Never Had a Dream Come True (9 page)

“Maybe we could have a double wedding next year?” she teased.

“Lord, I hope not,” Francesca sighed. “A double wedding would mean you are going through with marrying Mr. Bedford.”

Penny sighed, defeated. She had hoped Francesca would be on her side regarding Thomas, but to her surprise her friend—who had spent years trying to get Penny out of love with Rake—had turned and was now in favor of Rake and completely against Thomas.

“But it’s a life I want.”

“No, it is not. It’s a life you have persuaded yourself into wanting. But the truth is that you still want my uncle, and nothing you say or do will ever change that.”

“Fanny…”

“You just have to make him realize marrying you is the best thing for him. You two are made for each other, and you’d better admit it before it’s too late and you are caught in Mr. Bedford’s web forever.”

“Web? Really, Fanny.”

Francesca stopped with her hand on the door handle to the salon without opening the door. “He’s not the same anymore.”

“Who? Hereford?”

“No, Uncle Rake. He’s unusually still and thoughtful. Even Uncle Jamie remarked about it, and he is Uncle Rake’s twin brother and should know what he’s talking about.”

“It saddens me to hear about it, but it has nothing to do with me. I haven’t even seen him since August, when I met him in Sandhurst while shopping with Thomas. And then he was his usual witty self and teased Thomas just as wickedly as he always does. Later I missed your family’s August festival, as mother was sick, and then he left for London. It’s not me, Fanny.”

“He asked for you.”

“Rake?” Penny cursed silently as her heart skipped a beat. Why couldn’t she stop reacting to him like this?

“Yes, at the August festival. He spent most of the evening staring at the barn door and didn’t dance one dance, which, as you are well aware, is highly unusual when it comes to Uncle Rake, as he never misses a chance to flirt with the ladies. Not until the party was almost over did he come over to me and ask why you hadn’t come. When I told him you cancelled because of your mother’s sickness, he walked right out of the barn, and the next day he left for London without another word.”

This was news to Penny, and for a second a flare of hope burst through her body. But just as quickly she mentally subdued the feeling. It was not for her anymore. She had made her decision and she had chosen a life with Thomas. She knew now that her feelings for Rake probably never would go away; the way her body reacted to him told her as much.

But she could live with it. She just had to make sure Thomas never learnt about it, as she could only guess it would hurt him more than he deserved.

But more importantly, she had to make sure Rake never found out. If he knew exactly how large her unwanted weakness for him was, he would never end his efforts to turn her into his mistress.

Rake would get over the attraction he felt sooner or later, and then everything would be fine again. Everything would be back to normal.

She would forever put a lid on her feelings and concentrate on being perfectly, sensibly happy and content with Thomas.

“You don’t have to sacrifice Uncle Rake to become happy. I’m not stupid, you know. I know you are only trying to belong to someone. You want to be wanted. I understand that. But you are already a part of something. You are already a part of this family. Marrying Thomas would take you away from us.”

Tears filled Francesca’s eyes, the same grey eyes Rake had, and Penny swallowed hard to keep her own tears away.

“It’s not so easy,” she whispered. “I only want to be happy, and that I would never be with Rake.”

“Oh, come on!” Francesca’s sudden burst of anger surprised Penny. “Now you are lying to yourself. Why wouldn’t he make you happy? He is the man of your dreams. He is the man you have talked about since you were a wee child. Of course marrying Uncle Rake would make you happy. The only problem is that you would probably be too happy for your own good.”

“Fanny, you know what he is like. After a couple of months of marital bliss he would get bored and be on the hunt again. Flirting with anyone with a skirt and having a new mistress every week. How should I ever be able to live with the knowledge that I’m not enough?”

Francesca opened her mouth and then closed it again. Of course she knew what her uncle was like and couldn’t argue with her friend’s harsh words. Rake would get bored sooner or later, and then the happiness would go away and leave only bitterness and loneliness.

“You always have me. I’ll never leave you.”

Penny couldn’t stop a giggle. “You are going to marry your handsome duke and move to his home, and I will see you only once or twice a year. Marrying Thomas would mean no difference to that, but at least I wouldn’t be abandoned between visits.”

Francesca snorted, but Penny could see the smile she tried to hide.

“Just promise me one thing, Penny,” Francesca said as she pressed the door handle. “Don’t go to London with your mind set on Mr. Bedford. Leave your options open. Even if Uncle Rake isn’t the one, you might meet someone else who is.”

“Fanny…”

“Promise me!”

Penny sighed, knowing her friend would never let it be until she did as asked. “I promise.”

“Penny!”

The Duchess of Berkeley came forward to greet Penny with a warm hug before she leaned back and gave her the usual look-over. “You look absolutely fabulous, my dear. I’m so thrilled Mr. Bedford’s courtship suits you so well. But I’m even more thrilled you will be staying with us for Christmas. I can’t tell you how happy I was to receive your letter about your family leaving Harveyfield for the holidays.”

“She’s been dancing around for days,” the duke boomed behind his wife, and he gave Penny a quick peck on the forehead before he sat down again with his cup of tea.

“Come, we’ll sit here.” Francesca tugged Penny’s arm and dragged her to the table where her parents sat. The Marquis and Marchioness of Newbury greeted her warmly and had a footman bring another cup for the newcomer. After obligatory questions about her family—which no one really was interested in, as no one liked them—they resumed their conversation about the upcoming Season, now only a few months away.

Penny sipped her tea, enjoying the lively talk around her. The Darlings had never been able to talk about anything without turning it into a heated discussion, and this occasion was no different. Soon Francesca’s two brothers, Sinclair and Sebastian, joined the foursome at the table to have their say regarding the dos and don’ts of the Season.

Penny looked out into the large salon filled to its brim with members of the Darling family. All the seven sons of the duke and duchess were there with their families, and everyone was looking forward to the upcoming festivities. They were such a colorful family, and thrived in each other’s company.

Rake sat on a sofa in the middle of the room, laughing with his twin brother James and the other set of twins, William and Edward. She let her eyes linger on his person for a few seconds, memorizing him forever in her heart.

He was the essence of a nobleman in his fashionable clothes, his shiny Hessians, and his perfectly combed hair. Even when he laughed he looked arrogant and haughty, but the wickedness in his smile and the amused twinkle in his eyes gave away the true Rake.

He was a libertine and a scoundrel but also, unfortunately, a very loveable one, and the crushed hearts he left behind him told the tale.

Before she had a chance to look away, he turned his head and met her eyes. For the shortest of time his face was filled with unreadable emotions, but soon he hid them all behind his usual mask and winked at her, looking pleased to have caught her staring at him.

She gave him a small smile before again turning her back to him, pretending to listen to her company at the table.

This had to end. She had to avoid him from now on. It was too obvious she had no strength by herself to withstand him, and even after passionately declaring her love for Thomas to Francesca she had been caught ogling Rake.

During the next several days she succeeded better than she would have thought possible in avoiding Rake.

Not that he tried to find her alone.

He seemed to have forgotten all about his earlier infatuation with her and instead spent his time with his brothers and nephews, playing games and going out visiting the neighbors—preferably the female ones.

Not until her last day at the castle did she find herself alone with him, when he happened to come upon her where she sat reading alone in the library.

When he noticed her, he hesitated for a second before greeting her politely and coming to where she sat curled up in the windowsill of one of the large bay windows overlooking the lake.

“Avoiding Fanny?”

Penny couldn’t hold back a giggle. Her friend had been a bit overzealous in the last several days, entertaining Penny until she was ready to kill for some time of her own.

Fortunately the marchioness was a very perceptive woman and had taken her daughter visiting to give Penny some peace and quiet.

“I’m just reading.”

“Then I am disturbing you and will soon leave you and give you your solitude back. Father asked me to fetch him an atlas so I can show him where I have been for the last months.”

“Oh?”

He chuckled at her badly hidden interest. “I guess you too are curious about my whereabouts over the last couple of months.”

“Not as much as envious of your opportunity to see the world. I’m afraid I have to read my way out of England, whereas you are free to go wherever you like.”

“You make your life seem quite sad.”

“Not sad, only restricted.” She shrugged. “I’m a mere woman, and as such I have no say over my own life. I might nurture a wish to travel and see all those wonderful places I have read about in other people’s journals, but in the end I have to submit to what my father and later my husband’s wishes are.”

“Then I guess you will have to find a husband who shares your interest in travelling.”

“It’s not so easy.”

“Or you can live your life by your own head, doing whatever you want without the restriction of a man.”

He gave her a wicked smile, and she knew he again was telling her to become his mistress, and she shook her head with a dejected sigh.

“You never give up, do you?”

“When it comes to you? Never.”

“I will never become your mistress.”

“I know.”

She looked at him in surprise. “You do? So why do you persist in asking me?”

He leaned closer to her, until she could feel his warm breath against her face. “Because my body wants yours, and I know yours wants mine, too. Both our bodies would already have been satisfied beyond our imaginations if your head weren’t so stubborn about getting married to your boring suitor.”

She was speechless. The scoundrel knew she would never give in, and yet he still continued with his persuasion.

Her body wanted his…How did he know? She had never done or said anything that told him so.

And yet somehow he knew…

“Gretna Green?” His hoarse voice broke through her errant thoughts, and she followed his gaze to the book she had been reading.

“Eh, yes. It’s an amusing journal from a couple who went to Scotland to get married. They describe the small border city most enticingly, and I feel I must put it on my list of places to see.”

“I thought you were supposed to wait with marriage until after next Season? Or does your beau lust for your luscious body as much as I do?”

“Thomas doesn’t lust for me,” Penny gasped, outraged. “He’s a gentleman and a man of honor. He would never behave toward me as you do.”

“Oh, he wouldn’t, would he?” Rake leaned even closer, forcing her to unwillingly press herself backwards against the cold glass of the window. “Then why was he kissing you in the middle of the road last summer?”

“What?” Penny breathed, and Rake snorted angrily, for once not hiding his true feelings behind his arrogant libertine mask.

“I followed you when you left the Devil’s Folly, to make sure your honorable gentleman took you home as he was supposed to.”

“You did what?”

“Do you deny it? Your gentleman took advantage of you in the middle of the road, and he can thank his lucky star that he didn’t push for more, as I would have knocked him senseless if he had tried.”

“You would have what?”

“I would have saved your honor.”

Oh, my God. Penny closed her eyes, horrified. What was happening here? Was this really Rake, on some strange crusade in pursuit of saving her virtue? For what? For himself, so he could take it instead?

“You can thank me now.”

She opened her eyes again and looked at Rake. He now had his mask back on and his actions in full control. He lifted an eyebrow as he waited for the gratitude he thought she would bestow on him.

“Thank you?” she asked. “For what?”

Rake sneered. “For saving your virtue.”

“You didn’t save my virtue.”

“No, not literally. But I would have, if he had continued with his rat-like behavior.”

“He wasn’t behaving in a rat-like manner. He was only giving me what I asked for.”

“You asked to be ravished?”

“No.” Penny sighed. This conversation was beyond strange. “I asked him to kiss me.”

For the first time ever, Rake was speechless. He stood silently staring at her in disbelief.

“I wanted to know how it felt to kiss him, and Thomas kindly obliged me.”

“Y-you asked
him
to kiss you?”

This time it was Penny who sneered. “Well, he is courting me, and I am very much considering marriage to him, if he ever will do me the honor of proposing to me. It felt right.”

“You could have asked me.”

“You? Why would I want to kiss a mouth that has kissed every other woman available to whom you are not related?”

Rake froze and stared at her with his inscrutable eyes, and she took the opportunity to slip away from him and the window. Slowly he took a step to the side and let her pass, and she scurried over to the shelf where she had found her book and put it back in its place.

“Penny.”