Never Let Me Go: The Complete Set (11 page)

“Do what?”

“Laugh.” I yawned. All the packing had taken it out of me.

I must have fallen asleep because it surprised me when Logan gently shook me awake. “We’re here.”

“Sorry, didn’t mean to fall asleep.” I smiled.

“It’s more than okay. I enjoyed watching you.” He kissed me lightly.

Logan had taken me to his favorite deli. They had every kind of meat imaginable and a slew of yummy sounding soups.

After we ordered and sat down outside, I decided to resume my questioning about Logan’s past.

“I have more questions for you.”

“I assumed you would.” He smiled indulgently.

“When you said before that Leah’s baby wouldn’t be the first grandchild, what did you mean?”

He tensed. “I’m not sure I’m ready to talk about this yet.”

“Please, Logan. I just want to know you, who you really are. Trust me with this,” I pleaded.

“I had a child once, a long time ago.” His voice was almost a whisper.

“What happened?” I reached across to hold his hand.

“The doctors called it SIDS.” His voice faltered. “I woke up one morning and went in to check on him and he was gone.” The pain in his voice slashed at me like a knife. I shouldn’t have asked this, it was too personal.

“Oh my god. I’m so sorry.” I wanted to hold him in my arms.

“It was a long time ago,” he said by way of dismissing me.

“It doesn’t matter how long ago it was. He was still your son.”

“His name was Jackson.”

“How old were you when he was born?” I squeezed his hand.

“I had just turned nineteen, it was right before I took over for my father.”

“What about the mother? Where was she?”

“Not in the picture. She didn’t want to be a mother. I wasn't at all ready to be a father, but he was mine and I loved him more than anything on this earth.” The emotion on his face was hard not to see. It was such a raw pain. How did you ever get over the death of a child?

“How old was he when he died?” I asked softly.

“He was almost one. He had just started talking.” He choked out the words.

In that moment, I forgot that we were in public, that there were people all around us. I walked around the table and took him in my arms. I could feel tears welling up in my eyes, there was no way I could imagine the kind of pain he had felt.

“I’m so sorry, Logan. And I’m sorry for making you tell me. You weren’t ready, and I shouldn’t have pushed.” I took his face in my hands and kissed him.

“It’s okay. I would have told you eventually.” His voice was rough, thickened with emotion. He coughed to clear his throat. I could tell he was done talking about it. I wanted to ask more about how he had met Jackson’s mother and who she was to him, but I didn't dare ask anymore of him. He had already ripped open one scar for me, I couldn’t ask him to dig into the wound.

Our food came out a few minutes later, and we lapsed into talk about me and my sisters.

“Tell me more about your sisters. I want to be prepared when I meet the rest.”

“You’ll like Hope a lot. She’s so grounded and solid. She really is the rock of our family. And my nephew Greyson, he’s amazing. He’s not even one, and he has us all wrapped around his little finger,” I blurted without thinking. “Oh god, I’m sorry. That was really insensitive of me.”

“Kitten, it’s okay for you to love your nephew and be excited about me meeting him. What happened to Jackson was awful, but it was a long time ago, and I can be around other kids. I’m not going to break down and cry if that’s what you think.”

“I don’t think that, but we had just talked about it and then I blurted that out.” I shook my head.

“I’m fine, I promise. Keep telling me about Hope.” He motioned for me to continue.

“She and I are the most alike. I would spend all my time at her house, but she has her own life and family.” I smiled, remembering nights laughing and watching movies. “You already know Faith. And before you ask, yes, she’s always that way.”

He laughed. “I find her refreshingly funny. It’s nice to meet people who say just what they mean.”

“That’s Faith to a tee.”

“What about Charity, what’s she like?” he asked between bites of his sandwich.

“So damn smart. She blows me away. None of us were surprised when she was accepted to Oxford. She’s the more serious of all of us. She doesn’t talk a lot, her nose is always in a book. God, I miss her already, and I just saw her a month ago,” I said wistfully.

“We’ll go for a visit soon, I promise.”

“You’re amazing, you know that right?” I beamed at him. The thought of seeing Charity again made me feel all giddy inside.

“I do what I can.” He laughed. “Tell me about your parents? How long have they been married?”

I smiled just thinking about them. “They are so in love that it’s almost sickening to see them. After almost forty years of marriage, they still seem like newlyweds. They run the family restaurant together and have for the past twenty years. It was a huge gamble when Dad decided to open it, but Mom stood behind him. I’ve always wanted that kind of love.” I said pressing a hand to my heart.

“Haven’t we all?” An odd expression crossed his face. “They sound like amazing people. You’re lucky you had them growing up.”

I nodded, knowing he was thinking about his own screwed-up childhood. “Sometimes the family we’re born with isn’t the family we need. Sometimes we get to choose the people we want as our family. You’ve done that with Smith.” I wanted to say he’d also done it with me, but I bit my tongue. I couldn’t voice that yet, it was too soon. It was too scary to for me to be that vulnerable.

“True. Smith is one of a kind. The best family I could ask for.” The smile returned to his eyes.

After lunch, we decided to go back to his apartment rather than going to the office again. Neither one of us was in much of a mood to pack anymore. I could tell just what he had in mind the whole drive back, he could barely keep his hands off me.

“God, you’re beautiful, Kitten.” Logan kissed me as we rode up in the elevator.

“I bet you say that to all the girls.” I giggled.

“Not lately.” He grinned and pressed me flat against the wall. “I think the rest of the packing can wait until tomorrow, what do you think? We did enough today at the office, I don't really want to be doing more of it here. Especially when there are better things we could be doing.” His eyes had gone dark and my knees suddenly wouldn’t hold me up anymore.

“I think we could do that. Did you have something else in mind for the rest of the evening?” I wiggled out from under him and walked out of the open elevator.

“I do, in fact, have something else in mind, and it involves a lot less clothing.” He caught up with me quickly.

“Hmm, less clothing you say?” I snatched his keys away and made for his door in a hurry. He was on me in an instant, his body pressing me against the door. I could feel his heat through my thin shirt.

We practically fell through the door, both of us laughing. I was in no way prepared for what was waiting inside.

She was standing by the huge window in the living room, and she wore nothing but a pair of black stilettos and a smile. She was gorgeous, of course. Long dark hair and startling blue eyes. Not to mention a body that looked like it was molded by the gods. I felt like I was going to throw up.

“Logan, darling, I’ve been waiting for ages,” she purred

“Fiona. Get dressed and get out of here.” Rage was rolling off of him in waves.

“Now, Logan, is that any way to speak to your fiancée?”

Fiancée? Logan had a fiancée?

“Grace, can you give us a moment?” Logan looked nervous.

“You know what? I really can’t. This is bullshit. You’ve had a fiancée this whole fucking time and you never said a word?” I was seeing red.

“Ask him about Annabelle.” Fiona smiled viciously.

“Grace..” He took a step toward me.

“No, just don’t.” I started toward the door.

“Good, let her go. Why don’t you come over here and greet me properly,” Fiona purred.

“Wait, Grace. Please. We need to talk about this,” he pleaded.

I didn’t stop, there was nothing I wanted to hear him say. He had lied to me, that was all I could think about. I couldn’t believe I had bought into his lie and believed that he really wanted a future with me. As the elevator doors closed, the tears began to fall down my cheeks.

EVERYTHING HAD GONE TO SHIT
. In a split second, the happiness I had been feeling for days was blown apart. Grace was gone, and my stomach was in knots. She left. The sight of my naked ex fiancée had pushed her over the edge.

What the hell? “
Fiona, get dressed.” I was beyond mad. Grace had just fled the apartment. All of my fury was targeted at the naked woman in my living room.

“I can’t be without you.” She walked toward me. Even in that moment, I couldn’t believe her. She was never genuine.

“No.” I held up my hand. “Get dressed now and get out of here.”

“No, not until we’ve talked this over.”

“What the fuck was this, Fiona? I haven’t laid eyes on you in six months at least. Why now?” I roared.

“I missed you.” She stopped dressing, her pale blue eyes taking on a feline look.

“Get out. Now,” I spat out and ran out my door to find Grace.

Where would she go? Faith was gone already, and she didn’t have a hotel to stay at or any of her things.

The sky had opened up at some point between when we got home and now. Rain poured down on me as I raced down the street.

I saw her at the end of the block; she was walking aimlessly, soaked to the bone. “Grace!” I yelled.

“No, Logan.” She wouldn’t meet my eyes, her tears mixed with the rain on her cheeks.

It cut me up, seeing the expression on her face. Fuck Fiona for showing up in my apartment now.

“Please, just let me explain,” I pleaded, running to catch up with her. I raised my voice over the noise of the rain hitting the pavement.

“What can you say, Logan? What can you say that will make this better for me?” She whirled around to face me. The sudden anger made me take a step back. I wasn’t expecting it.

“I hate that I’m the other woman. I’ve never been a home wrecker. Was this all a joke for you?” She wiped at the makeup running down her face.

“I’m sorry. There’s no excuse for her. I’m not with Fiona, she is for sure not my fiancée.” I took Grace’s hand, needing to feel the connection. “Come back with me. We need to talk about all of this. There are things you need to understand.”

“What is it that I need to understand? That you used me? What was I to you? Some fun? A ploy to make her jealous?” Sadness painted her features as she paced in front of me on the sidewalk.

“No, you have it all wrong.” I knew I was pleading, but I didn’t care. I needed her to understand.

“I don’t believe you.” She sobbed, hugging her arms across her chest.

“Kitten. I’ve never lied to you. When I say she’s not my fiancée, I mean it.” I grabbed her hand so she would stop and look at me.

“Is
she
gone?” She was angry, not wanting to trust me.

“Yes. I made it clear that she was not welcome. Please, say you’ll come. I’ll call you a cab myself if you still want to leave after we talk.” I knew I was begging, but I didn't care.

“Fine.” She stalked off in the direction of my building.

I wanted to hold her hand, but I knew she wouldn’t accept that. I walked a pace or two behind her.

Grace stopped in front of my door. “You go in first. I don't think I could stomach seeing her tits again.” She leaned against the wall and waited for me to go in and make sure Fiona was gone.

“She’s gone.”

We walked into the apartment and Grace looked unsure of what to do next. Like a lost kitten who didn’t recognize where they were. She paced around the living room, not sitting down, never stopping long enough for that.

“I’m the same person I was when we came in here earlier,” I said softly.

“Are you?” The anger in her words caught me off guard. “Just give me a minute to get my bearings, okay?” She gave me a dark look.

“Understandable, honey. Please let me explain who Fiona is.” I motioned to the living room. When she was seated across from me, I sighed and started in on the whole mess.

“Fiona was Jackson’s mom. We met our freshman year of high school and dated all the way through. I always knew there was something off about her, but at that point in my life, I didn’t care. All I cared was that she wanted to have sex with me regularly.” I stopped for a moment, the words had left a sour taste in my mouth.

“After we found out about Jackson, she wanted to have an abortion. I wouldn’t let her. She hated me all through the pregnancy.”

“That must have been hard,” Grace said slowly.

“It wasn't easy. And at that time, we both were into drugs. She had been a daily user before the baby, but I never was. It was typical rich kid shit. We did whatever we wanted and to hell with the consequences. Jackson was the result of years of unprotected sex. I’ll never look at him as anything but a miracle, but Fiona never saw him that way. She hated him from the second she saw those two lines on the stick.”

“Wow. I really don't know what to say to that.” She shook her head.

“There’s more. After we went to the doctor the first time, I made her go to rehab. Her parents had cut her off financially right after high school because she hadn’t wanted to go to college. So, she was totally dependent on me. She knew if she didn’t go to rehab she wouldn't be taken care of the way she was accustomed to.” I got up and paced around the living room.

“After rehab, I made sure someone was with her at all times. She hated me. She even tried to kill herself once. I came into the bathroom and found her in the tub with her wrists slit. At that time, I wondered if maybe I had made a mistake by making her go through with the pregnancy. After Jackson was born, she left. She was gone as soon as she was able to walk. I promised her I would give her money until she got on her feet.”

“Where did she go?”

“I don't really know. I didn’t care back then, I was immersed in Jackson. Everything was about him.”

“And after he died?” She crossed her arms over her chest.

“I got in touch with one of her dealers.” I swallowed. “She didn’t bother showing up for the funeral, but she did come around a year later.” I stopped, needing time to gather my thoughts.

“And? What did she want?” she demanded.

“Me, she wanted me. She told me she had cleaned up her act and wanted to give us another try. She gave me a sob story about how she had been out of her mind on the drugs and didn’t know what she was doing when she left me and Jackson.”

“Did you believe her?”

“I wanted to. She was my link to him. The piece of him that wasn’t all mine.”

“You took her back.” It wasn’t a question, her tone was flat.

“Yes,” I whispered. “We had such a fucked-up relationship. It was always me saving her.”

“Do you love her?”

“No. I don’t think what I ever felt for her was love. Pity. Obligation. Lust. But never love.”

“How long were you with her that last time?” She scrubbed her eyes with the heels of her hands. Like this was too much for her to hear. I hated that I was responsible for the lost look in her eyes.

“On and off most of my twenties. I ended things for good after I turned thirty. And I honestly haven’t seen her in six months. I don’t know why she came here today, or what she hoped to accomplish.”

“Fiona has a hold on you still,” Grace said softly, shivering slightly because her clothes were still soaking wet. “Six months isn’t a long time, Logan. That was three months before we met.”

“No, she doesn’t.” I shook my head. “It was over so long ago.”

“I could see it for myself, Logan. The pained look on your face.”

“I looked that way because I had hurt you, Kitten. I don't give a fuck about her.” I took her in my arms, wanting nothing more than to prove to her how serious I was.

“No, stop.” She shoved me away. “I can't bear it right now. Not after this. Tell me who Annabelle is. You didn’t mention the name in your walk down memory lane. Fiona was happy enough to let it drop, so it must be important.” She rubbed her arms.

“I..I can’t talk about her.”

“You can’t, or won’t?” she demanded.

“Both. I don’t know.” I scrambled for something to tell her, anything.

“Fine.” She looked stricken, and it broke me.

“What now?” I asked.

“I don’t know.” A tear slipped down her cheek. “I need to get back to my life. To reality. This was a dream, to think that this could work. Of course, you had a fiancée, and of course, she would still love you. There’s too much about you I don’t know, too much you won’t share. I don’t need difficult right now. I need someone to give my heart to that won’t smash it to bits.” She backed toward the door.

“No.” My voice was hoarse. “This isn’t over. Whatever this is between us won’t ever be done.”

“Don’t say things you don’t mean.” She blew me a kiss and walked out of my apartment for the second time.

It all came crashing in on me then. Grace was gone. Again. I let her go. Again. I did the only thing I could think of.

“Hey, it’s me. Can you come?” I whispered into my phone.

“Give me a bit,” Smith replied before hanging up.

I HAD THE DOORMAN HAIL
me a cab to the airport. Logan had offered to call for one, but I didn’t want his help. I didn’t have any of my things except my purse. Logan knew where I lived, and I assumed he would send me my bag. Even if he didn’t, it’s not like it would matter Every piece of clothing I had purchased was picked out specifically for this trip. I didn’t need the reminder; my broken heart would be reminder enough.

I texted Faith from the gate to let her know I was coming and what had happened. I got a quick reply saying she would be there to pick me up.

I felt hollow. I was not the same person I was when I got here. I knew how good it could be now. There wouldn’t be anyone who could top Logan McFadden.

“Where is it you think you’re running to?” a deep voice asked from behind me.

I turned to find Smith standing with his arms crossed and an irritated look on his face.

“I’m not running,” I snapped back.

“Aren’t you?” He arched a brow before sitting down next to me.

“No. I’m going home. Back to reality. This was nice, but come on. There was no way it could last.” I crossed my arms and tried to stifle the sob that wanted to escape.

“And why is that exactly?”

“He is who he is.” I shrugged and looked away.

“Bullshit. Logan changed for you, Grace.” Smith looked downright angry.

“What do you want from me? I’m barely holding on right now. You didn’t walk into that apartment with us and see what I saw. There’s way too much of his past leaking into my present, Smith. Too much he won’t tell me. I can’t do it.” My voice cracked.

“I know Fiona. I can guess what you saw. We all have messiness in our past, Grace.” His lips pressed into a firm line.