New Beginnings (17 page)

Her heart soared and then plummeted. He may love her. She may love him, but that wasn’t going to be enough for them to build a future on. “Don’t,” she said, turning away so he couldn’t see the tear sliding down her cheek. “This isn’t about the past or the future. I just want to enjoy this moment with you.”

He grinned. “Oh, I intend to make sure you enjoy it, sweetheart.” He pinned her hands above her head with one hand and slid down her body, releasing her only when he reached his destination.

He parted her gently, tasting tentatively, until her hair trigger response prompted him to seek more.

She watched him making love to her with his mouth, giving her the kind of pleasure only he could give. Every time she was close to the edge, her heart racing, her pulse pounding, her body burning with the need for release, he would pull back, kissing the inside of her thighs tenderly until she cried out in protest.

“Please, Trey,” she begged. “I need you to make me come.”

With a few quick flicks of his tongue, he sent over the edge.

She saw dark flashes behind her eyes, the intensity of the orgasm rocking her to the core. Just when she thought she couldn’t stand anymore, he started working her again and, impossibly, she felt another climax building.

She pushed against his shoulders, trying to pull away. “No, Trey. I can’t. It’s too much.”

“I’m just gettin’ started, baby,” he whispered. “I have five years of lost time to make up for.”

She raised her arms above her head and decided to stop fighting him. The fear, the sadness, the disappointment, was lost somewhere in the periphery of her mind as long as she gave herself over to the pleasure.

After another shattering orgasm, he finally relented, easing his way up her body, stopping only to kiss, caress, and taste her slick skin along the way. He stopped long enough to look her in the eyes before slowly easing into her.

“Ahh.” He threw his head back, eyes closed, teeth clenched. “You are so tight.” He opened his eyes to look at her. “So hot.” He took her mouth, matching the stroke of his tongue as he withdrew. “So wet.”

She moaned in his ear, helpless to contain the mounting pleasure. She buried her face in his neck, tasting the salty sheen dampening his skin as he stroked her. She could feel his tenuous hold on control as the muscles in his biceps tightened while she scraped her nails down his back.

He kissed her, dipping inside her mouth, then plunging deeply with his tongue until she was reaching up, grinding into him, seeking her release. She was wild, desperate with a need that felt like it was clawing her from the inside out.

“That’s it, baby,” he whispered. “Let go, I’m right there with you.”

His reassurance took her over the edge, and he went with her, pumping into her with a deep, guttural moan. She felt him watching her as she thrashed her head from side to side, whimpering, then crying out as another orgasm claimed her.

He waited until their orgasms subsided before pulling out and drawing her into his arms.

“Definitely worth waiting for,” he whispered, shifting her body until she was leaning against his chest.

She smiled. “I have to agree.”

“Any regrets?”

She couldn’t see his face, but she knew him well enough to read his thoughts. He was feeling insecure, uncertain about their future. She wanted to put his mind at ease, but knew she couldn’t make false promises. He deserved to hear the truth. She turned toward him, resting her palm against the dark stubble roughening his cheek. “I love you. I probably always will...”

He rolled over on his back, covering his eyes with his forearm. “I don’t think I want to hear this.”

She propped herself up on an elbow. “Trey, I don’t want to hurt you, but you know as well as I do that this isn’t going to work.”

He rubbed his eyes. “Why?”

She sighed. There were so many reasons: their history, his drinking problem, his obsession with his career, her foundation, his travel schedule, the baby he was having with another woman, the baby they would never be able to have together.

“Nothing has changed, Trey. You’re still devoted to a career that keeps you on the road most of the year. You’re still trying to beat your battle with the bottle, and to top it off, you’re about to become someone’s Daddy. Your life is about to change in ways you can’t even imagine. The last thing you need is a relationship to add to the stress in your life.”

He turned toward her, brushing the hair off her face. “Having you in my life makes me happy. It makes me feel as though I can handle anything.” He traced her bottom lip with his thumb. “Please don’t leave me, Sierra. I need you.”

He was breaking her heart. She wanted to be there for him, but she had to protect herself. “I’m sorry, Trey.” She looked up at him, afraid to ask the question, but knowing she had to put an innocent baby’s needs before her own. “Are you going to marry Megan?”

“What the hell are you talkin’ about?”

She stroked his forearm. “Don’t you think that would be in the best interest of your baby?”

He fell against the pillow and closed his eyes. “I can’t believe this. We just made love and you’re suggesting I marry another woman?”

Maybe if Trey married another woman, she would finally be able to get on with her life, though just the thought of it made her feel physically ill. “This may be your one and only chance to raise a child. Do you really want to risk screwing that up by being a part-time presence in the child’s life, someone who sends them expensive presents on birthdays and holidays, but is never really there for them?”

He shook his head. “You know that’s not the kind of dad I want to be, Sierra.” They had talked about it countless times over the years. He wanted to be the kind of father his father had been. The one who took him fishing, threw the football with him, taught him the difference between right and wrong.

“You never get over having the kind of father I did.” She fought back the tears. No matter how many years had passed, she still longed for the childhood she never had. “Don’t be the kind of man my father was; be someone your son or daughter can count on.”

He stared at her. “Why are you doing this?”

“Because I love you enough to let you go, Trey.

Sierra had made the rounds and said her good-byes to Marisa and Josh, Jared, Elaine, and Val.

Her last stop was Jimmy’s. She wandered in with a heavy heart. They had gone to great lengths to help her and Trey find their way back to each other. It wasn’t going to be easy to tell them their efforts were in vain.

“There she is,” Edna said, with a smile and wave from behind the bar. “We wondered when you’d get here.” She looked toward the front door. “Where’s your stuff, honey?”

Sierra settled on a bar stool in front of Edna, trying to decide where to begin.

“Looks like you could use a drink. What’ll it be?”

Alcohol wasn’t going to solve her problems. Nothing would. “I’ll just have a ginger ale, thanks.”

“Comin’ right up, sugar.”

Sierra watched her, trying to find the right words to explain her decision.

“There you go,” she said, setting the tall glass in front of her. “Now why don’t you tell me what’s got you so down?”

She took a sip of the cool liquid to coat her dry throat. “Guess you haven’t heard the news?”

She wiped her hands on the apron tied around her midsection. “If it’s bad, I don’t want to hear it.”

“I guess that depends on who you ask. Trey’s gonna be a daddy.”

Her head shot up. “Are you tellin’ me you and Trey-”

“No, Trey and Megan are going to have a baby.”

Edna frowned. “Megan? Isn’t she that redhead from last night? Wasn’t she Luc’s date?”

Sierra nodded. “Apparently, she and Trey have been seeing each other for a couple of months.”

Edna swiped a damp cloth across the bar top, scowling. “That damn fool. He should know better than to-”

“He said he took the necessary precautions, but it wasn’t enough.” Sierra hated to even think about it, much less discuss it.

“Well ain’t that a kick in the pants?” She put her hand over Sierra’s. “I’m sorry, honey.”

Sierra tried to smile, but her lip trembled instead. “Thanks, Edna. Hey, it is what it is, right? I’m sure Trey will be a great daddy. That baby is going to be lucky to have him.”

Edna nodded. “What about the mama?”

“I don’t know what Trey is going to do.” She looked at up at Edna. “I told him I thought he should marry her.”

“You know I’m of a different generation, honey. We believed a baby needed a mama and daddy livin’ under one roof, but times have changed. There are lots of babies who do just fine with one parent.”

Sierra wrapped her hands around the glass, needing something solid to hold on to. “Depending on the parent, I guess. I know what it was like in my house after Mama died. Daddy was drunk all the time. I had to practically raise my little sister by myself. It wasn’t easy.”

“No child should have to go through that.”

“No, every child deserves to know they have two parents who loved them enough to at least try to give them the home they deserved. That’s why I told Trey to marry Megan. Maybe it’ll work. Maybe it won’t, but they won’t know unless they try.”

“What about you? What are you gonna do, honey?”

“About the job offer...”

“You’re not gonna stay, are you?”

Sierra tried to blink the tears away. “I can’t, Edna. Is that going to be a problem for you and Jimmy?”

Edna smiled, patting her head. “Don’t you worry about us; we’ll be fine. You just do what you need to do.”

She propped her elbows on the bar, chin in her hands. “That’s just it. I don’t know what to do. I ended things with Eric.”

“Can’t say that I’m sorry to hear that, if you wanna know the truth.”

Sierra chuckled. “Now you sound like my sister.”

“Smart girl, that one.”

“Yeah, well, now I have to figure out where to go from here.”

“Nashville has always been your home, honey. Why don’t you stay?”

“I can’t, Edna. It’ll be hard enough to see Trey’s picture splashed all over the newsstands. Living here, we’d be bound to run into each other. I don’t think I could deal with that.”

“So you’re going back to Oklahoma?”

“For now, at least. Lexi is living in Arkansas; I might go out there and stay with her for a while, see if I like it. I’ve got a lot going on with the foundation, which should help to keep my mind off things.”

“You’re gonna find your place, girl. I know it.”

“I thought I had, Edna. I thought my place was here, with all of you, but I guess that wasn’t meant to be.”

“Hey, I don’t want to hear you talk like that. We’ll always be here for you, darlin’. As far as Jim and I are concerned, you’re family.”

“Thanks. That means a lot.”

“You’re gonna find that man. The one who wants what you want: a simple life, a house full of babies, and...”

Sierra started to cry. She dropped her head into her hands, ashamed of her outburst.

Edna came around the bar and drew her into her arms. “Hey, what did I say, sugar?”

“I can’t have any more babies.” She whispered as she allowed the tears to fall unchecked.

Eric was the only other person she had ever told. Given his age and condition, it was a given they would never have children. Sierra suspected that was the reason she had agreed to marry him when he asked. She would have the support of a life partner without having to feel as though she were cheating someone else out of their dreams of having a family.

Edna stroked her hair. “Oh, sweetie, I’m so sorry. When did you find out?”

“I found out after Callie died.” She sniffled. “Trey was on the road and by the time he got back, I knew our marriage was over, so I didn’t see any point telling him.”

Edna held her at arm’s length. “He was still your husband, Sierra. You should have told him.” She looked at her carefully. “Did that figure into your decision to divorce him?”

Sierra looked away. “I knew how much he wanted a baby. Our marriage was already falling apart. If he had learned about my condition, he would have stayed because he felt guilty, but eventually he would have come to resent the fact that I couldn’t give him the family he wanted.” She eased out of Edna’s arms, settling back on the stool. “Now, he’s getting what he’s always wanted, a baby and a family of his own.”

Edna sat on the stool beside her, grabbing her hands. “Trey loves you, girl. Don’t ever doubt that. You’re the one he wants, the one he’s always wanted. If you hadn’t been able to have a baby the old-fashioned way, you would have found a way to make it happen another way. That was no reason to give up on your marriage.”

She suddenly felt bone tired. It had been a grueling few days and she just wanted to fall into bed and sleep for a week. “Is that why you lured me back here? You thought Trey and I might be able to work out our differences?”

Edna sighed, not looking the least bit contrite about being ousted. “I knew his family was worried sick about him and I knew you weren’t happy, no matter how hard you tried to pretend you were.”

“I’m glad I came back. Thank you, Edna.”

She snorted. “Hell, I don’t know why you’re thankin’ me. I’m surprised you’re still speakin’ to me.”

Sierra leaned over and gave her friend a quick hug. “I know you were meddling because you care.”

“I love you both,” she said, seizing Sierra’s chin in her hand. “I just want you kids to be happy.”

“We will find a way to be happy, just not together.”

***

Trey walked in the door and the familiar scent of cinnamon rolls assailed him, Sierra’s favorite. He followed the scent toward the kitchen and saw Val with her back turned to him, looking out the kitchen window. “You haven’t made those in years. What’s the occasion?”

She turned to face him, tears in her eyes. “Sierra was here to say good-bye.”

He felt the news physically, like a fist to the gut. “So she really is leavin’? I was hoping she’d reconsider.”

Val pulled out a chair at the kitchen table. “Sit down, Trey. We need to talk.”

He knew Val well and could always tell when something was wrong. He straddled the chair next to her so he could look her directly in the eye. “What is it? What’s wrong? You’re not sick, are you?”