girls. “Daddy and I are going to take a walk for a
little while. Stay with Grandpa and Aunt Stella, and be good.”

The girls
agreed distractedly, looking rather annoyed at being disturbed as they were
trying to arrange place settings on the uneven tree stump.

Erin walked
with Seth for about five minutes, until they’d found an isolated, comfortable
spot to sit on a large, dry rock next to the lake. Once they’d settled
themselves, they sat in silence for a minute—slanting looks at each other out
of the corners of their eyes.

She’d been
thinking about what she wanted to discuss with him for a week now, but she
still wasn’t quite sure what to say.

“So,” Seth said
at last, looking unusually casual in his gray T-shirt and jeans.

“So,” she
repeated, shifting awkwardly as she searched for a good way to begin.

Evidently, he
realized what a hard time she was having coming up with the words, so he began
the discussion himself. “I know I was out of town for too long, and I shouldn’t
have kept saying I would come home but then delay even longer. And I know I’ve
been working too much for the last few months.  I don’t know why they always
insist on sending me—”

“You do know
why they send you. You make things happen better than anyone else. I love that
about you, but we’re going to have to figure something out deal with times like
this, since I’m sure this busy phase isn’t going to be a one-time event.”

 “I know. And…”
He trailed off, which surprised her, since he was so rarely at a loss for
words.

“And what?”

“I wanted you
to see this.” He pulled his smart phone out of his pocket and then pulled
something up on the screen.

Erin frowned as
she read what was evidently a letter.

She gasped and
jerked her head up to stare at him.

He shifted
uncomfortably and glanced away, toward the lake. “I know it’s not a fix for
everything.”

“A fix…” She
was so shocked she could barely form words. “You’re resigning? I’d never ask
you to do that. Seth, what are you—”

“You know
everyone has expected me to start up my own practice for years. This is as good
a time as any to do it. It will be just as much work—it’s not like I’ll
suddenly have a lot more free time—but I won’t have to travel. And I’ll be able
to make my own decisions about what to do and not do. That will be a lot
better. For us.”

Erin was almost
in tears. “But do you want to? I mean, you’ve always loved your job. You’ve
always been so proud of it—and rightly so. I wouldn’t want you to—”

“I’ll love this
too. I’m excited about the challenge. I haven’t given them this letter yet. I
wouldn’t do something like that without talking to you first. But I will—if you
agree it’s a good idea.”

“Are you sure?”
she breathed, wiping away a few tears that came anyway.

“Oh, baby, of
course, I am.” He pulled her into his arms, and she shook against him for a
minute. “I love you and the girls so much more than any job.”

When she pulled
away, he met her eyes. “This will help, I hope, but I don’t think my traveling
was the main problem. This whole thing has been about something more than just
my spending more time with you, hasn’t it?”

“Yeah,” she
admitted, her stomach flipping in nervousness as she moved into what she’d
subconsciously known they’d needed to talk about for months. “I want you to
spend more time with us, and I think you need to—for us and for you. And you
not having to travel will be a huge thing. But it’s not just about spending
time.”

Seth’s face was
composed, but his eyes were now wary and guarded. “So tell me what it is
about.”

Erin swallowed
hard. She was feeling soft from the revelation of Seth’s gesture of love in
resigning from his law firm, so it was even more difficult for her to move onto
the words that would hurt them both. “I know, when I first got pregnant with
Mackenzie, and then after she was born, you were really worried about being a
father, since you’d never had a family of your own.” She paused. Glanced over
at Seth. Saw he was listening, his brows coming together in four little lines, as
if he weren’t quite following her direction.

Clearing her
throat, she continued, “I know how much you love those little girls, and they
absolutely adore you. And you’re incredibly good with them…” She wanted to stop
there. Wished she didn’t have to go on. But she’d resolved she wasn’t going to
skirt the issue for once. So she concluded softly, “…when you’re around.”

Seth stiffened
beside her again. She could feel the tension tightening in his body. “I can’t
be around them all the time. I can’t be around them as much as you are. I have
to work.”

Erin felt a
sharp pang slice through her chest. She knew Seth hadn’t intended to make it
sound like she had it easy, like her lack of a job made things easier for her,
when giving up the career she’d never really had was one of the hardest things
she’d ever done. She knew Seth hadn’t been trying to be petty or condescending,
so she pushed her initial reaction back down.

“I know,” she
replied, her voice breaking on the second word. “I’m obviously not expecting
you to be around them as much as I am. But I need to feel—not just know—that we
are just as important to you as your work is.”

Seth’s hand
closed suddenly around her knee. “Erin, you and the girls are more important to
me than my work. What do you think this was about?” He gestured to his phone.

“I know. And it
means so much that you’d do that. But one gesture, however amazing it is, can’t
do everything. I know how much you love the girls. But how are they going to
know how much you love them if you don’t show them by the choices you make
every day? Not just the one time.”

Seth swallowed.
He was starting to look a little defensive. “I tell them I love them. I tell
them all the time. I hug them and am…affectionate the way I never had myself.
I’ve always gone out of my way to keep them from feeling as unloved as I was as
a child.”

His words were
so stiff and hoarse that Erin wanted to cradle him. She knew how hard this was
for him, knew how hard it was to put into words things that went so deep. Loved
him for trying to do so now.

“I know,” she
murmured, tightening her arm around him. “I know. And it’s so, so good that you
do that. But if you keep choosing work over them, then eventually they’re going
to think that your work is more important to you than we are.”

Seth’s face
twisted briefly, before he composed it.

Erin was close
to tears again now, and the words started to spill out in an urgent rush,
everything she'd been thinking about this week pouring out before she could
stop it. “I’m so scared for them, Seth. I can’t help but be so scared. They’re
happy right now, and—although things aren’t always perfect—their lives are
mostly stable and simple. But that’s not going to last. Pretty soon things are
going to get a lot harder for them. It won’t be long before they’re teenagers.”

Erin couldn’t
quite meet Seth’s eyes—afraid the expression there would shatter the control
she had remaining. “They’re going to get a lot of attention, Seth, because
they’re your daughters. They’re going to be rich, and popular, and desired. And
they’re going to be beautiful.”

Quickly wiping
away more tears, she continued, “And I’ll be damned if I let them become
bitter, spoiled party-girls, who fill their empty days with cheap pleasure and
shallow notoriety.”

“Erin,” Seth
began, taking her shaking hands in both of his. “That’s not going to—”

Thinking he was
trying to minimize her fears, Erin shook off his hands. “How do you know? It
could happen! It could happen so easily. Because of who they are, it’s going to
be so much harder for them than for other girls. If we don’t give them a
stable, loving home life, if we don’t teach them that they’re significant for
real reasons rather than for superficial ones, if we don’t show them what can
really give their lives value and meaning, then they’re going to take all the
opportunities they’re offered and look for those things in money, or fame, or
drugs, or sex, or, or—”

“Erin,” Seth
interrupted, grabbing her hands again. “Erin, isn’t that what we’re doing?
Isn’t that what we’ve always tried to teach them?”

“Yes,” she
choked, her shoulders shaking as she still tried to fight back stupid tears.
“Yes, that’s what we’ve intended. But so often it’s just me who’s there to try
to teach them anything. And I don’t know if I can do it. I’m so afraid that, if
they start to think that they’re less important to you than work, then their
attitude toward men in general is going to get all messed up. And what if they
start to think they’re not good enough for men to really value? And what if
they start to think that men will only love them if they look a certain way, or
act a certain way, or do certain things…”

Erin started to
sob, visualizing her sweet little girls as privileged, gorgeous young women,
imagining the ways they might let themselves be used by heartless men.

Seth wrapped
his arms around her and gathered her to him, holding her tightly as she sobbed.
“Erin. Erin, that’s not going to happen.”

“How do you
know?” she gasped, burying her wet face in his shirt. “It could. If you’re not
around much, then it’s only me. And what if I mess up? I can’t do it alone.”

“You’re not
alone.” His voice sounded rather broken too. He curved one hand around the back
of her head and tilted it up so she was looking at him again. “I’m in this too.
I’ll be around. I promise. You’re not going to have to raise them alone.”

“Really?” she
asked desperately, something knitting together in her chest at his words and
the absolute assurance in his eyes. “Because it’s easy to say that now, when
you’re scared that I left and everything. But a few months from now, you might
get caught up in work again. I mean, it’s going to be a lot of work and stress
to start up your own practice, and it will be easy for you to get caught up in
everything. Then I’ll have to—”

He shook his
head. “There will be times when work is going to keep me busy, but I’m
committed to not being an absent father. Do you think I’m any less worried
about our daughters’ future than you are?”

“Of course,
not,” she mumbled, still clinging to him. “I didn’t mean that. I just know how
easy it is to get distracted. They love you so much, Seth. I don’t want
anything to get in the way of that.” Sighing deeply, Erin started to relax a
little. “I was really insecure growing up because of…well, you know. I did some
things because of that insecurity that I wish I hadn’t done, and I can’t help
but think of how many more temptations our girls are going to have.”

She took a deep
breath. “I don’t want Mackenzie and Anna to be insecure the way you and I were.
I want them to always, always know that they’re loved, no matter what—that
they’re loved every moment of their lives.”

Seth’s face
twisted briefly with emotion, but then he nodded and gathered her even closer
to his chest. “They are loved, Erin. And we’ll make sure they know it. I’d
never thought…I never wanted…I didn’t mean for you or the girls to ever doubt
it.”

Sighing deeply,
she just nestled against him for a minute. “I know. I’m an adult, so I can know
you love me even when you’re being rather stingy with your time.” She flicked
him a quick smile, so he’d know she was teasing. “But the girls…I just don’t
know if it’s that clear to them.”

Seth brushed a
kiss into her hair. “I’ll be around more, to make sure they know.”

A lot of the
deeply rooted fear in Erin’s chest was slowly easing into hope, but, after a
minute of silence, she swallowed hard. “So how do you think we should make
sure…”

Her question
trailed off, not wanting to sound like she doubted Seth’s commitment to
spending more time at home, but also knowing how easy it was to intend to do
something but let it slack, if there wasn’t a practical plan in place to work
through it.

Seth seemed to
understand, even without her fully articulating her concern. “What if we made a
schedule?”

Erin
straightened up, pulling away from him in the process. “What do you mean?”

Giving a little
shrug, Seth stared off into the sparkling lake again. “I mean, we could agree
that I would have a certain number of breakfasts with you and the girls a
week—maybe three—and a certain number of dinners a week—maybe four. Something
like that.” On his last words, he slanted a look at her that was almost
sheepish.

Erin blinked.
“Really? That would be okay? I know there are legitimate work issues now, and
I’m sure there will be later on. I don’t want to be too demanding or rigid in
my expectations.”

 “Three
breakfasts and four dinners a week with my family is hardly too demanding. And
rather than being too rigid, I think a schedule would actually help to make
sure I don’t unintentionally start to neglect you again. And maybe we could say
I’ll spend at least one entire day—either Saturday or Sunday—with you. And
more, whenever possible.” When he saw she was listening with interest, he
continued, “If I’m not able to keep the schedule one week, then I’ll have to
make it up the following week. And if there’s a crisis of some kind that takes
up too much of my time at a certain point, then I’ll have to take some time off
afterwards to…”