Never Enough (41 page)
“Why aren’t you there, then? Why are you here in my kitchen instead of there, in hers?”
“I have stuff to do. I need to work and my studio is here. Why isn’t she here?”
“Because your son is in middle school in another city. That’s where the life she built for him is. Christ, Adrian, you know this. What is it really?”
His brother sighed.
“You know you can tell me anything. Right? I’m not going to judge you for having feelings. But I will kick your ass if I think that’s what you need. And I will tell you you have spinach in your teeth too. You’d do the same for me. Now, what is it really?”
“She holds back. Okay? Haven’t you noticed that?”
Brody sat back and sipped his coffee.
“What I’ve noticed is that she likes us. She comes to our events. Listens to stories about stuff she wasn’t there for and people she doesn’t know. She does this with a great sense of humor. And she does it for you and for Miles.”
“Do you think she just puts up with it then?”
“Just tell me straight, Adrian. Are you looking for a way to fuck this up or are you looking for a way to make it work?”
This was why Adrian had ended up on Brody’s doorstep instead of Erin’s. Erin was perfectly capable of kicking his butt when he was wrong, but it was Brody who would sort him out in a more unflinching way. Brody, who was his mentor, his father figure and the person he looked to more than anyone else for advice and an example.
“I love her. She loves me. This is not in doubt. I’m good with that. More than good with it, actually. It’s the best thing in my life. I have a son and he’s a great kid. He and I are building a relationship and I’m not fucking up too very much, I hope. Gillian would tell me if I was.” He laughed.
“She’s a warm, lovely woman. But she’s shy and it’s going to take time. What makes Gillian the perfect woman for you is the fact that she’s unique. Right? There’s no one like her and she gets you.”
“So you think she’s not holding back?”
“I’m not in a relationship with her. I can tell you what my observations are. She’s reserved. She’s not going to discuss favorite sexual positions with Erin and Elise. At the same time, she understands family. She sees it the way we do. She has that with her friends. I saw it firsthand when we went to the lunch at Mary’s last month. I also saw Miles with them. They’re his family just as assuredly as we are. So of course she wants the boy to keep that and you should too.”
Adrian knew all this, but it helped to have Brody say it. Gave him some clarity.
“She tells me she’s working through the moving-in-together stuff and I believe she is. I believe she wants to and I know I do.”
“So what’s the problem? Huh? You admit she’s not the kind of woman who will be buddy-buddy with strangers right off. And yet she is working on it and she does fit in just fine. You admit she loves you and that you love her. You say she’s working through the geographical issues, which you and I both know are a bigger deal than you’re admitting. She’s good for you. You’re good for her. Miles is great for you both.”
Brody looked at him carefully as the sound of Rennie’s laughter and Elise’s voice came from the other room.
“Why can’t it be easy?”
Brody barked a laugh. “I don’t have the answer to that one. I just know that nothing worth having or doing is easy. Nothing.” He paused. “Do you trust her?”
Adrian took a moment to think, because it wasn’t an easy question to answer. But there was only one and it was utterly clear. “Yes. I do.”
“You’ve seen her several days a week for months. And you’ve gotten to know her as a mother as you’ve found your own way into being a father. It just occurred to me that you’ve gone backward with your lovely Gillian.”
Adrian paused and then laughed along with Brody as he realized the truth of it.
“For an old guy you have some big brains. Yeah, that’s it. I need to date her. Stuff that’s just the two of us. Stuff you all did when you first started out with your husbands and wives, too. Like the tavern.”
“Exactly. You know how much we love Miles. Elise and I would love to have him overnight. He and Rennie get along. We’d totally have a great time. You know Erin would love the same. God, they’d jam for hours. The point is, you have lots of options between us and I’d bet her friends too. Go on a date. Take her to dinner and a movie. Whatever. Just normal things. You both need it. To have that part of a relationship.”
The worry eased. “I was telling her that I never fought with women before. Because mainly I didn’t care for any of them enough to bother with it. But with her, with that, that—”
“That holy-hot-wow thing you and she have with the little battles of will you play? You two have
chemistry
, man. You cannot pretend it. It’s not something you can fake.”
chemistry
, man. You cannot pretend it. It’s not something you can fake.”
Adrian nodded. “Yep, that’s it. Little zings of electricity between us. When we fight it’s never about things we totally disagree on. It’s about things we agree on but the problem is the how to get there. But it never feels dire or disrespectful. And yes, yes, it makes me hot when she loses that smooth veneer and shows me the side I know only I see. That is intimate and it blows me away.”
“That’s trust, dude. For a woman like Gillian to open up the way she does with you? Do you know how she looks at Miles?”
Adrian smiled as he pictured it. “Yes. Awesome, isn’t it? It’s how Elise looks at Rennie and Marti.”
“She opens up and all those reserves fall away and she just can’t not show how much he loves him. She looks at you like that. With that same open joy.”
She’d shown him over and over how special he was to her. But somehow hearing that just sort of set him back on his heels.
Brody snorted. “Exactly. We love Gillian for who she is. But even if she wasn’t a really cool woman, we’d love her for the way she looks at you. Dumbass. We have no problems with Gillian and how she is. She fits in just fine. You’re worried, but no one else is.”
“Pizza’s here,” Rennie called from the other room.
Adrian stood and rubbed his hands together. “Just in time. I am suddenly totally starving.”
Brody stood, shouldered his brother from the way and all was right again.
21
It had been a very long time since she’d been on a real date. She looked at herself in the mirror again. Daisy had shown up with an armful of packages full of clothes the day after Adrian had asked Gillian on that date for pool and beer with him.
A chic pair of tapered-leg pants and a black, boatneck blouse that was positively vintage. Still, the pants seemed to hug her butt just a bit more than she was sure worked.
It was Jules who was doing the pre-date Gillian-sitting that evening. “I think you look so lovely. That outfit Daisy gave you for your birthday is
humina-humina
hot.”
humina-humina
hot.”
She looked back at Jules. “Do you think? It’s very . . . snug.” She ran her palms down her waist and over her thighs.
“It’s vintage. Boatneck so you can’t even see a hint of your dirty pillows. The only skin you’re seeing is arms and yours are gorgeous. You’re going to wear a sweater over it anyway. As for snug, that’s the way it’s supposed to fit. You don’t look like a sausage. If that’s your worry. You look absolutely gorgeous. Feminine. Classic. I promise.”
She looked back again. Yes, it was lovely. Sexy without being sleazy. Fitted without being tight.
“Wear that necklace he gave you for Christmas with it. And the tangerine cardigan I gave you a few years back.”
“I need you with me every day to make these fashion choices for me.”
“Whatever, girl. I’m just here to gawk at your hot-looking man when he arrives.” She snapped a picture with her phone.
“Hey!”
“I promised. It was the cost for not having us all here.”
She tried to look severe, but it wouldn’t work anyway. Her doorbell rang and she blushed. “He doesn’t have to do that. He has a key.”
“I’ll let you get it. That’s always the fun part. I lied about the waiting-to-spy-on-you part. I just wanted to get a gander at you.” Jules squeezed her hand and headed out the back door before Gillian could argue.
She was still smiling when she opened the door to Adrian holding a bouquet of flowers so large it obscured his face.
“Come in.”
He peeked around the flowers and waggled his brows. “You look amazing. Is Miles here or did he already go to Jason’s?” She took the flowers with a kiss.
He took them away from her, placed them on her table and eased her against the door. “Now then, I ruined it by asking about Miles first.”
“Be quiet. He went straight there after school and says he’ll see you tomorrow. Now you may kiss me.”
“Now who’s cheeky?” He bent his legs and dipped to kiss her.
He nipped at her bottom lip and a sound she didn’t remember making came from deep in her throat.
She sucked his tongue into her mouth and he groaned, squeezing her a little tighter.
“Now,” he said, putting her away from his body, “that was a better introduction. You look beautiful.”
“Thank you. These are gorgeous and you also look really tasty. You sure you’d rather play pool?”
He swatted her butt on the way past. “Get those in water. You and I are going out. Pizza. Beer. Pool. It’s going to be rockin’. There’s going to be karaoke tonight too apparently. Erin is all buzzed about it.”
“If you say so.” She made it extra prim and set about putting the flowers into two vases since the bouquet was so large. He couldn’t seem to resist crowding her, but she wasn’t complaining about it. She loved the way he smelled, the heat of his body as he stood so close.
She loved being irresistible to a man like him.
He helped her into her sweater and coat and then into his car like a total gentleman.
On the way back over they chitchatted about their respective days. He told her about the song he and Erin had finished and sent off to Reg earlier that day. She leaned back against the heated seat and watched as he drove. Greedily took in his handsome features as he mimicked Brody or Miles. Loved his smile and quick laughter.
This was new for them. Despite the afternoons they had before Miles came home from school or the evenings after he’d gone to bed, this was the first outing they’d taken together just as a couple. It made her giddy with first-date anticipation even though they’d already made it to the thirteen-year-old-son part. And should be past it.
He reached out and took her hand, keeping it as he drove.
“I’m liking this dating thing a lot. I’m wondering what you’re wearing under the clothes. Hoping you’ll let me stay over.”
She laughed, charmed. “Maybe. I don’t want you to think I’m too easy. Perhaps I’ll make you wait. What’s the average wait time? A month? A few weeks?”
“Ha! Didn’t you date when you were young?”
“No.” She was so tempted to hold it there, but she wanted to try to be more open with him. “I didn’t know any boys back home who were worthy of dating. The nice ones I liked wouldn’t have given me a second glance. And then here? I chose piano instead.”
“You were young when you moved to New York. I love New York City, but hell, even as an adult I find it daunting sometimes. How did you handle it?”
“I think it was that I didn’t know any better.” She laughed. “Really I was just so happy to be away from home.”
“I’m sorry it was so bad.”
“It’s long past now. It made me into who I am today, which is good and bad, I guess. But it’s not unique and it wasn’t horrible. In truth, I think it makes me appreciate what I have a lot more than I might have under other circumstances. It makes me hyperaware of how I’m parenting.”
He knew she was uncomfortable with the focus on her, but it made him happy she’d shared without any prompting from him.
“I was just thinking about this the other day. I use Brody as an example of what a good father is. Not the one I was born with.”
“He’s a good example to make. Then again, Adrian, you’re doing a fine job yourself. It’s hard to tell you’ve only been doing this since October.”
Pride warmed him. “Really? I feel like an amateur next to you.” “Really. And I don’t know why you’d feel like an amateur. I make mistakes all the time. Half the time it’s Miles who teaches
me
how to do this.”
me
how to do this.”
He laughed again. “Do you know I think I laugh more with you than I ever have before, and I laughed a lot as it was.”
“I bet you’re agitated a lot more too.”
“Yes. Can’t deny it. Also can’t deny it makes me hot. So be it, I’m a weirdo. I can accept it. Your prickly, buttoned-up-to-the-neck thing works my libido hard.”
She sniffed delicately. “I may have noticed. It’s a good thing for us both. Not many men have a bitchy woman fetish.”
“I do believe you just made me guffaw with that one. They do say there’s a lid for every pot. You’re my lid, Gillian. Bitchy and all.”
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