Never Let You Down: The Connaghers, Book 4 (9 page)

Chapter Eleven

Despite their urgency to leave the restaurant, they both sat silently a moment in the car after Jeb turned the engine off. He’d been so open and honest with her that the least she could do was be the same.

But it wasn’t going to be pleasant.

“You asked what I’ve been doing for pain.” She opened her right hand, not surprised to see drops of blood welling from where she’d dug her fingernails into her palm. “I’ve been hurting myself.”

He saw her hand and jerked off his seat belt so he could dig in the console for a napkin. “Oh, Ginny, no, no.”

“Yes,” she replied grimly. “It’s the only way I’ve been able to get by. Well, that and working until I’m so exhausted that it’s all I can do to stumble to bed. Or I drink too much. But it’s just me, I clean up after myself and I never go anywhere, so I guess that didn’t matter much either.”

“It does matter. It matters to me.”

“Everyone told me to get on with my life. That it’d get easier with time. They didn’t know how much it hurt. Not just his absence. Not just losing his words, his touch, his presence, but I
hurt
. That need gnawed at me, just like the cancer ate his lungs away, and I begged God to take me so I could be with him again. I begged to be put out of this misery.”

He cradled her hand in his big palm and gently dabbed at the small cuts. “What else did you do to yourself?”

Despite his gentleness, his words were hard. It made her smile. Nothing riled Jeb up more than when he thought someone had hurt her, and just like on the playground when she’d been knocked down by a bully, he came running to her rescue. Even though she’d beaten up the bully all by herself.
This time, I’ve been bullying myself.
“I kept my strength up by practicing with my crop and whip. The crop was easy enough to turn on myself when I was desperate. This is nothing, Jeb. Please don’t—”

“Nothing?” His volume didn’t increase, but in intensity, he roared. “You hurt yourself. You… Damn it all to hell, you should have been using me. Me. Not you. You
will
use me. I’ve dreamed of nothing else my entire life. Use me to ease this hurt in you or so help me God, I’ll have Miss Belle conjure Ty back from the grave and we’ll both beat some sense into that thick skull of yours. Of all the stupid, stiff-necked…”

She pulled her hand free and pressed her fingers to his lips. “You didn’t let me finish.”

“Finish, then, but make it snappy,” he growled against her fingertips. “My bed is waiting.”

She curled her fingers around his jaw and rubbed her thumb on his full bottom lip. Such a sweetly fierce protective alpha hiding his inner submissive. And here he was worried she might think him less of him as a man because of what he needed the most. “I’m glad God didn’t answer my prayer. I’m glad that I’m still here so I can be with you at last. I’ll protect you as much as I can. I’ll keep you safe. I won’t—”

“Shut up, Ginny.” He threw open his door, slammed it, and before she could open her mouth he was at her door, unhooking her belt and hauling her up in his arms.

“What did you say to me?”

He juggled her to find his key. “I said to shut up. I don’t need your protection. I don’t need you to keep me safe. My job is to keep
you
safe. To give you what you need, whatever that is.”

He kicked the door shut behind him and carried her through the darkened living room without turning on the lights.

It felt mighty fine to be carried by a big strapping man. Even if he pissed her the hell off. Nobody told her to shut up and remained unscathed. If Ty had said such a thing to her, he would have been deliberately goading her to get the hardest whipping she could manage. He would have wanted to bleed. But Jeb couldn’t know that, not yet. He wouldn’t know how hard and mean she could really be.

She wanted to jerk open his shirt and work on his tie so she could find some bare skin for her teeth, but with her bum arm she could only simmer and wait until he set her on his bed. Then he stepped back, made sure he had her full attention, and went to his knees in that fancy suit. “Use me any way you want, Ginny. I can take it. I want to take it. For you.”

All that hot anger surged into a blast of sheer lust that left her sweating and so damned wet she was worried about ruining the dress her daughter had made for her. “Get that suit off. Let me see what I’ve been missing out on all these years.”

Without rising, he stripped off his coat, tie and shirt in quick succession. He unzipped his pants but looked up at her, as if checking to see if he could stand or not.

“Let me do it, now that you’ve done the heavy lifting.”

He pushed up to his feet and kicked his shoes off, letting his trousers fall to the floor. The man might have been pushing sixty, but he’d taken damned good care of himself. His chest and shoulders were powerful, wide, and he’d already proven that he was more than strong enough to pick her up on occasion. A thick mat of hair spread across his chest. When he got close enough, she pressed her face into those dark hairs and simply breathed.

He didn’t smell like leather. Or Stetson. But smoky woods with just a hint of oranges, subtle and spicy.

Once upon a time, Miss Belle had been invited to the Paris premiere of one of her movies, and they’d spent the weekend shopping in all those incredible stores. Virginia had found a cologne that caught her fancy and she’d bought a small bottle for her best friend as a Christmas gift.

“Terre d’Hermes,” she whispered. “You still wear it.”

“Like I’d ever wear anything else.” He slipped off her heels, his hands trembling on her ankles, her calves, as if he couldn’t quite believe she was here. “Sharon hated it by the way.”

She opened her thighs, encouraging him to go as far as he wanted. “Good.”

“You said you typically used a crop or a whip. I don’t have anything like that. Will a belt do? Or—”

She pushed her good hand down into his boxers and wrapped her fingers around his cock in a firm squeeze. It was just as thick as she’d suspected, making her squirm with anticipation. “Just this.”

In the long years since Ty’s death, she’d lain awake in the bed she’d shared with her husband for more than twenty years and tried to imagine what it’d be like to take another man. She’d been a virgin with Ty and she’d never had another lover. She’d never wanted anyone as much as she’d wanted him. She couldn’t see herself ever taking another man. Ever.

Or so she’d told herself.

Sometimes she’d remember the one night she’d kissed another man outside a bar in College Station and wonder what he was doing. Wonder what if. What if she’d told Ty about him from the beginning? Would she and Ty have still married? Or what if Ty hadn’t ever shown up in her life? Or she hadn’t decided to go riding that night and just happened to take her crop?

There were so many intersections in her life. Places where things could have gone differently. Not wrong, just…different.

Because with Jebadiah here before her, she could finally see herself with another man. In fact, she could see what it might have been like if she’d taken that one stolen kiss further. And as much as it pained her to admit it, Miss Belle was right.

We would have messed each other up so badly back then.

She hadn’t known her own inner core of strength yet. She hadn’t known that she was Dominant, or a sadist, just that Ty made her feel things she’d never felt before. She could have destroyed Jeb without even realizing what she was doing. Not that Sharon had been much better for him. Although maybe he’d needed those years to find himself, just as she’d needed those years with Ty to develop into the woman that was here, now, looking into Jeb’s dark, hungry eyes and wondering if hers were just as desperate.

She leaned closer, brushing her mouth gently against his lips. “I want this dick in me. Now.”

He quivered, shocked by coarse language from the supposedly well-mannered, sweet girl he’d grown up with. But he liked it, yes he did. His hands pushed up beneath her dress, not bothering to unzip it and gently remove the gown to protect it. There wasn’t time. One hand lifted her hips, the other hooked a finger under the edge of her panties so he could drag them off.

So close. She arched against him, cursing her broken arm. She wanted to roll him flat on his back and shove him as deeply as he could go. She wanted to ride him hard and reckless, slinging them both into oblivion. Aching emptiness gnawed at her, making her writhe closer, her good hand squeezing him too hard, surely, dragging him up on the bed while he worked her higher on the mattress, but she couldn’t stop. She couldn’t help but try and lift her left arm, bumping it awkwardly against his chest hard enough that it made her stomach clench with pain.

“Your arm,” he whispered against her mouth. “Be careful, Ginny.”

With a low, vicious growl, she lay back on the bed, gripping his cock so he came down over her. “You’re going to have to hold me down or I’m going to hurt it.”

He smiled and it was a beautiful thing that eased some of the raw desperation thundering in her veins. “My dick or your arm?”

“Both,” she retorted, giving him another squeeze before releasing him so she could hook her arm around his neck. “Get this fucking sling off me. I want to feel you. All of you. Damn it, we should have just taken the time to get my dress off too.”

“Language, Virginia. I hope Miss Belle doesn’t still carry that parasol around.”

“Oh, she does. Though if she even thinks about whacking me with it, I’ve got a horsewhip I can wield one-handed.”

Chuckling, he helped her get the sling off. And much to her extreme frustration, he insisted she sit up so he could remove her dress and bra too. Though it was worth her continued discomfort to see the way his hands trembled as he traced the pink scars from her surgery and then hovered over her breasts.

In that department, she was less than spectacular. That’s one thing she’d envied Sharon when she’d seen her impressive cleavage. “I know there’s not much to brag about in that regard so you can remove that look of awe on your face and get busy.”

“You’re wrong,” he whispered, reverently burying his face against her chest. She wrapped her good arm tightly around him and let him gently lay her down on her back. “I’ve never seen anything as beautiful as you.”

His voice broke, and she swore his eyes glimmered suspiciously as he rose up and grabbed a pillow to make sure her arm was cushioned. On his knees between her thighs, he looked down at her.

“So beautiful. I’ve waited so long for this. I love you, Virginia Healy Connagher. I always have.”

Eyes burning with emotion, she opened her mouth, but she wasn’t entirely sure what she was going to say. She could admit that she loved him, at least to herself. That she’d probably loved him her whole life, even though she also loved Ty with her whole heart. But she wasn’t sure that she was ready to say it out loud. Somehow he sensed that need for time and took the pressure away by sealing his mouth over hers.

Then once she felt the weight of his body, his chest hair against her breasts, all she wanted was him. Inside her.

She reached between them and grabbed his cock, rubbing him against her opening.

“God, you’re so wet.” He shuddered, groaning as she shifted her hips to position him just right. “But is it enough? I don’t want to hurt you.”

“Then you’ve not been listening.” She reached around and seized his buttock, using him for leverage to work her hips against him. “I warned you it was going to be a tough fit. That’s one thing I remembered from that first kiss. I might not have seen you, but I certainly felt the evidence. You’re going to fill me to the point of pain.” She let out a shaking breath and lifted her hips, pushing him incrementally deeper. “Mmmm. The good kind of pain. The best.”

She arched her back, rubbing her breasts against him. The feel of his chest hair against her nipples made her drop her head back and groan deep in her throat. “It’s been too long. I…”

She meant to warn him, to tell him that she lost her mind sometimes. Her climaxes could be violent, but she couldn’t make her mouth work. He was too big, too wide and thick and so damned good. So good. She wasn’t going to get him in all the way before she came.

He curled his bracing forearm around the shoulder of her injured arm. “I’ve got you, Ginny.”

Her muscles seized up. She clutched his buttocks, digging her nails into him. Her back arched, her entire body heaving upward into the pleasure rumbling through her body. Each quiver rose in intensity, lifting her higher, harder, until she roared out a cry that hurt her own ears. He gave her more of his weight, trying to keep her from flailing too much, but that pushed more of him inside her, forcing her to take him deeper.

She sucked in a deep breath so she could yell again. He had to be bleeding like her palm earlier, but she didn’t dare let go of his ass for fear she’d rake bloody grooves down his back. After what seemed like an eternity, she finally regained enough sense to open her eyes.

Eyes squeezed shut, neck and shoulders corded with strain, Jeb was braced above her, frozen while she writhed and scratched and screamed beneath him, still hard inside her. Panting, she let go of his buttock so she could cup his cheek. “Jeb. Let go. You don’t have to wait.”

His jaw clenched, the muscles flinching across his cheek. “Yes, I do. At my age, I’m lucky I don’t have to take Viagra. I’m sure not going to risk being finished for the night when you’ve only just begun. Besides, you didn’t fulfill your threat yet.”

“What’s that?”

He cracked an eye open. “You said you were going to take every inch.”

Chapter Twelve

It was the hardest thing he’d ever done in his life, but Jeb had somehow managed to keep from blowing the top of his head off while she fought through her first climax in his arms. Fought. Because she was a wildcat, even with one arm in a cast. He had the scratches to prove it. But then he’d known it would be like this with her. Well, at least it’d been like this in his dreams for forty years.

“You’re right,” she purred. “I said every delicious inch, didn’t I? You’d best get busy shoving that big dick deeper, then.”

He trembled, fighting the urge to do just that. A man of his size didn’t go around
shoving
into a woman. Sharon would have needed half a bottle of lube by now. He was used to never getting fully sheathed before she was done. Not that they’d had sex that often in those last few years.

Virginia raked her fingernails down his sternum hard enough his breath hissed out and he focused on her. “That’s better. You’re going to have to work to get in me all the way, so get busy.”

“But…”

She lowered her voice to a hard, vibrating command. “I said
work
.”

That tone. It made him swell inside her even more.

After he finally figured out what he needed in the bedroom, he’d dreamed about what she’d say to him. How she’d order him to please her. Yet in his wildest dreams, it’d never been as good as this.

He pushed against her, testing how tight she was and how much room he had before he hit her cervix. Sweat trickled down his spine and his balls ached so bad it felt like she’d tied them up and put them in a vise. He rolled his hips, rocking side to side to get her wider and hopefully ease his way inside.

“Ram home,” she growled. “Don’t be gentle. Don’t be shy. I can take all of you.”

Pressure rose in his balls, a fireball waiting to tear through him in an explosion that might just kill him. He fisted his left hand in the bedding by her head for leverage and pushed deeper. She groaned, her head rolling back and forth against the mattress. “More. Give me more.”

Her words were like a whip across his back, goading him. He gave one final heave to seat himself fully. Encased in her hot, tight body, he shuddered and fought the urge to simply climax without a single full thrust.
So long. I’ve dreamed of this so long.

“There.” Her voice was tight, as if he’d filled her up all the way to her throat. “That’s what I wanted to feel. Look at me, Jebadiah.”

He forced his eyes open, blinking away sweat. His lungs burned, every inch of his body throbbing with the need to come. The look in her eyes made his breath stutter, catching deep in his chest on what he hoped sounded more like a groan than a sob.

Soft and luminous, she gave him the look. The look that said he meant something to her. Something more than best friend. That maybe…just maybe…

“Now I want you to fuck me so hard your neighbors call the police.”

She might as well have flayed open his back with her whip. His entire body heaved against her. He couldn’t control it, and the sweet pull of her flesh on his made him crazy. He hauled backward and she bucked beneath him, only increasing the friction. If she’d yelled before, he could only say she bellowed now, each deep guttural cry lashing him with such pleasure. He wanted to last, to thrust until his muscles burned and cramped but he couldn’t hold back. Not with her nails raking his back and her teeth digging into his shoulder. He shoved deeper, too hard, surely, but he couldn’t stop, even if he drove clear through her to the other side. Spasms shook his body, his weight crushing her, but he couldn’t seem to make his arms work to lift off her. At least she couldn’t hurt her bad arm if she couldn’t lift it.

He dropped his head beside hers on the pillow, hoping he wasn’t crying but terribly afraid he was.

Nuzzling into his neck, she finally found his ear, her breath hot and moist. “That was…” She sighed heavily and stroked his ear with her tongue, making him spasm inside her again. “Worth waiting for. Though maybe we could have shaved a few years off to get here quicker.”

He laughed breathlessly and found enough strength to roll off her. Flat on his back beside her, he looked up at the same ceiling he’d stared at for the past month, trying to summon the courage to go find out if it was too late after all. “You could have called me anytime, Ginny. I would’ve taken the next flight out from wherever I was so I could get to you as quickly as possible.”

Curling into his side, she shifted her bad arm out of the way so she could trail her fingers through his chest hair. She gave a little pull and damned if his cock didn’t stir. Maybe he wasn’t too old for a second round tonight after all. “You were always there for me. I’m sorry—”

He gathered her closer. “Shh. We both needed time to find our way back to here. Even if we’d had to wait twenty years. Thirty. I’d have waited as long as it took just to hold you like this.”