Neurosurgeon...and Mum! (13 page)

He drew a line of kisses along her shoulder; he loved the taste of her skin, the warmth and softness beneath his mouth. She clearly liked it, too, as she tipped her head to one side, offering him more, and wriggled closer.

‘Tom, please.’

There was the same neediness in her voice that was dragging through him. He kissed the curve of her neck, lingered in the hollows of her collarbones, and felt her shiver as finally he took one nipple into his mouth and sucked.

‘Oh, oh,
yes
, Tom.’ She slid her fingers into his hair and drew him closer.

He teased her with his lips and his tongue until he could feel her breathing becoming more uneven.

She tugged his shirt out of his jeans. ‘I need to touch you,’ she whispered as he lifted his head.

‘Do it,’ he said softly.

She fumbled with the buttons of his shirt and pushed the garment off his shoulders before splaying her hands across his pectorals. ‘You’re so beautiful, Tom.’

‘So are you.’ He stole a kiss, all the while thinking, And I love you. This was more than just sating a sexual urge.

‘I need you,’ she said, and slid off his lap. ‘Right now.’

She took his hand and he let her lead him up to her
bedroom. He closed the door behind them and pulled her back into his arms, kissing her deeply; she shivered.

He dragged his mouth from hers. ‘Are you OK?’

‘More than OK. I love the feel of your skin against mine.’

‘That makes two of us.’

He slowly unpeeled the rest of her clothes from her body, stroking every millimetre of skin as he uncovered it. Over the last few weeks he’d grown to know where she liked being touched and how. He knew her body as intimately as he knew his own—and he knew he wanted to be with her always. He just had to find the right way of asking her without scaring her away.

It took him a matter of seconds to strip off his own clothes; then he lifted her up and laid her on the bed. He kissed his way down her body, exploring her with his mouth as he had with his hands, enjoying the way she made tiny little noises of pleasure and wriggled against him.

‘Tom, now,’ she whispered. ‘I’m going crazy here. I need you inside me.’

And he needed to be there too.

He grabbed a condom from his wallet, dealt with it swiftly, and then at last he was right where he wanted to be—losing himself in her. With Amy, he felt complete, more than he ever had with Eloise. Guilt flooded through him at the thought, but it was washed away by desire when she kissed him fiercely.

This felt so right.

I love you, he said inside his head as he eased into her.

I love you, he said silently again as he felt her body began to ripple round his, the little involuntary tightenings as she reached her own climax and tipped him over the edge to his.

I love you.

O
VER
the next week, Amy did two further clinics at the surgery. The more time she spent with patients, the more she realised that she was ready to go back. Tom had been right to push her into doing the pain clinic; it had given her confidence the final boost it needed.

She also thought that Tom was right about something else—that she needed to work somewhere without any memories.

Not only that: going back to her old job in London would mean leaving Tom and Perdy, something she really didn’t want to do. She’d learned over the last few weeks that she needed more than just a job: she wanted love and a family in her life, too. And that meant Tom and Perdy. She knew she’d fallen in love with them; and she thought—hoped—that they felt the same way. Tom hadn’t said anything, but when they made love she was sure that she saw something in his eyes.

Unless maybe she was hoping so hard that she was seeing what she wanted to see rather than what was actually there.

Then again, he’d told her something she’d never heard from anyone else.
I believe in you.

From Tom—a man who’d loved his late wife but had
never felt he was enough for her—that was tantamount to a declaration.

Trust your instincts. They won’t lead you wrong.

And her instincts were telling her to stay here. To take that risk. To be a family with Tom and Perdy.

She logged onto the internet and checked the ‘situations vacant’ pages on the local hospital trust websites; she was surprised and delighted to discover that there were opportunities in her specialty. Maybe only as a locum at first, but there were possibilities.

Which meant that now was the time to take the next step.

She glanced at the clock. With luck, she’d be able to catch her boss just before he headed to a lecture. Swiftly, she dialled his number and Della put her through.

‘Amy! How are you doing?’ he asked.

‘Fine, thanks. And you?’

‘Fine. So what can I do for you?’

‘I just wanted you to know that I’ve finally got my head together now,’ she said.

‘You certainly sound brighter,’ he said, sounding approving.

‘And I want to carry on as a neurologist.’

‘Are you sure you’re ready to come back?’ he asked.

‘That’s the thing, Fergus.’ She bit her lip. ‘I feel horrible asking this, especially as you’ve been so good to me, but I think I want to stay right here. Would you consider giving me a reference if I applied for a job locally?’

‘I don’t particularly want to lose one of my brightest stars,’ Fergus said, ‘but if it’s what you really want, then of course I’ll give you a reference. But make sure it’s really what you want. Don’t rush into anything, OK?’

‘I promise. I’m not rushing—I’m really ready to go back to work.’

‘I’d much rather have you back in my department,’ Fergus said, ‘because you’re not going to be easy to replace. But if you really want to move hospitals, and it’ll make you happy, you have my blessing.’

‘Thank you, Fergus,’ she said. ‘I owe you so much.’

‘Not at all. You’ve been wonderful to work with. But don’t you dare go poaching any of my staff when you become senior consultant. Especially young Danny. I want him here for at least the next five years, OK?’

She laughed. ‘OK.’

When she’d ended the call, she rang up about the three nearest jobs then emailed her CV and Fergus’s contact details as a reference. It might come to nothing, she just had to hope she’d be lucky.

And once she had something firmer to consider, she could sit down with Tom. Talk it over with him. And see where the future lay.

The following Thursday, Amy was just about to take a break for lunch when her mobile phone started ringing. She frowned. She wasn’t expecting a call; it would be early in the morning where her parents were and very late at night for Joe and Cassie. Her heart missed a beat: please, don’t say there was something wrong with Beth or the baby? She glanced at the screen, and was truly shocked to see the name and photograph on display.

Not her parents; not Joe and Cassie. Not Tom, calling between patients to see if she would be free for lunch.

Laura.

Her heart began to thud and for a moment Amy didn’t dare to answer it. But then she took a deep breath, pressed the button and whispered, ‘Hello?’

‘Amy? It’s Laura.’

Laura sounded just as nervous and unsure as Amy herself felt. ‘Yes.’ She willed herself to stay calm. ‘How are you?’ Then she sighed. ‘Sorry, that was a stupid question. Laura, I’m so sorry about what happened.’

‘So am I. And I’m so sorry that I’ve taken everything out on you.’

Amy couldn’t quite believe what she was hearing. ‘What?’

‘Where are you, Amy? I couldn’t get an answer from your landline, so I rang you at the hospital and they said you were taking a sabbatical.’

Of sorts. And Amy knew that Laura was the last person to whom she could explain the reason why she was taking a break from her job. ‘I’m at Joe and Cassie’s.’

‘How are they?’

‘Fine. They’re over in Australia.’

‘Seeing Beth?’

‘And the new baby—their first grandchild.’

‘Beth’s had a baby?’ Laura sounded shocked.

Well, they hadn’t been speaking since October. Of course Laura wouldn’t know anything about the baby. ‘Nearly a month ago—a little boy, Samuel Joseph, nearly four kilos. He’s seriously cute: Cassie’s emailed me some pictures, and so has Beth. Mum and baby are both doing well, and Joe and Cassie are just thrilled.’

‘So you’re house-sitting for them?’

‘Yes.’ Amy’s chest felt tight and she knew that asking the question burning inside her could mean the end of the phone call, but how could she not ask? ‘How’s Ben?’

‘That’s why I’m calling.’

Amy’s knees suddenly felt as if they’d dissolved and the back of her neck felt hot. Oh, God. Please don’t say Ben was worse. Or—she could hardly bear to think the word—dead.

‘Amy? Are you still there?’

‘Yes,’ she whispered.

‘He’s—he’s…’

Amy could tell that her best friend was crying; it must be bad news. Tears were pricking her own eyes—and she felt so helpless, so useless. She should be there in London, holding Laura and telling her she’d get through this and supporting her every step of the way. ‘I’m so, so sorry,’ she said. ‘I know why you haven’t wanted to see me and I completely understand, but if I can help you through this now, all you have to do is say and I’ll get in the car right now and drive straight to you.’

‘No.’

A flat rejection. She swallowed hard. Well, what had she had expected?

‘I mean not now, you don’t have to rush back.’ Laura’s breath hitched. ‘Amy, Ben can move his hands fully again.’

Amy sat down heavily. ‘He can move his hands? When did this happen?’

‘A month ago. He woke me up in the middle of the night to show me. I was so scared…Amy, if it had been temporary, he would’ve been destroyed. But he can really move his hands again. And day by day he’s been able to move his arms and shoulders a little bit more.’ She gulped. ‘He’s able to do some things for himself again, he won’t have to keep relying on me or a carer. I know he’s never going to be able to walk again, and he’s never going to be able to ride again, but he can write, use a computer, call people on the phone. He’s getting some of his life back. He can still be part of the stables.’

‘That’s fantastic news. Oh, Laura, I’m so glad.’ Though there was something else she needed to know. ‘How’s the pain?’

‘It’s always going to be there, but he’s managing better
now. And so am I.’ She paused. ‘Amy, Ben and I…we were so unfair to you, blaming you for everything. We were wrong, and I’m sorry.’

‘I don’t blame you for acting the way you did. I was the one who screwed up.’

‘You didn’t screw up, Amy. The doctors we’ve seen since—they explained the way the spine and the nerves work. I mean, I know you explained it to us at the time, but we were both so shocked we didn’t take it in properly—and then we were so overwhelmed with misery, at the way everything had gone down the tubes and things looked so impossible for us…We took it out on you, and we shouldn’t have done.’

‘But I couldn’t fix the damage,’ Amy said. ‘I failed you both.’

‘You did everything you could—more than a lot of surgeons could’ve done. If it hadn’t been for you, Ben wouldn’t have been able to move even his fingers.’

‘He couldn’t move his fingers when—’ When Laura had said she never, ever wanted to see her again. The words stuck in Amy’s throat.

‘The doctors say it’s like that sometimes—it just needed time for things to settle down again and heal enough for us to see the full extent of the damage.’

Exactly what Amy had tried to tell Laura and Ben herself, but they’d refused to listen. And the longer Laura had stayed out of touch, the more certain Amy had been that the nerves hadn’t settled down and Ben hadn’t recovered any more movement. That she’d ruined their lives.

After Ben had been discharged from the London Victoria, his treatment had been done at a hospital much nearer to where he and Laura lived, so Amy hadn’t even been able to find out how he was through the grapevine at
work. Not that her colleagues would have breached any confidential medical detail, but if he’d stayed at the London Victoria she would at least have been able to get a rough idea of how Ben and Laura were.

‘So they’re saying it’s a T1 injury, not a C8?’

‘Yes. And it’s because of you that it’s a T1. We both owe you so much. With Ben getting some mobility back, it’s taken so much pressure off us. Both of us can see things more clearly now. And we might even be able to have…’ Her voice tailed off. ‘Well, it’s early days,’ she said briskly.

But Amy knew exactly what Laura was talking about. A baby. Laura’s biological clock had started ticking loudly in the months before Ben’s accident. It was one of the reasons why his spinal injury had been such a blow: Ben had lost his career, his mobility, and maybe the chance of ever being a father. Now, it seemed, there was hope. They’d need help, but perhaps it was no longer completely out of the question.

It would have been seriously tough for Laura to cope with a tetraplegic husband and a newborn. But if Ben regained the full use of his arms, hands and upper body, he’d be able to help her with the baby.

‘Amy…I’ve missed you so much,’ Laura said.

Exactly how Amy herself had felt, at losing her best friend—practically her sister. And to hear the words she never, ever thought she’d hear…It broke her. She choked back a sob.

‘Amy?’

‘I’ve missed you, too—and I’ve hated myself for not supporting you, the way you supported me when my world collapsed after Colin.’ She swallowed hard. ‘I should’ve been there for you.’

‘How could you, when I pushed you away and told you never to darken my doorstep again?’

‘As your best friend, I could’ve ignored that. But how could I comfort you, when I was the one who’d wrecked your life, when everything was a mess and it was all my fault?’

‘I was wrong about that. And it wasn’t your fault.’ Laura was crying openly now. ‘I miss you, Amy. And I want to see you. When are you coming back to London?’

‘I don’t know. A month, maybe.’ And even then maybe not for long.

‘A month? So what exactly are you doing on this sabbatical?’

‘Joseph’s casebooks.’

‘Amy, your family’s been talking about doing something with them for years. Why now?’

‘It seemed like a good idea.’ How could she tell Laura how bad things had been? She knew that Laura had had it much, much harder. Laura was the one who had to live with the consequences of Ben’s accident.

‘There’s something you’re not telling me,’ Laura said, perceptive as always.

‘I’m fine,’ Amy lied.

‘Amy, you’re bawling your eyes out.’

‘So are you.’ She dragged in a breath. ‘I’ve missed you so much, Laura. You and Ben.’

‘I’m so, so sorry I hurt you.’

‘You were hurting, too,’ Amy pointed out. ‘And you had it worse than I did.’

‘I was so angry. And I was wrong. How am I ever going to make it up to you?’

‘You don’t need to,’ Amy said. ‘You’re my best friend. The fact you’re actually talking to me…I’m just so glad to hear your voice. And to hear that Ben’s getting better.’

‘He’s never going to walk again,’ Laura said. ‘I know that.’

And there were other complications that could set in,
Amy knew. Not that this was the right time to talk about it. There would be time to talk about it later. Face to face.

‘But I can deal with it now. It’s like having my future back.’

‘I’m so happy for you, Laura. And you know I’ll help in any way I can.’

‘I know. Right now, just talking to you is enough.’

This was the call Amy had dreamed about but had thought would never, ever happen. And when she finally put the phone down again, she curled up in the chair and cried her eyes out—all the pain and misery, just letting it go.

Buster put his paws on her knees and nosed her anxiously; she wrapped her arms round him and sobbed until all the heartbreak was out.

At last the tears stopped, and she made a fuss of the dog. ‘Sorry, boy. I didn’t mean to bawl all over you.’ She headed for her bathroom, washed her face and bathed her swollen eyes. It felt as if the last part of the burden had been lifted off her shoulders; all these months of misery, when she’d doubted every bit of her own ability, had simply melted away—thanks to Tom’s belief in her, and now having Laura and Ben’s forgiveness.

And now she was really ready to move on. To face the future…with a smile.