Never Look Back (34 page)

It was Giles who came up later. He stayed outside the closed door, but called out saying he’d left her a cool drink and some soup on a tray if she was able to eat it. She understood he could hardly bellow out sympathy through a closed door, and it wouldn’t have been proper for him to come into her room, but she still felt very aggrieved that she was being treated like a leper. Yet sick as she felt, her thoughts were mainly of Tabitha and she offered up prayers that she wouldn’t catch it too.

She knew she was on the mend on the third day when she woke to find that her skin felt cooler, the rash was fading and the cough looser. When Giles came upstairs as usual to call out and ask how she was, this time he opened the door a crack, and Matilda was able to ask if Tabitha was showing any symptoms.

‘No, thank heavens,’ he said. ‘Her only problem is missing you. She’s been playing her mama up in your absence.’

Matilda gave a sigh of relief. On the previous day Giles had called out that both he and his wife remembered having it as children so they weren’t at risk of catching it.

‘Will that mean Madam will stop being cross with me?’ she asked.

Giles didn’t answer for a moment, and Matilda guessed he was embarrassed. ‘She’s turned her anger on me now,’ he whispered conspiratorially ‘Yesterday, for some unaccountable reason, Mrs Kirkbright took it upon herself to tell her the grimmer aspects of our orphan rescue scheme. Including some details of Five Points. I’m sure you can imagine how she took that?’

Matilda could. As she hadn’t heard any crying or screaming she guessed Lily had gone into one of her famous sulks and accused him of caring more for slum children than his own family.

‘Well, perhaps it’s best she knows the whole truth, sir,’ she said soothingly, turning around in her bed so she could see his face at the door. ‘You weren’t happy about her not knowing everything. And it’s not as if it’s something to be ashamed of.’

Giles opened the door a little wider. ‘That’s true, but I would have preferred to keep it from her while she’s in such a delicate condition,’ he said. ‘She wants me to promise I’ll give up the work.’

‘You can’t do that, sir, it’s too important,’ she exclaimed,
hearing the sorrow in his voice. ‘So you must be strong and stick to your principles.’

He didn’t answer for a moment and moved away from the door. She guessed he was checking that Lily wasn’t within earshot.

‘I don’t think I can do that, Matty,’ he said when he came back. ‘You see, when Mrs Milson gets a real bee in her bonnet she can make life impossible. It’s lucky in a way you’ve been up here since all this came out. She’s not herself at all.’

Matty wondered if he meant she was just sulking and crying, or if he thought it was something more insidious. But to her mind Madam needed a firm hand and a good talking to.

‘You may have a son this time,’ she said. ‘I don’t think he would like to find out in years to come that his father backed away from something which was right and good because of his mother’s “delicate condition”. Tell her that!’

‘Oh Matty,’ he sighed again. ‘I wish I dared, and had the strength of character to go ahead regardless of what she might say. But I’m torn right now, how can I continue with something which distresses her so badly?’

Matilda didn’t feel she was able to comment on that, she was already smarting because her mistress hadn’t once come in to see her since she’d been ill. Drinks and water to wash in had been left outside the bedroom door, her slop pail was full, and it seemed to her that anyone who treated another sick person like that didn’t deserve any sympathy herself. But she couldn’t bring herself to tell her master that.

‘You’ll have to pray for guidance then,’ she said archly.

‘Do you think I haven’t?’ he said, a ghost of a smile appearing on his troubled face. ‘Get well soon, Matty, maybe all our troubles will vanish then.’

On the first day Matilda was able to go downstairs for longer than just to use the privy, she noticed immediately that Tabitha was very listless. Her mother said curtly that it was due to the sultry weather, and said she felt listless too because she’d had to cope with everything herself.

Matilda was hurt further by this direct reproach but she made up her mind that even if she still felt weak, the next day she would resume her normal duties.

Lily went out soon after breakfast, making a barbed comment as she left about a mountain of washing waiting to be done, or
had she forgotten she was employed as a servant rather than as a minister’s assistant.

Tabitha sat listlessly in the back yard with her doll all morning, as Matilda sweated over the washing. She showed no interest in trying to help hang out the clothes as she usually did, and she left her midday sandwich untouched. Still feeling weak herself, Matilda laid Tabitha down on the couch in the parlour during the afternoon and sat beside her to read her a story.

It was Giles who came in first at nearly four, just as Matilda was getting frantic, for Tabitha had begun coughing a little and the tell-tale rash had just appeared behind her ears. He blanched as Matilda told him she thought his daughter had the measles, then asked where his wife was.

‘I don’t know,’ Matilda said weakly, struggling not to cry. ‘She just said she was going out. I thought she meant only for a couple of hours.’

While Giles ran off to get the doctor, Matilda carried the child up to her bedroom, undressed her and put her to bed, and stayed with her. Frightened and all alone in the house, it seemed to her that Tabitha was growing worse by the minute, all she could do was sponge the child’s forehead and try not to think that she was to blame for this.

Giles, the doctor and Lily all came back together. Matilda learned much later that evening that the two men had found Lily walking along Broadway. All three of them came straight up to the bedroom, but when Dr Kupicha immediately asked Matilda about the onset of the child’s symptoms, Lily ordered her to go downstairs.

Matilda paced the kitchen floor while she waited, not knowing whether to start preparing the evening meal or not. She had a feeling her mistress would lay into her later, perhaps even dismiss her, but that didn’t matter so much, as long as Tabitha recovered.

It was only once Dr Kupicha had left, leaving instructions that the curtains must be kept closed in Tabitha’s room, and she must be sponged down every hour and her eyes and ears carefully watched for further infections, that Lily stormed down into the kitchen and viciously turned on Matilda.

‘I don’t want you going anywhere near my daughter,’ she said, her small, sharp features contorted with spite. ‘You brought this loathsome disease into the house, and I’ll never forgive you for that.’

‘I couldn’t help it, madam,’ Matilda said. ‘I didn’t know Molly had measles. I only did what anyone would have done, gave her a drink and soothed her.’

‘You are treacherous,’ Lily yelled at her. ‘I know it was you who persuaded the Reverend to go into those places and dig out children. He’d never have thought of it by himself. I thought you were taking nice little children out to New Jersey, not filthy little beggars. But then I might have known. You were one yourself. Water always finds its own level.’

‘It was not my idea,’ Matilda retorted, wondering if the woman had gone mad, and why Giles wasn’t coming down to support her. ‘It was Reverend Kirkbright’s.’

‘Don’t you try to wriggle out of it. I know just what you are.’ Lily’s face was purple with rage now and Matilda was afraid she was going to strike her. ‘You’re a scheming, ungrateful little minx, you’ve been plotting with my husband behind my back.’

‘Please don’t say such things, madam.’ Matilda began to cry. ‘It’s not true and you are only saying it because you’re so worried about Tabby. Let’s get her better first, then we’ll talk about it.’

‘You won’t go near Tabby ever again,’ Lily roared out. ‘I shall nurse her entirely myself, I can’t trust you anywhere near her. God help you if she doesn’t survive, because so help me, I’ll kill you.’

She ran away then, back upstairs, leaving Matilda shaken to the core.

It was a few moments before Giles came down, but he had little to comfort her with.

‘Don’t take it to heart,’ he said. ‘She’s overwrought and distressed. I’m sure by tomorrow she’ll have calmed down and forgotten it herself.’ He explained then how he and the doctor had found her on Broadway, apparently unaware what time it was. He said she was overtired from doing everything while Matilda was ill, and she wasn’t thinking straight.

But Matilda couldn’t put it from her mind, in her opinion only a deranged person would say such things. Setting aside the accusation of treachery, plotting with Giles and the snipes at her
background, Tabitha could just as easily have picked up the disease at church, or from one of her parents’ friends’ children, and it was unfair to hold her entirely responsible.

She made a meal nobody wanted to eat, she ironed all the clothes she’d washed that morning, but all the time frightening thoughts kept creeping into her head. If Lily was deranged, and surely she must be to go wandering around the shops all day when she knew her child hadn’t been well that morning, how could she look after Tabitha properly? If it wasn’t for that she might have packed her few belongings and left the house for good, but she couldn’t do so, not without knowing if Tabitha would pull through.

Matilda’s misery increased ten-fold in the next three days. At night she could hear Tabitha’s harsh, dry cough coming from the next room, and Lily wouldn’t relent and let her in to help. The woman stayed in there constantly, day and night, refusing all food even from her husband, and ignoring Matilda’s pleas from outside the door. All Matilda could do was deal with the slop bucket and soiled linen left outside the closed door and hope that the next time the doctor or Giles went in they might manage to persuade Lily to see sense.

‘I’ve tried everything,’ Giles said wearily late on the third night, as he came down into the kitchen to refill a pitcher with boiled water. ‘Dr Kupicha has tried too, but she won’t listen to either of us, Tabitha is gravely ill, and I don’t believe Mrs Milson’s hysterical manner is helping the situation one bit. But what more can I do, Matty? I can’t demand she comes out of there and insist you take her place.’

‘Oh yes you should,’ Matilda said forcefully. ‘If I were in your shoes I’d go in there and drag her out. Tabby’s your child too, sir. You should do what’s best for her, not pussyfoot around when your wife is clearly half out of her mind.’

‘That will do, Matilda,’ he shouted back in anger. ‘I won’t have you getting above yourself. Maybe Mrs Milson is right about you. She said today you were intent on taking over this entire house.’

That was the last straw. She’d supported this man through thick and thin and now, when it suited him, he was agreeing with his crazy wife.

‘If that’s what she thinks then I’ll leave,’ she snapped back at him, her eyes blazing. ‘In case you’ve forgotten, Reverend
Milson, I’ve loved Tabby like she was my own for over two years. I’d give my life for her. The only reason I didn’t pack my bags after what Mrs bloody Milson said the other night is because I care so much. But don’t you worry, I’ll be gone in the morning and leave you to cope with that mad woman.’

She ran upstairs then, and left him standing there in the kitchen. Her packing took less than a few minutes, all she had was three dresses, a pair of Sunday shoes, her coat and some underwear. If it hadn’t been so late, she would have left right away, but even in her anger she knew a young girl wandering around at the dead of night was likely to be either accosted by someone, or picked up by the police.

Instead she read and re-read Flynn’s letter, until her candle burned out. Tomorrow morning she would get the boat to Charleston and look for him. She just hoped the eleven dollars she had saved was enough to get there. He was right after all about the Milsons. She was a fool to think they cared about her, all they cared about was themselves.

At first light the next morning Matilda got up and dressed, then, lifting her bag, she opened her door gingerly. She had no wish to run into either of her employers, she’d spent most of the night crying and now she felt only bitterness towards them.

But as she crept out on to the small landing between her room and Tabitha’s she could hear Lily sobbing out prayers and over that the sound of the child’s rasping breath. Any sympathy she had retained for the woman was instantly swept away by a surge of intense anger. She didn’t think her own nursing skills were any greater than her mistress’s, but she did know better than to allow a small sick child to be frightened further by an adult’s distress.

Standing there on the landing, she resolved that she must step into the room. She was scared to go against Lily’s wishes, but she knew she had no choice. Tabitha’s life was in grave danger, and so, squaring her shoulders, she walked in.

The scene that met her eyes proved to her she was right to intervene. The darkened room was stifling hot, the smell of vomit overpowering. Tabitha was swaddled in blankets and a thick eiderdown, and her face was wizened like a little monkey’s. Lily was on her knees by the bed, sobbing into the bedcovers, too
distraught even to turn her head at the sudden beam of light from the open door and a breath of fresher air.

Side-stepping the woman, Matilda laid her hand on Tabitha’s forehead. It was fiery hot, and she instinctively knew that if the child wasn’t cooled down immediately she had no chance of survival.

Tapping Lily on the shoulder, she ordered her to get up. ‘Go and get that mask you use when you have headaches and get some clean towels,’ she added. ‘I’m going to prepare a bath for her.’

Running back downstairs, she pulled the tin bath right out into the yard and under the pump to fill it with water. The yard seemed a very inappropriate place to bathe a sick child, but speed was more important than concerning herself with propriety.

She wasn’t really surprised to find Lily was still standing in the sick-room when she returned with neither towels nor mask, clearly the woman had lost all leave of her senses, so, grabbing a petticoat of Tabitha’s from a chair, she hastily wound it into a roll, and pushing past her mistress, tied it securely around the child’s eyes.