Needing Nicole (The Cantrelle Family Trilogy Book 2) (18 page)

He sighed. His eyes were filled with sadness as he continued. “Yes, it was a terrible time for us. I, too, was miserable. The lack of intimacy was terrible, for Lisette and I had always been each other’s best friend. We had shared everything, talked about everything, and we’d always laughed so much together. I... I hate to admit how weak I was, but I couldn’t stand the loss of that closeness. I turned to my secretary, a lovely young woman whom I admired very much. I’m sorry to have to say that we became lovers.”

“Oh, Uncle Justin,” Nicole said.

“But I felt so guilty. I loved Lisette so much, and I knew what I was doing was wrong, so I went to my secretary and told her our love affair must stop. I told her I would give her enough money to get settled somewhere else like Shreveport and even help her find a job, if she wanted, but she would have to leave Lafayette. She agreed.”

“What I didn’t know was that she was pregnant with my child. She didn’t tell me. Only after that child was born did she write and say she had had a little girl, my little girl, and she thought I might like to know.”

After a pause, Uncle Justin went on. “I believe Elise Arnold is my daughter.”

The words trembled in the air. Jack looked at Nicole, saw how still and pale she was, how wide and stricken her eyes were as she stared at her uncle. Jack’s skin prickled as he turned back to Justin and saw eyes filled with pain.

“Does Aunt Lisette know any of this?” Nicole said, her voice uneven.

Justin’s gaze never wavered. “She knows about the affair. I told her, and she has forgiven me. She doesn’t know about the child, because I knew that would break her heart. And I’d already hurt her so much, I just couldn’t hurt her anymore. Besides, what good would it have done?”

“Didn’t you ever try to see the baby?” Nicole asked. “How could you just ignore the fact that you had a child?”

“I tried. The letter from my secretary was postmarked Shreveport, but when I looked for her there, she was gone. I had no idea where she’d gone. I didn’t know much about her—she had only worked for me a short time. I knew she had an aunt somewhere, but I didn’t remember the aunt’s name. I have to be honest,
chere,
even though I know this will make you think less of me. I was relieved when I didn’t find her in Shreveport. I told myself she had probably been lying to me to make me feel bad, that there wasn’t a baby after all. I preferred to think these things because it made everything so much easier for me.” His face twisted. “You probably think I’m a terrible person.”

Nicole smiled sadly. “Uncle Justin, I could never think you’re a terrible person. And believe me, I have no room to make judgments about anyone. I’m not exactly perfect myself.”

Jack cleared his throat. “Mr. Cantrelle—”

“Please. If I’m to call you Jack, you must call me Justin.”

“Justin, what makes you so sure Elise is your daughter?”

Justin met his gaze squarely. “My secretary’s name was Michelle Sonnier.”

Jack and Nicole looked at each other, and he saw the same spark of excitement reflected in her dark eyes that he knew was shining in his.

Justin spoke again, softly. “When you told my brother the name of Elise’s mother, he knew it sounded familiar. Finally he realized where he’d heard it. That was when he called me.”

* * *

“You know, Jack, I’ve been thinking,” Nicole said. They were in his car, driving back to New Orleans. It was Friday night. They had decided not to stay overnight in Lafayette. “You’ve been spending an awful lot of time looking for Elise without really knowing whether she’s dead or alive.”

He expelled a gust of breath. “Yeah, I know. But I don’t see how we can ever know unless I find her... or someone finds her body.”

“Don’t you think it might be better to try to establish, for sure, that she’s still alive?”

“Yeah, that’d be great, but I don’t know how I can do that. Short of shooting Derek Arnold with truth serum and demanding to know whether he killed his wife, I’m fresh out of ideas.”

Nicole hesitated, suddenly wondering if what she was about to propose was wise. She took a deep breath. “I have a suggestion.”

“Oh?”

“Why don’t you use me?”

In the light cast from an oncoming car, Nicole could see Jack’s frown. “Use you? How?”

“As a decoy.”

“In what way?”

“Well, what I thought you could do is somehow—I’m not sure how, that would be something you’d have to figure out—let Derek Arnold know about me. Maybe you could get the information to him that you had found a woman you thought was Elise Arnold, and that she lived in New Orleans. You could even say the woman says her name is Nicole Cantrelle, but you don’t believe it. You could let him know where I live, then just wait and see what he does.”

“But if he killed Elise, why would he do anything?”

“That’s just it. If he doesn’t take the bait, you’ll know he probably
did
kill her, and you can go on from there. But if he
does
come to Louisiana, it’ll prove she really did run away from him.”

Jack pulled out into the passing lane and passed an eighteen-wheeler, then pulled back into the right lane of the highway. “I don’t know, Nicole. It sounds pretty farfetched to me.”

“It’d work, Jack, I know it’d work,” Nicole said eagerly. “It’s at least worth a try.”

“Now, I’m not saying I agree with you,” Jack said thoughtfully. “But for the sake of argument, let’s say we did it. And let’s say Derek came to New Orleans. That still wouldn’t prove conclusively that he didn’t kill Elise, you know?”

“Why do you say that?”

“Because even if he did kill her, he would want to divert suspicion. He’d probably figure out that if he didn’t at least check you out, it would look highly suspicious. After all, he’s playing the role of the concerned husband right now— at least to everyone except Jenny.”

“I say let’s cross that bridge when we come to it. I think he’d be bound to say
something
that would give him away, don’t you think?”

“What I think is that this is a crazy idea. A dangerous idea. Listen, Nicole, a guy like Derek Arnold might do anything. I don’t want you in danger.”

Nicole felt a surge of happiness at the concern in Jack’s voice. “But Jack, I don’t think he’d do anything to me. After all, I’m
not
his wife, and I can prove it. I’m no real threat to him.”

“No. There are too many variables. Too much danger.”

“Oh, come on, Jack. I want to do this. I... after listening to my uncle’s story, I don’t know... I just feel so close to Elise. I want to know what happened to her. And if she’s alive, I want to find her.” She turned in her seat so she could look at Jack. “She’s my cousin. She’s family.”

Jack was silent for so long, Nicole almost said something else. Finally he spoke. “I have to admit that the investigative journalist part of me likes your idea, but the other part of me—the man—is scared to death something might happen to you.”

Nicole hugged herself. He cared. He really did care.

“The only way I’ll consider letting you do this is if I can be with you at all times.”

“But, Jack—”

“At all times,” he repeated.

“Jack,” she said patiently, “I have a job. You can’t come to work with me every day.”

“I’m not really worried about the time you’re at work. If we don’t tell him where you work, he won’t be able to go to your office. I’m worried about the time you’d be alone.”

“So what are you suggesting?”

“I’m suggesting that I move in with you.”

Nicole’s heart thudded up into her throat. “Move in with me?”

Jack’s lower jaw jutted out stubbornly. “That’s what I said. If I can’t be with you when you’re not at work, I won’t let you do this. I won’t put you in that kind of danger.”

“I don’t know, Jack.” Oh, it was so tempting. Not only because she wanted to do this for her unknown cousin, but because the thought of being with Jack, having him in her home, caused her insides to jump around like Mexican jumping beans.

She looked out the window. In the distance she could see the lights of New Orleans. Soon they would be home.

“If the idea of my moving in with you bothers you so much, we’ll just forget the whole thing,” Jack said, breaking into her thoughts.

She glanced at him. He gave her a thoughtful look before turning his gaze back to the road. She bit her bottom lip. She knew that if she allowed Jack to move into her cottage, she would never be able to withstand her feelings for him. And she was fairly certain he felt the same way.

So if she said yes, she’d agree with his condition, she’d be saying yes to more than just trying to trap Derek Arnold.

She’d be saying yes to a physical relationship with Jack.

She’d be saying yes to possible unbearable heartache.

She’d be saying yes to the biggest risk she’d ever taken.

She said yes.

They decided to wait a week before putting their plan into action. Nicole explained to Jack that Margaret and Caldwell wouldn’t leave for their trip to Australia until the following weekend.

They were sitting in her living room. They’d been home for about an hour. Nicole met Jack’s gaze squarely. “I don’t want them to know I’ve let you move in here. By the time they return from their trip, you should be—” she forced herself to say it “—gone.” She ignored the pain that grabbed at her heart. “So they’ll never have to know you were here.” His eyes, so still, so clear, pierced her with their unwavering intensity.

He nodded slowly.

She tried to ignore the pain. He hadn’t denied what she’d said.
It's not too late to change your mind.
She wished he’d say something, anything.

“Nicole...”

Why were his eyes so beautiful? Why did she feel this way about him?

“You don’t have to do this, you know.”

She swallowed, perilously close to tears. “I know I don’t.” She couldn’t let him go without at least trying. She just couldn’t. She knew all the odds were against her. She knew Jack was not likely to change. She knew she would probably end up getting hurt very badly. Again. And it would be infinitely worse this time, because what she had felt for Mark didn’t come close to what she felt for Jack.

But she had to take a chance.

Because she loved him.

And she simply couldn’t bear having him leave her with nothing. Even if all she ended up with were memories, at least she would know what it was like to be loved by him.

She took a deep breath. The urge to cry disappeared. She felt strong and sure of herself. She had never been the type of person to run away from anything. She had always taken risks. She had always fought for what she wanted.

She would fight for Jack.

With all the weapons she had.

She smiled. “I want to do this.”

He studied her for a moment, then nodded. He stood. “It’s late. I’d better be going.”

She stood, too. They walked to the front door together. He put his right hand on the doorknob, hesitated, then turned to face her.

She lifted her face.

He touched her shoulders lightly, bent his head and brushed his lips across hers. “I want you to be sure,” he whispered, his warm breath faintly reminiscent of the coffee they’d drunk earlier.

“I’m very sure,” she said.

He didn’t kiss her again. She understood that he was the one who wasn’t sure.

“I’ll call you tomorrow,” he said before he opened the door. “Sleep on this. If you change your mind, I’ll understand.”

Nicole met his gaze. “I won’t change my mind.”

* * *

The next week seemed to last forever. Jack alternated between thinking it would never end and worrying about what would happen when he moved in with Nicole.

He had never wanted a woman as much as he wanted her.

He had never been as afraid of his emotions as he was now.

He had never, ever, believed he’d be in this position.

In love.

He admitted it, finally.

In love.

In love with a woman who wanted exactly the opposite out of life than he did.

In love with a woman who, when he was with her, had the ability to make him forget everything but how much he wanted her.

In love with a woman who, when he was away from her, occupied his thoughts every waking moment.

And some sleeping moments.

During that week he called her every day, but he purposely stayed away from her, thinking maybe his desire for her, his love for her, would magically diminish. At times he prayed it would go away completely.

But he had no luck putting Nicole out of his mind.

What he accomplished by his self-imposed exile from her was to want to see her so badly he began to lose sleep. By the end of the week, he was a mess.

On Saturday morning, Nicole called him. A rush of happiness flooded him at the sound of her velvety voice.

“The Reed-Douglases are leaving on a one o’clock flight,” she said. “They’ll be gone by eleven.”

“I’ll be there at noon.”

After they hung up, he called his sister. He brought Jenny up to date on his progress, including a report of Justin Cantrelle’s disclosure. Then he carefully gave her instructions, after outlining his and Nicole’s plan. “I want you to call Derek Arnold and tell him that you asked me to look into Elise’s disappearance. Tell him I called you and said I thought I had located Elise, that she’s living in New Orleans at—” Jack gave her Nicole’s address. “—And going under the name of Nicole Cantrelle. Tell him I’m not positive it’s Elise, but I think it is.”

“Isn’t this dangerous to Nicole?” Jenny asked.

“I plan to protect her.”

“How can you protect her twenty-four hours a day, Jack?”

“I’m going to move into her place.”

“Oh.” He heard a lot in that
oh.
“I guess you know what you’re doing,” she added doubtfully.

He wished she hadn’t managed to revive his own grave reservations about the wisdom of what he was doing. “We’ll be careful,” he assured her. “But I’ll need to know the minute you talk to Arnold. I plan to put someone on his tail, but I don’t want them to watch him if there’s no reason to.”

“I will,” Jenny promised. “Do you want me to call him now?”