New Title 7 (22 page)

His gorgeous eyes lowered to the car seat/carrier and a smile came to his sensual lips as Brandon knelt before his son. He stroked Zachary's plump cheek and Zachary gazed at this stranger, curious blue eyes searching his face.

Zachary's lips raised to a gummy smile as he kicked, cooed in excitement. Still stroking the baby's face, Brandon looked up at me.

"I really appreciate you bringing Zach to see me," he said. "I haven't seen him since he was a newborn." He regarded his son, smoothing the fuzz on Zachary's head. "You're a cutie, Zach. You know that?"

Brandon straightened, looking uncomfortable as he avoided my gaze. He brushed invisible dust from his slacks, then stepped inside his apartment.

"Do you—want to come in?" he asked with his backside to me.

"Yeah." I lugged the carrier into the front room and sank to a sofa, setting the car seat near my feet. Zachary's feet punted my ankle.

Brandon circled around and sat by me, but scooted a few inches as if afraid of me. He clasped his fingers together on his lap.

"Do you want anything to drink?" he asked, staring at the far wall.

"No, I'm fine. Thanks."

"No problem."

I glanced at the door which Brandon had left ajar. How puzzling. Why was he acting like this?

"So—how have you been, Mia?" Brandon stared at his hands.

"Fine. What about you?"

He gave a quick nod. That was it.

"Do you want to hold Zachary?" I asked, leaning to remove the baby from his seat. I fumbled with the straps crossing his shoulders.

"That would be great."

I handed the baby to Brandon's awaiting, folded arms. Gently he supported Zach's neck with his forearm, opposite hand cupping the baby's head from underneath.

"Wow, Mia. He's something else," he said, nodding and wearing a look of adulation. "I can't believe we created something like this." He chuckled. "Me and you actually made him. Isn't that something?"

"Yes it is, Brandon." Both sadness and happiness flourished within me. Sadness because things weren't the same between Brandon and me, though maybe that was a good thing.

Still, it broke my heart to see Brandon acting distant. Particularly after all we'd gone through.

I guess he no longer loves me.

A part of me will always love Dr. Jekyll/Brandon.

Zachary made the most adorable sounds. Brandon rocked the baby in gradual, careful motions, handling Zachary like fine china.

I marveled at how gentle he was, how devoted he seemed.

"You're my sweet little boy, Zachary," he said. "I love you, very very much." Brandon brought the baby's face to his and kissed Zach's forehead. "And you smell good. Did your mommy just give you a bath?" Brandon eyed me a second.

Zachary began to cry as Brandon rocked him. He laid Zach over his shoulder and patted his backside, bouncing him slightly. Zachary let out a burp, then Brandon and I snickered.

When Zachary fell asleep, Brandon stretched over and placed him in the car seat without buckling him in. The seat leaned far enough backward so the baby shouldn't fall.

Brandon and I sat in silence, unable to break the ice.

Zachary softly snored. Cuteness overload.

Brandon was twirling his fingers, shifting around.

"Are you angry with me?" I asked him.

"What? Why would I be angry at
you
?" He beamed a grin, amused at my paranoia.

"Because you're not talking much. You won't even look at me."

"This isn't easy, Mia. Being around you isn't easy. Not after what's happened and not after what I've done to you."

"I know."

"I don't see why you'd give a fuck whether I ignore you. I figured you despised me by now and I wouldn't blame you."

"I'd never despise you, Brandon. Not the
good
part of Brandon. Do you see what I mean?"

"I think so." Finally his eyes met mine. "Yeah, I see. I have a good side and a dark side."

"That's it," I said. "Have you been taking your meds this time?"

"Definitely. Haven't missed a single dose in months."

"So you're well again? And you're going to stay that way?"

"I hope. I think." A twinkle in his eyes, a glint of happiness. "I just know I'm better. I haven't had a bad episode since that day. You know what day I'm talking about, right?"

"Yes, I know what day you mean."

"What did you think of my letter?" he asked and I detected traces of hope.

"It brought me to tears," I admitted. "But I loved everything you wrote. I loved the bear and how you placed the key in its heart."

"I didn't mean to make you cry." He caressed my cheek with the back of his hand, his mouth forming a shy and hesitant smile.

"It's okay. Really." I couldn't stop gazing at him, felt like I was drowning, falling.

"I love you," he said in a faint whisper.

"I love you too."

"You do?"

"Yes. I'll never stop, just like you wrote in your letter that you'll never stop."

"I
can't
stop loving you, Mia."

"I can't stop either."
And down come the tears.
"Damn, I tried. I tried to stop. I went out on dates. I did everything I could but I couldn't get you out of my head."

"Ditto, my angel." He put two fingers under my chin and drew me to his lips. His kiss was tentative at first, then deepened as our mouths locked and our tongues barely touched. This kiss lasted, lasted and lasted. Making up for all those lost months, days, hours.

By the time we parted, tears streamed our faces, both of us weeping, wanting it to work out. Praying we'd stay together and praying things wouldn't turn to shit. Ever again. For Zachary's sake as well as mine.

"I'll love you forever, Mia. Forever."

And within my memory
Nocturne Op. 9 Number 2
played on.

FURTHER READING:

“The combination of 'Stockholm Syndrome' and 'cognitive dissonance' produces
a victim who firmly believes the relationship is not only acceptable, but also desperately needed for their survival
.”

~ Love and Stockholm Syndrome

Joseph M. Carver, Ph.D

*

Loving the Chains that Bind

*

Out of the Fog (includes real-life examples of Stockholm Syndrome)

OTHER EBOOKS BY EMMA CLARK:

Teaching Melody

Austin & Beth

The Troll Series (Part One is free)

Chosen Part I

Dancer

WEB SITE:

DFF