Next Song I Sing (NEXT TIME AROUND) (2 page)

“It’s been two weeks since my last date,” Emma recounted, “but I’ve been sexually abstaining for several months. I’m balancing my chi and preparing for a better relationship. I want to be in an open and receptive state of being when I let the next man that far into my life.”

Chloe snorted. “Balancing your chi? Wallace, you crack me up.” she shook her head and sighed heavily again. “Well, don’t try to balance mine, Em. I like my chi like it is. I’m still too mad at my ex to even think about sleeping with another man right now. I just want to enjoy my freedom for a while and be grateful I can stop worrying about what some guy thinks of me.”

Taylor laughed, rich and full. “Well, speak for yourself. I don’t even remember the last time I had sex. I think I would like someone to unbalance my chi—and soon. What I need right now though is some minor lubrication, a late lunch, and some good old fashioned girl fun.”

“Taylor, I booked us appointments in the spa like you asked,” Emma said, speaking to her very savvy business friend who had placed her order for the weekend with specific instructions that she would be picking up the tab for most of it. “Full works on all three of us tomorrow at ten, including massages. We’re going to be buffed, fluffed, and stuffed. I hope that’s what you had in mind.”

“
Stuffed?
What do you mean stuffed?” Chloe demanded, gripping her most slimming black dress in her hands. “Just what kind of massages did you arrange for us, Emma? I told you I’m not ready for anything yet.”

Taylor fell back on the bed laughing. “Would you listen to her? The woman who used to date three guys at once has now been replaced by an uptight version afraid of getting laid. Will you tell her sexual massages are not on the spa menu at this five star hotel? I swear I am never going to visit the east coast if Chloe is an example of what happens to people out there.”

Emma put her chin on her chest and sighed heavily as she looked at Chloe. “I can see unwinding you is going to take some time.”

“Yeah? Well, I’m about to show you two skinny blondes how much authority big women like me command. I’m going to sit on Emma’s tiny butt until she tells me what she means by
stuffed
,” Chloe said firmly, shaking out the five-year-old black capris that she hoped might still tame her curves.

At an extremely healthy size fourteen, Chloe was not all that big by east coast standards. But in southern California where tanned and toned bodies were the norm, she was twice the size of her two skinny friends.

“Stuffed as in lunch, Chloe. Lunch is included in our treatment. Relax, will you? When was the last time you had any fun?” Emma demanded, shaking her head sadly.

Chloe stopped sorting her clothes. When
was
the last time she had fun? Good grief, she couldn’t even remember. Sex she’d had, if you could count sleeping with her cheating ex-husband, but fun was sorely lacking. How pathetic was that?

“The last time I had fun was in college,” Chloe answered finally. “Despite Aaron’s time out here, he and his family had very different ideas about fun than I did. Honestly, I don’t know now why I married him. When it came right down to day-to-day living, we didn’t have much in common.”

“I know why you married Aaron. You were almost thirty-five and thought the world was ending because you were still not married. It was easy for you to cave in to the sexy, semi-retired football player who spent all his time trying to get you into bed,” Taylor said wisely.

“That’s the truth, and Aaron is still very sexy,” Chloe said wistfully, sighing again. “I didn’t leave him because the sex was bad.”

“Oh—please. Stop mooning over leaving a repeat adulterer,” Emma ordered, her tone fierce. “Trust me, it’s a total waste of time.”

Chloe opened her mouth to tell Emma that Aaron wasn’t as bad as her ex, but Taylor chimed in first.

“You married Aaron for the same reason I married Lewis and in the same year. Being single at thirty-five sent you right into the arms of the first sexy man who popped the question. Lewis was good in bed too, but that didn’t make up for his lack of morals. Luckily, my opportunistic ex-husband moved on to his next victim when the business failed. I don’t even think I was a woman to him. I was just an investment plan. God—the business failing put me on the right track in a lot of ways.”

Taylor looked over at Emma, who hadn’t said anything. She was sitting cross-legged on the bed in a meditative pose, listening and looking serene. Unfortunately, Emma was always serene, Taylor thought, and it wasn’t healthy to hold the hurt in that tightly.

“I guess when it comes down to it, Emma is the only one of us who even came close to finding real love,” Taylor said wistfully

“Real love? What are you talking about? Brad got another woman pregnant before I even found out for sure that I couldn’t have children. A bad marriage doesn’t get much more pathetic than that,” Emma said lightly, not breaking her pose. “But I’ve separated myself from his energy now. He’s already working on baby number two with his new wife, who is also a twenty-something. So I know how you feel about being tossed out ot the curb because of a younger woman, Chloe.”

Chloe looked at Emma and blinked. Aaron’s defection had nicked her pride because she hadn’t wanted to fail in her marriage, but it hadn’t affected her heart much. Emma hadn’t been so lucky. Though divorced the longest amount of time, Emma had loved her husband sincerely, and there had been no serious man in her life since.

Chloe bit back her first response of denial. Emma didn’t need more pain.

“Fine. I concede we all need help with our love lives, but if I’m going to have to answer those dumb quiz questions, it’s going to require more than mild lubrication. I think I’m going to start at lunch and do a follow-up drink every hour to make sure I maintain a buzz all day to get through it,” Chloe said, gracing Emma with as sincere a smile as she could manage. “It shouldn’t take much though. I haven’t been inebriated in years.”

Shaking off her mood, Emma stood to wiggle her hips and her eyebrows as she looked at Chloe. “Does alcohol still make you want to get extra friendly?”

“Yes. So if I do get tipsy, don’t let me run off with some strange man. That’s a bit more self-exploration than I’m ready for right now,” Chloe said, letting herself find the humor in it at last.

Listening to both her friends laughing at her plea, something inside Chloe eased. She hated being defensive, hated that she’d brought that attitude to these two women who had been true friends to her through thick and thin. They didn’t need her angst on top of their own. She was the fix
er
not the fix
ee
in their group.

Taylor laughed at Chloe’s confession and sighed at the kindness and caring on her face as well as the return of ease to Emma’s expression. “I have missed you something fierce, Chloe Zanders. The California sunshine is going to melt all that East Coast angst away soon. By the time you get your tan back, you’ll be a new woman.”

“Wow. Aren’t you the optimist for once? Saving a business agrees with you,” Chloe teased. Then she sighed. “I’m glad to be back. It was way past time to make a change.”

Taylor sprang up from the bed, lithe and confident in her dress clothes, which she intended to shed right now for crops and the tightest T-shirt she owned. “Wear something easy to get out of, girls, and bring slut shoes if you have them. We’re going shopping.”

Chapter 2

“I just love this place,” Emma said, flipping through the racks. “Upscale consignment, and just look at all these wonderful recycled clothes. I’ve said it before, but, Taylor—you really are amazing.”

“Yes, well you know I became very resourceful during the two lean years I was working to save Pink Link Sports. This place was a financial godsend for schmoozing wear when I had to go to sponsor parties. Are you still a twelve, Chloe?” Taylor asked.

“I wish. Now and again I can squeeze into a really, really large twelve bottom, but I’m always a fourteen on the top,” Chloe replied. “I moved from a D to a DD cup a few years ago so I need the boob room.”

Taylor stopped to study her. “This will be perfect then.” She handed a two piece outfit over to Chloe. “This will let the girls peak out and say hi to people. Your breast size is an asset. You need to use it.”

“It’s a harem girl outfit,” Chloe declared in horror, laughter choking her as she looked at the jewel toned top and skirt Taylor had passed to her. “I’m not wearing this
in public.”

“Come on. You’re a little soft, but you still have the waist for it,” Emma said briskly. “I watched you change clothes. You look great, just pale. Try it on.”

“I agree,” Taylor said, smiling. “Try it on.”

Chloe rolled her eyes, then tossed the outfit over her arm with the other two she’d found. “You two are as nuts as ever. I know I used to be the primo slut among us, especially when it came to clothes, but those days are long gone. I don’t flash my cleavage or anything else at the world anymore. I was only a size ten in college. There’s a big difference in flashing now.”

“Why?” Taylor asked with a grin. “If there’s one thing I’ve learned in business, it’s that it’s hard to find the right customers without good advertising.”

Chloe tilted her head and looked at Taylor as Emma laughed in the background. “Says the five-foot-seven woman with the body of a skinny model. I bet you barely wear a size eight.”

“Six sometimes,” Taylor said, eyes twinkling. “What can I say? Despite working out regularly, it’s mostly genetics. I kiss my mother for it whenever I see her, which is fortunately only twice a year.”

Chloe rolled her eyes. She had never met her own birth mother, but Chloe would bet money the woman hadn’t been less than a size twenty. She was watching her hips and thighs spread with every passing year. The thought of being even bigger than she was now did not make her cheerful.

Emma laughed at their banter over weight. Her proportionate size eight body on her five-foot-four frame had never much mattered to her so long as her health was good.

“All this fixation on weight is bringing me down. How did you lose touch with your inner slut, Chloe? I only met your ex a couple of times, but he seemed like the type that would have liked the sexually liberated side of you. I remember him being tall, broad-shouldered, and very handsome,” Emma said.

“All true—and Aaron did like my slut side,” Chloe said, irony dripping from the words as flipped through the racks. “We were in bed more than out the first year we were married. He was really good in bed too. For a couple of years, I thought I had found the perfect man.”

“So what went wrong?” Emma asked, trying not to exude too much sympathy because she knew Chloe didn’t like pity. “Your husband never came with you when you visited, but I guess I always thought that was your choice.”

What went wrong?
Chloe stopped flipping through the rack of beautiful clothes to ponder her answer.

“It seems like I spent the last four years trying to figure that out, Emma. For one, Aaron’s family was always critiquing me—us—no
me
,” she corrected. “They frequently complained about the way I dressed that first year I lived there. To get them to shut up about it, somewhere in the second year I started wearing clothes with no cleavage, flat shoes, and pants in the summer to work. And then I found out about the first woman Aaron cheated on me with. She was my age, but she looked like you two, including the blonde hair.”

Chloe looked at the sympathy in their faces but also saw a glint of steel in both gazes aimed at her.
That’s what I came here for
, she realized. Under their sympathy was support of the best kind. Chloe knew they would never let her wallow too long in self-pity.

“Even though it killed my pride to know Aaron had slept with someone else, I still loved the jerk, so I told myself that I wanted to work out our problems. For a while, I even went back to normal until he asked me tone it down again for his family’s sake. So back I went to wearing my conservative clothes and dark colors. That would have been—oh, early in year four I think—just before woman number two entered the picture.”

Emma stopped to stare. “Chloe, that’s awful. Your husband wanted you like you were, but then wanted you to change just to please his family? That seems kind of dumb of him, don’t you think?”

“Well, I do now,” Chloe said emphatically. “I should never have let anyone tell me how to dress or what to like or what was funny or not funny. By the time Aaron actually left me for the last woman—a nubile twenty-three-year-old I heard—well, I didn’t even recognize myself except for the belly button ring hidden under my drab clothes.”

Taylor was shaking her head. “Well, screw that. Try on the harem girl outfit. That’s who you really are.”

Chloe laughed. “Right—I’m a giant sized harem girl,” she said wryly, rolling her eyes. “You know, the sad thing is that only the first woman hurt. The other two just seemed inevitable and as much my fault as Aaron’s. If I would have left after the first woman, then the other two would never have happened.”

“Why did you stay?” Emma asked softly, wondering if Chloe had loved Aaron as much as she had loved Brad. She hoped the answer was no for Chloe’s sake.

Chloe thought of how falsely attentive Aaron had been when he’d been cheating, how great the sex had been when he’d felt guilty, even when the real intimacy had died. Even knowing it wasn’t enough to hold her relationship together, she had swallowed the hurt and told herself it was what adult women did to make their relationships work. It was pathetic to think about now, but at the time it had seemed a lot less trouble than starting over at her age. Now she was doing it anyway…at forty no less.