Natasha's Awakening (45 page)

It was dark before she finally pulled herself up off the floor and stumbled upstairs to have a shower. The water stung when it hit the tender flesh between her legs and she was reminded, painfully of Eric’s rough assault on her. She didn’t understand why he’d done that. She glossed around calling it rape because she hadn’t been completely immune and it was Eric, she loved him, despite the pain he was causing her. Natasha stayed under the spray until the water finally started to run cold and after drying off, she pulled on one of her oversized t-shirts and crawled into bed.

She quickly rang her Mother, assuring her that everything was fine, Eric was gone and she desperately needed to sleep. “That’s the baby sweetheart. I used to get so tired in the early months when I was pregnant with you. It was that kind of fatigue that seems to seep into the bones.” She told Natasha. “Ok baby girl, you sleep, but I want to know all about this pregnancy tomorrow. I can’t believe you didn’t tell me straight away.”

Natasha yawned down the line. “I’m sorry Mum, I was going to tell you but it was too soon. It hurts so much. I love him so much.” Natasha’s voice cracked as fresh tears threatened. “Please Mum, I’m so tired, I have to go.” She begged and finally her Mother let her off more questioning for the evening and they said their goodbyes. Natasha flopped down on her pillow, her hands resting over her stomach, cradling her tiny unborn child and within moments she was asleep.

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Natasha spent the next several days at home. She couldn’t work up the energy to go anywhere, she was just so tired and emotionally drained. Every time she thought about Eric, the tears would start flowing again. Her Mother was concerned about her and had asked her about her pregnancy, wanting to know when she was due but Natasha told her she hadn’t been to a doctor yet. Her Mother told her she had to go so she had agreed to make an appointment and she was going to see her local doctor the following day.

She hadn’t heard from Eric at all. He hadn’t turned up at her door again, but she wasn’t so sure he would. She couldn’t get rid of the images in her head of him pinning her up against the wall and taking her roughly, but most of all, his face when she told him to go was going to haunt her for a long time. For a brief moment she thought she’d seen tears in his eyes but if she did, they were probably tears of guilt for how he’d just treated her.

Natasha wasn’t sure what she was going to do about him. She’d been so angry when he was in her home and she’d just wanted to hurt him anyway she could as he’d hurt her but now she felt so devastated at the prospect of never seeing him again and his face when he’d left was stuck in her head. It looked like the face of a man who’d given up. He’d looked shattered. Of course she couldn’t help but curse her weakness for even caring about how Eric felt.

The following morning she got ready for her appointment with her doctor. She looked terrible when she saw her image in the mirror and it took a lot of carefully applied make up to cover the dark circles under her eyes. It wasn’t supposed to be like this, having a baby should have been the happiest moment of her life but instead she was miserable all the time. Not miserable because she was pregnant, but miserable because it should be something that her and Eric were excited about as a couple. Instead she faced raising her baby alone and he or she never knowing their Father.

Natasha could feel a fresh wave of tears threatening and she mentally slapped herself. She had to snap out of this. She couldn’t spend the next 9 months crying and she was scared she was putting her baby’s life at risk by being so emotional all the time.

Once she was ready she gathered up her car keys and walked through to the garage which she could access from inside without needing to go outside first. While the door rolled up she climbed into her car ready to drive out when suddenly the passenger door opened and Eric hopped in.

Natasha jumped violently with shock, her heart pounding and when she saw him she turned on him angrily. “What the hell do you think you’re doing?” She asked. “You scared me half to death. What do you want?”

“I had to see you Natasha. I needed to know you were ok.” He said. Natasha looked at him and for the first time she noticed how weary he looked. There were lines at the corners of his mouth, his eyes were blood shot and there were dark circles under them. She couldn’t help feeling a bit better that he was looking just as bad as she did.

“Where are you going?” He asked and Natasha sighed.

“What do you want Eric? Why are you here? I would have thought after the last time I saw you that you would be out of my life now or have you come to rape me again?” Her voice dripped sarcasm and Eric blanched at her harsh tone.

“Please Natasha, don’t use that word. I’m sorry, fuck you have no idea how sorry I am. I haven’t been able to sleep, I can’t eat. I feel like shit.” His eyes were tortured when he turned to her again.

“That’s good Eric, you deserve to feel like shit. You treated me like shit, your entire behaviour has been shit. You act like the injured party here, but I’m the one who is pregnant, I’m the one whose life is going to change, not yours. You don’t want this baby, you’ve made that perfectly clear so why don’t you just go away and get on with your life and I’ll get on with mine. Go find yourself the next woman to warm your bed.”

“I don’t want another woman dammit. I still want you, you’re all I can think about Natasha.” Natasha’s eyes closed and she dropped her head back against the headrest at his emotionally spoken words.

“It’s not just me anymore Eric. I’m pregnant. It’s a two for the price of one deal now. I’m not your beck and call girl. I won’t come and warm your bed every time you get an urge you can’t take care of Eric.” She turned to face him. “Now will you get out of my car. I have to go out and you’re going to make me late.” She told him.

“Where are you going baby.” He asked.

“Don’t call me that Eric. I’m not your baby. I have a doctor’s appointment if you must know. I need to go so will you get out of my damned car.”

“Forget it Natasha, I’m not getting out of this car. I’m coming with you to the doctors.” He said quietly. Natasha thumped her hands against the steering wheel.

“Fuck you Eric. Don’t you dare act like you give a damn about me or my baby. Just get out!” Eric only looked at her for a moment before calmly doing up his seatbelt and Natasha groaned. “Why are you doing this? Why can’t you just leave?” She snapped at him.

“I’m not getting out of this car Natasha so unless you want to be late for your appointment, I suggest you start driving now. I’ve changed my mind.”

Natasha stared at him open mouthed. “You’ve changed your mind? Changed your mind about what?”

Eric sighed. “I can’t let you go through this alone. It’s my fault you’re pregnant. I’m terrified Natasha. You have no idea how scared I am but I can’t let you carry my baby and raise my child without being a part of yours and my baby’s life. If that means only seeing you when you decide, then I’ll settle for that and one day I might tell you why the idea of becoming a Father scares the absolute hell out of me.”

“I already know.” Natasha said quietly. “Maggie told me about your childhood.”

Eric swore, a string of obscenities. “Damn Maggie, she had no fucking right. How the fuck did you two become so tight, so fast?”

Natasha gave a hollow sounding laugh. “Maggie foolishly had some idea in her head that you might actually care for me.” She said. “Don’t you dare give her grief for telling me either.” Natasha warned him. “She cares deeply for you Eric. She only wants what’s best for you so don’t you go screaming in her ear do you hear me?” she snarled at him and she watched a hint of a smile curl up one side of his lips.

“You are gorgeous when you’re angry.” He said and Natasha cursed at him before starting up her car and backing out of the garage.

“Shut up Eric. Seems I have no choice now so you’re coming to the doctors since you won’t get out of my car. When we get there I want you to just sit down and don’t say anything.” And she drove to the doctors ignoring the hint of amusement that shone in his eyes.

Once they got to the doctors, Natasha didn’t have to wait long to be called in. Eric got up too and she told him to stay in the waiting room. “Forget it Natasha, I’m coming in too. Don’t you dare try and stop me.” He said, a stubborn, set look on his face.

“Fine, but just shut up ok?” And she turned to head into the doctor’s room. She was put through the barrage of questions about when her last period had been, how late was she and questions about her family history. When the doctor asked who the Father was, Eric said he was. The doctor did another pregnancy test to be sure and took blood. He told her to ring for the results of the blood test and she was to come back in a month’s time for a check up. Natasha got the talk about taking care of herself, getting plenty of sleep and if she had any questions or concerns, she was to ring him.

When they finally left the doctor’s surgery and walked back to her car, she turned to him to ask where she could drop him off. “My car’s at your place baby.” He said, ignoring the frown she gave him at his endearment for her. “Are you going home now?”

Natasha shook her head. “No, I’m going shopping. I haven’t been shopping since I got back from Tasmania and I’m running out of options.” She told him.

“Well that’s ok baby. I’ll come shopping with you.” Eric said.

Natasha couldn’t contain the laugh that escaped her lips. “You’re joking, right? You come grocery shopping.” She studied him for a moment. “You, Mr Rothman, CEO. Have you ever gone grocery shopping? What about work? Have you been back into the office yet?”

“I’ve been back but I couldn’t concentrate baby. It’s not the same without you there. I wish you’d think about coming back. How am I expected to replace you?”

“Eric what are you doing?” Natasha asked him. “Why this sudden turn around? Why are you acting like you give a shit? Only a week ago you told me to fuck off, that you didn’t want me. You were so relieved when you thought I wasn’t pregnant? Why are you hanging around now?”

“I’m here because I want to be here baby. I told you before, you’re like a drug and I can’t give you up and if you remember correctly, you were the one that told me that you had no further use for me.” He said, “I’m a man, I lashed out at you because you dented my ego. We men are fragile things baby.” He gave her his familiar crooked grin before his expression became serious again. “I told you baby, the thought of becoming a Father scares the crap out of me. I’m bad news, you should know that. Maggie told you. My Father was a bastard. Every man Mum brought around were bastards. No one ever wanted me and I wasn’t enough for my Mother once my Father died anyway. How the fuck can I make a good Father? I’m from bad blood, bad stock. I’m so scared that my seed is growing inside you now Natasha. I don’t want to be like my Father, but I can’t be sure that I won’t.” His eyes were troubled when he looked at her.

“Just because your Father was a bastard Eric doesn’t mean you will be but I’m still not convinced your intentions are good. You expect me to believe that you’ve changed when a week ago you’re screaming at me and so angry, then enraged because I’m pregnant, raping me and then nothing for several days. Now you turn up acting like you’re a changed man or something?” Natasha’s look she gave him was doubtful. “I’m sorry Eric, but I’m not buying it.”

“Don’t call it rape Natasha.” Eric groaned, his eyes closing. “I’m sorry, I was rough, but it wasn’t rape. I felt you respond. You might have been fighting it out of some desire to make me suffer or whatever the hell motivated you, but don’t call it rape.”

Natasha shrugged, “Call it whatever you need to, to make you feel better Eric, but you took me against my will.”

She unlocked the car and climbed in before Eric could come back with a response. With an impatient sigh he hopped into the passenger’s seat and with nothing more being said, she drove to the big Erina Fair shopping centre. She was aware of his brooding silence alongside of her and she found herself fighting not to smile. She didn’t know why he had suddenly changed his mind about being in hers and her baby’s life. She had no idea where they were going, if they were going anywhere and although she was torn between not trusting him and being uncertain about having him around her. She also worried about how much pain her heart could take and she didn’t trust him not to hurt her. For now he thought he wanted to be in her life, but she knew what he was like. His track record with women wasn’t good. It was terrible actually. He got bored quickly and she knew he would get bored with her eventually too. She was probably more challenging than he was used to but she wasn’t fooling herself, Eric would eventually move on. Just how much she let him in she wasn’t sure about. Her heart had been splintered already by him and if she dared to let him get in again, she knew her heart couldn’t take him walking out of her life a second time. One thing was for sure as far as Natasha was concerned, she wasn’t going to make it easy for him. The holiday romance was well and truly over.

When they got to the shopping centre she turned to Eric. “Are you sure you want to do this? What if someone recognises you?” She asked.

“Fuck it Natasha. Even CEO’s need to eat.” He grinned.

“Yeah well Mr Big CEO, you can push the damned trolley then. Make yourself useful.” And she headed into the supermarket leaving him to follow her, smiling to herself when she heard him curse. The evil part of her finding it amusing that he’d picked a trolley that didn’t want to go straight and certainly wasn’t impressed with the very charming Mr Eric Rothman. Natasha turned back to see how he was doing and when he saw her face he scowled at her.

“Glad you find it so damned amusing.” At his less than amused facial expression, she couldn’t help it, she burst out laughing, feeling the best she’d felt since returning home from Tasmania.

When they got back to Natasha’s townhouse after shopping, with her car loaded up with plenty of food to keep her going for a while, Eric insisted on helping her to carry everything inside. In fact he wouldn’t let her carry any more than a couple of bags which she found incredibly frustrating. When she tried to load up with bags he slapped her hands away telling her she couldn’t carry them because she was pregnant. “For crying out loud Eric, I’m pregnant, not a damned invalid.” She complained but he ignored her, insisting she go inside and sit down. He even insisted on helping her unpack all her groceries and she was starting to get suspicious of his behaviour. “For fuck’s sakes Eric, what is all this? You’re Eric Rothman the wealthy businessman, not the domestic help. What do you want?”