Neither (13 page)

“Obviously,” Ava says. Helena looks away from her.

“When I was first changed, Di and I were inseparable. We did everything together. We even shared our meals.” Ava shudders next to me. “She loved me. I loved her, too, in a way. She was the first face I saw when I changed, and I think that affected me. Di was sweet and caring and she adored me. We were both young and wild, and there are stories I could tell you that would probably make your ears burn. Di and I were happy, crazy and stupid. Akash let us run wild. I didn't see him much and I didn't care. Di consumed my world. It wasn't until I went back to Greece that things changed.

“I found the boy I had a crush on as a human. His name was Theo, and he had been searching for me. Di found him and brought him to me to feed on. She didn't know that he was the Theo I had told her about. The minute he saw me, he told me how much he loved me and missed me. Di bent his head back to feed, but I stopped her. We fought and she broke his neck, tossing his body over the garden wall. I threw myself at her and we fought. I told her I never wanted to see her again, and that I didn't love her like I loved Theo. She ran down the hill and into my house. She was always faster than I was. Before I could stop her, she killed my whole family. I was so angry that I attacked her. We couldn't do any damage, but I got a few punches in. She said she hated me and wished I would die. I stayed with the bodies of my family and she left. I didn't see her again for many years. By then she had made you and had become the noctalis you know today.”

No one says anything for several moments.

“Holy shit,” Ava says finally. “So you're the reason Di is the way she is?”

Helena doesn't shy away from Ava's accusing gaze. “You could say that.”

“Shit... Shit,” Ava says.

“Is that all you can say?” Texas asks. Her eyes widen as something new occurs to her. “Shut the front door, so you guys were like, together, together.”

“Yes. Like the song, I kissed a girl and I liked it.”

Ava and Texas burst out laughing. It must be a pop culture reference I have not learned yet. Viktor also seems puzzled.

“So Di is...” Texas says.

“Unbelievable,” Ava whispers. “It makes so much sense now.”

“Di is like a drug. Or at least she was. She goes full-forward. No regrets, no looking back.” Helena's assessment of Di is correct. We had good times. I told Ava about some, but not all of them. Unlike Helena, I never had a sexual relationship with Di.

“What's Di's bind?” That is what Ava and I need to know above all.

Helena pauses. “The bind she made with our father is done, but she did make another. That she would always have to love someone. Or she would die.”

There is another silence as we all think about that.

“Is the noctali she made that bind with still alive?”

“Yes,” Helena says.

Ava and Texas ponder and Viktor and I share a moment.

“Was it you she made the bind with?” Ava asks hesitantly.

“I wouldn't tell you even if I could,” Helena says. “Part of my own bind. Sorry.”

Texas snorts. “You can't talk about Di's bind? Well, that means that you were the one who made it with her.”

“I cannot say,” Helena says.

“So you made a bind with Di that she would always love you, or she dies. She must still love you then,” Texas says.

“I cannot say,” Helena says with a sharp tone.

“Well, that makes a lot of sense,” Ava says. “This, we can use.” Her voice is fierce and I get a glimpse of that bright sharpness inside of her that I always knew was there. “Couldn't you agree to take off the bind if she'll leave us alone and retract the binds of the boys?”

“I cannot. Even if I were to admit that we had a bind, which I am not, binds made between noctali that aren't parent and child cannot be undone. Since they are equal, there is no one who has the upper hand.”

“Shit.”

“Damn,” Ava and Texas say at the same time.

“Do you still love her?” Ava asks.

Helena looks at the sky. “I think I'll always love her a little, even though she killed everything I loved. You can't just shut things off like that. A little piece of my heart will always belong to her.”

“Wow,” Texas says. “What is it with you people and love?”

Helena rolls her eyes like a human teenager. “Isn't everything about love when you get down to it?” she says.

I look at Ava and she meets my eyes.

“Yes,” we say at the exact same time.

Eleven

Brooke

I was insane. Absolutely nuts. Because that was the only reason that I was standing outside Jamie's house, waiting for him to come out to his truck. I'd spent the entire night swimming, trying to get him off my mind. When the sun came up, I put my clothes on and ran to his house, not even caring that my hair was still wet. I didn't care that my clothes didn’t fit, or that I wanted his blood. I only cared about seeing his face and hearing him say my name. Such a simple thing, hearing someone say your name.

The door opened and he walked down the rickety porch, avoiding a few rotting boards. He glanced up, saw me and stopped.

“Brooke. What are you doing here?”

“I don't really know,” I said, shrugging. “I was just... thinking about you.”

“How did you know where I live?” Careless, I had been careless.

“I have my ways,” I said, trying to be coy. His eyes shifted around. He was still scared of me. I could do that thing that Ivan taught me to do with my eyes, but I'd rather not. “Will you just hang out with me? I just don't feel like being alone. We can do whatever you want.”

“I can't just skip school,” he said, adjusting his bag. I heard his resolve weakening. Not that he had much. I could make him do what I wanted, but I wasn't going to do that. I wanted him to want to hang out with me. It was a relic from my human life. I was a girl and he was a boy, and I wanted him to like me. Even though I also wanted to suck his blood.

“Why not?”

He opened his mouth as if he was going to protest, but then I tipped my head to the side and gave him a flirty smile.

“I don't know,” he said, shaking his head. My heart, which didn't beat anymore, still somehow jumped in my chest. He laughed and the sound made my knees go weak. Yes, I was an immortal. Yes, a cute boy still made me want to swoon.

“Okay, okay,” he said, holding his hands up like he'd surrendered.

I couldn't help the smile that busted my face open. I had to slow my movements so I didn't leap into his truck.

“Your hair is wet,” he commented as he turned the key. The truck struggled to start. The ignition finally caught as I pushed my hair over my shoulder. I'd been flying and the morning dew had coated my hair. My wings were sad that I had to put them away.

He looked sideways at me and pulled onto the road. Back when I was human I used to care what I looked like. I'd get up every day, straighten my hair and put on massive amounts of lip gloss and mascara. Now, I don't really think about it. People stare at me anyway, with or without makeup.

I turned on the radio, smiling because it was already on the country station. A familiar song came on and I wanted to sing along. That was the one thing that hadn't come so easy. I could make the sounds, but they weren't pleasant. When I was human, I'd had a pretty decent voice and had been in chorus at school. It was all a matter of practice and I hadn't had the chance yet.

“So, uh, where do you want to go?”

“I don't care,” I said. “Take me anywhere.”

He looked down at the steering wheel and ran his hands around it as if he was trying to think of the right place.

“You got it,” he said, glancing in the rearview and making a U-turn, which would have thrown me into the passenger side door if I was human. Luckily, I wasn't.

***

“Where are we?” I said as Jamie got out of the truck and came to open my door. We were in the middle of nowhere, which was saying a lot, because I was from the backwoods of New Hampshire.

“My little slice of heaven,” he said. I stared, but all I could see was woods. And more woods. A little glimmer of light told me there must have been a clearing in there somewhere, but I pretended I didn't know what he was talking about.

“All I see is trees.”

“Come on,” he said, holding out his hand. I hesitated for a moment before I slid my hand into his. Jamie's hands were rough, calloused, and they dwarfed my fingers. I'd always had small hands, but it looked even smaller in his.

“Shall we?” He quirked one of his eyebrows up as he asked.

“We shall,” I said, and we started walking.

Walking beside Jamie was difficult at first. He was human, so he was slow. I had to keep reminding myself to slow down and not hold him too hard. It was harder than it sounded. Being a noctalis with noctalis strength was natural, as was using that strength. I hadn't had to tone it down with Ivan. We'd wrestled and thrown each other around in wild tumbling fights that destroyed several trees, or walls or whatever else we were near. There was such a freedom in using my strength, but there was a freedom in walking beside Jamie. It was a different kind, a sweeter kind. More innocent.

“Will you tell me one thing?” Jamie said after a few minutes of walking.

“Depends on what that is. I may or may not answer.” Jamie's hand throbbed in mine. Full of beautiful red blood. I could rip his vein open quicker than he could blink.

“Are you running away from something?”

I thought about my answer. Yes, I was going to answer him. “Yes and no. Maybe I'm not running away. Maybe I'm running toward something else.”

His hand tightened on mine for just a moment. He stopped walking and I stopped with him. He turned to face me.

“What are you running toward, Brooke?”

I smiled slowly to make sure I got it right. “Maybe it's you.”

His breath hitched for just a moment and his eyes widened just a fraction. They were things a human probably wouldn't notice. But I did. I noticed everything about him.

I started walking again, hoping he'd follow so I didn't start dragging him.

“I don't think I've ever met a girl like you.”

“With any luck, you probably won't ever again. That would be a good thing, Jamie.”

I had to leave. I couldn't stay in his life. The longer I was in it, the better the chances were that I was going to kill him. I should have just done it when he pulled up next to my car. Those stupid blue eyes and that smile. They were going to be the death of him.

“There's something else about you. Something... I can't put my finger on it,” he said.

“Then stop trying. Why don't we just enjoy today?”

He looked like he wanted to argue, but one look at my face and another smile and he caved.

I saw the clearing long before we came to it, but played along with my act that I was in the dark about it.

“It's just up here,” he said, stepping over a log. I stepped over, hoping I looked like a person.

The clearing was lopsided, larger on one side than on the other, kind of like a kidney. It was not perfectly level, either, but there was a huge stump in the middle of it, covered in moss and at just the right height for sitting. Jamie and I could share it and still have enough space for a few people.

“It's beautiful,” I said when we finally came within human view of it. The sun was somehow shining through the trees directly on the stump, as if it was magically drawn there.

“I come here a lot. My family is a little messed up,” Jamie said, shoving his hands in his pockets.

“Whose isn't?”

He tugged on his ear. “I guess so. Some people have it easier than others.”

“They're usually the ones who bitch the most about their problems,” I said, using air quotes.

He laughed. “Exactly.”

I stepped forward into the clearing and started walking toward the stump. I turned, knowing that he was watching me. “You coming?”

He blinked, as if he was coming out of a trance. “You look amazing in the sun.” That made me smile. It was so much easier to smile being around him. He was like a happy drug.

I skipped toward the stump and hopped up on it with a bit too much supernatural speed. Oops. I turned to see his reaction.

He swallowed loudly. “How do you do that?”

“Do what?” I hated playing the innocent dumb girl with him. I didn't mind when I was looking for someone to feed on, but lying to Jamie like that felt wrong.

“You're not an idiot, Brooke. Stop acting like one. I know you were trying to pick someone up on that road. I don't know why, but I know you're not the kind of girl who gets stranded on the side of the road. So what were you doing there? Why were you trying to lure someone to come and help you? What is your story, Brooke? You can trust me, I swear.”

His blue eyes looked up at me. So open. So innocent. He couldn't comprehend the things I'd done. Not if he had a million lifetimes.

“You wouldn't believe me if I told you,” I said, sitting down on the rock. Part of me wanted to scare him. To freak him out so much he would run back to his truck and out of my life.

That would be best.

“Maybe I would. How do you know until you try?”

No one had lived long enough to ask me what I was. I was a quick killer.

“I'm a vampire. If I wanted to, I could tear open your neck right now and drink all your blood. I would enjoy it very much. More than anything else, actually.” I said it with no emotion, but I gave him a little smile at the end, showing him my teeth. We noctali had no fangs, but still.

“Really? That's the best you could come up with? Why can't you be serious, Brooke?”

“I am serious. You asked, I told you.”

I leaped down from the stump, landing exactly in front of him with barely a sound. I could totally blow his mind and transform, but I wasn't sure his mind could take it. Besides, I'd shred my shirt, and I didn't want to find another one yet. Although, I could just take his. Wearing Jamie's shirt would be... Mmhmmm.

I stepped closer to him and pulled him in with my eyes. It was simple to do. Humans were easily distracted. I held him for so long he forgot to breathe. I released him and his lungs heaved.