Never Close Your Eyes (39 page)

‘Yes?' Evie said. She wondered what was coming.

‘I've got a major drink problem,' Nic said quietly. She was twisting her wedding ring round and round on her skinny third finger. Evie noticed that her knuckles were red and bumpy and seemed too large for her hands. ‘Will you stay with me while I call Alcoholics Anonymous?'

Nic looked straight at Evie. There was an honesty in her face that Evie didn't recognise. No more pretence. ‘Of course I will. Thank God. I've been so worried about you,' she cried, giving Nic another hug. This time Nic hugged her back.

She wanted to make the call from her bedroom with the door shut, so there was no chance that Dominic would overhear. The two women sat on her bed with the antique French headboard. Evie admired the striking paisley wallpaper on the wall. The room felt so cool, elegant and ordered, she reflected, totally at odds with everything that was going on in Nic's chaotic life.

Nic talked and cried and talked a little more, while Evie flicked quietly through some glossy magazines on the bedside table. When Nic finally put down the receiver, she told Evie that someone was going to come round that very day, in a couple of hours. Even though it was Christmas Eve.

‘Please will you stay with me? I'm sorry to ask you but I'm scared.'

Evie hesitated. She wasn't sure that she could leave Freya and Michael with Steve any longer. She didn't know what Steve's plans were. In fact, she realised that she had no idea what he intended to do for the rest of today or tomorrow, Christmas Day. She'd tried to pin him down but he'd been non-committal.

She rang the house phone on her mobile. They'd probably still be asleep, all three of them, but it wouldn't harm to wake them. Freya answered after what seemed like an eternity.

‘Mum?' she sounded surprised. ‘Where are you?'

Evie explained the situation swiftly. ‘Can I talk to Steve?' she asked.

Freya yawned. ‘He's not here. He left last night. He said something had cropped up.'

Evie started. The children were alone? Why hadn't he rung? She didn't mind Freya babysitting but she'd never, ever leave her and Michael on their own overnight. Her heart began beating faster. She thought rapidly. Her instinct was to go home straightaway but she was torn. Nic needed her, too.

‘Darling, can you stay with Michael for just a little longer? I'm sorry but Nic would like me to be here.'

‘No problem.'

‘Are you sure you're all right?'

‘Stop fussing. We're fine. Michael's still asleep.'

Evie swallowed. ‘You won't let him go out anywhere?'

‘Where would he go? Don't be silly, Mum.'

‘There are a couple of pizzas in the freezer. You can have them for lunch.'

Freya yawned again. ‘OK.'

Evie felt her shoulders relax. ‘I'll be home as soon as I can. We'll go to Christingle this evening and have Christmas Eve supper together.'

She'd speak to Steve later, give him an earful. What the hell was he playing at?

‘Not Christingle,' Freya groaned.

They went every year. Evie knew that the children were too old really, the service was aimed at small children, but it was one tradition that she couldn't bear to give up. They'd just have to swallow their irritation and go to Christingle for her sake.

Nic's doorbell rang around 1 p.m. Evie got up from the sofa in the television room to shake hands with a smartly dressed woman, who introduced herself as Celia.

Nic poured out her story while Evie listened, shocked to hear that things were far worse than she'd ever imagined. Nic kept nothing back. Celia, well spoken, professional, explained how she, too, was an alcoholic who'd managed to keep off booze for three years. But she still took it one day at a time.

‘Alcoholism is like a lift,' she said. ‘You keep on going down and down, but you can get off at any level if you decide that's what you want. Or you can just stay on that lift until you hit rock bottom and literally lose everything: your home, husband, children. You can end up in the gutter. I've met plenty of people who have.'

Nic wept into a tissue. ‘I so want to get better. Please help me.'

Evie left around three. She couldn't wait to get home. She was exhausted, but optimistic, too. Maybe this was Nic's wake-up call. Maybe this would set her on the road to recovery.

Neil's Alfa Romeo was parked outside. Evie swallowed. This was the last thing that she needed. She wanted to see the children, to hold them in her arms and make sure that they were all right.

She was also desperate to phone Steve and find out what he was playing at. It's true that he knew Freya often looked after Michael. It wasn't as if either of them were babies. But he shouldn't have left without telling her. He'd have to have a bloody good explanation.

She breathed in and out deeply. Calm, she told herself. Keep calm. Neil won't stay long. He'll be wanting to get back to his beloved, pregnant Helen. Once he'd gone, Evie could start thinking properly about Christmas.

Michael met her in the hall. Evie tried not to look at the crack on the wall which ran from ceiling to floor. It still upset her, every time she saw it. He was in socks and pyjamas still. His hair was uncombed and there were brown stains around his mouth. Breakfast Coco Pops? He looked small and slightly neglected. It tore at her heart.

She held out her arms and he walked into them. He was nine now; he had to pretend he didn't like cuddles.

‘Where've you been, Mum?' he said sulkily. ‘You've been ages.'

‘I'm sorry, darling.' She wrapped her arms around him and squeezed tight. ‘I wanted to leave earlier but Nic asked me to stay. She's not well. I had to help.'

‘It's Christmas Eve,' Michael said, still resentful. ‘It's supposed to be family time.'

Evie felt guilty enough already. She didn't need telling off. ‘I know, and we're going to have a lovely Christmas from now on, I promise.' She kissed the top of his head and then pulled back, remembering. ‘Where's Daddy?'

‘Watching TV, I think.' Michael nodded towards the closed sitting-room door.

Evie's stomach clenched. Typical that Neil should be watching TV instead of spending time with the children that he professed to care so much about. She pushed the door open and strode in. He was sitting there, his feet on the coffee table in front, a pile of newspapers by his side. He looked as if he owned the place.

‘Why is Michael still in his pyjamas?' she demanded. She couldn't help herself.

Neil looked up, a nonchalant expression on his face. ‘Oh, so you've decided to show up, have you?' He picked up the remote and turned the volume down slightly, but not so much that he couldn't still hear the programme. ‘That's good of you. I was shocked when Michael said you'd left them on their own all night. You shouldn't do that.'

He didn't look shocked, he looked rather pleased that he'd found her out. Evie could feel the blood pulsing in her temples. She wanted to hit him.

‘It's a good job I came by,' he went on, turning back to the TV screen. ‘Michael seemed to have no idea when you were coming home. I suppose you've been spending time with your new friend.'

He wrinkled his nose when he said ‘new friend'. He could've been talking about something on the bottom of his shoe. The injustice of it hit her like a sledgehammer.

‘What?' she blurted. ‘So it's OK for you to shack up with some trollop but I can't have a boyfriend, is that right?'

She was aware of Michael hovering behind her. She ought to stop but she couldn't. ‘Don't you dare come in here telling me what to do with my children,' she went on. The words came at him like red-hot iron filings. ‘You're lucky I let you see them at all after what you've done. You mean, lying, filthy little creep.'

Michael let out a sob. Horrified by her own outburst, Evie swung round to apologise, to comfort him, but he'd already dashed from the room.

Neil rose and snapped off the TV. ‘You shouldn't speak like that in front of the children,' he said calmly. His sanctimony was sickening. ‘Another time you want to spend the night with a man the children can stay with me and Helen.'

Evie thought she might spontaneously combust. She was a bull in a ring, surrounded by stupid, prancing matadors. ‘I did not spend the night with some man,' she bellowed. ‘Nic was in a car crash. She needed my help.'

Neil looked surprised. That was gratifying.

‘And don't you dare imply that I'm sleeping around,' Evie roared. ‘My boyfriend – though it's none of your business – is called Steve and I love him very much. In fact I think we'll probably get married.'

Neil was poker-faced but his eyes gave him away: he was stunned, no doubt about it. Evie realised even as she uttered the word ‘love' that it was a lie. She wasn't sure that she loved Steve after all. Nor was she convinced that she was going to marry him, despite Zelda's predictions. But her words had hit home. She'd more than rattled Neil's cage: she'd sent the bastard flying.

He cleared his throat. ‘Well,' he said, pretending to take it all in his stride. ‘I didn't realise things were so serious. Congratulations. I'll need to meet Sam, er Steve, of course, before he has contact with the children. That is' – he looked at her beadily – ‘if he hasn't already.'

Evie waited for a second, relishing her moment of power. ‘I don't recall your discussing it with me before you introduced Freya and Michael to Helen.' She was quite calm herself now. ‘And yes,' she went on, ‘Steve has met them and I'm glad to say they like him very much.'

Neil's eyes narrowed. His face had turned an odd, puttyish colour. ‘Yes, well, I'd like to meet him all the same,' he said abruptly. ‘I must go now. I'll say goodbye to the children.'

Evie stepped back to allow him to pass. He stopped at the door and turned around. ‘Will Simon, er, Steve, be spending tomorrow with you?' He sounded young suddenly, faltering. ‘Because I'd like to pop round at some point to give the children their presents?'

‘It would be more convenient if you came on Boxing Day,' Evie replied. ‘Around eleven a.m. would suit us.'

She could have punched the air when he left. She would have played this card so much sooner if she'd known the effect it would have. Neil was jealous, no doubt about it. He looked positively crestfallen. What's more, seeing him standing there, all winded and pathetic, she realised that she didn't fancy him any more. Not in the way that she once had, anyway. Not in that painful, all-consuming way that meant she couldn't think of anything else, couldn't focus on anyone else. This was progress indeed.

Now to sort out Steve.

Chapter Thirty-Six

‘He does love you, you know, he's just got a lot on his mind.' Zelda paused. She was obviously having another drag on her cigarette.

‘Yes, well, I've got a lot on mine too,' Evie replied, ‘but I'd never have done what he did. The way he left without telling me was unforgivable – and now the fact that I can't even get hold of him . . .'

She was sitting on the edge of her bed watching the rain lashing past her window, bouncing off the grey pavements. Some Christmas morning. Some Christmas Day. She'd sneaked off to talk to Zelda after giving the children their traditional Christmas brunch of smoked salmon and scrambled eggs.

‘You must be patient,' came Zelda's husky tones, ‘it'll all become clear.'

Evie knotted one leg around the other. She was distracted for a moment by the pregnant young woman's gold wedding dress on the tailor's dummy in the corner of her room. She half closed her eyes, tipped her head on one side. It needed another row of crystals around the neckline. She'd had to buy more fabric and do a total redesign; they'd opted for a flattering empire line that would hide the bump. They'd need to wait until much nearer the time for the final fitting, though. Who knew how large the bump and the bust would grow?

‘You still there?' Zelda asked.

Evie snapped out of her daydream. ‘I've left countless messages,' she said, ‘I don't know where he can be. And he hasn't even called to wish me Happy Christmas.'

She reached for a tissue from the box beside her bed and blew her nose. ‘Are you absolutely sure he's The One?'

‘Look, love, I can only tell you what I bin told.' Zelda sounded slightly scratchy. Evie had asked the same question so many times. ‘But if you really want to find out more, to dig deeper, I'd advise regression.'

‘What's that?' Evie was intrigued.

‘It's very popular,' Zelda went on. ‘A lot of my clients like it. I'm fully qualified, of course.'