Nerd Girl (11 page)

“Don’t just stand there guys, get it out of here,” Amy shrieks, snapping out of her scare.

“Riv, dude, go get a shoe and smash the sucker.” I hold Amy close and try to become one with the wall as well. I don’t want to be any closer to that thing than necessary.

“You’ve got to be kidding!! That ugly fucker winked at me, Derrick. I’ll stay with Miss Kitty, you go get the shoe.” Riven’s eyes are glued to the bug and as the thing creeps across the shower floor, he gets more and more grossed out.

“I’m not leaving you with my naked girlfriend.” He’s out of his fucking mind if he thinks I’d allow that. All three of us are being held prisoner by a thousand legged terrorist.

“Derrick, that thing is bigger than my mom’s dog. Call the bug people, they can evict that sucker. As big as he is, we should be charging him rent.” Poor Amy is huddling behind me and still shrieking at us to take care of it. The ugly creature scampers across the tile toward Riven and he flips out completely by jumping up on top of my vanity. He’s squatting over, hugging himself; it’s a staring contest between Riven and the bug. Obviously the bug is winning.

“What the fuck is with all the screaming and yelling?” Hey, I know that voice. I know that bleached out pixie hair as well. The purple stripe is new and I swear the boxer shorts and t-shirt belong to Riven. I guess his date bombed and he hooked up with Layla last night. Fucker better be sharing the details later. Amy pops her head out surprised, to see Layla.

“Layla, please get rid of it, these two are a ridiculous excuse for a hero.” Amy points to the critter and Layla rolls her eyes as she yanks a bottle of shampoo off the shelf and clubs the stinking thing to death.

“Pussies!” On that comment, she drops her weapon, turns, and walks back out of the bathroom. Riven’s mouth is hanging open in awe. He’s still perched on the vanity, staring at the place the bug once was. Wow!! She’s right, we are pussies. All it took was a bottle of shampoo to save the day. How am I ever going to live this one down? At least I protected my girl and didn’t act like a complete wuss like Riv. Really? Jumping up on the vanity? It’s not like it was a Black Widow or something. He’s got a lot of sucking up to do in order to save face with his chick.

“Yo, Riv, you want to go after your girl? I think some major sucking up is in your future.” He looks from the dead bug over to me. I guess now that the danger has been eliminated, I’m trying to save Amy’s dignity. That hand towel isn’t covering much.

“Huh? Oh, yeah, you guys going to be okay?” I nod my head yes and he hops down off the counter to go after Layla. Amy slides out from behind me tip toeing over and rinses the remains of the thousand legger down the drain. Looking up at me, she starts laughing. Belly busting laughter. It’s contagious, so I laugh as well. What a cluster fuck. She was expecting me to save the day. I just proved what a wuss I can be. Riven and me. A bug has unmanned me. Damn Layla for having more balls than me. I know she’ll never let me live this one down. Damn that fucking bug as well, ruining a perfectly sexy shower with my girl. You got what you deserved buddy. Maybe you’ll be smarter in your next life!

Chapter #12

Nerd Girl Problem #112

Champagne; yeah, not such a good color on me!

I
t was a mad house at The Book Mark today. A new best seller came out and we had a line wrapped around the store with customers trying to get a copy. It’s refreshing to see so many people still love to hold an actual book in their hands in this day of e-books and such. Days like this make Barb the happiest of bosses. She’s selling what she loves. Barb always wanted to be a writer but never had the guts to do it. She took the easy way and sold the written words of others instead of taking the chance on something of her own. Over the last couple of weeks, I’ve been sharing little details about my relationship with Derrick to Barb. She’s happy for me and teases me on a daily basis about him. She’ll flash me an Anita Wells book cover when she finds me daydreaming. I can’t miss him too much since she set up a whole endcap dedicated to Anita’s books and Derrick’s body. A body I know very intimately.

“So tomorrow is the big night, huh?” Barb is busy cleaning the pots at the coffee bar and I’m counting out my till for the day.

“Yep, tomorrow night.”

“Are you excited? Is Derrick ready for his new job as a spokesman?” I quickly finish my cash count and join Barb.

“My dress is picked out. My hair appointment is scheduled. Layla’s doing my makeup and I’ve been practicing in my heels, so I don’t break an ankle. Excited isn’t the right word Barb, no, it’s more like panicked.” She gives me a sympathetic look and then hugs me.

“Oh, Amy, why do you have so little faith in yourself? I believe in you and I’m sure Derrick knows what a lucky guy he is to have you on his arm.” Barb soothes my worries by rocking me and then pulls back to look me in the eyes. “You’re going to bring that boy to his knees. I wouldn’t be surprised if some executive tries to steal you away from Derrick.” She declares with a supportive wink. I truly hope she’s right. The closer we get to party night, the more nervous I become. I thank Barb for her support and finish up my duties so I can leave. I promise Barb I’ll take lots of pictures so she can see what I looked like in my dress.

I head home for a quick dinner with GG and Pops and then drive back across town to my weekly pole exercise class. The last few weeks of lessons are starting to pay off. My abs are getting more defined, my jeans are loose around my waist, my posture is better, and I have a great time doing it. I’m lucky enough to get a parking space up front tonight and spot Layla’s beast of a truck ‘Dottie’ already here. Layla and I met up for lunch the day after the shower critter incident. I was surprised to see her at Derrick’s house that morning but glad to see her as well. The guys weren’t doing anything to get rid of that bug, so Layla saved the day. What a couple of wimps! Now that it’s over, I can laugh at their reactions. They were more scared of the thing than I was. Layla explained to me that Riven had a date that evening that didn’t go so well. He wasn’t having a good time and the girl was annoying. He faked a stomach ache and took her home early. When Layla left the salon that night, Riven was sitting on top of ‘Dotty,’ waiting for her. They went out for a few drinks, one thing led to another and she went home with Riven. They still claim they’re not exclusive, but the fact that Riven sought her out, speaks volumes about his feelings for her. I notice Derrick’s black Challenger is in his usual employee spot close to the building. He told me he had a personal training session this evening with an old client and then he was going to work out with Riven for an hour. Exercising helps him to relax, and, it’s imperative he keep up with his sessions, so he doesn’t go soft. His contract with Fitnexx requires him to live a healthy lifestyle and use their products if he’s to promote them for the company.

Upon entering the lobby, I see Cara posting a huge banner promoting some competition.

“Amy, how are you tonight? Ready to take on the pole?” She says with a friendly smile.

“I sure am, Cara. What’s with the banner?” Grabbing one end, I help her hang the long, shiny, thing behind the reception desk. Taking a step back, I read the advertisement.
‘Stars of the Galaxy Pole Dancing Competition.’
That sounds interesting
.
“So a contest, huh?”

“Oh, it’s going to be so much fun, Amy. There’s a $5000 prize for the winner.” Cara gushes, looking incredibly excited. “You’re going to enter, right?”

“Um, I hadn’t planned on it. It’s probably not a good idea; I’d probably rip the pole out of the ceiling or fall on my head doing a kiss.” I say while shaking my head. Cara plops her hands on her hips, giving me a hard stare.

“Amy, have faith in yourself. You can do anything you put your mind to if you only believe in yourself.” Why do I feel like I’ve heard that recently? “You get to pick your own music and choreograph your routine. I’ll help you if you want.” Cara is a great instructor. She loves teaching the classes and helping her clients. The day to day running of the gym keeps her out of the classroom more than she likes. She looks so excited for this competition and I’d hate to disappoint her.

“I’ll consider it, Cara, no promises.” My answer seems to appease her and she claps her hands together.

“Alright, sweetie, you think about it, but I think you’d be great. Go on now, get ready for my class. Layla’s already here.” She shoos me off toward the locker rooms where I get changed into the proper attire and join my classmates. I choose a pole next to Layla and Cara starts the class. We go through our usual routine and Cara spices things up this week with a few new moves. Our class is getting pretty good and more often than not we have an audience of guys checking us out instead of working out. Cara ends the class an hour later and we clap ourselves out. That was fun and the time flew. I grab my water bottle and Layla and I head out of the classroom and find Derrick and Riven waiting for us in the hallway.

“Hey, baby, you’re getting good at that. I might have to install a pole in the bedroom and you can be my private dancer.” Derrick wraps his arms around my waist and pulls my body in, kissing me silly. I’ve missed him today, so I return his intensity. I hear a throat clear and just as I lift my head to shoot Riven the stink eye, I notice he has his arms full of Layla and is trying to keep up with her kisses. The throat clearing comes again. Figures! All four of us stop our lovefest to see who it is. Cara is leaning on the door frame, arms crossed over her chest and clucking her tongue at us.

“Guys, guys, guys, this is my gym, not your bedroom. Take it someplace else.” Pushing off the frame she walks up to Derrick. “The courts are all set up for tomorrow night’s launch party. Let me know if you need anything else.” She kisses Derrick on the cheek and tells him, “I’m so proud of you.” Cara leaves us and heads into her office.

“So what are you ladies going to do this evening?” Derrick asks.

“Well, since tomorrow is such a big day, I thought I’d get a good night’s sleep. I have to be up early to meet Layla. She’s making me get a manicure, pedicure and wax.” I smile at Derrick, waggling my eyebrows up and down. He gets the picture and takes a swift inhale of breath. I think I hear him whisper “have mercy” and then he flashes me that panty melting smile.

“Waxed? You’re getting waxed too, right? I like soft things, soft is good.” Riven’s eyes are heated and about to pop out of his head as he questions Layla. She simply gives him a cheeky grin.

“You’ll have to wait and see,” she teases him. Dramatically, Riven falls to the floor on his knees.

“You are a cruel woman! Just tell me yes or no,” he pleads, while grasping Layla’s shorts. Layla takes hold of his chin, tilting it up, leans over and kisses his lips softly, then whispers in his ear, but, still loud enough for us to hear.

“I’ll be nice and soft, but I bet you won’t be.” With a laugh, we leave the two stunned guys in the hallway. Derrick is leaning against the wall with a surprised look on his face, but his eyes are flashing passionate fire at me. Riven is melting into the floor with his arm tossed over his eyes. What a pair. All it takes is the mention of a little lady-scaping to bring these guys to their knees.

*****

Before I know it, party day has arrived. True to her word, Layla showed up bright and early to drag my lazy butt out of bed. I was under the impression that spa’s and salons were for relaxation, not places for medieval torture. I’ve been subjected to the first round of torture by having a pedicure. My feet are incredibly ticklish, so each time the technician got me in the right spot, I had to hold back from kicking her in the face. I know most people are attached to their noses and she took it easy on me after her first encounter with my feet of fury. The second round of torture was a manicure. I opted to have tips put on my nails because my stubs just wouldn’t look right painted. I didn’t realize the tops of my nails had to be sanded down with a tool that looks like a Dremmel so the glue and tips would adhere to my hands. This treatment left my fingers sore and, if you’re like me and have an injury somewhere inconvenient, you always, always bump it into something. Each time I did, I almost went through the roof. But my hands and feet looked fantastic. My suffering continued with waxed eye brows. I swear the girl ripped off a layer of my skin and then she had to use tweezers to pluck out every single stray hair. I thought that’s what the wax was for. You know quick and painful.

I started to get uneasy when she told me to strip from the waist down and climb on the table. Um, I don’t know about most women, but when someone tells me to strip down and present my privates to them, I expect dinner first. I do know in order for her to wax me I have to strip down, it’s just incredibly uncomfortable doing it. Deciding to buck up and be tough, I complied with the order and went through with my first Brazilian bikini wax. Holy cow!! If you’ve never had that shit done before, let me just tell you, it freaking hurts! I was brave up until the first pull. After that, I tried to get up and leave. I told the cosmetologist “It’s ok, I’ll shave the rest.” She nudged me back down on the table and ripped off the remaining cloths. I think I saw stars, I know I screamed and I’m sure I’ll never be able to sit again. Once the waxing portion of my torment was complete, I was urged to climb on the table on all fours so she could painstakingly pluck out all the let over strays. This is cruel and unusual punishment. Not only is it undignified and embarrassing, but there is nothing relaxing or soothing about this procedure. Why the hell is it a service done at a spa? I must give myself some credit, I did it and my vajayjay has never looked prettier. Beauty is pain, I guess. Layla was getting hers done as well but has yet to come out.

I stagger down the hallway and gingerly sit on one of the waiting room chairs to wait for Layla. I grab a magazine and start flipping through it. Right between a cologne add and a movie review, I see a celebrity interview, and there, in startling color, is a photo of Derrick and Mitzi. They look real cozy in the picture, big smiles full of teeth, and they are hugging. The blurb underneath the photo reads:

“Derrick Walker, fitness trainer and model, set to be a future spokesman for FitNexx Energy. Celebrates with lady friend, Mitzi Decker. Walker beat out thousands of other potential applicants for the job. He holds a degree in Fitness and Nutrition and his glorious physique graces the covers of over nine romance novels penned by Best Selling Author, Anita Wells. These two beautiful people have a lot to celebrate. Decker shares with us that she and Walker plan to revel in their success together. Could there be love in the air? If there is, don't these two make an amazing couple?”

Way to make yourself more important than you are Mitzi. Love? Yeah right. Loving her would be sort of like loving a marble statue; cold, hard, and unfeeling. I can’t look anymore. If I do, I might throw the magazine across the lobby. Layla finally joins me only to find me pouting and bouncing my leg up and down.

“Problem, Jenks?” She asks. I notice her delicately rubbing the inside of her thigh. Yeah, girlfriend, I’m tender, too.

“Oh, you know, just waiting for my friend and read an article about Derrick. Interesting read and speculation as to whether he and Mitzi have a thing going.” I tilt my chin and look up at Layla’s face. She snatches the magazine out of my hands and starts flipping through it until she finds the article and reads it quickly.

“That little twatwaffle! I can’t stand her, Jenks, she needs to be brought down a couple pegs.” I agree completely, but Derrick did ask me to try and get along with her. She’s been helpful lately and has Derrick’s best interests at heart.

“Give her enough rope, Layla, she’ll eventually hang herself with it.”

“For your sake, I hope so. Come on, let’s get the hell out of this dungeon and I’ll do your hair. Cancel that hair appointment, I can make you look better than anyone out there.”

“Sounds good to me. I’ve had enough of spas and salons today.” Layla and I settle our bill and hop into the comfort of good old ‘Dotty.’ The rumbling of the engine is making the seat vibrate, soothing my tender flesh.

Layla drives directly back to my house and starts working on my hair. We only have a few hours left before the guys are supposed to come get us. She sets my hair up in hot rollers and then touches up her hair. Layla has the easiest hair to maintain. It doesn’t take a lot to do; she calls it wake and shake. All she needs to do every morning is add a little gel, throw down her head, and shake while running her fingers through it. The spikes always come out perfect. Tonight Layla is adding a black stripe to her bleached blonde locks. The black stripe is to match the black vintage lace dress she picked up at a consignment store. She takes her time artfully placing my curls in a graceful up do. The curls cascade down my back and the look is very Grecian. I love it. Next is makeup. Thank god I have such a creative and trendy friend. She gives my eyes a smoky look and encourages me to wear my contacts tonight. I hate wearing them because my eyes dry out quickly and I spend all night trying to scratch them out. I agree to wear them, but I’ll bring my glasses just in case. GG brings us a few snacks to munch on as we get ready and she hangs out long enough to zip us both into our dresses. Neither Layla nor I went to our high school prom, so GG just looks her fill at us and starts to cry.