Need You Now (42 page)

“She also said to tell you that snow bunnies never freeze.”

Through tears welling in the corner of his eyes, he chuckled. “That's my girl. Thank you for telling me that.” He kissed Darlene on the cheek. “I hope to see you again soon, to stay in touch.”

Darlene nodded. Sheila was Layla's executor and would be putting Layla's house on the market, so Darlene doubted that she'd ever see him again.

She walked out of the crowded living room and down the long hallway to the bathroom. She ran right into Dave on the way. She'd done her best to keep her distance from him and avoided eye contact whenever she caught him looking at her.

“Can I talk to you?” His tone was urgent, and even though now wasn't the time to talk about anything to do with them, she briefly wondered if maybe something was wrong with Cara.

She followed him into a large library off one end of the hall. “What?”

“I'm just worried about you.” He touched her arm, and she quickly jerked away.

“I'm heartbroken. My best friend just died.” She knew her tone was laced with resentment, but being around Dave only served as a reminder of what she'd done.

“I know. We're all going to miss Layla.” He paused, and Darlene could see the sincerity in the depth of his blue eyes. She looked away.

“I don't regret it, Darlene. The kiss.” Even though his words said otherwise, Darlene detected a hint of apology in his voice.

Darlene glanced behind her, then back at him. “I do, Dave. I regret it very much, and I'm going to tell Brad about it.”

“What? Don't do that, Darlene. Why would you do that?” He shook his head, frowning. “That's a mistake.”

“It's a mountain between me and my husband, and I want it moved.” Although she wondered if her confession might just dirty up the already polluted air. Either way, she couldn't live with it anymore.

“It was just a kiss. I don't think you should tell him.”

“Dave . . .” She took a deep breath. “It shouldn't have ever happened. I regret it. Please stay away from me. And Brad.”

She left the room, even though she could hear him calling after her. She found Brad as fast as she could. “Can we go?”

“Sure, baby.” He put his arm around her, and they found the kids. She nestled herself into the safety of his arms as they went home, knowing that whatever Brad had to say to her about Barbara, she would love him until the day she died.

The next day, Darlene assured her family that she was fine, although the void in her life and in her heart was colossal. She insisted the kids go to school. They needed to keep busy, and Darlene wanted to hole up and cry, stop having to be strong in front of everyone. Brad had offered to stay home with her, but she'd insisted he go to work. They would have to talk soon, but she didn't have the strength for it today.

“Are you sure you don't want me to stay home today?” Brad kissed her on the forehead.

She shook her head. “No. I'm fine.”

He finally left, said he'd call her later that morning to check on her. He wasn't even to the end of the driveway when Darlene lay down on the couch and cried, loud thunderous sobs she wouldn't want anyone to hear. She'd been bottling it up since the funeral, and she pulled her legs to her chest, wrapped her arms around them, and allowed herself to feel the pain of losing Layla. Even on her drive back from the hospital the day Layla died, she'd forced herself to suppress everything, knowing she had to drive back to Round Top, arrive safely, and be there for her children.

She knew that her continued conversations with God had gotten her through all this so far, but she was going to need His help to get her through one more thing. Tomorrow, she'd talk to Brad.

For the next twenty minutes, she cried, prayed, and cried some more. She was crying so hard that she didn't see or hear Brad walk into the room. He ran to her side. “Baby, honey . . .” He threw his arms around her. “I was afraid of this. I got about ten minutes down the road, and I decided to turn around. I knew you were having a hard time with this.” He sat down on the couch, pulled her into his lap, and stroked her hair. “I'm here, baby. I'm here. What do you need?”

She didn't answer, but buried her face in his chest and cried. For a long time. When she was done, she eased out of his lap, squeezed her eyes closed for a moment, then took a deep breath. She stared at him for several moments. “I need you to tell me about Barbara.”

Brad tensed as he reached up and scratched his chin. “Who?”

She wasn't sure she had the strength for this, but she knew she didn't have the emotional energy to carry the burden for one more day. “I know about Barbara.” Brad's expression clouded, and fear squeezed Darlene's heart. “How long has it been going on?”

Brad stood up and paced the floor in front of her in the living room. “A couple of months.”

Confirmation
. She felt light-headed as she put her feet on the floor, elbows on her knees, and face in her hands.
God, I need You now. More than ever. I can't do this. I can't
.

She sat taller, but through her tears, she didn't look in his direction. All of her loneliness and anxiety melded into one upsurge of determination, and she asked him the one question that was fueling the worst of her fears. “Do you love her?” Just thinking about it shattered her, and she squeezed her eyes closed.

“Who?”

She opened her eyes and turned to face him, a war of emotions raging within her, as she wondered how he could innocently ask her that. “Barbara.” Her stomach clenched tight, and the seconds ticked by in slow motion as she waited for her world to change forever.

Brad's jaw dropped. “Why would you ask me that?”

She sniffled. “Because I just need to know if you love her.”

“Of course not!” He sat down on the couch beside her. “Baby . . .” He reached up to put his hand on her cheek, but she slid over on the couch.

“Don't touch me, Brad. You tell me everything! I can't take one more day, one more second of this! I've known for weeks, but I've been too scared to ask. Then with Layla . . .” She cried so hard she could barely breathe. “I need to know how long you've been having an affair with this Barbara woman.”

“What?” Brad dropped his jaw again. “You think I've been having an affair with Barbara Rollins?” He gave his head a shake. “What? Why?”

“I heard you on the phone, Brad. I heard you say that if your wife found out about the two of you, then your marriage was over.”

“You never heard me say that, Dar. I'd never say that because there was nothing going on with—” He stopped, stared at her, then sighed. “Oh . . . you must have overheard my conversation with Barbara when I was out in the barn, didn't you?”

“Yes.”

“Dar . . . Barbara is a stockbroker. The insurance wasn't covering Grace's visits to the psychiatrist, and I wanted you to be able to redo this house the way you want to.” He paused, then spoke slower than before. “I invested a large chunk of our savings in a plan that Barbara suggested. And it lost a lot of money almost overnight. I told Barbara that she better figure out a way to reinvest it or get the money back, because”—he took a breath—“if you found out about it, our marriage was over.” He shook his head. “I was just trying to make her understand how important it was.” He sat down on the couch, reached for her hand, then squeezed. “The market shifted, and the money is finally back in a much safer investment program.” He narrowed his eyes. “Did you really think that I would
cheat
on you? I'm so sorry that I didn't tell you about what I'd done, but it all turned out okay, and I was just trying to make some extra money. I'll never do anything like that again without discussing it with you, but, Dar . . . I would never, ever even so much as touch another woman.”

Darlene pulled her hand from his, stood up, paced, and chewed on her fingernail. She could barely breathe. She wanted to run away, to run back to a time when Grace wasn't cutting herself, to a time when she and Layla were sitting on her couch talking, to a time when she and Brad were laughing and loving each other, to a time before she'd ever met Dave Schroeder. “Oh, Brad,” she whispered as she bent at the waist.

He ran to her, wrapped his arms around her. “I'd never, ever betray our love. Never. I'd never cheat on you.”

She shoved him back, then glared at him. Despite the warning voice whispering in her head, the one saying,
Don't tell
, she tossed the words into the air, knowing she would be the one to fall. “Well, I thought you did. And I kissed Dave Schroeder! I kissed him twice. Here, out by the barn.”

The color drained from Brad's face as he stared at her.

“I don't feel anything for him. It was a mistake, and I'm so, so sorry. I thought you were having an affair with someone named Barbara.” Darlene dropped to her knees. “I'm sorry. You are the love of my life, my everything. I'm so sorry.”

The silence thickened between them like a heavy mist, and Brad's nostrils flared. He looked like a volcano on the verge of erupting. “You and Dave? Making out in the barn? Our barn?” Brad was yelling now, and Darlene knew she deserved it. She just wondered if he could get past this. And if she could forgive herself.

Darlene stood up and faced him. She reached for him, but he backed away. “Brad, who do you . . .”

But before she could even finish the question, he turned and walked out of the house, slamming the door behind him.

Chapter Twenty-Two

For the next two days, Brad spoke to her as little as he could. He stayed up late and fell asleep on the couch. She knew he was sending her a message, one that she deserved. It was all out now. Ultimately, she'd been the one to betray Brad, to keep a secret worse than the one he'd been keeping. And she was sure, beyond any doubt, that she'd never seen Brad as angry as when she'd confessed to him—his eyes blazing, his words filled with utter contempt. She felt empty. Lost. And she missed Layla.

She'd been relying on God for strength. In her heart, she knew He was listening, hearing her cries for help, but guilt and regret were suffocating her. The only thing she knew to do was to keep busy.

Despite Brad's promise that they would replace the old wooden floors in the den, Darlene had rented a floor sander yesterday. It was hard work and torturous on her back. She'd hardly been able to crawl out of bed this morning to resume the task, but idle time was her enemy. She started running the sander right after the kids left for school and Brad left for work.

Every time she moved, her body ached. And she deserved it. But with each push forward, she could see the reward for her efforts. As the top layer of weathered wood turned to sandy residue throughout the den, there was a fresh surface underneath, worthy of restoration. She coughed, groaned from the exertion, and stopped to cry when she needed to.

Brad left the office early that afternoon. He missed his wife, but bitterness wrapped around him so tightly that he couldn't breathe. As he pulled into Dave Schroeder's driveway, he had every intention of punching the guy in the gut. But when Dave opened his front door, Brad held his breath. Cara was standing beside him, a gentle smile across her beautiful face.