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We were slumped together on the sofa, drink
ing herbal tea just before going to bed. I didn’t really enjoy the thin, bitter liquid, but caffeine made Sebastian jumpy.

“Sebastian, can I ask you something?”

“Sure, baby,” he said, running his hand down my arm, and twining his fingers with mine.

“Well, I was wondering… what are your nightmares about?”

I felt him tense immediately, and regretted my question.

“It
’s hard to talk about, Caro,” he said, his voice low and quiet.

“It
’s okay – you don’t have to tell me.”

“I
just don’t want you to have that shit in your head.”

“Sebastian, you wake up screaming every night –
it doesn’t have to be me, but I think you need to tell someone.”

“I
’m not seeing a fucking shrink,” he said, testily.

I didn
’t reply.

We sat silently, staring out
of the windows, watching the horizon growing paler as the sun sank behind the sea.

And then he began
to speak.

“I can
’t tell you everything, Caro, because it’s classified, and you can’t report any of this.”

“Of course not!”

I was hurt that he’d even think that.

“Sorry, baby, I had to say it.” He sighed. “We were in
Nowzad in the first place to make contact with someone – a local guy – who was going to get us to one of the Taliban leaders – so we could take him out. That’s why they wanted me there, because they were worried about using local interpreters for a sensitive op. It was supposed to be a small patrol, just the 14 of us, with Jankowski in charge. At the last minute, Grant was told we had to take these two guys from the Afghan National Army with us. He wasn’t happy, but he got overruled. We headed out into the mountains for what we thought would be three or four days, but we didn’t get that far. When we got to the village for the meet, we knew right away that something was wrong – it was just too damn quiet. There was nobody in the fields, no one sitting outside their houses. We were all on edge.

“
I went ahead with the ANA guys and they were calling out for the man we were supposed to meet. Then this guy came out from behind one of the buildings and he was talking really fast, and he looked fucking terrified. I realized he was quoting from the Koran and I knew then he’d been turned into a human fucking bomb. I yelled at everyone to get back, but then I felt like I’d been punched in the shoulder and I realized I’d been shot. One of the ANA guys had tried to take me out, then shot his colleague and turned his rifle on the rest of the squad. The firefight started, and I could hear Jankowski yelling at the contact to get down. Mark and Jez came running over to help me – and that’s when the bomb was detonated.”

Sebastian swallowed and closed his eyes.

“The Afghan contact was just pink mist: Jankowski, Mark and Jez were caught in the blast. If Jez hadn’t been so close to me, I’d have been killed, too, but he took it for me.”

Sebastian
’s voice dropped to a whisper.

“I had pieces of Jez all over me: that
’s what I dream about.”

His hands were shaking and his breathing had become shallow.

“I understand, I do, tesoro,” I murmured, gently stroking his cheek. “When I was in Iraq… it was the sound of the helicopters; they were bringing in wounded and I saw… I saw. But I don’t have that nightmare anymore, Sebastian, because my worst nightmare is losing you.”

I held him tightly, because that was all I could do.

Two days later, just as he was finishing his exercises, a sheen of sweat making his body glisten in a way that made my mouth water, I decided it was time to take a
further step into the world.

“How do you feel about another challenge, Sebastian?”

He glanced over at me and smiled. “Sounds interesting. Does this one involve leaving the bedroom?”

I grinned at him. “Yes, it does, but now you
’ve got me thinking other things, Hunter, and my once pristine thoughts are getting a little dirty.”

“How dirty?” he said, his eyes heating under my gaze.

I stood with my hands on my hips and looked him in the eye.

“
Very
dirty.”

He groaned. “Why didn
’t you say that
before
I did that damn workout, Caro?”

I laughed. “Rain
check until tonight, Hunter. It’s a beautiful day, we should be outside.”

He nodded his agreement, then lifted my hand to his lips, brushing soft, sweet kisses over the tip of each finger.

“Yeah, okay. I need to see Atash anyway. He’s got some problem with immigration that he wants me to look into.”

Atash was the name of one of the Afghan men from the café and, against the odds, he and Sebastian had become friends. Atash
’s family had been forced to leave their village near Lashkar Gah in Helmand province and were lost and alone in a new country. Being useful to them brought Sebastian back to life, day by day. And day by day, it brought him back to me.

I wasn’t sure if he and Sebastian had bonded over baseball or because Sebastian was probably the only other person in
all of Long Beach who spoke his language. But most days they found an excuse to meet up. And once Sebastian had started helping Atash and his family with their legal status, they spent even more time together.

Atash was shy about coming to our home so, mostly, Sebastian walked over to see him. I was glad he had a reason to leave the bungalow
, and one that was completely separate from our life together. He needed it, and I think he knew that.

“So, if you
’re not talking about sex, Caro,” he prompted me, “what’s this 
pchallenge’ that you’re on about?”

“I want you to meet my friends. I miss them, and they really want to meet you.”

His gaze dropped to the floor.

“
Okay, I guess it’s time.”

He didn
’t look thrilled by the idea, but he didn’t object either.

I spoke to Nicole first.

“He’s doing much better now, and I’d like you to meet him. We want to invite you over this weekend.”

“Oh, he
’s finally going to let you see the light of day, is he, Lee?”

I was taken aback.

“That’s… harsh. He’s been ill, Nic.”

I cou
ld sense her indignant and judgmental silence on the other end of the line.

“
Okay,” she said, rather reluctantly. “Yes, of course I’ll be there. Do you want me to talk to Jenna and Alice?”

“No, that
’s fine,” I said, trying to keep my tone neutral and the hurt I felt out of my voice. “I should make the calls. Come for lunch?”

As Saturday approached, I threw myself into a frenzy of cooking. I
’d dragged Sebastian all over Long Beach to get the ingredients I wanted. He was beginning to look much more like himself. Although he was still very slender, he was beginning to pile the muscle weight back on. His hair was longer than I was used to seeing it, turning into a crazy, blond mop.

“Thought I
’d grow it for a bit,” he said casually.

“Fine by me,” I grinned, tugging a lock in my hand.

Day by day, he was looking more like the surfer boy I’d fallen in love with. He still had bad days and some very bad nights, and he was still in a considerable amount of pain from the shrapnel wounds in his thigh. But on good days he was able to walk without a cane, although he still had a significant limp.

“I spoke to Ches while you were out,” he said casually.

“You did?”

I was pleased that he
’d finally gotten around to talking to his friend – but nervous about what had been said: particularly about me.

“And?”

“He said he and Amy would fly out for our wedding.”

I caught my breath and stared at him.

“If you still want to marry me, Caro?”

The small stone of grief that I
’d been carrying in my heart melted away.

“Of course I do, Sebastian. I… I thought you
’d changed your mind.”

He shook his head slowly, his eyes full of love.

“Never that, Caro, but I didn’t want to marry you if… if I couldn’t be a man… with you. And I promised myself I wouldn’t be using a fucking stick when I walked down the aisle.”

“They don
’t have aisles in City Hall,” I said, somewhere between a laugh and a sob.

He gathered me into his arms and rocked me slowly, repeatedly kissing my hair.

“So what else did Ches say?” I mumbled into his chest.

I was pleased that I
’d managed to get the words out without sounding too pathetically shaky.

“He said
that he’d decided if he still hadn’t heard from me by Labor Day, he was going to come out here and kick my ass himself.”

“Good idea,” I
agreed with a murmur, “he should do that anyway. Did he say anything about me?”

Sebastian smiled.

“I guess he was surprised – and pleased, I think – that you hadn’t kicked me out. He’s cool, Caro, don’t worry about him.”

“And Amy?”

“Oh, she just wants to kick my ass, period.”

I smiled. “I think I
’ll get along with her.”

“That
’s what I’m afraid of,” muttered Sebastian.

H
e was only half joking.

He held my face gently and looked into my eyes.

“Just promise me you won’t turn into one of those bat-shit crazy women about the whole wedding thing, Caro.”

“Such sweet nothings you whisper,” I teased him. “Don
’t worry, Sebastian, that’s not my style.” I slapped his chest. “I don’t care if I get married in jeans.”

“Jeans?” he said, raising his eyebrows.

“Well, my favorite jeans,” I replied, with a challenging stare.

“
Okay, jeans. Cool.”