Never Forgotten: Second Chances (17 page)

Understanding crossed his face, and he looked out the window. When he answered, his voice went flat. "It doesn't matter. I had spotted an opportunity to take a majority position in a small European company that I thought about leveraging. It's been poorly managed. Carla pointed out that it didn't have the upside that investing in your company did, and it gave me a chance to make amends for what happened."

"Why do you feel the need to make amends? You didn't do anything wrong."

"I didn't keep my promise."

"Not by choice."

"Still."

"Carla and I were chatting about your plans. This small company you were interested in... it wouldn't be called
Il fattore eleganza
, by any chance would it?"

A choked laugh drifted across to her. "Sometimes you are too clever by half."

"The old family company?"

"Yes. After the new owners took over, they tried to grow it. They did fairly well, but recently, as with your company, they fell into a timing trap, needing to expand or die and not having the money for expansion. Without another option, to save their jobs, they will fall on the corporate sword and allow themselves to be swallowed by a larger competitor."

"And then quite likely be out of your reach for a long time."

"Yes, Megan. Is that what you wanted to hear? That I was willing to give up a chance to gain control of the company my father founded for you? Does it make you happy? Is that some sort of victory."

"Not at all. And no, it isn't what I wanted to hear or a victory. Besides, who would I be conquering? You? I've never wanted to hurt you, and you were surely hurt more than me. But if it was true, then I needed you to tell me. You see it complicates things, makes your offer a problem for me."

"How? I'm offering you what you want."

She laughed. "Oh really? You want to give me the money that you've spent years accumulating to continue our dream, and I'm supposed to be happy about it? I understand your misplaced feeling of guilt, Sal, because I feel guilty about not being there for you when you needed me most. Even though I had no way to know where you were, I still feel guilty, and then I berate myself for being stupid and feeling that way. If I take that money and do what you are insisting I do, later you'll resent me for it. Do you think what I want is to poison the sweetest memory in the world with a toxic gift? Sal, all my memories of you are wonderful. Part of your magic was always making the best decisions. Now you want to assuage your guilty feelings towards me even though it will change everything. That doesn't work for me."

He turned back toward her, and she saw sadness. "Then what?"

"I'm still working out my strategy."

"To what end?"

She laughed. "Yes. To what end? It's ironic. I've got a solution to my original problem and now, with everything that's been thrown my way lately, I can't tell you the outcome I want."

"If you don't know..."

"...then I can't get what I want. Yes, you taught me that. But I haven't gotten enough perspective on the situation and my feelings yet."

"I could help you better if I knew the outcome you wanted."

She laughed. "We always got along because we are two strong people trying to shape the world to match our vision. That last thing I want now is you intentionally trying to make what I tell you I want happen for me. That forces things in a direction that neither of us truly wants. Right now I am getting clear on the outcomes I don't want, and can't live with, and before I act I'll listen to my heart and mind and get a clearer idea and see how it unfolds. Isn't that what you taught me to do? Won't you trust me enough to go with that?"

"That's exactly what I've always done. Except when it came to seeing you again."

"I wonder if you would have come here if Carla hadn't insisted."

"I don't know."

"I might owe her a great deal. No matter what happens next, I'll be able to let go of our ghosts now. Maybe we both can. Not that I'll forget what we had, but finding out what happened, knowing that it was just part of a cosmic accident helps me a lot. I know that I was right to believe in our love and that you didn't just leave me."

Then he folded his hands in his lap and stared at her quietly. She stared back, trying to absorb his face, memorize it without judging it, calling it good or bad, pretty or ugly. After a moment, she got up and walked over to him. Standing next to him, she reached out to touch his face. She let her long fingers trace over the irregular terrain on the skin of his cheek, then stroked his head, feeling the patches of bare skin and stubble. "I hear your unasked question, Sal. I do. I'd be lying if I said that it doesn't hurt to see what happened to you. At the same time, I am so happy you are alive. We've both changed, and you just win the prize for the most visible, most dramatic change." She bent down and kissed him in a long and lingering kiss that made him reach up to touch her neck as he returned it hungrily.

"Then I don't repel you entirely?"

She recoiled from the question, not sure how to answer. "No. You might catch me crying for your lost beauty sometimes, I suppose. I feel that, and I won't lie to you about that. But I loved who you were just as much as how you looked. And that's why now I need to see who you are now."

"And to see if that's enough?"

She sighed. "Enough? I wonder how you measure that? It's painful to think I might be so shallow, and even more painful that you might think I am, but we're talking feelings not sense. I suppose you're right."

"In that case, and at the risk of sounding pathetic, do you think there is any chance you might love me again?"

Her laugh seemed to surprise him. "Any man who can ask that question in so straightforward a way is in any way being pathetic. I'm not sure you could even pretend to be pathetic. If I didn't think there was a chance, we wouldn't be having this conversation. You should know that Riley Carson has asked me to marry him."

"The man Carla dealt with briefly."

"I met him when we started looking for financing. He is an amazing person, and I enjoy being with him. I know I could be happy with him."

"Then I have my answer."

"Stop being fucking noble, Sal. That doesn't suit you any more than pathetic does. The truth is that the moment you showed up everything changed. The memory of you was already coloring everything. Riley's love was competing head to head with what you and I once had, and that's an unfair comparison for all concerned. You showing up gave me a shock." He drew back, and she backpedaled to explain. "Not the way you look, but it made me realize that I was living partly in the past, and that's why I couldn't accept his proposal. And now you are asking me another unanswerable question. All I can say is that while I know we can't ever recapture that moment in time that the love we shared was of that time and place, but those feelings aren't gone either. I'm trying to understand what that means to me now. I have a chance to take a new path with Riley, whom I think a great deal of, and now you want me to consider revisiting a love that was taken from us both. Life has offered us a second chance, but we aren't the same people. We've both seen a lot of life and had other loves. We have to see what a second chance might actually mean. For me that means learning how to suppress what's been an unforgettable memory long enough to find out who you are now and how I feel about you."

"You see this more clearly than I do. It hurts to admit it, but you're right. I'm in love with the girl I knew, not the women here in this room now."

"So you have the same issue to resolve before you can know what outcome you want. So let's focus on getting through the next few days, deal with sorting out the business end of our relationship and see where we are then."

She looked at him again, saw the Sal she knew in those brown eyes and struggled with a desire to tear off her clothes and have him make love to her. She straightened. "I'll leave you to sort out your outcome."

She felt the touch of his hand on her hip, and a soft pressure urging her to move closer to him. "I wish you'd stay."

"No, Sal. Not yet, at least. I owe Riley a great deal, and if nothing else, I should to make my decisions with a head as unclouded by lust and memories as I can manage. I owe that to you and to myself as well."

"What now? Do you have a plan?"

"Plans? I have no plan. Plans are foolish."

"The old saying is: 'Man plans, God laughs.'"

She rested a hand on his shoulder and saw his sharp intake of breath at her touch. "Yes. And I'm tired of being laughed at Sal. So fuck planning."

The sight of a mischievous flicker that began to dance in his eyes gave her hope. His posture shifted subtly, and she felt his familiar strength for the first time since, since she'd lost him.
Sal is in the room
.

Megan knew she was playing a dangerous game, and it gave her an evil thrill. A smart woman would simply decide that Riley and all he offered could make her content if not ecstatic. Then she could leave here with that settled. Or she could tell Sal she wanted to take a chance with him... take the risk that she would learn to love what he looked like now, that he was the same person she remembered, which wasn't necessarily the person he had been. Both choices had risks and rewards and countless uncertainties. But then that was life too. If her heart hadn't been so confused, if either man had been weaker or less interesting...

Sal stood up and touched her shoulder. "Okay, Megan, it's time to separate the things competing for your attention. Consider the business. With my money as a lever, you launch your new program. Or you can walk away from it. You can do something in between, but you've never been one for halfway measures. And you never were a good follower. On the personal side, think about the life you want. Your Riley sounds like a good man. He has money, and you enjoy his company, which gives you the chance to have a good life regardless of what you do with the business. Realize that if you were to take a second chance with me, you'd be committing to a life of uncertainty, with a disfigured man. Uncertain because I am inherently a gambler. I'll raise more money, do consulting work if necessary, and then invest it again. Some of the investments work but it is a gamble, and the life isn't always comfortable. There are the same chaotic issues you deal with know, and ruthless money people, recalcitrant inventors... the whole thing cycles. The only difference I offer is us doing it together."

She felt her heart pounding. Hearing him talk that way, about the future excited her as it always had. And now, looking at him, she did a double take—seeing the man and not his scars. This face was Sal's face now, and she couldn't compare it to that of the man in the picture on her nightstand. Yet part of her insisted on pasting that face over the one in front of her and that frightened her a bit, made her see the enormity of taking a second chance with Sal.

"That's a lot to consider." She said it flatly, knowing it was at least honest. Her choices balanced steadiness against risk.

"No matter what you choose to do you better have to have the stomach to let it play out to the very end. Once you start things in motion, you won't be in control."

"Are we ever in control, really?"

He grinned. "It can be fun to pretend we are."

"I have to go. I have a lot to sort out."

He nodded. She understood that silence. He didn't trust himself to speak, and she wasn't sure she hadn't said far too much. Whatever happened next had to arise from true feelings, not just a sense of how she thought things should be. Things that were forced didn't last. Whatever she did, whatever choices she made, she wanted them to last this time.

"Striker's coming to my office tomorrow morning at nine and said that if you aren't there, he'll take that as your answer."

She laughed. "That asshole is pushing even harder now that he thinks he holds all the aces. He must be getting nervous after spending the money on Thom's stock and not managing to get me to return his calls."

"Are you ready to meet with him?"

She looked at Riley. "I think so."

"What have you decided?"

She laughed. "Riley, I am going to decide when I face him. I have more than one option, and I need to balance them against one another. I mean I have to look at working for Striker versus going on vacation." She laughed, feeling giddy.

He grinned. "Oh, that. Yes. I said you could probably use a vacation."

"Well, it turns out that the answer to that suggestion has important ramifications for me. What I think about that goes straight to the heart of what I might fundamentally want."

"Which is?"

She kissed him. "Unfortunately, that is the as yet unanswered question."

"To which you will come up with an answer by tomorrow morning?"

She poured a glass of water from the pitcher and drank slowly. "Yup. Actually, if I'm right, in the morning the answer will make itself clear. I think we'll all get to learn what it is at the same time." The words sounded odd, but she felt comfortable that she'd gotten it mostly right.

"That doesn't make sense."

"You know the old saying about it isn't what you say but what you do that counts?"

"Of course."

"Well, then we will just have to see what I do because although I have thoughts, they pull me in every direction, and my only decision is to see how and where it all goes. No planning; no getting laughed at."

Riley put his hand on hers. "I think you are a little bit crazy. It's all this… stuff. Not that I mind in the least, but I thought you should know that I've noticed you are total lunatic. I still love you. Maybe the truth is that I could only love a lunatic."

"You are a brave man, Riley. A very brave man. Perhaps too brave."

"You can't be too brave."

"Sometimes you can. We just don't know if this is one of those times."

He looked into her eyes. "Something changed. You've had another talk with Sal."

She blushed. "Yes. He's no prettier."

"But he's still Sal. I have a feeling you are seeing past that face. See, you look like a woman who has already made some decisions even if she doesn't know it." She caught an undercurrent of sadness that made her wonder where his thoughts were headed.