Never Let You Go (9 page)

“I don’t really know, but at some point she has to be told Trent knows things about her that could be embarrassing. As I told her, when I was in London, being open and honest is important for trust.”

“Okay,” I said. “It’s my responsibility to let her know, and as soon as it’s convenient, I’ll pull her aside and fill her in.”

I pushed Sam back into the main room and caught Trent and Linda kissing. It looked like innocent intimacy, but Sam cleared his throat to let them know we were back. The rest of the evening was one of those nice relaxing times with friends. After Trent left, I put Sam in bed and told him I wanted to speak to Linda, and that I’d join him later.

Judith was gone for the weekend, visiting her mother in Miami, so we had the house to ourselves. I thought it best to have some girl time, so we poured a few and sat on the couch to talk.

I wanted to be right up front, so I said, “Sam and I talked earlier, and it looks like you and Trent are getting along fairly well.”

“I’d like to think so. Why?”

“We saw how at ease you are with him and wanted to let you know he is aware of Sam’s trip to London and our ménage à trois. I just don’t want you to get blind-sided and hurt that he knows.”

Linda laughed and said, “Not to worry. Before we got serious and I thought we might go longer than a few dates, I sat him down and told him a small bit. He immediately let me know Sam had told him. Really, I wasn’t surprised. In fact, I rather expected it and wanted to out the five-hundred pound gorilla. I also didn’t want him to date me thinking I was easy. Not that I don’t like sex…I do…much more than I did before I met Sam. But, if our relationship was going to have a real chance, I needed to trust him and him me.”

* * * *

A week later, Sam and I moved into our own place, with which we had a rent-to-own contract. Once the legal issues were settled, we’d buy the house. It was a typical Florida, single floor residence with an open plan, perfect for wheelchair accessibility. It also had a sunroom on the back of the house where I can do Sam’s physical therapy and massages. We covered the floor with mats, so Sam could lie down or roll around as he pleased.

The same crowd we had help us move in to Judith’s helped us move again a few weeks after we contracted to the have ramps, lifts, and Sam’s necessities installed. Although we were bone tired, we invited Linda and Trent to help us clean up after the others left and stay the night. We didn’t get much cleaning done because we were so exhausted. Sam retired early, and I directed Trent to the second bedroom.

Linda and I cleaned the kitchen, so at least one room was tidy, and then we sat for some more girl talk. I asked her if she surprised Trent, yet.

“Last week, we committed ourselves to this relationship. I think we’re in heavy like or pre-love, and I wanted to take the next step. We made an appointment to see a doctor and get a prescription for birth-control pills. On the way back from the doctor’s office and picking up the prescription at the druggist, he told me he wished we didn’t have to wait thirty days to be intimate. That, I said, was unfortunate, but we waited this long, a little while longer should be okay.”

“Poor Trent. I bet he’s all worked up.”

“No, he’s not. When we got to his apartment, I told him I needed to freshen up and went to the bathroom. I came out wearing only one of his shirts, sat down next to him, and gave him the deepest kiss I could, to get him worked up. As we kissed and he got turned on, I put his hand on top of my breast, over the shirt. That’s when he found the condom in the pocket.”

“Better than Graham?” I asked.

“Graham who? By the way, how about you and Sam?”

“I think he’s afraid of trying. I spoke with his doctor and spent some time on the Internet doing research on paraplegic sex. There is a lot of information out there, and I showed him some, but he said maybe later.”

“Maybe,” Linda said, “you have to lead and let him follow. You’ll figure it out. I’m going to go wake up Trent, if you know what I mean.”

Sam had adjusted his bed to semi-recline, and I found him awake and reading. I lay down, snuggled into his chest and told him how proud I was at all he accomplished. Our little pillow talk lasted maybe twenty minutes until we heard Linda and Trent, through the wall, in the next room, moaning in their lovemaking.

“Of course, I do. I remember us making love, and I’m grateful we had that time. Those were precious moments, and I remember details and how you always took care of me and made me feel safe. I get wet thinking about those times.”

While I kissed Sam, he took my nipple between his thumb and index finger and rolled it back and forth. I pushed my breast further into his hand and cradled his head, leaning in to kiss him and to feel his tongue inside my mouth. For a while, we kissed and hugged. I wanted more than his hands on me and moved further up the bed to put my breast in his mouth. He eagerly accepted. He sucked my nipple in between his teeth and used his tongue to draw circles around it.

I wanted to feel him all over me, as it had been too long since we were intimate. I rolled back and sat up, peeling the t-shirt off, dropping it to the floor. Then I lifted my hips, stripping my panties and dropped them on top of the t-shirt. Naked, I folded myself against Sam and took his hand, placing it over my pussy, just as I did the first time we made love.

I rolled towards him, allowing better access, and I felt the familiar way his hand commanded me. His fingers worked their magic, rubbing through my slit, making me wet. When he pushed a couple of fingers inside me, I opened my legs for him and rocked, feeling him deep inside, stroking my walls. It had been so long since we made love, I was hypersensitive to everything he did, my body remembering its response. He withdrew his fingers and stroked my clit, which caused me to gasp at sensations. This is the Sam I remember, this is the man I fell in love with, and memories of our lovemaking poured through me.

The time was not a languid session, but an urgent call to reclaim passions too long dormant. I pushed my tongue deep into Sam’s mouth, and we immediately transported to our first time, when we couldn’t get enough of each other.

Increasing his ardor, he thrust his fingers deep in and out of me, brushing my clit on both the down and up-stroke. The tension increased, driving me to move my hips in counterpoint to his thrusting. No matter how deep he was, I wanted more of him.

“I’ve missed you so much, baby,” Sam said. “I’ve missed how you feel, how you smell, and how you taste.”

Hearing him say that, I knew exactly what I had to do. I rolled over Sam and with my legs on either side of his head, lowered myself to him, putting my pussy above his mouth, allowing him to taste me. I closed my eyes and rocked my hips slowly back and forth, brushing his mouth, while he sucked and licked. This is the Sam I remember, the Sam I couldn’t get enough of, the Sam who knows my every need.

I moaned with pleasure, feeling the tightness in my stomach building. “Oh, Sam…please…more, more, more,” I said breathlessly.

When he inserted two of his fingers, I pushed against them, wanting to consume them, wanting them as deep as my very soul. He worked both his tongue against my clit, flicking it lightly and then stroking it, and two of his fingers, so deep that I could feel his hand pushing up on my pubic bone when he thrust.

He pulled his face away and said, “I love you, baby. Come for me. I want to taste all of you.”

With his mouth working my clit and two fingers pummeling in and out of my pussy, I rode a wave up towards the crest I craved. When I thought I couldn’t handle any more, Sam brought his other hand up, his fingers stroking from the small of my back, down the cleft to the fingers of his other hand.

I remembered when Sam, Linda, and I got together in London and the time when Linda licked me to orgasm. Afterwards, I had moved behind her, and saw that Sam had pushed his index finger in her anus. I wanted Sam to do this with me.

Barely able to speak, I whispered, “Put your finger in me,” and hoped he would remember. He did understand. I felt the tip of his finger lightly trace my opening, before dipping into my slick pussy to get it wet and return to my hole.

When he applied a little pressure, I couldn’t move as doing so would remove me from Sam’s mouth and, in a husky, hoarse voice, I said, “Please put it in…I want to feel it all.”

He slowly inserted his finger, carefully pushed it as deep as he could and then brought it back out, only to do so again and again. I was getting so close, and I wanted him to bring me over the top. My knees slipped on the semi-reclined bed, and I balanced on Sam’s hands and face. I didn’t have the strength to hold myself up; Sam’s hands did all the work.

“More, Sam…more…deeper,” I begged and gasped when he put a second finger in my hole. There was no pain, only pressure from feeling filled, filled more that I’ve ever been. My love for Sam and what he was doing to please me brought my emotions to a peak, with tears falling freely from long dormant emotions. I took my hands off the bed frame and braced myself against the wall in back of Sam’s head and screamed with the moment of my release.

My arms and legs vibrated, my stomach contracted, and I couldn’t breathe. I had been poised on that single point and held there until I lost complete control of myself. Sam kept his fingers inside me, but stilled all movement and waited for my shaking to subside. I couldn’t move my legs; they shook so badly. My pussy clenched over and over again, wanting to swallow Sam’s fingers.

I must have screamed quite loud, because the door burst open followed by Linda and Trent, both naked, torn from their lovemaking by my scream. They stopped immediately, seeing me poised naked above Sam with his hands still in me. I continued to shake with the effects of my orgasm and looked over to see them watching me try to get my breath and still my shaking limbs.

Once I could breathe somewhat normally again, I knew I was trapped. I had no strength to get off Sam and hold my own weight. The only way I was still upright and not crushing him was due to his upper body strength.

Linda and Trent, realizing I was not screaming from pain or terror, but ecstasy and somewhat recovered from trying to comprehend what was happening, tried to leave the room as quickly as they came in. I believe Trent may have been embarrassed, seeing the situation, but if I know Linda, she smiled. Before they shut the door, I managed to hoarsely yell for them to come back and help me.

Trent put his one of his hands under my arm and one against the opposite hip and rolled me into his arms. Before he put me on the bed, he kissed my head, and when he put me next to Sam, I felt Sam shaking with laughter.

I rolled to face Sam so I could see his eyes. “I needed that,” I said. “It’s been too long, and I didn’t realize what I had been missing. Thank you, my dear, dear Sam. I love you.”

I felt him shaking again, and thinking he was laughing at something, rose up on my elbows to see what was so funny. He wasn't laughing, but both his legs shook in small spams.

“What’s happening?” I asked him.

“I think this is normal, just some muscle spasms. I get these from time to time, but never this severe; although lately, they’ve come more often.”

We waited, and when the shaking subsided, I put my arm over his chest and fell into a deep, restful sleep, the first in a long time.

Time to Live

Over the next few months, I received my green card, thanks to Judith’s lawyer, and I settled into a routine. As once my life had been defined by Sam’s medical care, it was now about deepening our relationship. Sam never refused to use his hands or mouth when I needed him to, and he never complained about his paralysis. I know he worried about me; he told me many times. To me, it wasn’t an issue.