New World Ashes (16 page)

I narrowed my eyes. “What exactly are you getting at, Ryker?”

Triven shifted in his seat his muscles flexing with tension. This was what he had really been holding back from me. His words were like a weight crashing down on my chest.

“He wants
us
to unite the Tribes.”

I SLAMMED THE
door to our room with such force the metal frame was still reverberating. I wanted to punch something. To scream. To take off and let all of these morons die in their own self-righteous stupidity.

“What the
hell
are these people thinking?!” I was practically screaming. “Unite the Tribes?
Unite
the Tribes?! Does he have any idea how insane that is? Or that we spent the last two months pitting them against each other in an all-out Tribal war?”

I paced the room, prowling the small space and finding nowhere to escape. Both Triven and Mouse were watching me carefully. Mouse was perched on our cot, her skinny legs just barely reaching the floor.

The meeting hadn’t ended well.

One thing that hadn’t changed inside of me was my temper. Triven’s words had hung in the air like tiny daggers waiting to drop. I had felt the blood rushing to my cheeks, the rage searing its way to the surface. When Ryker had confirmed Triven’s proclamation, I exploded. I didn’t really remember much after that. Several threats had been made on both sides and at some point my chair managed to get thrown across the room. Inessa said something motherly about giving me time and the word hero was vaguely pitched around a few times.

Evidently, my face had become the rallying point for the rebels, even before they knew I was still alive. The video of my insolence and then Fandrin’s abuse had become a beacon for the resistance. They had all watched it upon recruitment with the same shock and horror that I had just felt on the roof. It was all part of their plan. The video would go live to the entire city just minutes before The Wall goes down. They were going to use me to show citizens exactly who their Minister
really
was. Since the rebels now discovered I was alive, they had wanted me to be the face of their rebellion. A living accolade to everything the rebels stood for. The hawk-nosed female solider even had the gall to promote our
mission
as if being given this death sentence was a blessing. “You would be considered our liberator, our hero.”

I understood what they wanted. If I died trying to unite the Tribes, then I would be a
memorialized
hero and if I miraculously managed to succeed, then I would be the
warrior
hero for their people to follow. Dead or alive, I was of value to them. Whether I wanted to be or not.

That’s when I had left. I vaguely remember flashing a few rude hand gestures before exploding from the room shouting, “Go find someone else who has a death wish to be your damn hero!”

Now, in hindsight, my reaction had been a little over-the-top. But honestly, what the hell were they thinking. That Triven and I would just skip off merrily to do their bidding because they had saved our lives? They weren’t just asking us for support. They were sending us on a death mission while using us as martyrs to start a war. They wanted us to do the impossible—to unite the Tribes and worse, they wanted me to be some kind of hero to their people. It was better when the Subversive thought I was the enemy.

I stopped pacing and clutched my head in frustration. I stared at the barren concrete wall looking for answers. “I’m
not
a hero!”

I could hear the bedsprings creak, but didn’t turn to see who had moved. Mouse’s fingers pulled gently at my arms, forcing me down to her level. Her hands were steady as she signed.

“You’re
my
hero.” Triven’s voice caught a little while reciting the translation.

She looked at me with warmth and pride. Signing again. This time I understood her.

They need us.

I couldn’t meet her eyes anymore. “I know, Mouse. I know we should help them, but what they are asking is too much. I can’t risk your lives. I can’t risk you and Triven. I thought I lost you once already and it nearly killed me. You can’t ask me to go through that torment again.”

Mouse and Triven spoke over each other.

“And would you ask the same of us? We can’t let you sacrifice yourself again.”

Together.

We both looked at Mouse. Triven let out a heavy sigh. I knew he was thinking the same thing I was. She was too young. It was not her choice. Not yet. But he was right about his say in the matter. I couldn’t make him stay if I chose to leave on this suicide mission. I couldn’t ask him to suffer my loss anymore than I could endure his.

I fell back into a seated position on the floor and rubbed my head. Mouse settled herself in front of me. She was sitting ramrod straight, with her hands folded delicately in her lap. Her large brown eyes were intent as she stared at me. She touched the scar on her throat, then leaned in and grazed the one on the back of my head. She nodded once before signing again, her hands moving slowly so I could understand.

He can’t win.

My heart twisted. I leaned forward and gathered Mouse to my chest, kissing the top of her head. I could feel my father’s watch still hanging from her neck. “You know, for someone who doesn’t speak, your words are very loud.”

She pulled away grinning at me, but faltered when she saw my face. Mouse was my lifeline, my compass. She was right we should help the rebels. But it wasn’t just help they were asking for, they were asking the impossible. Impossible was usually my forte but now… I was unsure of my capabilities.

I shook my head staring at the floor in shame. “I’m scared and for the first time in my life I don’t know how to overcome it. I feel paralyzed. I have always been in control—of my body, my mind, my future. Even when the Subversive took me, I still had the upper hand. I knew more about the city, more about the Ravagers. But here… I feel like I’m in the dark. I have no jurisdiction—I can barely control
myself
anymore. We came here to start a war on our terms, only to find it has already begun and we are just along for the ride.”

Triven crossed the room and folded himself down beside us. “
Everything
has changed. To be honest, as well planned as we were, we weren’t prepared for any of this. None of us were equipped for it—not you or I, nor the rebels. I don’t think they ever expected you to come stumbling back into their world. Or for any of us to survive out there for that matter.”

Mouse put her hand on his arm shaking her head.  She tapped her chest and nodded her head. We both stared at her. They had expected her to survive.

My temper rose again as I thought about how they had sent her out into the city on her own. How stupid could they have been? No one was safe in Tartarus. No one. Mouse could sense the change in my emotions and touched my hand, her eyebrows rising in question.

I took a deep breath to calm myself before answering her. My heavy exhale ruffled her hair. “It still makes me so angry to know that they sent you into Tartarus and thought you would be safe. It only proves my point that these people know nothing of what’s out there—”

Mouse interrupted me by holding up her hand. She signed quickly, looking at Triven impatiently for a translation.

He smiled gently at her, only a slight trace of sadness in his eyes.

“But I was safe. I found you.” Triven nodded to me as he finished her words. A hundred emotions flashed in his eyes. Pride. Fear. Longing. Frustration. Anger.

I saw and understood every one of them.

Mouse had become the child, the sister I had never wanted and now so desperately needed. I hated the rebels for sending her out into the city, but that also brought her to me. My whole life had changed for her. And despite the torture, despite the pain and anguish, the change had been for the better. I stared in turn at both of them. My people. The Sanctuary had taken one family away from me. But they had also given me another.

I huffed out an aggravated breath.

“Try not to be so hard on these people, Prea. It’s me you should be mad at, not them. I should have told you sooner. But the timing was never right.” Triven made a sound halfway between a sigh and a laugh. “Is there
ever
a right time to tell someone to go on a suicide mission?”

Mouse patted his arm in comfort, shaking her head.

He touched her cheek and then looked up at me. “You don’t remember what it was like here before, but I do. And I fear it’s only gotten worse.”

“And how much have you seen outside of what they have shown you? Outside of these walls?” I wasn’t accusing him, I was asking.

Mouse’s brown head twisted as she followed our conversation. Her dark eyes intent.

“Admittedly, not much. But you know as well as I do, as well as Mouse does, what’s happening out there is wrong. My father—your parents—didn’t die for nothing. The Minister is a terrible man, leading equally terrible people, and he has to be stopped. Mouse already said it, he
can’t
win.”

Mouse nodded gravely, touching her neck again.

“I know! Don’t you think I know that? I know that better than anyone else!” Rubbing my temples for a moment, I then lowered my voice. “All I wanted was to exterminate that evil old man and suddenly we are being enlisted into the rebel army. This is different that it was with the Subversive. I don’t feel like we have a say here. And what they are asking of us is insane.”

“Completely,” Triven agreed.

The room was silent as we pondered our own thoughts. The three of us were standing at a precipice. If only I knew the right choice. Jump? Or turn and run. Either way could cost us our lives.

Triven seemed to be thinking along the same lines. “It seems to me, we have two choices. Hang on and try not to get killed while waiting for the outcome. Or, we can get on board and control what
is
within our power. This war is going to happen whether we help them or not.” He paused, scratching the back of his head before continuing. “I know what my heart wants and what my head is saying, but it doesn’t matter. Not this time. I have already made some rash decisions here. Besides, this is not my choice to make, Prea. You are the only one the Tribes might listen to. So this choice is yours. And whatever your decision, I will support it. I know you, Prea and if anyone has a chance in hell at uniting the Tribes it’s you. You are the most resilient person I know and you understand their world better than any of us. The girl I saw in the library, the girl who took on a Ravager hunting party and saved Mouse. The girl who saved my life in the alley… You are already a hero. The only one who doesn’t see it is you.”

Mouse’s head bobbed in agreement. Her expression was stern.

His words stung, their confidence in me only amplified my self-doubt.

“I’m afraid I’m not that girl anymore—that I left her back in the cell with Fandrin. I get glimpses of her but she’s changed.” I met both of their eyes, pleading with them to understand.

“I know.” He touched my cheek and I let him. “No one expects you to be unchanged by what happened. I take the blame for that. You’re human. As much as you hate to admit it, you are not indestructible. Physically or emotionally. None of us are.”

I lowered my eyes. I hated being weak. I hated admitting that I hadn’t been strong enough to come out unscathed.

Grabbing my hand, Mouse then reached out taking Triven’s other free hand in hers, joining us into a tiny circle.

Triven stroked my jaw with his thumb. “I have an idea… but you’re going to have to trust me.”

I LET MOUSE
stay in our room that night, but not without precautions. I made sure she slept securely beneath us—away from my reach. And while Triven was confident my violent outbursts could be controlled, I still took one of the sleeping pills Ryker had given me. Despite my better judgment.

When I finally awoke, I was groggy and slightly unnerved. It felt as though I had just closed my eyes. I couldn’t remember dreaming or moving. The pills had done their job. They had let me sleep. But they had also buried me under a thick veil. The world could have exploded around me and I would have never known. With great effort, I forced my leaden eyes open. Triven was already awake, watching me carefully.

My lips stuck together as I opened my mouth to speak, but he hushed me. Pressing a finger to his lips, he then pointed to the cot below us. Mouse’s soft breathing could just barely be heard. It was steady. She was still asleep.

“Will you do me a favor?” He whispered.

“What?” I whispered back, still not fully awake.

Triven unfurled his palm revealing one of the white pills Ryker had given me. “Next time you take a sleeping pill, let me know. That way when I wake up and you’re not thrashing about, I won’t think you’ve died in your sleep.”

I gave him a wistful smile. “I’d have thought you would have appreciated a peaceful night’s sleep.”

“What I like is knowing you are safe by my side. It doesn’t matter to me if it’s a restful night or an exciting one.” He stretched, placing the pill on our little side table.

“You have a sick sense of what’s an exciting night.” I rolled my eyes in irritation considering the last time we had an “exciting night” I nearly killed him. He chuckled, trying to make light of the situation. I fixed him in a fierce gaze to emphasize my point. “I took it in hopes of keeping you both safe while I slept.”

“I think you are the least of our safety concerns right now.” He rolled quietly out of bed and started pulling on a long-sleeved shirt. “Besides, I think we can resolve some of those issues today.”

I eyed him suspiciously. His returning lopsided grin did little to sway me.

“Meet me in the training bunker after you eat breakfast.”

My eyebrow rose.

“Mouse knows where it is.” And with that he was out the door.

BREAKFAST WAS AN
uneventful meal. Inessa was the only one in the kitchen when we arrived and while her smile was warm, her eyes were slightly guarded. We didn’t speak. I couldn’t blame her after the things I said last night. You can’t really tell a room full of people to go to hell and expect a warm reception in the morning. When I yawned for the fourth time, however, she placed a steaming cup of something bitter smelling in front of me. The taste made my tongue pucker but amazingly the last of sleep’s clingy fingers fell away from my mind. Mouse finished her food while I struggled to stomach mine. 

Once we finished, I followed Mouse to what Triven had referred to as the training bunker. We left the familiar safety of Ryker’s underground blockhouse and moved carefully through two white power supply tunnels to find it. I felt overly exposed, but Mouse seemed confident in our safety.

Apparently the use of the word “bunker” was a loose representation. This was more of a dead-end tunnel with training equipment in it. The room was big compared to most I had seen since my escape. Aside from it being a little narrower, it reminded me of the laundry room I had worked in with Triven back in the Subversive. The walls curved into the ceiling making the room feel like a tipped “C”. Small pipes ran across the ceiling, disappearing abruptly into the wall at the end of the corridor. The only exit was the twelve-inch-thick door we now stood outside of. Everything was white. Even with only a few sterile lights, the room seemed blinding. I recoiled a little, flashing back to the room with the bright lights and the swallowing darkness. I froze in the steel-girded doorway, unable to enter.

Mouse bound ahead of me to the waiting Triven. She faked a few punches into his side. He bear-hugged her in response, tickling her until her mouth opened in silent laughter. I felt a small pang of jealousy at how close they had become in my absence. Mouse was like my little sister, but still I could not see myself playing with her like that. I wasn’t exactly the fun-loving big sister type. I was more of the kind that would kill you if you hurt her. Literally.

I was watching them so intently that I jumped when a shadow stepped out from behind the door. Instinctively, I snarled as my fists curled into weapons.

“If I didn’t know you so well, I might be offended.” Ryker’s deep voice crooned sarcastically. He eyed my stance with a critical look then turned casually away. He moved fluidly across the room to the training mat. My body relaxed a little as he moved away, but I still didn’t enter the room.

“So do you want to tell her or should I?” Ryker asked over his shoulder. He was indifferently stretching his neck and arms.

Triven cleared his throat awkwardly, and my attention shifted to his direction.

“Tell me what?” My gaze shifted between the two men.

“I asked you to trust me.” Triven said walking closer to where I stood.

“And I do.” My words came out slow, suspicious.
I think…

Ryker picked up a training baton. I tried to ignore him, but while my eyes were on Triven, my mind was watching the weapon in Ryker’s hand. Mouse had picked up a baton as well and was now playfully sparring with Ryker.

Triven spoke, and I made an effort to focus. “When I first saw you, there was this light inside of you. A fire. When we got you back, it was like it had gone out. As if The Minister had snuffed the life out of you.”

I looked away from him as his words slapped my heart.
I was dead inside, everyone knew it…

Triven gently touched my chin pulling my eyes back up to his. “But The Minister is an imbecile if he thinks he beat you. You
are
the Phoenix. You rise from your ashes and become reborn—stronger and fiercer than ever before. I’ve seen it. There is a spark in your eyes. You just need a little push. You need to fight… as if your life depended on it.”

His hazel eyes were steeled with determination.

I glanced around the room. The Minister had used fighting to break me. He forced me to hate myself for what I had trained to be and now Triven wanted to give me that power back. Ryker had stopped moving. His back was still turned to us but he was listening now. It clicked.

“You want me to fight…
him
.” I stared at the back of Ryker’s dark head. I could feel the stir of revenge in the pit of my stomach. He might be on our side, but I still held some residual hate for him.

“Your instinct to survive is stronger than any other natural feeling you have. Love and passion come second to it,” Triven said. If this fact hurt him, he showed no sign of it. The only emotion gracing his expression was confidence. “I have seen the blaze that burns in your eyes during combat. The power and sense of life that emanates from you when your life is in danger is intoxicating to you. You thrive on it. You come alive.”

My eyes shifted to Ryker. “Why
him
?”

Triven’s eyes flinched slightly. “Because I have seen that spark when you look at him. Your anger flares and I see glimpses of the girl I first met. The girl quick to a fight, not because she was out of control but because she could master every situation.” He hesitated. “You also need someone who won’t hold back when it comes to a fight and I can’t do that. I can’t hurt you, even if it means helping you. I’m… I’m
not
my mother.”

I reached for him, my fingertips brushing the back of his hand. I spoke quietly, “I couldn’t do that to you either. There is enough blood on my hands, I couldn’t live with myself if yours was there too.”

We stared at our barely touching hands.

I voiced the question we were both thinking. “What if this doesn’t work?”

“It
will
work.” He grabbed my hand, squeezing it. “Trust me.”

He released me suddenly and turned toward the other two. “Come on Mouse. How about we give these two some room?”

He reached out for her. Mouse promptly dropped her training baton and ran past Triven’s outstretched hand to me. She collided with my waist and smiled up at me. She nodded at me with knowing eyes. I knew what she was trying to say without any signs.
You can do this.
I hugged her back and kissed the top of her head.

“Maybe you two should stay. It might be a good idea for Mouse to see what we are really capable of.” Ryker was now watching us, his head tilted to the side thoughtfully as he spoke.

Triven rounded on him with a paternal wrath that impressed even me. But I couldn’t muster that same resentment. A part of me hated Ryker for wanting to expose her to the kind of violence we were both capable of. And yet another part of me felt he might be right. Mouse had never
truly
seen me fight. Would she feel the same way about me, if she knew that I had been raised—that I had trained—to be a weapon? As much as I never wanted her to see that part of me, chances were it was going to happen. Sooner than later. And she had the right to know what her so-called hero was made of. But I wasn’t ready, not now.

“I agree,” I said evenly. Triven let out a huff of frustrated air next to me. “
But
today is not that day. Maybe we can educate her next time, that is
if
I don’t kill you today.”

Mouse swatted my hand reproachfully, her tiny brow furrowed.
Play nice
.
Trust him.
She signed. I tried to smile reassuringly, but it was a little too stiff to be convincing.

Triven squeezed the top of my shoulder before taking Mouse’s hand. Letting him touch me was becoming so easy. He winked at me and whispered in my ear. “Kick his ass.”

I grinned in earnest this time as they left. Ryker strode past me, his posture stiff from years of ingrained military training. He shut the door with a heavy thud and spun the wheel, locking us in.

“I never thought I’d see the day when Prea Mason went soft for a guy.” He leaned against the door tossing the baton idly in his hand.

I bared my teeth at him. He smiled in return—his face was actually handsome when he did so. Looking less military and more human. I hardened my already icy glare. He was pushing buttons and enjoying it.

“You know Triven is a good man—kind, caring. He’s a good fighter too. Actually bettered me in our first match together. But he’s weak.” He pushed off from the door and walked toward me. My heart began to pound as he dropped the baton and grabbed a real knife from the wall. “He may not be willing to hurt you, but I am.”

Ryker’s expression barely changed in the next instant, but it was enough to give him away.

I twisted and dropped to the ground as the knife sailed past my neck. Warmth spread down my collar, seeping into my clothes. I was rusty. He had missed a direct hit on his target, but still, it wasn’t simply a glancing blow. If I hadn’t moved, there would have been a knife embedded in my throat. Ryker was already positioned, prepared for my counterattack. He smiled—not in the warm way he had moments ago—but in the same cruel way I had seen so many times in my prison cell.

Adrenaline pulsed through my veins like venom. I could feel my muscles tensing, my senses heightening. Ryker reached for the wall behind him and produced another glinting knife. My eyes took in the room around us. I was cornered. Behind me was the dead-end wall with nothing but foam covered batons on it and to my sides were only empty curved walls. All of the weapons of real use were now carefully stowed on the opposite end of the room. Behind Ryker. Before I could form a plan, he charged me. The hair on the back of my neck rose as years of experience whispered in my ear.
Kill or be killed.

Something inside of me cracked wide open and the world changed. Images of injured children fell away. All I could see was the man coming at me. Everything shifted from grey to black and white. Live or die. Fight or run…

Fight.

Just as Ryker bore down on me, my body came to life. I launched sideways with a burst of speed. Ryker’s knife slashed past my shoulder, missing me by inches. I forced the muscles in my legs to push forward as I ran headlong at the curved chamber wall. I could hear Ryker adjusting his aim, coming toward me again. My footing came naturally as I leapt onto the rounded surface. One. Two steps. Then on the third I twisted my body in the air, projecting myself back and upward. My arms shot out seeking the pipes suspended from the ceiling. Shock registered in Ryker’s eyes a moment too late. He skittered, trying to stop his forward velocity, but I was too fast. I swung headlong at Ryker, using both of our momentums against him. My feet landed squarely in the middle of his chest with a heavy thud. Air whooshed from his lungs as he hurled backward. My blood raced as he slammed into the wall of weapons behind him. The shelves exploded in a clattering rain of deathly artillery. The knife he was clutching clattered to the floor joining its brothers and sisters in an array of silver and white.