Nan's Journey (24 page)

Martha told her that Elmer could stay with them to go to school whenever she accompanied Fred to his meetings. It would be difficult to take Teddy at this age. It might work out after he was out of diapers. By then there may be another child. As she mulled these thoughts over in her mind she came to the conclusion that God was taking her husband away.

She would have a part-time husband and Teddy would have a part-time father. She felt anger running through her blood. They had been studying about Moses in Sunday school. They had a lot to say about Moses but what about Mrs. Moses? The teacher said that she was stuck home with her father and sisters until they made their way into the wilderness. How long had she been alone? How many young’uns did she have? Did God not have compassion on her?

Fred had told Nan that he was “called of God to minister
.”
What did that make her? Just Nan? Fine, he could have his God and his ministry. She lived without him before. She determined to not let the separations affect her. Martha and Nate loved her. She also had Elmer an
d Teddy to love and look after.

She would always love Fred
,
but from this point on she wouldn’t get lonely for him. It appeared that he had made his choice. He chose God’s work for him over her and their family. The more she thought about it, the more hurt she stored up inside. As she worked herself into frenzy other soothing thoughts tried to find their way into her mind.
I love him. He rescued me and has been so patient and tender with me. He helped me find a way to help Elmer. He loves Teddy.
Then the other thoughts countered
. If he loved you so much he couldn’t leave you. You aren’t good enough for a man of God. Who do you think you are?

Her mind was twisting inside, so much, that she developed a headach
e. She had stewed around so long
that it was time to get the bread into the oven. She washed her face in cool water and willed herself to be pleasant because this supper meant so much for her beloved Martha
and Nate.

Teddy
woke
and she retrieved him from his cradle and brought him into the kitchen to nurse and keep watch on the bread and the street. She held the little boy close to her face and inhaled the scent of his hair. He snuggled close and began nursing.

Teddy was filling out nicely. He had discovered his hands and practiced reaching out to his mother. He managed to snag a ruffle on her blouse, which seemed to amuse his little mind. He stopped sucking and locked eyes with his ma and gave her a big grin. Milk dribbled down his chin. “How can I get myself into a tizzy as long as I have you? Look at you! You will be grown before long! Mama loves her little Ted.” The smile of her son brought a measure of comfort to the turmoil inside her. Her head quit
throbbing. 

Shasta announced the coming of the traveler and Nan heard Fred’s boots crunch the gravel as he walked up the path to his childhood home. The smell of hot bread wafted up to greet him on the little pathway and he decided to make his entry by way of the kitchen.

Elmer was the first of the little company to reach him. “Hey Fred, wanna go fishin’ tomorrow?”

“Elmer, let Fred catch his breath! Son
,
how was the meeting?” Nate took the carpetbag and surveyed the demeanor of his son.

“Great Pa! It felt right to be in the pulpit again.”

Martha threw her arms around his neck and gave him a tender kiss on the cheek. “My dear boy. I am so happy for you.”

“Thanks
,
Ma.”

Nan remained seated in the chair tending to Teddy. She smiled shyly and said, “It is good to have you back again. How was Campo?”

The words were delivered nicely but Fred paused as he contemplated the meaning behind them. He took two long strides and landed on his knees at her feet. He kissed the pudgy cheek of the sleeping baby. “Sweetheart, I couldn’t wait to be home with you!” He enveloped both of them in a warm embrace and kissed her softly on the lips.

“Come children, our supper is done. All we lack is setting the table
,
” said Martha.

“Here, I can get that done double quick!”
Elmer offered.

“Let me assist you Elmer, ole Pal, ole Pard, ole friend of mine,” laughed Fred.

Nan took Teddy to the bedroom, placed him in his cradle, and joined the family at the large round table. “Preacher boy, you say the blessing tonight.”

“Sure thing
,
Pa.”

“Father, thank you for your presence with each one of us at all times. I am truly thankful that whether I am coming or going, You are with me. I am also thankful that at the same time You can be with the ones I love most in my life even when I am absent. Bless the wonderful food spread before us. I thank You for the dear ones I was born to and the precious family that I found. Let us live our lives acceptable to You. In Jesus’ Name, amen.”

Tears gathered in the corners of Nan’s eyes. She couldn’t believe how much Fred’s words affected her. She was glad to see him. She leaned to him and he thought she was going to whisper something in his ear. Instead he was delighted to feel her soft, sweet lips brush his cheek. Now it was his turn to blink away tears.

In his prayers during the train ride home the Lord impressed him to be careful in his treatment of Nan. He knew he needed to tell her of Mary’s conversion, but he shouldn’t be in too much of a hurry to just blurt it out to her. She and Elmer had suffered much at the hands of their stepmother and letting go of hurt was a sight harder than getting over anger. He also sensed that Nan was unsure of having a preacher for a husband. She was still trying to get used to having a husband. She was a shy wife, but very loving. He smiled as he remembered the way she snuggled his back when he slept on his side. What a pleasure it was to enjoy her tender embraces. He stole a lingering look at her seated next to him at the table. Her shining dark hair was tied loosely with a pink ribbon. She looked over at him while she buttered a slice of the warm bread. He was blushing! She blushed also as she handed him the bread and said, “Welcome home
,
darling.”

*****

He held her in the circle of his arm, as they lay in their soft featherbed. She placed her ear over his heart and listened to the strong steady rhythm. She felt safe and loved. She hoped it would be a while before he went for another meeting or for a full-fledged revival. “I haven’t even heard him preach before
,
” she mused. “Are you a good preacher?”

“The best!” he laughed

“Seriously, do people really listen when you preach?”

“I don’t know.”

“How could you not know?”

“I don’t pay a lot of mind to the people in the congregation. It works better for me if I just focus on God and what I think He has in mind for me to say.”

“I see.”

“You will have to hear me preach sometime, dear wife.”

“I will. I promise I will.”

“Nan, I have been praying about this a lot. We need a lot of time together at this time of our life.”

Nan could hardly believe her ears
.

“I don’t want to leave you for weeks at a time. I want to enjoy you and raise our son and brother. I want to help my Ma and Pa.”

“What about your calling?”

“I still have my calling. I will just be careful that the meetings I hold are the ones God
has
planned. In the summer time I might go for a few days, but I want you and the boys to go with me. I am fortunate that you all are such good campers.”

“Campers?”
Nan asked.

“Yes, we can take the horses and sleep outside in the warm weather. We would be gone a few days at a time. We could be at our camp in the day and have meetings in the evening and sleep under the stars.”

“What about diapers? How would all that work?”

“The Indians wash clothes in the streams and use branches to dry things. I imagine that would work.”

“Maybe for a couple of days…” It sounded like a lot of work but it also sounded enjoyable.

“If we go far away, we could take the train. Ma and Pa will watch Elmer and you and Teddy could join me. Most of the pastors have large homes with a bedroom designated for visiting evangelists.” He didn’t mention that children normally slept in the barn or porch in order to clear a space for him.

“Stay with strangers?”
Nan was unsure.

“We are all God’s family. It will be alright
,
” He suppressed a yawn.

Nan was a little nervous about the thought of staying with people she did not know
,
but it might be interesting to see
faraway
places. She was going to say something more, but was interrupted by a soft snore. She grinned and pulled away from him easily while pushing on his left shoulder. He obediently turned to his side and the snoring stopped. She pressed herself against his back and rested her arm on his side, letting her hand dangle on his chest. In his sleep he found the hand and held it. He was dreaming sweet dreams of the woman he loved.

Chapter
25

Nan wiped her hands with the damp dishtowel as she retrieved the dishpan from the dry sink. She used the dishwater to give moisture to the rose cutting Martha
gave
her. It was planted next to the back step and watering it was the last of the morning rituals in the neat little kitchen. She hummed as she hung the dishpan on the nail next to the back door. She heard a timid knock on the front door. Nan untied the ample white apron and placed it across the back of the closest chair. She smoothed her hair and the front of her dress and buttoned the little buttons around her wrists as she made her way to answer the door.

The second knock was delivered a little more boldly. Nan eased the door open and realized one of her worst nightmares had come to pass. She suppressed a scream before she crumpled to the floor. Mary Dewey stood in stunned amazement on the front porch of Reverend Fred Young. Quickly she knelt down at the young woman’s side and looking up, cried for help.

“Nan, is that you?”
Fred covered the walkway to the front do
or in three steps. He picked Nan
up and carried her to the rocker beside the front window. “Darling, wake up. I’m here!”

“Fred?”

“Yes
,
dear.”

She began to open her eyes. “She came here! She is here! Oh God, what am I going to do?” Nan covered her face with her hands and began to cry.

Mary stood quietly just inside the door. “Reverend, I didn’t know! I came to talk with you.”

Nan looked from Fred to Mary. “Why would she want to talk with you?”

Mary cleared her throat “Nan, I came here to talk to Brother Young about my past. I was afraid to tell my preacher about how rotten I was. I know God forgave me, but I didn’t
know if he should know all the…
you know, bad things I done.” She continued, “I been thinkin’ about you and Elmer
,
too. I know I am the last person you would ever want to lay eyes on after the bad treatment I handed to you. I want you to know that I am ashamed of myself.” Mary began to cry as she tried to hush the
wail
of baby Sammy, who until he cried had gone unnoticed.

Nan sat in unbelief as she blinked back tears. “What are you up to, Mrs. Dewey?
A
nd how do you know my husband?”

“Brother Young is your husband?”

Nan nodded.

“I came forward at the meetin’ Brother Young held at Campo a couple of months ago. I made my peace with God. My pastor and him prayed with me and showed me how to get
saved
.”

“You saw her?”

“Yes, at first I didn’t know that she was your stepmother. When I found out her name I …well… I didn’t know how to tell you that I saw her.”

Mary’s eyes widened, “When did you find out who I was?”

“The morning Brother Hall introduced us.”

“Why didn’t you say something?” Mary bounced Sammy on her hip to comfort him.

“I didn’t know what to think. I did see that your conversion was genuine. I thought you had enough to think about that day.”

“Why didn’t you tell me
?
!” Nan stormed.

“You don’t know how many times I started to tell you but I lost my nerve. We have been busy moving into our house. I just hated to upset you.”

Nan rubbed her throbbing head.

“Nan, may I come in and talk with you for a little while?”

“I don’t know…”

“Come in
,
Mary.” Fred stepped aside and offered a straight-backed chair next to Nan.

“Fred?”

“Nan
,
you must meet this head on if you ever want to get past it.”

Mary sat on the edge of the chair with Sammy on her knees. “Nan
,
ever since little Sammy was born I have been thinking on you and Elmer. When I look in his little innocent eyes I think about how much I love him and how bad it would be if he ever had a stepmother like I was to you children. I was willing to let sleeping dogs lie, that is, until I found Jesus. Every time I pray I see your little back all bruised and bleedin’ and I know I was the one who done it.”