Never Close Enough (3 page)

Chapter Three

Ella

  
Ella woke the next morning and looked through the chiffon fabric out the glass French doors to the balcony.  The fabric made the world outside her bed look foggy and muted, which mirrored how she was feeling. She debated staying within the sheltered walls of the four poster bed all day, but the thought of walking the beach this early in the morning was too enticing. 

   She dug some black yoga pants out of her suitcase,
put on her University of Oregon sweatshirt, and threw her hair up into a messy bun.  Then she grabbed her running shoes and walked down the stairs.  The sliding glass door in the living room opened up onto the back of the house that lead directly to the beach.  She sat on the porch steps and put her shoes on.

   There was nothing Ella loved more than the Oregon coast.  People who lived in Oregon didn't come to the coast to swim and they didn't come to the coast to tan.  They came for the view.  It was magn
ificent.  Straight ahead she could see the beautiful ocean, with blue-gray waves rolling up onto the shore.  Looking to the North there was a tall wall of earth and rock, and Ella knew at the top of that wall there was a peaceful spot of grass and flowers called High Meadow.  She had only been to the top once, but it was the closest to Heaven anyone could get on Earth as far as she was concerned.  Looking to the East and South, she was totally surrounded by the trees that made Oregon famous.  Everywhere you looked, it was green.  It was trees.  It was moss.  It was ferns. 

   Right now everything was veiled in gray, waiting for the sun to decide if it was going to appear.  As an Oregonian, Ella considered herself lucky if the sun came to the beach with her,
but she wasn't going to count on it.  There was quite a bit of debris on the sand, from last night’s storm, she figured. It would make some lucky person's day to find a bounty of kindling and firewood for the bonfires that were traditional on the beaches in Oregon, because it was the only way anyone could stay warm.

   Ella walked towards the water, listening to the waves and the calls of the seagulls.  She stopped before she hit the really wet sand and just gazed out over the sea.  The view was humbling a
nd inspiring.  She had never felt so small and insignificant, or so important at the same time.  She needed this message, this reminder, that everything is constantly moving and changing and evolving.  She could see the fluidity of the water, the perpetual motion.  She could also feel the sturdiness of the sand, which was deceiving since it was hardly solid.  Tiny particles bound together to forge one seemingly strong surface.  That's how she felt at this moment, like many particles that had been held together for so long, but now threatening to separate.  She could feel herself start to fall apart. It was a breakdown she wasn't willing to have again, not after the crying she had done last night.  She'd had enough.  She took in deep breaths of salty ocean air and let the sound of the waves wash over her and calm her nerves. 

   She walked along the water, stopping every now and then to admire the view or pick up an interesting shell.  As early as it was, there were few other people on the beach, and the ones
that were out were jogging or walking their dogs.  After she had walked quite a ways, she decided to turn back.  She had been out for at least an hour, and had done some good thinking and sorting of her feelings.  Self-respect was important to Ella, and she knew there was no way to go back to that relationship and maintain a shred of dignity.  She knew she would have to call Kyle and deal with him.  And the sooner the better, she decided.

   As she came back up to the house, she was halted by the sight of
a man on her porch.   She knew immediately it was Porter, even though he had his back to her. She stood in place for a few seconds taking the opportunity to admire him from a distance.  She had seen plenty of him the night before but now she wanted to really look at him.  The first thing that stood out to her was his wide shoulders and strong back.  He was a man with a tall frame, and his shoulders were wide, broad and imposing in a terribly sexy way.  The strength that was concentrated in this one area was impressive, and the muscles continued down his arms making them a very fine feature she couldn’t help but admire.  He was leaning back against the porch railing, wearing jeans with a black, short-sleeved shirt.  His legs were crossed at the ankle and he was talking to someone on the phone.

   Ella decided to stop staring at him and see what it was he wanted.  She continued up the path to the porch, and when Porter finally spotted her he held up one finger in the air to indicate 'just a minute'.

   “Yeah, listen, Mitch.  I patched the line last night, but it needs someone who knows what they're doing to fix it,” he said to whomever he was talking to.  “That would be great.  I will let her to know expect you later on today.  Okay.  Thanks, man.”  Porter hung up the phone and turned towards Ella, his face transforming into a friendly smile.  “Hey, you're up early.”

   “Good thing, too, cause here you are.  What are you doing here, Porter?”

   “I know you said last night that you would figure everything out, but I really just couldn't leave you stranded without any help to get back to your car.  Please just let me help you.  I know you don't need the help.  You'd be doing me a favor, because if my mom finds out I just abandoned you, she'd kill me.”

   Ella smiled
up at him and said, “She would, wouldn't she?”

   Porter laughed, “Yes, so please let me drive you back to the bar.”

   Ella turned toward the house and said as she walked away “Fine, but I have to take a quick shower first.  Make yourself at home.”  Ella had no way of knowing but she was pretty sure he was watching her walk away, so she made sure she gave a little extra sway in her hips.  As she climbed the stairs, she heard him moving around the living room.

   A few minutes later Ella came down the stai
rs, grabbed her purse off of the counter and said, “Ready?”

   “Yeah, let's go.”  Porter headed toward his truck and Ella followed after locking the door.  He went to the passenger side and opened the door for her. 

   “Such a gentleman today, Porter.  Or are you Porter's much nicer and chivalrous twin brother?”

   Porter laughed, shut her door, and got in on his side. “I know I was a little harsh last night.  I didn't mean to be.  I apologize, again.  My mom has a habit of making me, how shall I say, over
ly available to any woman who is single, attractive, and seems nice.  She's an eternal optimist and thinks one day I will settle down with someone and have a family.”

   “So,” Ella looked at him from her side of the truck, “you think I'm attractive and nic
e?” She asked just to watch him squirm.

   Porter fumbled a little, ran his hand through his hair and said “Well, I mean, I'm not blind and anyone who can see you would agree that you are gorgeous.”  He held her eyes for a moment more, but then turned back
to start the truck.

   Ella watched Porter maneuver out of the driveway and felt like she couldn’t hide her surprise at his words.  She wanted to make him smile and laugh, but wasn't expecting him to respond so sincerely.  She had really only had one
serious relationship with Kyle and a few short-term boyfriends in college.  None of them had given her a compliment that had made her breathing falter and heart race.  She tried to maintain her cool composure, but was sure he could hear her finally let out the breath she was holding.  “Well, I guess we'll both have to deal with each other's good looks then,” she said giving him a shy smile.  “So, where is this Bob and will he give you your cables back?”

   “After I left your place last night I went to Bob's
house and got them.  You know, just on the off chance I could convince you to let me help.” Porter said.

   “I see,” Ella said, thinking it was adorable that he had planned this the night before, “so now just off to your mom's bar?”

   “That's the plan.”

   “So, tell me what you do for work.  Oh my gosh,” Ella said quickly, “You’re not missing work for this, are you?”

   “No, it's fine.  I work for myself.”  Ella let out a sigh of relief, glad she wasn’t compromising his work.  “I’m a contractor.  So I will do almost anything that involves tools, power equipment, and lumber.  You name it, I can build it.”

   “Not to mention, you fix dishwashers.”

   “Oh no.  I am no plumber.  Along with my mother's keen eye for pretty girls, she also feels like I am far more capable at handy-man duties than I really am.  You want a deck?  I can do that.  You need an addition built on to your house? I'm your man.  But I do not mess with the plumbing or electrical.  She just thinks way too highly of me.”

   “Aw, she just loves
you, I'm sure.  Plus, you probably charge her a lot less, right?”  Ella said laughing.

   “I guess that's a good point.  I might have to raise my rates among family,” he said smiling back at her. “So, tell me, what do you do?”

   “I own my own boutique in Portland.  I opened it a few years back and it's been doing pretty well.  I am pretty hands on, so I put in quite a few hours at the shop.  But it is the best feeling to be your own boss, right?  That's something we have in common.” She looked over him and their eyes met as he turned to look at her.

   “Yeah, I agree.  I really like that I get to choose how I am going to spend my time and that I can make my own plans.  But there's also a lot of pressure.  I've got three guys working under me.  I know that
if I can't pull it together and do right by them, their families will struggle.  That's a big driving force behind my work.”

   Ella agreed quietly and nodded her head at him.  What he had said really resonated with her.  She often felt the same pressure.
Although she only really employed two other women who were both working through college, so the pressure wasn't as high.  However, she not only understood what he was saying, but admired the fact that he was aware of his responsibility to his employees.  He sounded so grown up and responsible, and surprisingly to her, that was a huge turn on.  In spite of his acute bout of grumpiness displayed the night before, he was being completely friendly and open to her today.  She was doing her best to reconcile the fact that he was someone she would normally be very attracted to, had she been in a place emotionally to have an attraction.

   “So, tell me Porter, how old is Lincoln City's most eligible bachelor?”

   “Bob is at least 65,” Porter said deadpan.

   “Oh, r
eally?  I guess that's not too old for me, as long as he has money.”

   “Oh, he's loaded,” Porter said, finally breaking a smile towards Ella.

Chapter Four

Ella

   Porter had taken her to her car where he was currently hooking some cables up to their
batteries.  He seemed more than capable, so Ella let him handle the task.  She felt her purse vibrating and then realized that the phone had been on silent since yesterday.  She took her phone out and saw ‘Kyle’ on the screen.  She hesitated, but then thought she’d have to face him sooner or later. “Hello?”

   “Ella! You answered.  I’m so glad.  Listen, we need to talk,” Kyle said

   “Kyle, I don’t really think there’s anything to talk about.”

   “Of course there is, Ella.  I am so sorry about what you saw
.  I don’t know what I was thinking.  That never should have happened.”

   “What shouldn’t have happened, Kyle?  You cheating on me or me walking in on you in the act?”  Ella’s voice was rising.  She knew Porter could hear her and that he was politely pret
ending not to listen to her conversation.

   “All of it Ella, I shouldn’t have cheated on you and I am so sorry you had to see what you did.  I know I totally messed everything up and that you deserve better.  I don’t know how to explain everything that’s
been going on.”

  “Start from the beginning Kyle,” Ella said softly, not entirely sure she wanted to hear it, but the need to hear answers to her questions won out.

   “Ok, well, you remember about three months ago, when I went on that business trip to Miami?” Kyle asked.

   “Yes,” Ella remembered him going to Miami for a week and nothing seemed suspicious.

   “Well, when I was in Miami, I met Tiffany at one of my conferences.  I swear to you I didn’t go there with the intention of sleeping with anyone.  When I first met her, we were together for work purposes, and things just kind of happened.  We went out to dinner with some other people at the conference, we had some drinks, and we just talked all night.  We spent the week together and before I left we slept together.  I am so sorry Ella.”

   “Why didn’t you tell me?  And this has been going on for three months?!”  Ella yelled.

   “No. Yes. No. Jesus!”  She heard a loud smack like he had slammed his fist into a table, and then she heard him inhale deeply. She waited for him to calm down and he eventually continued.  “We only slept together once in Miami.  After I came home I wanted to fix things with you, Ella.  Things have been off between us for a while now; I know you felt it, too.  I wanted to make sure that I was giving us the shot we deserved, the shot you deserved.  This wasn’t your fault Ella.  It was mine.  Anyway, for the last three months Tiffany has been emailing me at work, asking me to come back to Miami to be with her.  At first it was friendly, but she started getting really insistent.  I kept trying to tell her that I wasn’t sure about her and me and that I needed to see what was happening with us.  I told her that we were going to the beach, and that I was hoping it would help our relationship, that it would fix us.  And I really was, El.  I wanted to not feel guilty anymore and to be happy with you.”  Kyle was quiet for a few seconds and Ella could hear him trying to gain control.  She could tell he was near tears.  Ella had a few rogue tears slipping down her cheeks.  This was not what she was expecting.

   “Tiffany showed up here yesterday afternoon unexpected,” Kyle continued.  “I wasn’t expecting her to be here and I wasn’t expecting to feel the way I did when I saw her.  I just kept thi
nking about how far apart I feel from you and how close she was.  She
wanted
me Ella.  I haven’t felt that from you in years.”

   “Don’t you dare try and turn this around on me, Kyle!  I was trying just as hard as you were.  I was feeling alone too.  I nev
er found some convenient yoga slut to make me feel better!”

   “I know.  Damn, Ella, that’s not what I meant.  I should have talked to you about it.  I shouldn’t have slept with her.  I will never be as sorry about anything else in my life.  But it
happened and I can’t take it back.  Believe me, I would.”

   “Where is she now, Kyle?  Is she still there with you?”

   “No, I made her leave after you walked in on us.”

   “Was she the only one?”

   “Yes, I swear.”

   Ella believed him and she was relieve
d to know that he had only been with one person.  She took a deep breath and exhaled slowly.

   “I think we are over, Kyle,” Ella said softly.

   “We can work through this El.  Don’t give up on us.”

   “I think you should move out of the apartment.”

   “Are you going to stay at the beach?”

   “I think that’s best.”

   “I’ll be out by the end of the week.”

   “Bye, Kyle.”

   “Bye, El.”

   Ella ended the call put her phone back in her purse.  She used her hands to knead the back of her neck and felt no amount
of pressure would relieve the tension she felt in her body.

   “Everything ok, Ella?”

   Ella turned around and looked at Porter.  She had forgotten he was so nearby and knew he’d heard the whole conversation.

   “Well, if by ‘ok’ you mean ‘totally fucked
up’, then yes.  Everything’s dandy,” she said with more sadness in her voice than anything.

   “Anything I can do to help?” Porter asked.

   “Buy me a drink?”

   “Ella, it’s nine o’clock in the morning.”

   “Ok, fine, buy me a drink in twelve hours.”

  
Porter laughed, “Ok, I can do that.  You want to get in your car and see if it’ll start?”

   “Sure,” she replied.  She got in and sat with one leg in the car and one leg out. She put the key in the ignition and it turned over without a problem.  She smiled
excitedly and said, “And you said you weren’t an electrician.”

   “Well, I guess I missed my calling.”  Porter walked over to her car, unhooked the cables, shut her hood and then went to her open door and leaned on the frame of the car, boxing her in slig
htly.  “Seriously, are you going to be ok?”

   Ella shrugged, “I think so.  It’s over, and honestly, it’s been over for a while.  He went about it in a pretty shitty way, but we were destined to end.  I’ve been trying to put it off, trying to fix whatever
was wrong, but maybe it’s better this way.  Relationships should take work, but it shouldn’t
be
work.  Maybe once it’s broken it’s too late.  We’ve been broken for a while.  I just want to go back to the house, take a hot bath, and relax.”

   Porter looked
down at Ella, and then took a step backwards, reaching for his keys in his pocket.  “Do you need to follow me back to your house or do you remember the way?”

   “I remember the way.  Thanks Porter, for everything.  I don’t know how I would have gotten her
e to fix my car without you.  I am going to hold you to that drink tonight.”

   “You’re on.  I will meet you back here in twelve hours, sharp,” he said with a smile.

   Ella smiled back at him and then closed her door.  She backed out of the parking space and waved to Porter as she pulled away.  Was she really going to meet him tonight at the bar?  She didn’t necessarily think anything scandalous would happen, but she was newly single and he was single too.  Would she be giving him the wrong impression by meeting him?  What if he was expecting something from her?  Well, honestly, if he had wanted something from her he had certainly had a few opportunities.  So if he hadn’t tried something already, she was probably in the clear, right?  Did she want to be in the clear? 

   She had
just
broken up with her long term boyfriend, but she didn’t feel as upset as she thought she should.  She was a little sad, and a little angry for the way it had all ended, but she wasn’t destroyed.  Was there something wrong with her?  She decided that not being an emotional wreck was ok, and that meeting a nice man who had helped her tremendously for a drink wouldn’t be the end of the world.